Chapter 10
ten
DAVIS
Sasha rubs her hands together and blows into them as we walk out of class, “how the hell did it get cold so fast? I was sure we’d get an easy winter this year,” she whines.
A smirk pulls at my lips, “shame on you for doubting Texas weather.”
She glares at me, “I liked you better when you were sleeping. At least then you didn’t mock me.”
At the mention of her sleeping in my bed, my dick twitches to life and I have to dig my nails into my palm to make it fuck off.
Now is not the time, buddy. We’re in public, and I’m pretty sure you’d scare her halfway to Timbuktu.
She acted so weird the morning after she spent the night, darting out of my room like someone lit a match under her ass without so much as glancing my way.
Luckily, my friends intercepted her before she could run for the hills. It took her a second, but she finally chilled out and I got to spend a little more time with her.
God bless my nosy friends.
But even though I put up a front that everything was normal, I couldn’t stop thoughts from running through my head.
I said something to upset her, but I can’t put my finger on what it was.
Part of me thinks it was the comment about her sleeping with me every night, but that couldn’t possibly be it… could it?
Her crimson lips tip up into a grin at my lack of response, but she doesn’t say anything more about it. Instead, she gets this thoughtful look on her face, “walking in this is going to suck for the next couple months.”
I look down at her, curiosity getting the better of me. “Why do you walk everywhere?”
I knew she walked a lot, but I didn’t think she walked everywhere. No one likes walking that much, it’s impossible.
Her entire body locks up at the question, and just when I think she’s going to shut me out completely, she kicks at the sidewalk. “I don’t like cars, they make me uncomfortable.”
“Bad experience?”
Those beautiful grey eyes that knock me on my ass every time I look at them fill with guilt as she looks at me, “something like that.”
“Want a walking partner?” I elbow her, trying to lift the mood so I don’t have to see that horrible look on her face anymore, “I have nowhere to be.”
She smiles, and with a small nod, she grabs my hand, walking towards her house.
I don’t tell her that she doesn’t let go of my hand the entire way back to her place, or point out the fact that the almost hour-long walk is insane.
Instead, I listen to her ramble on and on about how much she wants to design games for a living, lapping up all the information like a dog dying of thirst.
“There’s just something about video games that excites me,” she says, “and it’s not just about the beautiful artwork or soundtrack, the entire process from beginning to end is so interesting to me.”
Her eyes light up as she speaks, and I think it’s the first time I’ve seen her genuinely excited about something. It’s so satisfying watching her talk so passionately about the things she loves.
“I’ve never been very artistic, can’t really draw at all actually, but the thought of creating a beautiful story, and designing a game that could mean so much to someone sparks something inside me.”
When we finally get to what I can only assume is her childhood home, she drops my hand and walks in.
It smells of warm cookies, the scent instantly making my mouth water. The walls are painted in pale blues and yellows, like they couldn’t decide what colour they wanted more. Coats hang on a small rack, and picture frames cover the multi-coloured walls.
It’s a collection of Sasha’s life up until now, a beautiful collage of her history.
There’s one of her as a little girl, hands wrapped around her brother with her eyes squeezed tight because of just how hard she’s smiling.
He, on the other hand, has his arms reaching in the opposite direction, fighting to get away from his sister, but a wide grin is on his face.
They look identical, other than the slight difference in eye colour, and Sasha’s long hair flowing behind her.
The long black hair she’s had until recently is always in motion, like she’s always on the move.
Once a Little Pixie, always a Little Pixie.
Every once in a while, there’s a gap in the wall, like pictures that used to hang there were ripped down. But the ones with Sasha, her brother, and even her parents are still up, so I wonder who could have possibly been cut out of their little family.
Her parents look kind, with hair that matches Sasha’s and pale blue eyes like their son, but neither have ones that match their daughters.
I watch as they slowly grow older, their differences starting to shine as they figure out who they are as people.
I look at a boy, permanently frozen in time, forever locked in memories and pictures.
I see a girl, slowly fading into the background, the light in her eyes as a child growing distant the further we go down the hall.
She melts into the background, letting her brother shine in every photo, like she’s afraid of the spotlight.
There are about six photos of Jurian on the ice, and three more of him alone… but none of Sasha by herself.
“My room is just through here,” she tells me, completely unaware of how much attention I’m paying to everything.
I follow her past the kitchen and down a hall with even more photos before turning right into a forest green bedroom.
She collapses on the bed, watching me closely as I turn in a circle, examining her childhood bedroom.
There’s a four-poster bed in the centre of the back wall, directly across from the door. A small bay window to the left of her bed, and a small desk on the right wall. There’s hardly any posters or… anything in her room.
It’s the complete opposite of mine, and yet it still feels the same.
This one-story building has so much history inside of it, so many of her memories that she’s yet to share with me, but I sure as shit hope that one day I’ll get to hear every single one.
“So you grew up here, huh?” I say dumbly.
Obviously she grew up here, fucking idiot.
“Yeah,” she shrugs. “It’s not much, but my parents worked their butts off to give J and I everything we could ever want.
” A sparkle brightens her eyes when she talks about her brother, but not the kind that means tears are a second from falling like the other night, it’s the kind that tells me she truly loved him with all her heart.
A beat of silence passes, the tension in my chest growing stronger by the second as I look at her. She breaks it a moment later with a smirk on her lips, “want to see my favourite part of this whole house?”
“Of course.” My voice is raspy, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
Sasha hops off the bed and takes a couple steps over to the large bay window next to her. It’s covered in pillows and blankets, looking out to the world beyond.
“Sometimes I just sit here for hours and watch the world go by around me.” I take a seat next to where she’s positioned herself, close enough to touch her, but not close enough to scare her.
“I used to daydream about what I could do if I had the courage to go out there and fight for what I want.” Her hands pull the blanket up over her legs, playing with the soft fibres as she speaks, “I was always so hopeful as a kid.”
More silence fills the room, and we just stare into one another’s eyes until some sort of insanity takes over me and I start to lean in.
Her eyes flit down to my lips, and as I’m a breath away from getting everything I’ve wanted, a female’s voice calls out from down the hall. “Is that you, Sash?”
Sasha startles and pulls away, letting loose a breath as she scrambles to get some distance just before an older woman walks into her room.
She startles for a moment before composing herself and smiling in my direction, “sorry! I didn’t realize we had company.” She’s on the shorter side, with deep dimples on both sides of her cheeks, and I instantly know it’s Sasha’s mother. I recognize her from the photos.
I’m also thankful that God didn’t bless Sasha with the same dimples, because lord knows if she did… I’d be even more fucked than I already am.
But as the shock of being interrupted wears off, I’m left with the feeling of disappointment. It felt like Sasha was going to let me kiss her, like she wanted it to happen.
But I must have been seeing what I wanted to see, cause we’re just friends…
Right?
“Sorry, I should have texted you ahead of time,” Sasha winces, “it kind of just happened.”
Her mother waves a hand, dismissing her daughter’s apology. “It’s completely fine, my love, just a surprise is all.”
I glance at my Little Pixie, expecting her to introduce me to her mother, but she stays silent, and I take it upon myself to introduce myself. “Johnny Davis,” I announce, standing up and reaching out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Rebecca.” She takes my hand, shaking it once before dropping it and turning towards her daughter, “is this-“
I see Sasha shaking her head out of the corner of my eye, a light blush tinting her cheeks before turning away and looking out the window.
A knowing look crosses Rebecca’s eyes, and I can’t help but wonder if she knows all about who I am already. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Johnny. Let me know if you guys need anything, I’ll be down the hall.”
Cold wind bites at my bare skin, grounding me and slowing down the thoughts racing through my head.
Everyone else is inside, preoccupied with whatever the hell they’re doing, while I try to sort through today.
I mean, we almost fucking kissed. We were so close, and everything I thought about Sasha changed in that one second.
Maybe there’s a little more to the story than I thought.
I mean, for months now I’ve thought I was the only one with feelings, but from the way she was looking at me, I feel like that might not be true.
I’ve never been this confused by someone, it’s like a case of whiplash every time I see her. Between fighting my own feelings for her, trying to hide them, trying to read her, and now questioning what her true feelings for me are… my head is spinning to say the least.
“You’re gonna get sick, sitting in the cold like this,” Claire says, plopping down on the deck next to me. She’s wrapped tightly in a blanket, covering herself as much as possible to try and hide from the wind.
I try to smile, but it’s half-assed at best. I don’t need to pretend around her, so the facade that I tend to put up doesn’t seem all that necessary right now.
“Just needed to think for a while,” I tell her honestly.
She’s basically the only person I can really talk to. I know she won’t judge me, and I know she won’t start acting differently just because I’m a little fucked in the head.
“Care to share?” Her voice is soft, offering me the choice of talking if I want to, if I need to.
I shrug, trying to figure out how to put my thoughts into words. “I don’t know how to read Sasha, it’s like all these walls are up and she doesn’t want to let me in.”
Claire rests her head on my shoulder, “she probably doesn’t.”
Ouch.
“It sucks to hear, but she has her reasons. Anyone putting walls up always do.”
The wind whips through the air like a sharp knife, sending a chill bone deep through my whole body. Claire opens an arm, offering some of her blanket to me, and I graciously accept.
“How do I get her to open up to me? I know she wants to talk about it, to talk to someone, but she won’t let herself.” The irritation claws at my chest, not irritation with her, just irritation that she doesn’t trust me.
Claire snorts, “you don’t. You have to give her time, Davis. She’s probably hurting, and even though you’re there for her, she doesn’t know if you’re gonna leave her yet.”
“But I wouldn’t.”
“She doesn’t know that.”
I guess Claire’s right, she doesn’t know that. I haven’t been around her long enough for her to realize I’m not going anywhere.
I can’t go anywhere.
I’m stuck in her orbit.