Chapter 21 #2
I ran, and by the time I realized I didn’t like what I was running toward, I had already run away from anything and everyone I ever loved.
I ran away from Rory. I ran away from Ben.
And when reality washed over me, turning back around wasn’t an option.
I had already passed the point of no return.
Whereas Rory had achieved everything he had dreamed of, everything he had dedicated his life to, over the last four years of my life in Los Angeles, I had come to very successfully hate myself.
“Ellie?” My sister called out my name in the busy bathroom.
“Here.” I kicked my foot against the back of my stall door.
“Are you coming out?”
“Nope.”
“Ellie, you need to deal with this.”
“That would be ideal, but I actually can’t move right now . . . so that’s a thing.” My laughter started to bubble up from within. I worried it would come out sounding exactly how I felt, which was unhinged.
“Ugh.” I heard my sister grunt, then slap against the floor. Her hands landed in front of my stall. Her ring was blinding. I saw her head and face twist between the bottom of my stall door and the dirty floor. She was directly in line with my dangling, slightly ripped underwear. “Get up.”
“Um, that’s disgusting,” a random girl called out.
“Mind your business, Lindsay!” Hannah snapped her head back at the faceless voice.
“Lindsay?”
Hannah shrugged. “I took a guess. It felt right.”
“I can’t see Rory, Hannah.” I shook my head, feeling my stomach hollow out.
“Yes. You can. Put it all behind you and talk to him.” She pulled herself into my stall and crouched down, using her therapist voice.
I was in a very strange position as a twenty-nine-year-old woman sitting on a public toilet and holding hands with my sister, but it wasn’t our strangest position as sisters.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
“Get a room!” another faceless voice called out in the crowded bathroom.
“Go away, Lindsay!” Hannah screamed back.
Whoever it was banged on the stall door again. This time, it surprised both of us. Hannah crashed forward. To steady herself, she gripped the rim of the toilet between my legs. We both started gagging, then shouted at each other to stop because we were going to make each other sick.
Hannah and I left the stall but stayed huddled in the bathroom as she furiously texted. I wasn’t getting any notifications, so it wasn’t with our Lover Ladies group chat.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She held up her finger, silencing me, continued texting, then cleared her throat. Finally, a notification came through on our group chat.
HANNAH: Ellie and I are coming out of the bathroom. Anyone want to see if they can get Rory’s attention and distract him?
I looked at Hannah, and her eyes flipped over to me quickly, then back to her phone. She was acting cagey.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing!” she snapped, then continued typing.
HANNAH: Anyone? Come on, ladies.
ZO?: He doesn’t know who Maddy is. She can show off her boobs! They’re out of control. When was the last time you pumped, M?
MADDY: 7 hours ago . . .
KARA: Your tits are MAGNIFICENT.
ZO?: He’ll never notice you sneaking out the back.
KARA: You won’t upstage Maddy’s boobs, Ellie. This is a guarantee.
MADDY: Wait, I don’t know how I feel about this.
HANNAH: Okay, this plan sounds legit! We’re walking out in 30 seconds. You have 30 seconds! 30 SECONDS!
KARA: LET’S DO THIS!
ZO?: AHHHHHH!!!
MADDY: CAPS LOCK!!!!!
I closed my eyes, practiced some deep breathing, and counted to thirty. I looked up at my sister just as her phone dinged with another text message. Hannah looked down at her phone, then her eyes shot back up to me, wild as ever.
Hannah shouted, “OKAY, GO! NOW! NOW!”
I pushed through the door and walked straight into my first love. Rory blinked at me, stunned. I had smacked Manor House’s bathroom door directly into his rock-hard body.
“Hannah, you set me up,” I said through a tight jaw as my sister slinked out of the bathroom beside me.
“Byeeeeeeee,” Hannah said as she hurried over to Kara, Zoe, and Maddy, who were bumping into each other and scattering behind Rory like cockroaches exposed to daylight.
Useless.
My eyes dragged over Rory; it was as if I had been stupefied.
He was gorgeous. He looked strong. He looked like a man.
It was hard for me to process. I had admired Rory’s life and accomplishments from afar, but other than one brief encounter when we were twenty-five, he lived inside my memory.
Rory was frozen in my past, and I wanted him to stay there.
In my memory, we still mattered to each other.
Seeing him again catapulted me into the present.
Eight years. It had been eight years since my twenty-first birthday, and I had discovered that I still couldn’t let Rory go. I didn’t know how.
“Ellie?” Rory’s voice was low, steady.
“Hi,” I said breathily.
Rory’s eyes moved slowly up my body, taking me in.
I was thankful I looked cute, in a tight black, long-sleeved, scooped-neck minidress.
My wavy hair was cut halfway down my chest and lighter now, blonder, which he had never seen before.
I had on minimal eye makeup, but I’d gone bold with my lipstick, as I often do.
If there was ever a time for me to wear this outfit, it was tonight.
I saw Rory’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, then parted his lips ever so slightly.
Rory was wearing fitted gray pants, a black T-shirt, and a black bomber jacket to go with that black bloody hat.
It was turned to the front, his curls flipping out to the sides.
His eyebrows were pulling together into a thought pattern that I couldn’t quite pinpoint.
His dark-brown eyes were familiar and warm.
His jaw was strong beneath his short beard.
“It’s good to see you.” Rory let out a small smile, creasing his dimple, and I wanted to die.
“Yeah, definitely.” I jumped over his words.
“Are you still in LA?” he asked as a leggy brunette pushed me out of the bathroom doorway and stopped mid-stride to salivate.
“Yeah. Where are you these days?” I willed my legs to work and sidestepped along the crowded hallway to stand with my back against the wall.
“I’m in Vancouver.”