Chapter 37 #2
All three of our phones vibrated simultaneously, and we knew it was from our Lover Ladies group chat. I grabbed my phone so we could read the text together.
MADDY: Happy New Year from the East Coast! Zoe, have you touched Orson’s privates yet?
Zoe narrowed her eyes at me.
HANNAH: Happy New Year, friends. I wasn’t invited to the big party and am home watching When Harry Met Sally, but thanks for the reminder, MADDY!
I had my sneaking suspicions that Hannah wasn’t invited because Blair’s ex-wife was. Zoe grabbed my phone, and her fingers flew.
ELLIE: Crash the party. Blair is looking foxy. Dress in something your boobs can accidentally fall out of.
I pulled my phone back from Zoe’s tight grip and typed.
ELLIE: That was Zoe. Don’t come. Carrie’s here. Might ruin Blair’s night.
Rory slinked behind me, moving his hands inside the fabric of my backless dress and inching his fingers across my bare stomach.
“What’s going on over here?” He pressed a kiss into my shoulder. His thumb trailed over my belly button and down to the top of my pubic bone.
I turned my head, shooting him an accusatory look, and he grinned back at me, acknowledging our secret touching.
“Just texting the girls.”
My phone dinged, and without looking at it, I showed the screen to Rory. His fingers, which had moved dangerously close to being between my legs, stilled. He pushed his mouth into my shoulder again, but he didn’t kiss me this time. The muscles in his jaw rippled with tension.
“That’s not the girls.” His voice was low, raspy, and . . . angry?
I flipped my phone back around so I could see what Rory was looking at.
CRAIG SINICKI: Happy New Year, Ellie.
Before I could say anything, Rory growled, “I’m going to hit him.”
“What’s going on?” Kara leaned forward to look at my phone, confused about what made Rory so instantly furious.
“Excuse us.” I moved my body free from Rory’s grip and grabbed his arm, pulling him away from Zoe and Kara and toward the hearth to sit. Rory was seething and crackling as much as the fire behind us.
“It’s nothing, Rory. Totally innocent,” I said, trying to soothe his rage.
“It’s not nothing. It’s purposeful, and it’s inappropriate.” Rory’s face was turning as red as Kara’s dress.
“He’s just wishing me a Happy New Year. What am I supposed to do? Call him out for being nice?”
Rory ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “He’s not being nice, Ellie. It’s him subtly reminding you that he’s still around. It’s manipulative, and I’m going to fucking hit him.”
I touched Rory’s chest as it rapidly rose and fell with his strained breaths. I locked eyes with him. My blue against his brown. My coldness against his warmth. Balancing each other out.
Just as Rory began to calm down, two women sat next to us on the hearth. “Can you settle a debate for us? Ryan Gosling or Ben Winters?”
My eyes shot to Rory, and I couldn’t help but snort with laughter.
Rory looked back at me, then lifted his eyes to the women and dead-panned, “Ben Winters.” He lightly shook his head, but a faint smile revealed itself against his tightened mouth.
“Ellie-Bee!” Jacob called from the other side of the room. He jogged over to sit next to Rory at the fireplace. “I haven’t seen you in ages. When are you moving back?”
The question came at me hard, like I had just been punched.
When am I moving back? As if everything I’ve done up to this point was just a phase?
My eyes flipped over to Rory, who was leaning his elbows against his knees and loosely holding his hands together. He was looking between his legs.
“Uh . . . Yeah, I don’t—I don’t know.”
“I might be going down there. We’re still undecided.” Rory leaned back and crossed his arms, saving me.
Just then, Blair’s little girl popped her head around the fireplace, surprising us. Cameron sat down on Rory’s other side, having given up on bedtime.
“Uncle Rory, can you put me to bed?” Grace asked.
Rory grabbed Grace’s little hand and stood. “I would love to.” He gave me a small smile, then took her up the stairs.
I took Rory’s seat on the hearth, between Jacob and Cameron, as Orson, Kara, Blair, and Zoe made their way over to us.
“How’s work?” Jacob asked.
“Work is, you know, work.”
Cameron jumped in. “Rory told us you’re writing a lot. Is that why you’re still there?”
“Wow. Okay,” I mumbled to myself. “Not really. I’m a development executive at a production company.
I work with writers and other creatives, and producers, but yeah .
. . Anyway, it’s a whole lot of everything and a whole lot of nothing at the same time.
” I swallowed, reverting to the same insecurities I had always felt about acting or being creative in any way.
I didn’t want to admit what I really wanted, to save the embarrassment of the inevitable follow-up questions: “How much money do you make?” “What have you been in?” “What have you written?” “Would I know anything you’ve done? ” Nothing. Leave me alone.
Blair was next to speak. “Rory says you’re a producer. And he talks a lot about your writing. He thinks it’s great.”
“Well, Rory’s very supportive, and as my boyfriend, I’m sure he feels like he has to say all that.”
“That’s not true,” Cameron asserted, his face twisted. He was looking at me like I was a moron.
“Do you like writing more than producing?” Orson jumped in.
“Uh . . .” My eyes shot over to the stairs, in hope that Rory had magically put Grace to bed in seconds and was already on his way back. “Yeah, but I need to make a living, and my day job sponsors my visa and keeps me in the country.” My back tightened.
“Why’d you stop acting?” Blair followed up.
I pushed my face into my hands. “What’s happening right now? Why am I being interrogated?”
“Because Rory’s our brother, and we want to know what’s up,” Cameron answered confidently.
“You know you ambushed her the second Rory walked away, right?” Kara snapped at Cameron, defending me.
Things between Kara and Cameron had remained strained since they broke up almost a decade earlier, but at least they were talking again and had learned how to be in the same room.
“Are you coming to Vancouver, or is he going to LA?” Cameron continued, ignoring Kara.
I blinked, and my thoughts crystallized.
“I’ve been gone for almost ten years, Cameron.
I’ve made choice after choice that’s led me to where I am.
And beyond that, I’ve had tunnel vision about my life for twenty years.
Reconciling with the idea that perhaps I’ve been wrong for all that time is a hard thing to do.
” I turned to Orson. “Do I miss acting and performing? A little. Do I love writing? Yes. When I’m writing, I can live inside my big, annoying feelings without fear, and I can turn my life into whatever I want.
” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, very aware that everyone was looking at me.
“But I’m not a writer. I produce and I develop, and that career wouldn’t exist for me here in the same way as it does there.
I miss Rory every second of every day. And even though I haven’t loved my life in LA, I don’t know who I would be without it.
So I don’t know what to do.” I opened my eyes and tilted my head toward Cameron.
“Just know that your choices affect Rory, too.” Cameron wasn’t giving an inch.
“Let’s back off.” Jacob placed his hand protectively on my leg.
I remembered what Rory had said that morning and felt a calmness wash over me.
I think we became who we were always meant to be because we were apart. And the people we eventually turned into . . . turns out they were always meant to be together.
My eyes flipped between Blair and Cameron.
Blair was now thirty-two. He had softened over time and was a divorced single father.
Cameron was thirty and had hardened after Kara.
The brothers continued to be fiercely loyal and protective of one another, and though they were concerned about Rory, I knew they felt the same loyalty and protectiveness toward me, too.
“Blair, Cameron, I love your brother. I always have. We haven’t figured out the future yet, but we’re figuring it out together, because it will always be Rory.”
Cameron nodded, and Blair bit his cheek, trying not to smile. I shifted my eyes to Zoe and Kara, who were smiling at me. Jacob gave my leg a loving squeeze. I turned back around to the stairs.
Where the hell is Rory?
“So, have these guys heard you sing yet?” Zoe nodded toward Cameron and Blair.
“No.” I sighed.
“Well, tonight’s the night.” Blair pressed his back against the fireplace. “We already heard Zoe rock out to Alanis Morissette before you got here. And Jacob sounded like shit. I don’t even know what he was singing.
“Post Malone. I was incredible.” Jacob took a sip of his drink.
“Not so sure about that,” Zoe teased Jacob from across the group.
“I don’t think I’ll be getting up there tonight, guys.” I shook my head.
“It’s tradition, and this is your inaugural Jingle & Mingle. You’re doing it,” Jacob determined.
“I’m not even that good.” I was digging my heels in.
“That’s a lie,” Kara and Zoe said in unison.
“Cains, you shattered our brother’s heart and then dated a famous person,” Blair stated bluntly.
Zoe spat her drink into her glass, surprised by his comment.
Blair pointed at Jacob. “Do you remember the time Rory was at our apartment and Ben was on The Tonight Show?”
Jacob leaned forward, hiding his face in his drink, trying to cover his laughter. “Yes.”