Chapter 20
I STAYED WHERE I WAS, AND RORY TOOK BEN’S PLACE BESIDE ME on the curb. I knew this moment like it had happened before.
“Are you okay?” Rory asked. I didn’t respond.
He cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the ground.
“I think Blair and Jacob are still staying until Wednesday. But I’m going to go.
Cameron, too.” Rory’s breath was shaky. “The thing is, Kara told Cameron about Ben at Christmas. So I came to New York to get you back before it was too late. Not back to Vancouver. Just back to me. I wanted to tell you that I choose you and you choose me. And I wanted to be the one kissing you tonight . . .”
Rory closed his eyes and tilted his head back.
“I wanted to tell you that he could never know you like I do, or laugh with you like I do, or love you like I do. I wanted to say a lot of things.” Rory drew in a massive inhale, as if he were breathing directly into his soul, where our past haunted our present.
“But then I got here.” He kept his eyes closed and shook his head.
“We had a life together . . . Now it’s clear that what you need isn’t our life, it’s this one.
I’m too late.” He opened his eyes and finally looked at me.
Tears spilled down his cheeks. “I’m in the way. ”
My heart fell. It tripped and stumbled in the moment, just like I had through life. Just like I had with Rory. I had to put the past behind me. He was saying goodbye. I had to, too.
“Do you remember that time on the golf course when we got caught in a storm?” I asked.
“Yeah . . .”
“Remember how we took off our shoes because we thought the metal spikes would attract the lightning? And we ran?”
Rory nodded.
“One in a million. That’s the odds of getting hit.” My voice trembled. “You and me . . . We didn’t get hit by lightning, but we sure got close.”
Rory and I looked at each other, painfully aware of how close we really had been to belonging to one another.
“I’m sorry I ran. I don’t know what I was so scared of . . . Next time I’ll keep my shoes on,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face.
Rory let out another slow, shaky breath before saying, “Me too.” He palmed his face, brushing away his tears, and nodded. “It’s time for me to go.”
Rory stood and walked toward the door to get his things.
He gripped the doorframe and hesitated. I wondered if he was going to turn back around, or change his mind, or say goodbye, or give me one last kiss.
And I knew, in that moment, he was wondering what I was going to do.
For so many years we hadn’t known what to do, so for all those years we had done nothing. And that’s what we did now. Nothing.