19. Killian #2
She shrugs. “Pretty sure we all do except Hop and Mack. It’s inevitable.”
“Yeah.” I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry. “Why does it have to be so fucking complicated, Sutton?”
“Because relationships aren’t easy. If they were, everyone would be in one.” She smiles softly. “But that doesn’t make it any less real, so what are you afraid of?”
I glance back at Isla, who’s now doubled over laughing at something Mackenzie just said.
“That she’ll leave,” I admit. “That I’ll tell her how I feel, and she’ll look at me like I’ve lost my damn mind because she never wanted any of this to be real.
She never wanted feelings to get involved.
I’m terrified she’ll go back to her life and I’ll just be... the guy she did a favor for.”
Sutton sighs, taking another sip of her wine. “Have you asked her what she wants?”
“Not exactly.”
“Maybe you should.”
“Easy for you to say,” I mutter. “You and Shep figured your shit out so easily.”
“It wasn’t easy,” she counters. “I fought him more steps of the way than you probably know about. I knew deep down that I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved; especially not by someone like Shepherd Haynes.” She smiles softly.
“What’s wrong with Shepherd?” I ask almost defensively.
She shakes her head. “Absolutely nothing. And that’s the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…he’s perfect. He’s the perfect man.
The man you could only ever dream about finding to be your life partner.
And I’m…” she glances down at her lap. “Well, I’m still figuring myself out.
My life hasn’t been easy but Shepherd has been right next to me, supporting me through my decisions. My fears. My anxieties…”
Like Isla’s been supporting me through all mine…
“You boys are different. Your mama raised you right because regardless of your outward persona, the person you think you need to be, you’re all a bunch of warm, cuddly teddy bears on the inside.
And you each have so much love to give. You deserve that kind of happiness, Kill.
It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows for Shep and me, but the struggle was worth it in the end.
I hit the lottery when it comes to the man I found…
and the family I’ve gained.” She nudges me with her shoulder.
“Maybe Isla would feel the same way too if given the chance.”
“Yeah…maybe.” I drain the rest of my beer as I watch Bishop enter the conversation between Mackenzie and Isla.
The moment breaks when Shepherd announces that dinner’s ready, and I’m grateful for the interruption. I’m not ready to examine this too closely, not with Isla just feet away, laughing and completely unaware that today I’m falling apart inside just watching her exist.
I follow the group to the dining room, hanging back as everyone files in.
My gaze stays glued to Isla as she slides into a chair next to Mackenzie, still chatting animatedly.
She catches my eye and waves me over, patting the chair next to her.
I slide in, my hand instinctively going to her thigh.
She leans over and kisses me right there in front of everyone and when she pulls back, my eyes catch Sutton’s across the table.
She just winks at me and gives me a reassuring smile.
As we all dig into Shepherd’s lasagna, Isla engages with just about everyone at the table, fitting in like she’s been part of this group for years instead of weeks.
She asks Brock about his most recent injury, listens intently as Sebastian explains his training methods when injuries like that happen to his footballers, and even has an animated debate with Kyler about a football play she doesn’t understand.
“So, Isla,” Sebastian says, leaning forward with interest. “How’s the flight attendant life treating you? You must have some wild stories.”
Isla launches into a tale about a passenger who tried to bring a live chicken on board, her hands gesturing animatedly as she describes the chaos.
Everyone’s captivated, laughing at her impressions of the confused flight crew.
I watch her, mesmerized by the way she commands the room without even trying.
She’s natural, effortless, completely at ease with my family in a way that brings me such contentment.
God, she’s so fucking easy to love.
And that thought hits me like a line drive to the gut. So much so that I drop my fork, the clattering sound interrupting everyone’s conversations.
“You good, Kill?” Bishop’s brow raises as he watches me from across the table.
“Yeah.” I pick up my fork and stab a piece of my lasagna, shoving it in my mouth.
I force a smile, but my mind is still reeling from Sutton’s words.
You’re in love with her. The truth of it sits heavy in my chest, making it hard to breathe around the lasagna I just shoved in my mouth. “Slippery little sucker.”
“That’s what she said,” Mackenzie mumbles a few seats down. The comment makes Isla giggle and soon enough everyone is laughing.
Isla finds my hand under the table and entwines her fingers with mine.
The warmth of her palm against mine sends electricity up my arm, and I squeeze her fingers back.
The simple connection grounds me in a way I desperately need right now.
She leans over and quietly soothes, “You okay? You’ve gone kind of quiet? ”
I want to tell her everything. The words are right there, burning on my tongue. But the dining room is full of people, and this isn’t the place. I can’t just blurt out “I think I’m falling in love with you” while Shepherd’s explaining the finer points of his lasagna recipe.
“I’m good,” I lie, giving her hand a squeeze. “Just thinking about the game tomorrow.”
She studies me for a moment, those green eyes seeing way too much. “Okay,” she says softly, but I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
“I’m fine. I promise.” There’s my second lie.
She squeezes my hand one more time. “If you’re sure.”
I’m not sure.
I’m not sure about anything anymore.