Chapter 16
Tilly stares out of the window, struggling to concentrate.
Ever since returning to the office after Bali her heart hasn’t been in her work.
It took a week of apologies, including three voicemails, five emails, a bouquet of flowers and a fruit basket, before Esmerelda Love finally calmed down and the project got back on track.
Tilly should have been relieved – she could have lost her job if Esmerelda really had backed out of the publishing contract – but she has struggled to feel much of anything at all.
As she forces herself to look back at her computer screen and the editorial notes she’s been compiling for another project – the tell-all tale of a twenty-something heiress – she thinks back to her conversation with Harper about her job.
Is this really what she dreamed of? Suggesting a privileged It girl change ‘Birkin’ to ‘Birkin bag’ in her manuscript to avoid alienating readers who might not know the supposedly infamous handbag model? Or has she just given up?
And then an email lands in her inbox that changes everything.
From: DChopraJones@
To: matilda.nightingale@
Subject: The late Joe Carter
Dear Matilda,
I hope this email finds you well.
Apologies for the delay in getting this to you, but due to some complications with Joe’s estate – namely stocks and shares that needed selling, and a life insurance policy that we only recently found among his paperwork that you kindly shared – it has taken some time to secure all the funds owed to you as the main beneficiary of his will.
I am pleased to inform you that probate has now been granted and the full amount owed to you should now be in your account. Please contact us if you have yet to receive the funds.
With best wishes,
Deepti Chopra-Jones
Solicitor
Chopra, Hanson & Cole
Tilly immediately opens her banking app.
‘Bloody hell.’
Her colleagues look up, glancing in her direction.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbles, looking at the number again to check it’s correct.
Joe had always earned more than her – he worked in the City, while publishing is notorious for running mostly on passion.
She knew what he earned, and that he had various savings, but she didn’t know exactly what those looked like.
Whenever she tried to gently probe him when he was ill, Joe assured her he had made a will and had paid a solicitor to act as the executor, so she didn’t have to worry.
But he wouldn’t tell her any more, as if talking openly about the future would be to admit defeat.
And yet she is now staring at a life-changing amount of money.
Not enough to set her up for good, but enough to buy her some time.
She blinks rapidly, trying very hard not to cry. How is it that Joe is still looking out for her, even nine months after his death? First the books … and now this.
Looking around the office where she has spent so many hours over the past seven years, she knows suddenly what she needs to do. What Joe would want her to do. And maybe what she should have done a long time ago.
She crosses between the desks, stacked with memoirs she would never read if she wasn’t paid to work on them, and knocks on the door to Sade’s office.
‘Come in!’
Her boss looks up expectantly. ‘Is everything OK? You look pale. Well, paler than usual, which is pretty impressive. Do you need a snack? I think I’ve got some cereal bars in here –’
‘I’d like to hand in my notice.’
Sade’s eyes widen, her eyebrows rising.
‘I’m really thankful for the experience I’ve gained here over the past seven years,’ Tilly continues, before she can change her mind. ‘But I think if I stay for longer I might end up losing something too. And since Joe …’
Her voice wobbles at the sound of his name but she forces herself to take a steadying breath and keep going.
‘I thought that throwing myself into work was the right thing to do. It felt like the only thing to do. But I haven’t really given myself time to stop and process everything.
I need time to work out who I am without him and what I want from the rest of my life.
’ She thinks again about the money currently sitting in her bank account.
So many possibilities have suddenly opened up for her, and that feels exciting but terrifying in equal measure.
‘I don’t think I can figure all of that out if I stay here. ’
Once she’s said it all she feels a little breathless, hardly believing she has said the words out loud. Sade stares at her, her expression unreadable. Then she leans back in her chair.
‘Wow. I guess that’s not something a cereal bar can solve, then.’
‘No. I’m sorry, Sade. I thought I wanted the promotion. But after everything that’s happened … things feel different now.’
To her surprise, Sade shakes her head.
‘Don’t be sorry, Tilly. It’s bad for us, of course – you’re a great editor – but I have wondered if you’ve been pushing yourself too hard these past months.
I’ve admired you for it. It’s what I think I would have done in the same circumstances.
But I admire you for this even more. Not everyone has the courage to change the course of their life and set out in a new direction.
So, what do you think you’re going to do? ’
‘I’m not sure, actually. But I think I’m going to give myself some time. I recently came into some money … I think I want to give myself until the end of the year before making any decisions.’
‘January seems like a good time for a new start,’ Sade says with a nod.
‘And you know where we are if you want to come back. But I have a feeling you won’t.
Now, given the clients we work with and the need for confidentiality, we’ll have to put you on gardening leave.
Effective immediately. I hope that won’t be a problem? ’
Sade’s eyes sparkle, one eyebrow raised.
‘I think I’ll manage,’ Tilly replies with a smile.
‘Then get out of here, Tilly Nightingale.’