Chapter 14
CHAPTER
“SO NOW THAT you’ve had a little time to think about your passions and what you need, I’ll meet with everyone individually,” Luc says after we return, “and we’ll figure out together how you can get the most out of this class.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him sit with Arrya, Jean, and then Nate, who pumps a fist in the air after their exchange, clearly excited about next steps.
By the time it’s my turn, I’ve twisted myself into knots but have no answers.
When Luc drags over a chair, I glance at the door, almost run again.
“I’m faster than you,” Luc jokes, clearly following my train of thought. “What’s your passion?”
It’s like trying to catch a leaf in a windstorm. When I was younger, it was school. Then it was being a mother, making sure Circe hit milestones, and later, was set up for all the opportunities I’d missed. And above all, being a family was my raison d’être. But that’s been flushed down the drain.
“A long time ago, my passion was working on my thesis,” I finally venture. I don’t add that recently that passion has turned into an obsession.
Luc nods. “Dr. Edmunds was gutted when you left. He’s the one who nominated you for that fellowship,” Luc says, pulling me back into the present.
I’m shocked. “Seriously?”
“You were the most naturally gifted programmer he’d ever seen.”
I remember Dr. Edmunds telling me that I could achieve greatness … But I didn’t believe him.
“So, remind me what your thesis was about?”
I study my sneakers. “That you can use language, more specifically, word selection, rate of speech, tonal changes, and enunciation, to detect lies.”
“Now I remember. You interviewed thousands of people and asked them to read fifty innocuous statements. Things like ‘I shower three times a day.’ ”
I look up. “I recorded them, then asked which statements were false. Before I dropped out, I was building a database. The plan was to analyze and detect the differences in cadence, pace, tone, and enunciation between the true statements and the lies. That data inputting was precise, and I never got through it.” If I had, maybe I would’ve known Bruce was cheating.
Heat creeps up my neck. “My thesis probably sounds juvenile now.”
“Not at all. Plus there’s an opportunity to use it to update your skillset and make you marketable.”
Adrenaline makes my fingertips tingle. “How?”
“Artificial intelligence. Today, AI is powerful enough to do the heavy lifting—all that mind-numbing work and the comparative analysis.”
Goosebumps race across my skin. The future we once discussed is now.
I feel an internal rush, like all the fear and desperation I’d experienced—from childhood through navigating my adult life, place in the world, marriage, Bruce’s devastating affair, and Circe’s painful choices—have formed a massive wave, and my head is barely above water.
I’ve been drowning for a long time without realizing it.
Now, if I can make my program truly work with the help of AI, identify lies and achieve a level of certainty in life, maybe more, and at the same time gain applicable career skills, there’s hope of rescue.
“You already have a background in mathematics, statistics, and probability. If you learn the basics of programs like Scikit-learn, NumPy, and Pandas, part of the Python library, the opportunities for work are endless,” Luc explains.
My mind circles in the way it used to when I tackled something new.
“I have a massive dataset and I’ve been fiddling with a program over the years, gotten it to a very basic level.
But if I could build a system to comprehensively clean my data up, add more, I could prove my supposition, that speech communicates far more than just the meaning of words.
” I hesitate, then add, “I’ve also been messing around with the idea that the program could be expanded not only to identify lies, but also go a step farther and provide advice. ”
Luc grins. “There’s the spark. And if you figure out what you need, all that work on proving your expanded thesis and learning new computer languages will not only help you find a career but could even springboard you to design something with commercial applications.”
“Thank you,” I say and really mean it.
Luc stands up. “Anytime. Take a look at Python. It has some AI-supported routines that are quite powerful.”
I pull up the Python index on my computer but hesitate before diving in.
I’m still missing part of the equation. What do I need?
Circe to live with me. Bruce to know how it feels to be humiliated and ruined.
His mistress, too. The corners of my mouth twist into a grim smile.
There’s a perverse pleasure to the idea, but it’ll never happen. So, I need to find my joy.