32
Sable
“You’re such a mess, Kevin.”
The words played through my head on repeat as I entered my empty, too quiet apartment.
Tears still burned at the back of my eyes.
Over the last few years I’d gotten over seeing the name on paperwork like my mail, bank accounts, and employment records, but hearing it out loud?
Fuck, that sent me spiraling back to being that stupid sixteen-year-old boy who was just trying to escape.
Maybe my mother’s words held some truth to them.
Because now more than ever, I was a mess.
I had to figure out what to do with my apartment, one of the conditions of my lease because of my job was being subjected to routine background checks.
A misdemeanor charge for solicitation meant I was no longer qualified to keep the place. It was all so fucking stupid.
I was quiet. None of the neighbors complained about me. I never brought clients back to my place. But wasn’t that a lie? I’d brought Orion there. Though I’d thought he was different. That he’d meant more,but now all I felt was betrayal.
How the fuck could he not speak up,tell us what Jayden had been up to?
Because that’s what had been wrong with Raven.
She’d taken to helping him sell through the club and to clients.
Curiosity had gotten the better of her, so she’d taken one of the pills.
That was why she’d been acting so crazy before work.
She was literally losing her damn mind. While she wasn’t new to taking drugs, whatever they were laced with had fucked with her.
She’d ended up in the hospital. Once she was out, she’d end up in jail with everyone else.
I stumbled my way to my bedroom because I was so freaking exhausted.
It had been a long fucking night filled with no sleep because there was no way that was happening in a holding cell with Victor, Jayden, and Whiskey.
The poor, younger dancer looked so damn lost. I wanted to take him with me when they called my name.
Fucking Kevin. I hadn’t been Kevin in years.
I didn’t want to start now. There was too much hurt attached to the name, and the only reason Victor knew was because he’d been a part of my hiring process.
He’d handed my paperwork back to me because he said Henry had needed my last name as well.
I only finished filling it out after he promised not to look at it.
That was where our trust had started. He’d proven time and time again that he’d earned it.
Unlike Orion.
Fuck. I’d been so goddamn stupid. How could I have let him in only to be hurt just like every other time in the past? Sure, he hadn’t acted the part of the jealous boyfriend , or said shit about me selling my body for work, but he’d still managed to mess everything up.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I curled up on my mattress.
I was running out of time to think of what to do.
It wasn’t like I had anywhere to go. While I was close to Victor, he wasn’t a person I could live with, especially knowing that his feelings for me ran deeper than friendship.
There was no way I could ever go back to Anthony.
He’d made me feel like crap for way too long.
My only other option was Justine and Taylor, but with them having a baby on the way, her being so damn sick, that didn’t feel like a viable option either.
I’d spent my entire adult life fighting against being homeless—now I not only didn’t have a job anymore, but I was going to be homeless again.
“Listen, I need you to stay in the car while I get this taken care of. Do you understand me?”
The smell of cigarette smoke was suffocating. I wanted to tell her yes just so she’d open the damn door, letting some of it out. My eyes were on fire because of it.
“I won’t go anywhere,” I said, clutching my blanket around me a little tighter. It was so damn cold,she wouldn’t turn on the heat. All she would do was light another cigarette, ignoring me while drinking another beer.
When she opened the driver’s side door, the relief was short-lived. That brief moment of fresh air did nothing to make the car more bearable. The acrid stench of her cigarettes was so heavy it layered over the interior like a dense fog.
I sat there for a few minutes watching as she disappeared around the corner. Would she know if I got out for a minute just so I could breathe?
There was no waiting to find out because I was getting lightheaded.
The last time she’d smoked that much, I’d gotten sick for a week.
She would have been so pissed at me if I got sick again.
It wouldn’t be my damn fault though. She had to take me to a hospital because I kept coughing until I threw up.
They diagnosed me with pneumonia, having to keep me for a couple of days for observation.
During my stay, I had to breathe into this tube thing that told them how well my lungs were functioning. A social worker talked to my mom, which made her even angrier. We left after a week, driving non-stop until she finally pulled over next to a park, got out of the car, and screamed.
I’ve never been so scared of my mom in my life.
That was when the burning started. She was so pissed that anytime she smoked she’d put her cigarette out on me.
It hurt so fucking bad that I’d always cry.
She’d tell me to shut the fuck up, then she’d get out of the car going for a walk somewhere, anywhere where I wasn’t.
But now something was different. She’d put her last cigarette out in the ashtray. I was pushing my luck, but I needed some air. Mom never left the car unlocked—she’d forgotten to lock it this time though. What the hell was she taking care of? She didn’t even tell me.
The air outside was so damn cold when I stepped out of the backseat. It wasn’t so bad because it didn’t smell like her Marlboros. I shut my door, leaning against it, taking a few deep breaths. The cold air felt so damn good.
But that was when I heard it.
It sounded like a man in pain. Or what I thought sounded like pain. Mom didn’t let me be around other people all that often. It was probably why she’d been so angry when the social worker asked so many questions. They didn’t even care much at school—maybe that was why she still let me go.
It was a dumb idea, but I followed the sound. Mom would be so fucking mad if she found out I’d left the car when she’d told me not to.
My eyes widened as I rounded the corner because there was my mom.
That morning an officer had knocked on her window asking why we were parked on the side of the street.
Mom was now on her knees in front of him.
His pants were around his knees. I may have been only a kid, but I knew what was happening.
I tried not to make a sound as I backed out of the alley, but that didn’t stop me from tripping over an empty can that was on the ground. Mom stopped what she was doing. I really didn’t want to see the police officer’s dick, but there was no way to hide it. She glared at me as I turned to run.
“Kevin. Fuck, Kevin. You little piece of shit.”
I ran so damn fast.
Sweat broke out all over my body as I opened my eyes. I hadn’t had a nightmare like that in forever. Not since the day I had to tell Victor my name. That was why I hated telling people what it was. There was so much negativity attached to it that I swore once I became Sable, I’d never go back.
When I sat up in bed, I struggled to pull in a full breath. It had been so long since I’d had trouble breathing. The stupid dream fucked me up in more than a few ways.
I rolled off the mattress, feeling so lightheaded that I couldn’t get to my feet.
Fuck, I only hoped that I still had one of my old inhalers stashed somewhere.
It wasn’t something I typically needed. Mom had caused her damage by trapping me in that car with her for so long.
Carlos’s family had gotten me in to see a primary care doctor who had diagnosed me with asthma.
It wasn’t something I managed very well.
It wasn’t like you could when your insurance was questionable and you primarily used it for STD testing.
There was a stack of boxes in the corner that hadn’t been unpacked since I’d left Anthony’s place.
I knocked the first one from the pile, riffling through the contents.
Of course, there wasn’t anything in there.
The longer I looked, the more lightheaded I became.
It was only a matter of time before I needed some help. My chest hurt so fucking bad.
Instead of knocking over another box to look through the contents, I crawled back to my bed to find my phone.
I’d forgotten to plug it in—thankfully there had been ten percent battery left.
There weren’t many people I would trust in this situation, and there were even less after last night.
The last person I’d texted was Orion—that was a huge no-go at this point. I was so beyond pissed off at him.
The next person on the list was Victor. As much as I didn’t want to bother him because he’d had the same rough experience I’d had, he was the only logical answer. Without thinking about it too much, I hit the call button, waiting for it to ring.