Chapter 22
AFTER MY BIRTHDAY, BEN TOSSED OUT OUR TWO TWIN BEDS AND bought us a queen. We tried to keep our relationship under wraps at school, but would find dark corners to sneak away to. Zoe and Lucas knew the truth, but we didn’t want our personal lives to become fodder for everyone else.
At school, the only time we weren’t together was during dance classes, but we would pass each other in the halls before and afterward.
One day, we were sitting next to each other on one of the long benches in the lobby.
“Try a Little Tenderness” by Otis Redding was blasting from the dance studio, where class was starting.
Ben was drinking water on his way out, and I was lacing up my jazz shoes on the way in.
He pressed his hands into his thighs, ready to leave, but before he did, he leaned over, dripping with sweat, and gave me a kiss on the lips.
“Alright, see you later, buddy.”
My eyes went wide, and I snorted. He squeezed his eyes tight, realizing what he had just done. He opened one eye to see five other classmates watching us, slack-jawed.
“Well, I guess that’s that.” He laughed, then bent down for another kiss. We’d lasted a month before everyone knew that Ben and I were “Ben and Ellie.”
My parents came to visit, and we took them to all our favorite spots.
They watched him reach for my hand every time we walked.
He took my dad to his first baseball game.
They also went golfing, and Ben didn’t say a word when my dad tried to give him tips and correct his swing the entire time.
Ben was just so instantly my live-in boyfriend that my life in New York started to feel permanent.
We kept our Central Park tradition alive, lying out in the sun on the Great Lawn, walking the snowy paths, and picnicking in the rain under the Glen Span Arch. I was slowly shedding my past life with every passing season, every passing day.
When school was out for the summer, I decided not to go back to Vancouver, much to my parents’ dismay.
Ben and I would bring a thin floral sheet and spend entire days in the park.
We would lie flat, fall asleep, eat, blast music, play games, and watch people set themselves up in encampments for the day and break them down in the late afternoon.
We would lie out there at night, too, and count how many people made us nervous, then make up silly stories about each person to suppress our fear of them.
One morning, I looked over at Ben, baking in the summer sun, shirtless, shorts on, sunglasses on, and I reached for his hand, assuming he was asleep. He wasn’t. His parents were flying in from Seattle and had splurged by getting two rooms at the Plaza Hotel, one for them and one for us.
“My mom and stepdad will get into the city around six tonight, and our check-in is at three. So we’ll have three hours to kill.” He moved his other arm around the back of his head, making himself more comfortable.
“That’s fun. What do you want to do when we get there?” I lifted my hand to block the sun.
“A whole lot of sex would be nice.” Ben smiled mischievously.
A teenage girl lying out on a blanket not too far from us pulled a face as she overheard our conversation.
“Also, my mom was hoping to get in a girls’ day with you while they’re here. Would that be okay?” Ben flipped over onto his stomach and placed the side of his head on his hands so he was facing me. I did the same.
“I can take the heat. Tomorrow we’ve got the commercial shoot, but the next day?” I shifted my body so I could press my lips into his arm.
“Yeah, I’ll let her know.” Ben pulled himself toward me for a quick kiss.
I had been working under the table at a casting agency as a background talent wrangler ever since my internship with Justin Bordin ended.
My boss, Sal, was nice enough, but I couldn’t help but notice that every time he made an inappropriate comment about one of the actors on set, he would dismiss it by saying, “It’s okay, Ellie’s here.
” I never quite knew how to feel about him using me as his protective shield.
Sal would slip me in front of the camera whenever an opportunity popped up for a featured extra.
It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a start.
I was excited when he decided to throw me a bone and give me a tiny part, with one line, in a commercial for a European gin company.
Ben asked to come along for the ride and be one of the extras so he could cheer me on.
“Do you even know yet what we’re doing tomorrow?” he asked.
“No, Sal said it would all be on the fly.”
“Feels a little amateur hour that we’re going in knowing nothing.” Ben picked some grass off my arm.
“Oh, there is nothing about this that screams legitimate,” I agreed. “But whatever, it’s an experience.”
We checked in at the Plaza, and the first thing we did was locate the massive soaker bathtub. Ben ran the bath and stripped off his clothes.
“Get in! This is so big. We can actually take a bath together. Bathtub Ethan can suck it!”
In the bath, we watched a movie, ate pizza, engaged in some naughtiness, tested each other on how long we could hold our breath, and drank way too much wine.
It was our first time in water together; Ben didn’t like company in the shower, and I couldn’t persuade him no matter how hard I tried.
“There’s always a weird moment when both of us are bending over at different times, and not in a sexy way” was one of his reliable excuses.
We were acting like we were in a luxury hot tub at an all-inclusive resort. We kept topping up the bathtub with hot water. We knew full well we could have gone to a real hot tub, but then Ben wouldn’t have been able to start referring to himself as Bathtub Ben.
His phone rang as we started our second bathtub movie, The Sandlot. We still had an hour before his parents arrived, and we intended to use every minute of it.
“Shh!” He brought his finger to his mouth. “It’s my mom.”
I pulled a stink face. “Don’t answer it! She’ll know we’re in the bath.” I pinched his nipple.
“Ow!” He swatted my hand away as he answered his phone.
“Hi, Mom. What’s up?” Ben’s eyes widened when he heard his echo in the bathroom.
I mouthed, What are you doing?
“No, no . . . I’m just . . .” Ben’s smile shifted into discomfort as he pressed his mouth into the phone. “Taking a shit?”
I accidentally snorted, revealing my whereabouts.
“Yeah, she’s here.” Ben’s eyes went wide again. “I mean, no, she’s not literally with me. The door is closed. Mom, I’m a grown man. Let me . . . shit in peace.” Ben closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes, Mom, she still likes me.”
I sank beneath the water to stop myself from laughing. When I came up for air again, I could see that Ben’s face had turned red, and his mouth was in a tight line. He was trying not to laugh.
“Okay, I’m glad it was a good flight. Text me when you’re in the lobby, and we’ll come down. Yes, she’s excited, too. Love you.” Ben put the phone down, then turned to me.
“That wasn’t great.” He laughed. “That whole conversation was alarming. I feel like I need to reconsider some stuff.” I lifted my hand out of the soapy water, and Ben lifted his to meet mine, intertwining our fingers.
He pulled me toward him. “Too bad. You’re locked in.” He flipped me around so I was sitting between his legs, with my back pressed into his chest. “My parents are going to love you.”
“Yeah?” I lifted my toes above the water.
“Yeah. Please don’t get freaked out if they start saying some crazy things.” He kissed the side of my head, then leaned back against the tub.
“What do you mean?”
“They just know how I feel about you, and they’ve asked how serious this is. So they might get a little weird.” Ben turned up the movie’s volume.
I turned it back down, causing him to chuckle. “And just how serious is this?” I teased.
“It’s pretty serious, McCain.” I could hear him smile from behind me.
It was my turn for my phone to ring. It was Kara.
My anxiety started to spike. It hadn’t been smooth sailing for me and Kara since my birthday.
“Can I put it on speaker?” he asked.
“Yeah, but don’t say anything.”
Ben tapped my phone, answering it for me.
“Hey, Kara. What’s up?” I asked.
“Hey, Ellie-Bee. I just needed to talk to you.” She sucked in a shaky breath, and I bolted upright in the bath, concerned to hear her so upset right out of the gate.
I picked up my phone but kept it on speaker. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Juniper.”
The air emptied from my lungs as she spoke. “You’re going to Juniper again? When did that start?”
“It didn’t. Jacob asked me to drop something off, but I just saw Cameron. I haven’t seen him since we broke up. It did not go well.”
I slumped. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s . . . my fault.” Kara let out a deep, loud sigh. I could tell she was trying not to cry.
“I promise, there will come a time when this is all in the past.” I hoped to believe that myself one day. Ben gently trailed his fingers along my back.
“Umm, yeah. Hold on.” She was distracted.
A muffling sound clouded the mic, but then I could hear him. His voice was in the background, but it was clear as day. Rory was there with Kara.
“Hey, Kare. You okay?” His voice was quiet, but it was Rory.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered hurriedly.
“I caught the tail end of what happened in there and wanted to check on you.” Rory’s voice was growing louder.
He must have been walking up to her. I wondered where they were.
Was she leaning against the bag stand by the drop-off ?
Were they at her car in the parking lot?
Were they anywhere near the putting green where Albert Davis had rammed his sweatband up my arm and sunk his fingernails deep into my wrist, hoping to hit bone?
“I’m just talking to Ellie. Can you give me a few minutes? I’d really like to talk to you, too.”
I stopped breathing. I didn’t hear Rory respond.
There were only a few seconds of silence before Kara said, “Hey. I’m back.
” I wondered what Rory was thinking, knowing that I was on the phone, assuming that I could hear them.
A heaviness grew inside my chest, like I was being compressed from all directions.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry.” She sniffled. “Rory’s here. I’m sorry.” I could visualize her pressing her hand into her forehead.
“It’s okay, Kara.” I sounded stronger this time.
“I’m with Ben right now. So I should go.
Go talk to Rory. I’m sure he’s got some insight, and I know he’ll make you feel better.
Just remember that whatever Cameron said, or says in the future, I love you.
Cameron needs to move on. Rory has. I have.
Okay?” I envisioned her nodding, and Ben kissed my shoulder blade.
He rested his cheek against my back, still listening.
“I love you, Kare,” I said again, for good measure.
“I love you, too,” she choked out. “Bye.”
After I hung up, Ben pressed another kiss into my shoulder before saying, “That was sad. She doesn’t sound like she’s doing well.”
“No, she doesn’t,” I agreed, then sank back into Ben’s arms. My thoughts swirled between Kara and Rory. What were they doing? What were they saying? What was he thinking? Was Kara okay?
“You should invite her to come visit this summer. It sounds like she needs a break.” Ben moved my wet hair to the side and off his chest. “Or you two could go someplace together? That might be nice for you both. Maybe upstate?”
“That sounds like a really good idea, actually. What if I organized a trip with all the girls? Kara, Hannah, and Zoe? I feel like they could be good friends if I gave them a little push. What do you think?”
“Go for it, buddy. Just let me know when, so I can plan something with Lucas.”
I flipped my body around, with a little splash, so my head was on Ben’s chest. “We should get out now. Your parents will be here soon. And I don’t want to be any crinklier and wrinklier for tomorrow’s shoot.”
“I’m still convinced tomorrow is gonna be a shitshow.”
“I have a feeling you might be right.”
I smiled as Ben lifted my face for a soft kiss before we finally pulled ourselves out of the bath.
The next day, everything went as expected until it didn’t. Ben and I showed up at 6 a.m., and we were excited and surprised to learn the commercial was Marie Antoinette–themed. All the extras’ costumes were jaw-droppingly gorgeous.
Unfortunately, the woman in charge of wardrobe tried to fit me into seven different pastel-toned rococo-style dresses.
They were all too big, too small, or too similar to someone else’s.
It got to the point where every time she looked at me, she groaned—until she made a fateful decision.
“Okay, we’ll put you in the back somewhere, so no one can see you, and you can be a butler.
At least that way it’s not a wasted day for you.
Sound good, honey?” She then shoved a tuxedo into my hand and pushed me through to hair and makeup, where I was fitted perfectly with a Hungarian mustache and a powdered white wig.
I came out of the trailer and looked at Ben just as he was taking a sip from his water bottle.
I was dressed exactly like him.
“Ellie!” Ben laughed, doing a full-on spit take.
I tried to contain my smile and not reveal my amusement at the insanity of the moment. I lifted both arms, pointed my middle fingers to the sky, and did a full circle with my arms while Ben bent over in hysterics.
“Wait. I need a picture.” He scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket. “I need to remember this for the rest of my life.”
I playfully thumped his shoulder with my fist. “Get me out of this hellhole, Ben. When are we moving to LA?”