Chapter 21
The thicker your thighs are, the more snacks that can fit into your lap.
— Food for thought
SHAYNE
I felt like I could breathe.
I hadn’t realized that I needed his touch—and his complete honesty—and his understanding until now.
He’d let me wallow in self-pity over the last month.
He’d let me heal.
He’d held me when I was down.
He’d done everything I would’ve wanted him to do.
Then he’d had enough of it.
He’d given that to me, and I’d greedily taken it.
I’d tested him.
Though , I hadn’t realized I was testing him at the time.
I was just trying to get through the day. “ You don’t blame me?” I asked for confirmation.
I just needed him to say it one more time. I needed to hear it.
“ No , baby,” he promised, tucking a lock of wet hair behind my ear. “ I would never, ever blame you for something like that. And I’m offended that you thought I would.”
I looked down at his chest, allowing my fingers to play through the chest hair he had between his pectorals.
“ I never thought you would,” I admitted. “ I just… I guess I blame myself.”
He pulled me forward, then placed a quick, hard kiss on my mouth. “ Let’s talk through it.”
My brows rose. “ What ?”
“ What would make you feel safer? More secure in our relationship? What do you need me to do to make sure that you feel comfortable again?” he asked.
And I just… breathed. For the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to really comprehend what he was trying to tell me.
For the first time in years, I allowed myself to… feel.
“ I don’t…” I looked down at the soap that was running along his body. “ I don’t think there’s anything you can do. I think this is all something I’m going to have to overcome on my end. There’s a lot of pent up feelings, and it’s just going to take time and…”
“ And you need me to prove that I’m telling the truth.” He lifted his hand and ran his fingers along my jaw, his eyes inspecting every inch of my face before settling his gaze on mine. “ I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I’m going to stay. As long as you let me have a chance.”
I leaned up to my tiptoes and kissed him.
The kiss was deep and all consuming.
I let him feel everything that I’d been hiding over the last couple of years—and hell, even more so in the last couple of weeks. I poured every last ounce of my love, my fear, my hopes and dreams, into the kiss.
His hands went around my waist, pulling me in tighter.
His lips pressed harder on mine and slanted, deepening the kiss, and my toes curled.
The soap that was in my hand dropped to the floor, forgotten and discarded.
His hands went to my ass, and in between one breath and the next, I had my back pressed against the wall.
The heated wall.
It was warm, and not cold at all, as he pressed me deeper into the tiles, allowing me to feel the length of his cock press against my sex.
“ Are you okay with where this is going?” he asked, making my heart melt. “ This could get out of hand fast if…”
I fisted both hands in his hair, pulling his head back so that I could look into his eyes when I said, “ I’m healed. The doctor cleared me two weeks ago, remember? And , just sayin’, but I think that this is the first step in fixing it.”
Fixing me.
He wound his hand around my wet hair, the black strands looking shocking against the tanned skin of his hand as he pulled me in close. “ You’re not broken.”
I loved that he could read me so clearly.
“ I can’t give you kids,” I said, sounding just as broken as I felt.
He shifted his hips, and then there he was, sliding into me where he was always meant to be.
I groaned at the feel of his cock filling me up so completely.
Everything was just so right when we were together.
His cock, thick and hard, spread me so wide that I always thought I was going to burst. But he was so gentle and sweet at first, allowing me to get used to his girth and his length before giving me everything.
To this day, he was careful to always take me slowly because he didn’t want to inadvertently hurt me, especially when I wouldn’t be able to know he was hurting me.
He did no differently today.
His cock filled me so slowly.
Too slowly.
My mouth parted on a silent scream, and the spray from the shower head nearly choked me.
I couldn’t help but laugh in between coughing fits at the way I could always make things awkward when it came to sex.
“ I love you,” he whispered. “ I love that you can laugh when things are serious. I love that you forgive me when I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I love the way you feel around me. I love the way you smell. I love the way you make me happy, even when you’re at your saddest.”
And the tears started in that moment.
He was serious. He wasn’t playing games with my heart. He wasn’t going to hurt me again—at least not intentionally.
To be honest with myself, I could see that he regretted how he’d ended us. I’d seen the way he’d tried over the last couple of years. Now that I wasn’t so mad and able to see it with a clearer head, I knew that he may have made the initial break, but I’d kept us apart.
I’d tortured us both enough.
“ I’m so sorry, Quinn ,” I whispered brokenly against his forehead, pressing my lips to his nose, then his mouth, followed by his lips. “ I’m sorry for torturing us both.”
He smoothed his hand down my face, then slowly started to move his hips.
I groaned against his lips, my eyes closing on their own accord.
“ I’m so glad that it’s pain I can’t feel, and not pleasure,” I whispered against him.
He chuckled, and it sounded raspy and satisfied.
He liked what he could do to me.
His hips moved slowly—too slowly.
Yet no amount of urging on my part could make him speed up.
It was only as I lost the battle with my own control that his started to slip.
“ Please , Quinn ! Please !” I begged. “ I need more.”
I needed it harder.
Faster .
Anything but this slow bullshit.
“ Slow bullshit,” he chuckled.
“ I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I admitted, panting between breaths. “ But I need more.”
His eyes caught mine, and then he thrust harder.
He was still taking care of me, but he wasn’t holding anything back anymore, either.
“ Better ?” he asked, his own breath coming in pants. “ Fuck , baby. You feel so good.”
“ So right,” I agreed. “ This was never our problem, Quinn .”
He chuckled, pulling my hair tightly to one side so that my neck was exposed to his seeking mouth.
He bit and sucked his way down from my ear to the cords in my neck, making my already hard nipples pebble even further.
His chest hair was dragging deliciously against them with each thrust of his hips, and my toes once again started to curl as he worked me higher and higher.
One thing about learning sex with a person, you knew exactly what they liked and didn’t like.
And we’d had so long to learn over the years that he knew exactly what to do to get me where I needed to be.
He changed the direction of his thrusts, coming in at a more upward angle, and I self-combusted.
I flew high, my head falling back with a hard slam.
But his hand was there to cushion the blow, one of my legs drooping in his haste to make sure I didn’t hurt myself.
But he didn’t stop.
He fucked me harder, faster.
He kissed me hard, and then all I could think about was how good he felt.
How he could make me feel like I was a star going super nova.
“ Shiiiit ,” he growled against my lips. “ You’re squeezing me so hard…”
He came.
I felt his belly tense.
Felt his cock start jerking.
And then he was filling me with his seed.
My foot dangled uselessly because I was too exhausted to move, let alone hold myself up.
Which he noticed not long after as he pulled his hand away from the back of my head.
“ You’re so cute.” He chuckled, causing my insides to squeeze. “ And you’re killing me.”
I reluctantly stood on both of my weak-kneed legs when he dropped his hold on my ass.
Once he was sure I was going to stay standing, he pulled away and bent down to reach for the bar of soap.
And , since I couldn’t stop myself, I poked him in the butt with a finger.
He jumped and started to go down, then caught himself on the door with a scowl on his face.
“ Not funny.” He glared.
I spread my fingers a bit and said, “ It was. Just a little.”
He handed me the soap and said, “ You might want to wash that finger off.”
I did.
And the rest of me that had gotten dirty.