Chapter 20
On the drive home we didn’t speak much, but it was a pleasant, warm silence. We listened to the album of the Hawaiian band we’d danced to while the dark landscape rushed past. Silhouettes of palms and mountains stood out against the sky like giants.
Nearing Pūpūkea, all my contradictory feelings began to fight within me.
I didn’t want the evening to end but felt how tired my body was.
How desperately I needed quiet and to go to bed.
At the same time, I could feel that I was far too wound up to be able to sleep.
There were just too many questions, too many things weighing down on me.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Vince turning into the Ohana’s driveway instead of Kay’s.
“I’m still going to walk you home, don’t worry.”
“Umm…okay.”
Frowning, I got out of the car. Down here it was a few degrees warmer, and I could immediately smell the ocean.
A light breeze rustled the palms above us and pleasantly brushed across my naked arms. We took to the edge of the road in silence.
I wondered whether he would say anything else before we reached Kay’s, when all of a sudden he stopped.
Even in the pale moonlight I could see that he’d grown a bit tense. Something was bothering him.
“I lied.”
I held my breath and watched his Adam’s apple jump up and down.
“I didn’t want to go to the party at all.”
His admission was followed by silence. My heart pounded. About ten seconds later he spoke again.
“But then you showed up.” He drew a shaky breath. “In that dress.” He uttered a sound that bordered on despair.
My pounding heart began to race. I wanted to say something but didn’t know what. It was like my head had been swept clean. Or was it too full? He ran his fingers through his hair and muttered something that sounded a lot like fuck. Like insecurity and doubt.
And I finally grasped that I had to respond.
“I’m happy you changed your mind.”
Unfortunately, my voice jumped half an octave at the last bit, which made me mad.
As did the fact that I couldn’t think of anything better to say.
But he’d already taken a step toward me and pressed his lips to mine.
I let out a sigh, and he took the occasion to cup my face in his hands and kiss me more deeply.
My heart went completely out of control as if a long-awaited desire I hadn’t even realized I’d had was fulfilled.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him toward me.
Pulled myself toward him. His body was warm and tight, and he smelled so incredibly good.
Of summer and sun, of soap and freshly washed clothes.
It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed. Just the first time that I’d kissed him while noticing.
One of his hands moved to the back of my head and into my hair, setting off a wildfire across my scalp.
I opened my eyes just a bit and saw that he was looking at me.
As if having to convince himself that this was all really happening.
Caught off guard, he smiled. It was adorable.
I closed my eyes and let him decide whether he wanted to watch me sink deeper and deeper into our kiss.
Into him. His hands slid over my bare shoulder blades, down my back, and finished around my waist. For a moment, I thought he wanted to lift me up and carry me off somewhere.
But he just held onto me and kissed me in a way that made time and place disappear.
Or, well, until a car came down the road, blinding us with its headlights.
We turned and waited for it to pass. Smiling shyly at each other as the darkness swallowed up the small dots of light, it was obvious that some of the lightheartedness had disappeared.
That the bubble, which had been protecting us from the outside world for a few seconds, had burst.
“You’ve got to get to bed,” he whispered.
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear and I could see that it wasn’t what he’d wanted to say either. But he was right. It had grown late.
“Good night.” He bent down and lightly kissed my cheek, and I took the opportunity to take in his scent one last time.
“’Night.” I sighed dreamily.
* * *
With a sigh of relief, I could tell that Kay was already asleep.
She wouldn’t be asking me any questions.
Questions I didn’t have any answers to yet.
Or that would need to be put to the test. As soon as my ears stopped ringing, my cheeks stopped glowing, my heart stopped racing.
As soon as there was room in my head for a clear thought again.
One that didn’t revolve around Vince. Around his lips, which were just so damn soft.
His hands, which were so pleasantly rough.
His scent, which was so beguiling. When had I last felt like this?
So jittery and tingly. So exhilarated. As if I’d been drinking champagne all night instead of water.
I went upstairs, took off my makeup, and brushed my teeth.
A few splashes of toothpaste landed on my dress, but I was too lazy to scrub them out.
Instead, I opted to remember the way he looked when he first saw me in it.
I’d noticed his stare but hadn’t connected it to the dress.
To me in this dress. Maybe because he’d never shown that he saw more in me than just the godchild of his annoying neighbor.
Although…maybe he still did think that. Doubts began to stir inside me.
What if it was just the moment? What if he did this regularly?
Went to parties, danced with girls, made out with them, and then said goodbye.
No, he’s not that kind of guy, a voice at the back of my head objected.
But what is he like then? I spit out my toothpaste, gargled some water, and took the question with me to bed.