Chapter 33 #3
My eyes lifted to meet his. The warmth of his stare settled my nerves, and we both took a deep, connected breath as the music flipped over to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” The entire crowd started singing along.
I tried to keep my smile in check. “We have a lot of history and loaded emotions, and I live in LA, and you live in Vancouver, but there’s always been a voice inside my head that’s said maybe not tomorrow, but the next tomorrow our timing will finally work out.
You have my heart, Rory. It’s yours. I’ve let you keep it all this time, waiting for that next tomorrow.
” I released a massive exhale and popped out my cheeks.
“So, there it is. I finally told you how I really feel. It only took me seventeen years.”
Peace seemed to wash over him as he slowly shook his head, and his grin grew, tugging the edges of his lips. “I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation. The music is so loud.”
“I know. But at least it’s ‘Dancing Queen’ and not ‘Drop It Like It’s Hot’ obliterating the vibe.”
Rory threw his head back with a loud laugh, clearly remembering his prom, then sighed. “I was going to propose.” My heart stopped. “I mean, if we’re saying the thing, then I’m going to say the thing.”
“What do you mean, you were going to propose?” I blinked.
“When?” “When I came to New York. I had a ring in my pocket. I spent those first six months you were gone trying to figure out a way to get transferred to Columbia. I had a lot of plans. But when I saw the way you were with Ben, and the way he was with you . . . You were happy. It was a nightmare.” Rory laughed at himself half-heartedly.
“You had a whole life that I wasn’t part of.
And I knew that no matter what I did or where I was, I could never be part of it.
It was . . . rough.” It was Rory’s turn to let out a deep exhale.
“So, as I’m sure you can imagine, Blair and Cameron are very worried about me right now, knowing that we’re talking and I’m seeing you.
Cameron has tasked Orson with making sure we don’t hook up. ”
My head was thumping from the blood rushing through my veins, along with the blaring music pumping throughout the pool. My senses were overloaded. I knew Rory was trying to make light of things, but I couldn’t think. “Rory . . . You had a ring? I . . . I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. I do want to acknowledge that it’s nuts that we’re talking about this with hundreds of people singing very loudly around us in all directions.”
I let out a much-needed release of laughter, then slipped off my lounge chair and moved onto Rory’s. He wrapped his arms around me, and I curled into him. “I’m sorry . . .”
“It’s okay. I’m okay.” He pressed his cheek into the top of my head.
“I didn’t tell you to make you sad or make you feel bad.
I just wouldn’t be okay if our whole lives passed us by and you never knew what happened.
” Rory took off my hat and placed it on the table beside us so he could run his fingers through my hair.
He leaned his head back against the lounger.
I was snug between his arm and his body.
We were cuddling, and we had never cuddled before.
My heart was racing, and I instinctively placed my hand over his heart to feel it thumping against his chest. I looked up and saw Hannah watching us anxiously from the VIP area across the pool.
“I meant it back then . . . I would have thrown it all away for you.”
“You also meant it when you said you didn’t want to,” Rory gently reminded me.
“I would never have forgiven myself, you would never have forgiven yourself, and you would never have forgiven me. I wanted you to build this great big crazy life with lots of love and a great career.” Rory lifted his hand and rested it on top of mine. “Like you’ve always wanted.”
I controlled my impulse to break down into tears. “It’s been hard . . .”
Rory brushed the tips of his fingers along the back of my hand. “Do you want to talk about that?”
I shook my head. “No . . .” I cleared my throat and concentrated on hearing Rory’s steady heartbeat through his chest. “How were you going to propose?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried.
A sharp breath blew out of Rory’s nose. “I had no plan in New York. We were twenty-one. I was going in blind and terrified. But I used to think about it a lot in Vancouver when we were younger. I liked the idea of me saying, ‘Do you wanna watch a movie?’ We would argue about which one, like we used to. I would give in and say, ‘Well, if we can’t decide, why don’t we just get married instead?
’ I’d go from the couch to my knee.” Rory gently stroked my arm with his free hand.
“It’s pretty juvenile and dumb, but I couldn’t get it out of my head.
I don’t know.” He laughed and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut with mild embarrassment.
“I couldn’t picture you liking this sweeping, grand, romantic proposal, so .
. . yeah, that was it. I liked it. It felt like us.
Inevitable.” I had stopped moving, and Rory stilled alongside me.
“What? I said too much, or you would have hated it?”
“No, that’s . . . I would have liked that.” I struggled to speak. I would have really liked that, and I wondered what would have happened if he had done that all those years ago.
Rory resumed lightly stroking my arm. I wanted to smile, but I tried not to cry instead.