Chapter 33
Lee
I watch Caspian charm my coworkers, fellow teachers and administrative staff alike falling under his spell. We’re at the high school luncheon, the school closed to all but staff today as we learn the updates to our online grading system. Caspian joined us when we broke for food.
He’s not the youngest one here, but it’s close. The seven-year gap in our age feels large in number, and yet, there’s no denying Caspian is wise beyond his years. There’s an ancient sort of knowledge in his eyes, and I understand that now.
All he’s seen. All he’s lived through, even vicariously.
There’s a question I’ve yet to ask him, unsure if I’m prepared for the answer. He said he’s there in every vision. It’s him, somehow, even if it’s not.
It boggles my mind to even try to comprehend the why or how of it. But that’s not what I can’t bring myself to ask.
What did he say that one time? I assumed he was talking about my cardiac arrest, but now…
“I’ve seen you die so many times.”
I swallow down the boulder trying to lodge in my throat, offering a quick smile when Caspian looks my way.
He says something to the group he’s talking to and heads in my direction, most everyone done with lunch now.
Dessert is waiting nearby. Small pieces of chocolate cake and some rather concerningly pea-green gelatin.
“Hey.” Caspian’s voice is soft as he stops in front of me, not quite touching. I can tell he wants to. He’s been restraining himself ever since our kiss. Since before then, too.
I hold out my hand, and Caspian lights up. Our fingers tangle, my heart pounding so heavily I wonder if my device will record the anomaly.
“Hi,” I finally manage. “Are you utterly bored yet?”
“Not at all. Your colleagues are great. Did you know Emmeline taught physics at a collegiate level before moving here to be closer to her wife’s family? We exchanged numbers. She has some interesting insights on superfluid space-time that—what? Why are you smiling like that?”
I bring Caspian’s hand up, kissing the back of it, and he inhales a sharp breath. That hitch, the way his eyes flare and hold my own, has me repeating the motion—a soft press of lips to skin—before I let our hands drop. “I like learning who you are, is all.”
“And what are you learning?”
The breathlessness in his voice has me fighting a grin.
“A few things actually. One: that you’re an absolute geek when it comes to space.
And, apparently, I really like that. I like hearing you mumble about your work when you think I’m not paying attention.
I like the way you get excited every time it comes up. ”
He nods weakly, a gesture for me to go on.
“Two: you’re quite fearless. I don’t know why that surprises me considering the way we met, but I find myself charmed all the same every time I see your bravery in action.”
He repeats the word quietly. “Charmed.”
“And three,” I continue, steeling myself.
“I would be a fool to ignore all that simply because I felt…blindsided by your arrival in my life. To ignore how brave you’ve been with me.
How your excitement makes me happy in turn.
How I’m fairly certain I more than like you, and I don’t know what that means or where we go from here, but I know I don’t want you gone. That’s the last thing I want.”
Caspian’s smile grows slowly, a flower in the summer sun. “That third one was something about yourself, not me.”
I hold back my laugh. “Yes, well… It has to do with you.”
“It does.” He glances at the dessert table as a few of my fellow teachers stop there to grab plates.
I can feel eyes on us, but I don’t look away from Caspian.
His focus returns to me, and he seems…hopeful, perhaps, at the simple fact that I never once let go of his hand. “I don’t have all the answers, Lee.”
Somehow, I highly doubt that. “But you know what you want.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re waiting for me to catch up.”
His lips tip into a smile. “We have time.”
I blink up at the cafeteria ceiling, a few banners hung for the snowflake dance that’ll be here in less than two months. “I think we should go on a date.”
When I bring my gaze back to Caspian, that hope is bright in his eyes. “A date.”
“Yeah, you know… That thing people do when they kinda like one an other?”
His eyebrow pops up. “I thought you more than liked me.”
“God,” I groan, Caspian’s smirk all but convincing me I’m in over my head when it comes to this man. Although I knew that from the moment we met, didn’t I? “I don’t know if I can handle you being this cheeky. I have a heart condition, you know.”
Caspian pats my chest. “You’ll manage.”
He sounds so sure.
I clear my throat. “Guess I don’t have a choice, huh?”
Caspian’s eyes ping between my own, his tone turning serious. “You do. You always have a choice, Lee.”
“Doesn’t that kind of counteract the whole fate thing?”
I notice my coworkers starting to regroup and realize our lunchtime is nearly over. Caspian’s hand on my chin brings my attention squarely back to him.
“You’re only powerless if you believe yourself to be.” The words are spoken firmly, the same ones he gave me before. “We always have choices in life. We weave fate, Lee Donovan. Not the other way around.”
I don’t have a chance to decipher his meaning before the principal calls us back to task. I give Caspian’s hand a squeeze. “You okay to bike home?”
His lips spread into a smile, and it takes me a second to realize why. Home . “Yeah. I’m good. See you tonight. For our…date?”
I groan again. “No pressure.”
“None.”
Caspian lets me go and waves a goodbye to Emmeline as he heads out of the cafeteria. I watch him until he’s out of sight.
Emmeline catches my eye as I return to our table. “Your boyfriend is lovely, Lee. Where did you manage to find him? ”
I huff a small laugh, not bothering to counteract the boyfriend assumption. “Would you believe me if I said he fell from the sky?”
She grins at that, her catlike eyeglasses giving the physics teacher a playful yet sharp vibe I’ve always found suited her. “Well, you know what they say about shooting stars.”
“What’s that?”
“When you see one, you have to make a wish.”
I hum, our school’s tech gal launching back into the online grading system as my mind whirs.
Make a wish, huh?
What would I wish for when it comes to Caspian?
His voice floats into my mind. “I’m yours.”
I blow out a slow breath as I realize I have my answer.
That. I want precisely that.
When I get home, Caspian is in the office upstairs, talking on the phone.
I’m grateful for his preoccupation, even as Shelly announces my arrival with several loud meows.
I swoop her off the hallway table she’s perched on, shushing her gently and obeying her demand for head scratches as I bring my haul, cat included, into the kitchen.
Shelly, sensing dinner is imminent, jumps down and pads toward her food bowl. I fill it up, and then I set to work.
By the time Caspian comes down the stairs, everything is ready. I set the final touches and wait, my heart thudding .
Caspian freezes when he reaches the entrance to the kitchen, his eyes flicking first to the makeshift picnic I set up on the floor where the table used to be and then to me. “Lee, what…”
“It’s too windy outside for the candles,” I explain, watching him take everything in.
The blanket spread out under plates of food and a platter of small desserts.
The candles lit on the windowsill and along the countertops, creating a soft glow as the sky turns slowly dark.
The table, even, pushed to the edge of the room, out of the way.
“I thought about taking you out, but I realized all our best conversations happen right here. At home. And I thought…well, that’s its own kind of magic, isn’t it? ”
Caspian lets out a soft breath that might be astonishment. “Do you plan to woo me, Lee?”
“If you’re open to it.”
In answer, he steps into the room, sitting on one of the pillows I set out.
I quickly join him, legs crossed in front of me.
Caspian looks at the candles beside us, reflections flickering in the windowpane, each a dual flame.
There’s a sort of wistfulness in his expression that has me wondering what he’s seen that reminds him of this.
The candlelight. Maybe even the darkened sky.
He hums lightly. “I used to live in the city.”
“Yeah?”
With a nod, his eyes return to me. “I like it here, though. Where you can see the stars. Where it’s quiet and peaceful and…kind. People are so kind these days. Not all that long ago, it would have been illegal. You and me.”
My heart nearly cracks down the middle. “It shouldn’t have ever been like that. ”
“No. It shouldn’t have.” He’s quiet for a moment, his fingers toying with the edge of his plate.
“I know some people think it’s fear or necessity that’s pushed us as a society.
Why we’ve advanced. Why we’re launching into space, creating a safety net for human life to flourish. I don’t think that’s it.”
“No?” I ask, unable to look away from the gentle planes of Caspian’s face. His eyes glimmer in the candlelight, fire amongst sky. “What do you think the reason is?”
His smile is soft. Pained, almost. “Love.”
That takes me by surprise. “Not biology? Our drive to procreate? To survive?”