Chapter Twenty-Seven
To keep him, she’d have to leave him.
They took Briar to the church and laid her down on a bier.
The sisters lit candles and set about bringing what was needed to wash her and wrap her up.
Sister Margaret allowed Seraphina to place her head where it belonged, but only when Idris came in and said he would prepare the body himself and make Briar whole again. She was on her knees now, praying.
Rune retreated to the back of the church. He sat in a pew, staring ahead, at the golden statue of Christ on the cross. Seraphina wondered if he was truly looking or seeing through it. He hadn’t spoken a word.
Idris was taking out his surgeon’s tools.
In the silence of the cavernous church, only Sister Margaret’s whispered prayers could be heard, the clink of metal, and shuffling steps as the sisters brought in various things.
Even so, Seraphina felt like she was suffocating.
There were too many people. She wanted to be alone with her best friend one final time.
Idris could be there, because he was also her friend, and Rune, because he was her everything. But even Sister Margaret irritated her.
Briar had told her about her mother. Not a lot, nothing about their past in London, before they came to Bavaria and were taken in by the sisters at Saint Vivia’s.
But she’d told Seraphina how much she missed her.
When Seraphina arrived at the convent, her mother was already living in the house on the hill, away from the community, under a vow of silence.
She tried to understand why someone would choose not to speak for an undetermined number of years, but not even Briar could explain it.
Because she didn’t know. She’d told Seraphina that her mother had not always been pious.
She’d done things for which she sought penance.
Seraphina saw that Briar suffered. Her mother was right there, and still, she’d lost her.
Briar waited for her to return to her former self, but another year went by, then another, and the silence persisted.
While she felt compassion for Sister Margaret, she also believed that she’d hurt her daughter greatly.
Here she was, praying to God, when what she should’ve done for the past five years was to speak to the one person who was the most important in the world.
Seraphina knew Sister Margaret would blame herself for the rest of her life. As she should.
She put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention.
“I would like to be alone with Briar,” she said.
She wasn’t asking for permission, she was telling her to leave.
Sister Margaret looked up at Seraphina. There was confusion in her eyes, then anxiety.
She shook her head and opened her mouth to protest. Seraphina fixed her with an unwavering gaze.
There was no choice to be made here, no discussion.
The sister swallowed heavily and nodded.
She pushed herself to her feet, brushed her hand over her daughter’s cheek, then crossed herself and backed away, toward the exit.
There were a few more sisters milling around, watching Idris with fascination, and Seraphina asked them to leave as well, and to close the door behind them.
She requested not to be disturbed for the next half hour.
She supposed she didn’t need more time than that.
She went to sit with Rune. He didn’t react. She placed a hand over his. His skin was cold and flaky with crusted blood.
“It’s not your fault,” she said. “You didn’t do this.”
He blinked, kept staring ahead.
Seraphina reached behind him and unpinned the Obedience Lattice still attached to his cloak. She folded it neatly and laid it on the seat next to hers.
“Rune, will you look at me?”
He turned his head. The sight of his golden eyes made Seraphina inhale sharply.
She controlled her reaction and cupped his cheek with her hand.
He closed his eyes halfway, and that made it more bearable to look at him.
There was something about this particular pair of eyes that unsettled her.
They were human, but more. There had been something in the Sentinel’s constitution that had made his eyes glow in the dark.
Maybe something beastly added to the human make-up, and just the thought of it made Seraphina shudder.
“You didn’t do this,” she repeated.
“All right.”
“Don’t say it for my sake. Say it because you believe it.”
“She saved me many times,” he said. “She should’ve left me behind. I told her. She didn’t listen. She should’ve left me at the bottom of that lake.”
“What lake?”
“I killed her.”
“You didn’t.”
“Her blood is on my hands.”
“And on mine, because it should’ve been me.”
His eyes widened, and he flinched away from her. Seraphina mentally cursed herself. What had possessed her to remind him? She reached for him again, her hands gripping the collar of his shirt to pull him closer. His resistance was brief. She stood up and pressed her forehead to his.
“It’s you and me,” she said. “We will never be apart again.”
“It’s a mistake,” he said. “You shouldn’t want to be with me. Don’t you see how easily I can be turned into a weapon? Turned against you… For as long as I live, I will be a danger to you and to those you love.”
“No. For as long as the High Harvester lives. It’s not about you, or even about the other revenants. It’s about him. If we end this war… If we end him… You are free. That is the only way. I see it now. I was so absorbed by my own thirst for revenge, but this is bigger than me.”
“The men who hurt you…”
“I will get them, don’t worry. But it’s time to aim higher.”
He stared into her eyes. From this up close, she felt like she was drowning in a sea of molten gold. It was pulling her under; there was no escape. She drew back and closed her eyes for a moment to anchor herself.
“I will follow you anywhere,” he said. “If you want me to. But if you change your mind, at any point, say the word.”
Seraphina shook her head. “I will never change my mind about you. I promise.”
He didn’t seem convinced. No matter. She would just have to prove it to him every day.
“Come.”
She took his hand and led him to the front of the church, where Idris was washing Briar’s body. He’d removed her clothes and covered her with a white sheet to preserve her modesty.
Seraphina took Briar’s cold hand in hers. Rune hung back, as if believing himself unworthy of approaching.
“Idris, I want to ask you something. You will think I’m mad, but I need you…” She took a deep breath. “I need you to do as I say.”
“When did I ever not do as you said?” He smiled bitterly.
He was right. He’d tried to refuse her plenty, only for Seraphina to push and for him to give in. He must’ve been exhausted.
“When I asked you to take that boy’s eyes so we would give them to Rune, I thought I could live with it.
I prepared myself to look into green eyes that belonged to a stranger we couldn’t save.
That didn’t work out, and you gave Rune the Sentinel’s eyes.
I understand why you did it. It was the right call. ”
Idris looked from her face to Rune’s.
“What are you saying?” he asked.
She shot him a pleading look. “Idris, I can’t…” she whispered.
He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off.
“I can’t…” Her tone was desperate.
He nodded.
He deserved an explanation, so she leaned closer and whispered in his ear.
“I want… I want to look into the eyes of someone I love.”
Rune flinched visibly, and Seraphina knew he’d heard her. How many other things had he heard that he hadn’t mentioned, hadn’t criticized her for? She bit her lower lip. He was eternally patient with her. Understanding. He never judged her. And God, how she deserved to be judged!
“I’m sorry,” she told him.
He looked away, intentionally not meeting her gaze.
“Don’t be,” he said. “I am grateful that I can see again, but if these eyes repulse you so…”
“They don’t repulse me,” she hurried to reassure him.
“It’s only that… They belonged to someone…
to another revenant who…” She swallowed hard and blinked away images of the village massacre.
“He was enslaved by an Obedience Lattice too, and the one who controlled him was worse than the rebel leader. Every time I look into those golden eyes…”
“You see what he did.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “But I… Maybe I can try to get used to it.”
Seraphina wasn’t the kind of person who walked back on a decision she’d made, but this time, she could see how much it affected Rune. Could she ask him to wear Briar’s eyes? For her… To wear the eyes of the woman he’d killed?
“No,” he said. “If it hurts you, if it makes you look at me like I’m a monster… I’d rather be blind again.”
“I’ll do it,” Idris said. He took a deep breath, his chest expanding.
His brows were furrowed, the corners of his lips drawn downward.
“I’ll do it,” he directed his words toward Rune.
“It will only take a few minutes, and your body will integrate the new eyes immediately. The perks of being… supernatural.”
Seraphina almost couldn’t believe that Idris was on her side.
She wasn’t going to question it. She realized she wanted to get far away from this place.
She had a purpose now, bigger than the one before, and the sooner she and Rune got back on the road, the better.
She didn’t know how, but somehow… they were going to end the war and all the suffering the High Harvester had caused.
She had an apex relic that carried rare, devastating powers.
She had a bone that allowed her to speak to animals.
And she had him – a weapon. She also had invaluable knowledge: the revenants had latticed hearts beating in their chests. They could be killed.
Rune nodded. “If it makes you happy, Seraphina…”
She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say.