Chapter Twenty-Three
Sue
I was in a foul mood the next morning, and it didn’t help that my phone rang several times in response to my ad. I supposed I should feel flattered by all the attention. If the teaching career didn’t work out, I might have a future on OnlyFans. And I wouldn’t even have to leave my home.
Cam messaged me around lunch to tell me his legal team had issued a letter to the website to take down the ad.
Mom messaged me to remind me of the little countdown we had until Thursday, when they would arrive. Only two days left until the gates of hell opened.
Jesse stopped by my place in the afternoon carrying a large bag of pretzels.
“Hi.” I gestured her inside. “You’re back early from the shop today.”
“It was a slow day, and I have to open at seven tomorrow morning. Workers are coming over to replace my heaters. They are decomposing.”
She took off her shoes and headed to the couch, tearing open the bag of pretzels and stuffing a handful into her mouth. “What’s up with you, Suzy Q? How’s your fake fiancé?” she said between crunches.
I scoffed, bringing two beers from the fridge and handing her one.
“How come everyone wants to know how Cam is doing? What about me? At school, everyone wanted to know how my fiancé was doing. Obviously, he’s the star in our fake relationship.
I wonder how things will be once we break up.
Probably no one will give me the time of day, and I sure as hell won’t see Mrs. West smiling ever again. ”
Jesse cocked her head and studied me. “You’re not having sex, are you?”
She said it as a statement.
I deflated, shaking my head. “Not even a little.”
She pushed the bag of pretzels into my lap. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.” I crunched a pretzel. “He hasn’t initiated anything. I can’t just jump the man.”
“Why not?”
I rolled my eyes. “For Heaven’s sake, Jesse, you know I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t even know if he’s interested in me. He says he is, but he doesn’t show it—not the way I want him to.”
Jesse took a sip of her beer. “I think he has the hots for you. Maybe he’s not sure you want him back, or he’s not sure how to act in this weird situation you two have going.
I’d be confused in his place, too. He put a huge rock on your finger.
Maybe he’s worried you’ll sleep with him out of obligation, and he doesn’t want that. ”
“Obligation? I’m not a hooker. And this is just a loan.” I glanced down at the ring. “I’ll give it back when we end this charade.”
“I’m just tossing around ideas here. But I do think that if you want him, you should try making the first move. Guys have it hard enough these days, you know? Some women will scream sexual harassment if a guy even looks at them.”
I sighed, taking a long sip of beer. “That’s true. So what’s up with you? I’m abstinent by circumstances. What’s your excuse?”
She was about to reply when her eyes narrowed and she peered out my window. “Ooh, someone’s getting a package.”
“Everyone but me,” I muttered sourly.
I strained my neck to look at the delivery guy trudging up the stairs outside, carrying an enormous cardboard box. The thing was massive, large enough to comfortably fit me, Jesse, and probably a small pony.
“That’s a big box.” I watched the poor guy struggle with the monstrosity, his face red and popping with sweat.
“Ooh, it’s not just big—it’s bold.” Jesse pointed at the red lettering emblazoned across the side.
Intimate Playground: Deluxe BDSM Sex Swing
My jaw dropped as my brain registered the rest of the packaging.
Next to the logo was a full-color photo of a woman in a skimpy black corset and sky-high leather boots, suspended mid-air in a very compromising position on the swing.
Her male partner, equally underdressed, was gripping her legs as though auditioning for a Cirque du Soleil burlesque show.
Similar images adorned each side of the enormous box.
“Oh my God,” I croaked.
“Oh yeah. Who’s your daddy?” Jesse’s face lit up with unholy glee. “Which neighbor do you think ordered it? I’ll put twenty bucks on Savanna upstairs. You know she works at a sex club, right? Bacchus.”
I blinked, trying to process the sheer level of mortification that box would bring to its owner.
“It can only be for her. That poor guy has to haul that thing up three flights of stairs.”
I shuddered and returned to my spot on the couch. “Anyway, have you had dinner yet? I’m starving.”
She lifted the bag of pretzels. “This is it. It’s a prelude to the pizza I’m expecting. Have some more.”
I heard a loud thud outside my door, as though someone had set down something very heavy.
I turned to Jesse, dread pooling in my stomach. “You didn’t ask for your pizza to be delivered here, did you?”
“Nope.” Jesse’s whisper was tinged with both excitement and mock horror. “Could that sex swing be for Sebastian? Or Cam?”
Three sharp knocks landed on my door. Jesse perked up like a meerkat. “Well, guess we’re about to find out.”
I shot her a panicked look. “Don’t open it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Relax, I won’t. But you have to. Be a good neighbor.”
“I don’t want to.”
My heart raced as I approached the door. Maybe it was for Sebastian. Or for Mrs. Vicars, or Mr. Yamaguchi. Or literally anyone else on the planet. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.
The delivery guy glanced at the clipboard in his hand. “Delivery for a Susanne Morelli?”
“What?” I sputtered.
Jesse, who had practically launched herself off the couch, leaned over my shoulder, her grin spread wider than the legs of the woman on the box. “Oh, this is good.”
“No, no, no, there’s a mistake,” I stammered. “I didn’t order anything.”
The delivery guy frowned and held up the clipboard. “It’s all here. Apartment 2A. Susanne Morelli.”
I could feel my cheeks turning scarlet. “But I didn’t—”
“Is there a problem?”
I froze. Cam’s voice came from behind the delivery guy, and I peeked around the box to see him standing in the hallway. Of course, it had to be him. The universe wouldn’t pass up a chance to humiliate me further in front of this man.
His eyebrows rose as he took in the box. “What’s that?”
Before I could answer, Jesse helpfully piped up. “It’s a BDSM sex swing. It’s a present for Sue.”
Cam’s lips twitched as though he were trying not to laugh. “Am I supposed to be seeing this?”
“No one is supposed to be seeing this, and it’s not mine!” I said, my voice an octave higher than usual.
The delivery guy shrugged. “Look, lady, it’s paid for and non-refundable. I ain’t hauling this thing down the stairs again, so are you going to keep it or not?”
“No,” I said.
“Yes!” Jesse said at the same time, grinning like the salt water crocodiles I was talking about last night.
Cam stepped closer, folding his arms. “Should we get it inside before the entire building sees it?”
Too late. Mrs. Vicars’s door creaked open, her face appearing in the crack.
“What’s going on out here? Something broken?”
“No, Mrs. Vicars,” I said quickly. “It’s just a mix-up. Nothing to see.”
Jesse winked at Cam. “There’s definitely something to see.”
Cam finally let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “Let me help.”
“I said it’s not mine,” I insisted, my voice rising as Rose and Iris from 3C peeked over the banister, whispering to each other like a pair of nosy sparrows.
“Let’s get this inside before someone starts filming,” Cam said.
Jesse grabbed one end of the box, and Cam grabbed the other, leaving me to trail helplessly behind as they carried it into my apartment.
As soon as the door closed, Jesse turned to me. “Your day just got a lot more interesting.”
I stared at the box as though it might explode. “I’m calling the delivery company to figure this out. Someone’s trying to humiliate me.”
Jesse plopped down on the couch, picking up the pretzel bag.
Cam leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed. “So you didn’t order this, Sue?”
“Of course not. It must be a mix-up, a mistake of some sort.”
I groaned, sinking onto the couch next to Jesse. “What do I even do with it?”
Jesse tilted her head, examining the pictures on the box. “Well, you could always keep it. You know, for science.”
I elbowed her in the ribs. “It must be some practical joke from someone with a twisted sense of humor.”
Jesse frowned. “Who would go through such trouble—and expense? This thing can’t be cheap.”
A single name popped into my head, accompanied by a vision of perfectly manicured nails and a Medusa tangle of red hair.
“Britt,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Who?”
“Never mind. Jess, will you please excuse Cam and me? We need to figure this thing out.”
Jesse cleared her throat in a dramatic manner as she stood. “Sure. Have fun, and if you need help I’m sure it’s got instructions.”
She winked as she headed out. She stopped to give Cam one last piece of advice. “Make sure you help her… figure things out, or someone else will.”
He cleared his throat. “Thanks. Noted.”
My face grew even hotter, which must have been some sort of record. “Ignore her. She got kicked in the head by a mule when she was a kid.”
Cam closed the door behind Jesse’s chuckles. He looked amused, which pissed me off even more. Once we were alone with the sex swing and its box full of dirty pictures, the air between us seemed to grow uncomfortable.
Cam scratched his jaw, where that end-of-day stubble gave him a dangerous edge. Paired with dark slacks and a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, he was doing sinful things to basic office wear.
“Do you really think Britt could have sent this?” he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you? There is absolutely no one in my life who would do this to me.”
As soon as I said the words I regretted them, but it was too late. A dark shadow of guilt crossed over his face.
“I’m sorry, Sue. I brought Britt into your life.”
“No, you didn’t. I met her way before you, remember? Bad luck brought her into my life. The kind of bad luck that brings frogs and locusts.”