Chapter 36 #2
“I know.” I closed my eyes and nodded. “I didn’t like it, either .
. . Okay, give me a second. I need to collect my thoughts.
” Rory waited, watching me. I could see the concern growing behind his eyes.
“I know that in Vegas, when Zoe brought up my work, there were some alarm bells for you.” I shook my head, changing my mind.
“I don’t think I want to get into this right now. ”
Find your words, Ellie.
“It’s been a long, hard road, Rory.”
“I know that.” Rory knew that my job demanded my time, and that my work-life balance was essentially nonexistent, with often sixteen-hour days and being on call for my boss twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. But he didn’t know the whole story.
“It’s complicated, but I like the company I work for, which is a first. Ken is amazing, even though I’m not technically a producer yet. But that’s okay.” It wasn’t okay.
“You are a producer. Maybe you don’t have the title, but that’s what you are. And you’re a writer. You think I’m not with you when you wake up in the night because you need to write or you won’t be able to sleep? I’m with you, Cains. I know you’ve been through a lot to get to where you are—”
“No, you don’t, Rore. You don’t know.” I started to tear up.
Keep it together. Why am I about to cry?
“But I’m okay, okay? I am. Craig Sinicki and his stupid games are nothing. I’ve had worse.”
Rory chewed on his lip, thinking. He slowly put his hand in my lap, holding mine.
“Ellie, you saying that you’ve had worse is like a nightmare for me because I don’t know the bar that’s been set .
. . You’ve said that before, and I don’t know what it means.
” His face was washed with worry. “I want to know everything, including the long, hard road. You could describe what your shit looks like at this point. I’m not going anywhere. ”
I laughed softly as a tear slipped down my face, surprising me.
I palmed it away. “Okay, well, I won’t do that.
” Rory gave me a soft kiss. My chest heaved as I breathed in as much air as humanly possible.
“I’ve got this. I’ve got really thick skin—like, I’m basically all rock.
I’ve had to learn how to be pretty tough. I can handle it.” I nodded confidently.
“I know you can. But I’m gonna be here for you anyway.” He brushed his thumb along my cheek. “You don’t feel like a rock.”
“Well,” I said, smiling softly, “that’s because with you, I’m an ostrich.”
“No, you’re not. California condor, all the way. Mate for life, baby.” Rory smiled, then gave me another kiss.
“Hold up.” Craig spun around in his seat, and a wave of recognition fell across his face. “Are you Rory Campbell?”
Rory’s smile subsided and was replaced with a sigh. “Yeah, I am.”
“That’s awesome, dude!” Craig slapped his knee.
“Oh shit. The golfer?” Craig’s friend perked up.
Craig stood and turned to the two people who were sitting next to Rory and me. “Do you mind switching with us so we can come up and sit with our friends? Better seats?”
My mind went blank. My breath shortened, my skin tingled, and I was chilled even though I had started sweating. “Oh . . . umm.” I was about to stammer through a response, but Rory beat me to it.
“No, let’s leave it as is. It’s just us tonight. I’m sure you get it.” Rory placed his hand firmly on my outer thigh so his arm draped over the front of my body like a seat belt protecting me. He was subtly putting himself between me and Craig.
“Oh, yeah. For sure. Maybe we could grab a drink after?” Craig sat back down.
“Not tonight. Enjoy the show.” Rory gave them his million-dollar dimpled smile, not moving a muscle.
“Alright. El, you coming in on Monday?” Craig asked his last question.
“Yup.” My voice was clipped.
Rory held the side of my thigh tighter, securing me in place and reminding me he was there.
“I’ll see you then.” Craig turned back around and bent down to finally settle in and start pouring their drinks.
Rory and I sat in silence for a moment before I kissed his shoulder, which was still in front of me. Rory didn’t let me go for the entire concert, whether we were sitting, standing, or dancing.
Later that night, when Rory and I were in bed, I draped my leg over his and cuddled into him.
I kissed his chest and pressed my hand over his heart to feel it pumping.
It was my favorite thing to do while he was sleeping, but tonight he wasn’t.
He hummed peacefully with his eyes closed. I took a deep breath.
“I once had a boss . . .”
Okay. Here we go.
Four. Three. Two . . .
“ . . . make me watch porn with him.”
Rory stilled and opened his eyes. His heart began hammering under my hand. “What?” he asked quietly.
“It was his birthday, and he called me into his office. He looked at his assistant and jokingly said, ‘She’s come in here of her own free will, right?’ The assistant laughed, because what else was he supposed to do without getting fired?
My boss closed the door and played a video of a naked woman with an enormous candle stuck in her asshole.
The guy in the video blew it out, and my boss then asked if I would do the same. ” I remained calm.
I could tell that Rory had stopped breathing.
“Being Canadian, I need companies to sponsor my visa to stay in the country. So, when something like that happens, I don’t do it, but I also don’t feel like I can ever really do anything about it without the threat of losing my job.
If I lose my job, I lose my sponsorship and my visa.
Everything comes tumbling down after that.
I would get deported, lose my home, country, network, career, friends. My whole life.”
“Ellie . . .” Rory’s voice was strangled.
“It’s scary for me, because sometimes it feels like, to survive it, I need to be ‘one of the good ones.’ ” I used air quotes, echoing Craig’s line from the concert. “So I stood there, laughed, and did nothing except hate myself.”
Rory clearly didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing.
“Same guy,” I continued, letting out a shaky breath this time.
My eyes locked onto the spinning ceiling fan.
“He threatened cutbacks, which, to me, meant I needed to fight for my job and everything that came with it. He called it a performance review, and for that review, the only question he asked was how I liked to give head.”
Rory shot up into a seated position like a rocket. I sat up with him, holding the sheets under my armpits to cover my body.
“I quit. I was about to be kicked out of the country, but miraculously got another job, another sponsorship, with a demotion and a sixty percent pay cut, where I was bullied and publicly humiliated by a supervisor for over a year.” I inhaled sharply.
“It’s not always like that. I’ve met and worked with some incredible people, but now and then someone comes along . . . There are a lot of stories, Rory.”
“I don’t . . . Ellie . . .” Rory was at a loss for words.
“At my job now, we used to have these development meetings, with ten or so people, sometimes more, all trying to build a show together.” My heart pumped in my throat.
Rory gripped my hand, anticipating what would come next.
“Craig, who you met tonight, used to sit across from me at our conference table during these meetings. And he would send me emails about the very graphic, very explicit things he wanted to do to me on that table. He would sit there, hear my computer ding when I received his emails, and get off on watching me read them, silently . . . in front of everyone.”
“Ellie.” Rory’s voice was thick.
I looked at him for the first time, and his eyes were black as night.
“So it’s not that I don’t want to come back to Vancouver. When I came to LA, I was running away from everyone I’ve ever loved. I ran, and I ran, and I ran. By the time I finally realized that no one was running with me, and that I didn’t like where I was going, I was already lost.”
Rory put his hand on top of mine.