Chapter 40
“So, to what do I owe the honor?” Kay asked as we sat together out on the terrace, eating the vegetable lasagna I had made. “It’s very good, by the way.”
“Thanks.” My smile was a little tense. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
She sighed. “If it’s got to do with Gabe…”
“No,” I interrupted. “Something else.”
“Okay,” she said, stretching and eyeing me curiously.
I tightened my shoulders and tried to remember the words I’d wanted to say.
“Over the last few weeks…or, well, ever since coming here, I’ve improved immensely.”
Kay nodded in agreement.
“I’ve rediscovered my self-confidence and become more self-assured. Found my way back to the old me. And I think that mostly has to do with things having gone well. Between you and me, I mean.”
“I’m happy to hear you see things that way.”
“Yeah, that’s how I see things.” I cleared my throat. “That’s why I wanted to ask you if you could foresee becoming my trainer. Long-term.”
“Long-term?” she repeated, as if she’d misheard.
I nodded. “Over the last year, things between Milan and me didn’t really work. That’s become clear to me now. We were walking in place; we weren’t getting anywhere.”
Kay was about to say something, but I beat her to it.
“It’s not his fault. Or, well, not alone. After my injury, I was a different person. We both should have seen that there needed to be a new start. In every respect.”
“Well, maybe things just needed a time-out.”
“No.” I shook my head firmly. “It’s more than that.” I looked right at her. “So, what do you say? Do you want to be my trainer?”
“Lou.” She sighed regretfully. “As much as I am honored…it just won’t work.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to whizz about the world anymore. Spend my life in airplanes and hotels.”
“You wouldn’t have to. I can travel to the big tournaments without you. We could get a co-trainer who’d take your place on tour.”
Kay furrowed her brow. “To what degree would I be your trainer then?”
“You’d train me between tournaments and during the off-season.”
“Lou, I can’t constantly fly to Munich to…”
“I’m not talking about Munich.”
Kay stopped short. “But?”
My pulse began to quicken. “From now on, I want to train here.”
Suddenly things grew so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat.
“On Oahu?” Kay asked incredulously.
I nodded and something in her face began to click.
“Nothing for you would change,” I said.
“But for you everything would.”
“Change is good,” I said confidently.
“It can be.” Her eyes darted to the side before coming back to rest on me. “Have you talked to your parents about it?”
“No, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”
A touch of relief appeared on her face. “Lou, I don’t really know what to say.”
“That you’ll do it?” It was meant to sound casual, but it came out of my lips in a croak. And was followed by a fake smile thanks to my growing sense of uncertainty.
“To be honest, I don’t think it’s a good idea. As much as it pleases me to know you are so happy with our work together, you need someone who’s flexible and can adjust to your life.”
“Milan can’t do that anymore thanks to his kids either.”
“Could be. But there are other options.”
“But I don’t want any other options,” I replied, with a hint of hurt. “I want to train here. Live here.”
A worried look spread across her face. “It’s Vince Greenfield, right?” The fact that she continued to use his first and last name whenever she spoke about him annoyed me right now more than usual. “He’s the reason.”
“Also.”
“Lou, you haven’t even known him for five weeks.”
“That doesn’t play any role.”
“And if it did? You don’t give up your life for someone you hardly know.”
“I’m not giving it up! I’m just moving my center of operations here.”
“And thereby threatening everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve.”
“How so?”
“Your whole team is in Munich.”
“I can put together a new one.”
Kay sighed heavily. “Hawaii is the most remote group of islands in the world. You don’t fly out here just to take back off three days later.”
“No one said that that was my plan.”
“The breaks between tournaments are hardly ever longer than a week. You would be spending your life in planes.”
“I already am.”
Kay shook her head. “That’s crazy, Louisa.”
“What? Trying to find a way to play tennis and be happy?”
“I thought that tennis made you happy.”
“Yeah, but…Vince makes me happy too.”
“Lou.” She gave me an urgent look. “I would so love to tell you that it’s possible to have both. That you can be number one and at the same time have a fulfilling private life, but…that’s just not how things work.”
“Of course it is. My mother managed.”
“I love your father—you know that. But your mother’s career was over the second he stepped into her life.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“After that, she never won another big title. Nor was she number one anymore.”
I was. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to.
“That’s almost twenty-five years ago now. Times have changed. In the meantime, there are so many positive counterexamples. Players who are successful and who have partners and families at the same time. Serena Williams, Victoria Azarenka, Elina Svitolina, Caroline Wozniacki…”
“None of them are at the beginning of their careers. Until they could allow themselves the luxury of having a private life, they had to make sacrifices.” She raised her hand as if wanting to make a point. “That doesn’t mean I think that’s a good thing. I’m just saying how things are.”
“So, you don’t trust me to become number one with a boyfriend?”
“I think,” she said, pausing dramatically, “I think you can’t afford a distraction of this magnitude if you want to get back on the offensive.”
“Vince isn’t a distraction!”
“If he makes you put your goals on the back burner to be near him, he is.”
I gasped for breath. “He’s not doing that at all. It was my idea.”
“And it’s a bad one.”
“Allowing love to happen is never a bad idea. But it’s obvious that you don’t understand that. You don’t even see it standing right in front of you.”
Kay flinched. “This isn’t about me. Furthermore, as far as love goes, I think you may be getting out over your skis just a tad. You hardly know Vince Greenfield at all.”
“But I know me.” I thrust out my chin. “And I know what I feel.”
“I’m sorry. But I just can’t support you on this one.”
I sprang up from the table, knocking my chair over in the process.
“Lou, stay here!” she called after me as I disappeared inside.