Chapter 10
I LOOKED OVER AT THE OTHER END OF THE COUCH AND HOPED to hell that Rory didn’t notice every time I caught myself staring at him sitting there, watching a movie, leaning against the sofa’s arm. It was rare for us to be alone together.
Over the past year, Rory and I had spent a lot of time together, but we weren’t actually a couple, and I often wondered if we would ever become one.
We went to Juniper almost every weekend, even during fall and winter.
I was convinced that the only reason we endured the rain and snow was to find an excuse to spend time together.
We hardly played golf in the cold; instead, we played cards in the games room and argued over which movies to watch.
Eventually, we would leave the club and grab lunch or hang out at each other’s house.
But since we always met up first at the golf club, I worried that Juniper was what kept us connected. Without it, what would we be?
There were only a few times when we saw each other away from Juniper.
Kara and I went to watch Rory play basketball at his school, and it didn’t surprise either of us when he moved around the court as comfortably as he did on the golf course.
My dad had always said that Rory was the most gifted junior at the club, and it was as plain as day that he was better than most of the adult members, too, but his natural athleticism carried over into other sports as well.
It also didn’t surprise us when we weren’t the only girls in the gym with our eyes on him.
Rory had only grown increasingly gorgeous.
The subtle auburn streaks glistened through his sweaty, unruly curly hair.
He stood out from the rest of his team. He was the only one who looked like he belonged in a magazine.
I assumed that other girls had to be the reason why we weren’t holding hands, kissing, boyfriend and girlfriend, the works.
He was at another school and had a whole life that had nothing to do with me.
It killed me, but if having Rory at all meant having him as a “golf club friend,” it was worth it.
Rory and Cameron had come to a handful of my swim meets and sat with my sister and sometimes Kara.
Rory would wear his black Titleist hat, and I could hear him whistle as they called me to the starting blocks.
He only ever saw me win. I hated to lose, and there was no chance in hell I was losing in front of Rory.
If I was being forced to wear a swim cap in front of him, you bet your ass I was at least going to win.
Since I was impressing Rory in the pool, and my yips on the golf course had finally settled, there was no way I would allow any of the Campbells to see me in my school plays.
I couldn’t have Rory discovering how desperately uncool I really was.
My tricking him into thinking otherwise was working. It would be certain death.
After an afternoon at the range, we went back to my house and were watching The Wedding Singer while Kara and Cameron played pool in our games room.
Rory cleared his throat and stretched his body, tipping his head against the back of the couch.
I stood to get myself some water from the adjoining kitchen.
Rory’s eyes shifted from the TV to me, but his body didn’t move.
I had to walk up three steps, so we were separated by a white wooden railing that divided the kitchen from the living room.
“Where’s Hannah?” Rory asked.
“She’s out with some guy she met at UBC,” I called out from the kitchen. My sister was eighteen now and officially flawless.
“She like him?”
“I don’t think so, but who knows. Hannah keeps it pretty close to the vest.”
“Whatever. I hate that guy.” Rory looked back at the TV with a cheeky grin. “Did he get her earmuffs?” I could hear him chortle from the couch. “What’s the best present you ever got from someone you liked?”
“Oh man. I don’t know. Someone from school once brought me chicken noodle soup when I was sick.” I leaned my elbows on the railing. My arms stuck to the wood with nervous sweat.
“That’s nice.” His eyes remained glued to Drew Barrymore.
“What about you?”
“I’ve gone on some dates, but I haven’t had a girlfriend yet, so . . . can’t really answer that.” He shrugged. He had gone on some dates . . . It was official. And I was officially going to be sick. I had gone on some dates, too, but Rory didn’t need to know that.
“I haven’t had a boyfriend yet,” I responded, wanting to defend myself. Rory leaned even farther into the couch and kicked his feet onto the coffee table, still not looking at me.
“Chicken noodle soup,” he quipped back.
“Yeah, but that’s . . . That was just a nice thing for someone to do.
” I needed to retreat. I put my empty glass into the kitchen sink, then opened the fridge, looking for absolutely nothing.
I felt a rush of cold air over my body. I’m going to assume that was what came over me when I asked, “Have you ever been in love?” I kept myself hidden in the fridge, waiting for Rory’s answer from the living room.
After an uncomfortably prolonged silence, he said, “Yeah. Once, I think.”
I closed the fridge and flicked my eyes over the railing to Rory, only to discover that he was looking back at me from the couch. His eyes flew to the TV as soon as mine made contact.
He adjusted his position. “Have you?”
I took a deep breath and could hear my heartbeat thump like a drum rattling my brain. “Yeah. Once, I think.” I repeated his words.
Rory didn’t look at me. He just tightened his mouth and nodded.
Kara’s voice rang down the hallway. “Ellie, how do we play music throughout the house?”
“There’s a stereo that’s hooked up to the speakers in—” I started shouting back, but Beyoncé cut me off.
“Never mind! Got it!” Kara screamed back.
The music had overtaken the TV’s speakers, and Rory looked at me, surprised.
The song flipped to Nirvana. After the first verse, it shifted to Gwen Stefani.
Rory and I laughed. Kara cried out, “Stop it!” to Cameron.
The music changed to Coldplay, then went back to Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” I started shimmying my body and dancing in the kitchen.
Rory, with a smile plastered across his face, started bobbing his head and subtly bounced his chest up and down, with his eyes closed dramatically.
We sang the song playfully to each other.
The music turned off again, and both Rory’s and my eyes flew open, landing on each other, anticipating what would happen next.
“Cameron!” Kara screamed from the other room, and Rory and I busted out laughing.
“She’s gonna kill him. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can hide a body.” I moved back to the living room and sat down beside Rory, landing a little closer to him this time around.
Rory grabbed my arm and squeezed my bicep without realizing he had accidentally squeezed my heart as well. “You’re right. You don’t have the muscles.”
Guns N’ Roses’ “November Rain” turned on, and Rory tensed beside me.
“This one’s for you, Rore!” I heard Cameron bellow from the other room.
Rory’s face was beet red. He dropped my arm, and it felt like the whole thing fell off my body.
“So . . . I need to ask.” I gathered every ounce of courage I had bottled up inside my body since birth. “Why does this song remind you of me? I’ve tried to figure it out, and I can’t.”
Rory pinched his lips and looked down. “Okay.” He lifted his coffee-colored eyes carefully, but didn’t land them fully on mine. He wiped his palms on his pants. “Do you remember the first time we met? We were at the driving range, and you almost killed me because you kept hitting the divider?”
“Please don’t remind me.”
“Well.” Rory smiled and raised his eyes a little more.
He was almost there. We were almost connected.
He shifted his body to face mine. “It was November, and it was raining, and I just . . .” He struggled to continue, and his eyes focused elsewhere.
“Pretty much every Guns N’ Roses song makes me think about you now, which I know is weird, but my brothers know this, and they bug me about it.
” Rory shifted his hand so it was closer to mine on the couch.
I could feel the energy charging between us.
“Why do your brothers bug you about it?” I was going to barf.
“Come on, Cainey.” He exhaled a small laugh.
“It’s just . . . Rory.” I laughed and rubbed my palm over my eye. “Do you like me?” I blurted. “Because sometimes I think I know, but most of the time I don’t think I know anything about anything.”
“Cains.” I could hear the smile in Rory’s voice, but I couldn’t look.
“I genuinely have no idea. Like what’s . . . Like . . . What . . . Like. What?” I was flustered and forgot my purpose in life.
“Ellie.” Rory said my real name this time. “Look at me.”
I lifted my eyes. Rory’s smile sloped down, and his dimple deepened. His eyes pulled across my face until they landed on my mouth. Then, to both of our surprise, the music changed again. It flipped over to Radiohead, taking us out of the moment. Our eyes locked.
“Are you kidding me?” I was unable to hide my disappointment. “You’re finally—”
I couldn’t finish my thought because Rory’s lips crashed into mine.
His kiss was firm, exquisite, and desperate.
My mind went blank, and the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat pounding through my eardrums. Rory was kissing me.
Rory was kissing me. Oh my god. Rory was kissing me.
Everything inside me stopped, stunned, paralyzed, all of it, and all I could do was feel.