27
“I just still kinda can’t believe it,” Megan sighs.
“What!” I straighten, startled, then try to calm myself.
The wedding happened. My parents sat me down, dad stammering and apologetic, just to make sure I knew I could still cancel if I wanted. But I showed. And Adam did too.
It was fine.
I don’t need to keep panicking that we’re going to be found out.
It’s done.
“You and Adam. I see it, you clearly love each other now, but, whew! Talk about opposites attract.” She teases and I relax. Then she gets a little sad. “Think our bathroom gab sessions are over now?”
I frown and chuckle, “Because of Adam? You think I won’t need to vent about stuff at fancy events anymore? Pft.”
“Ha, you’re right. In fact you’ll probably want to vent about him!” She mimics his grumpy persona. “Okay, we’ve made our appearance and left a donation, babe, let’s go.”
I can’t help but join in the teasing. “Except he never says that many words at once.”
“True!” She laughs harder, then we calm ourselves and apply powder to our T zones. Satisfied with her pores, she kneels to adjust my bustled train for me. “Perfect.” She says, refastening one of the bustle hooks. “Really, Suze, everything was. Gorgeous weather, this dress, the church, the club hall covered in every shade of purple out there. Asshole Josh was ex-communicated so we don't even have to see his ugly mug. It's all just perfect.”
I sigh. It really would’ve been. I can’t help but feel it was all wasted. Like somewhere out there is a future me with a real wedding to a man who actually loves her back, and I’ve used up all the best ideas on the first, fake, go-round.
“Thank you,” I sniff.
“Now it’s time to get down! Just do your stupid receiving line and then let the band really let loose, please.”
“You got it.”
My best friend and I head out of the country club bathroom and into the gleaming banquet hall. The huge chandeliers are dripping with Wisteria. The columns are wrapped in purple silks. The tables are covered in exotic arrangements filled with every natural purple flower you can find, plus some dyed roses too. It smells heavenly and it looks like a dream.
Adam watches me approach, looking painfully handsome. He trimmed his beard and shortened his hair on the sides and must’ve slept better. The eye bags are gone. But his expression is as pained as ever. His face right now is the same as it was when he saw me walk down the aisle. And when we said our vows. And when we stopped to sip bottled water in between the hundreds of posed photos we’ve taken.
It’s hard to decipher all the emotions in his furrowed brow but none of them are good.
“You okay?” He asks when I reach him. I think that’s the third time he’s asked me that. As if I could be honest and say I’m dying inside because he’s dying inside and he’s doing a crap job at hiding it.
“Yep!” I say, fake smile plastered on.
Booze flows and the music picks up. We decided against the traditional first dances since we don’t really have a song. Since we’re not a real couple. And I don’t think either of us wanted to slow dance while being watched, lest our masks slip in front of six hundred people.
At some point, probably after one glass of champagne on an empty stomach, I almost relax. I watch my sisters dance. I watch Shep and Tug make idiots of themselves. Adam actually laughs too. I watch my parents watch everyone else.
Before I know it, my wedding planner is giving me signals that I think means, Everyone’s Drunk, Time to Go.
Okay.
We did it.
Time to go.
Go…to the hotel.
The.
Hotel!
I am no longer relaxed!
Crap!
Rose petals are thrown, cheers are hollered, limo doors open.
And shut.
And then…it’s just us.
Don’t fidget. Don’t fidget.
I fidget.
“You okay?”
“You have to stop asking me that!” I snap. “Of course I’m not okay, are you okay?” He only sighs.
Then he surprises me with a gritty, “I’m sorry.”
My turn to sigh. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. It just…is.” I look out the window to avoid his gaze. “That’s it. This is it now. Forever.”
“Damn,” he huffs, “you make it sound like a death sentence.”
I turn quickly, “Kind of like the look you’ve had on your face all day.”
“I was just worried about you.” He says, his face suddenly very close to mine in the expansive cab of the limo. Why are we sitting so close?
“Bull.” I huff.
“Weddings are a thing for girls, right?” He swallows. “I stole yours.”
“You didn’t. Your dad did.” He grunts in disapproval. “I just, I mean, Adam,” my voice finally breaks apart. “What are we going to do now?”
He puts an arm around me. “Be married? Hell, I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”
“And what, we go on this honeymoon and yell at each other? What then, I move into your house? I didn’t think any of this was actually going to happen! Your house is like an empty, brown, rent-a-room place! I bet you don’t even own a throw blanket!”
“A what?”
“Holy crap. I can’t do this. I’m going to puke.”
“Hey, hey, hey.” He says, taking my face in his hands. “You can buy a toss blanket.”
“Throw blanket.” I sniff, almost laughing.
“Whatever. You can do whatever you want with the house.”
“We’ll see what you say when your bro pad is full of frou frou pillows and scented candles.”
“Our house, Susan. Your house. I don’t care about any of that crap. You can do whatever you want to to it. Whatever makes you happy, just do it.”
“You don’t mean that.”
He adjusts his grip, making me make eye contact with him. “I do. I want you to be happy. You didn’t ask for this either. We’re gonna figure it out, all right?” I try to look away. “You and me. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He plants a kiss on my forehead and then reaches for a tissue out of the little credenza inside the side of the limo.
“Here, you keep making snot bubbles.” I blush, so of course he teases me. “Big nasty ones.”
“Adam!” I shove away from him and he chuckles.
And then I think maybe he’s right.
We’ll be okay.
Until we reach our room at the hotel. It’s a very swanky, very historic hotel that’s been redesigned. It’s crazy expensive and very photogenic, always in magazines and stuff. But historic means small. So our “Suite” is a pretty room with a wonderful view, two posh wing back chairs, no couch, a hidden tv, a desk and…
Only. One. Bed.