Chapter 16
CHAPTER
AT MY APARTMENT door, Sally sniffs once, then walks across the carpet, creakily climbs onto the low window seat, and stares out the divided glass.
I understand she’s hoping to see her family, that this was all a bad dream, to have the children rush into my apartment, hug and kiss her, then take her home.
Life isn’t a fairy tale. I settle at my desk, open the Python index, and focus on learning new programming languages, try to get a handle on what I don’t know. Turns out it’s a lot.
Hours later, brain fried, I decide to pivot and input Kiki’s recorded statement, then tap my program’s icon.
“I knew Bruce was a cheater,” Kiki says with a little giggle at the absurdity of the phrase.
The icon, elegant in its white gown, spins, slows, then stops.
I knew Bruce was a cheater.
This statement is true.
I scowl. It’s an obvious lie. Another glitch in my program. Nothing is going right today. I load Val’s recording. When she made it, there was anger in her voice. She is my rock.
The icon spins one time before settling.
I knew Bruce was a cheater.
This statement is true.
Defeated, I slump. Clearly, my program wasn’t even as far along as I’d hoped.
“Can’t you help me?” I ask the icon. She stares back, her face unreadable.
Maybe it’s a pipe dream to think that someday the program will be able to answer correctly, give advice, provide next steps.
I’m on my own. “So how do I fix this glitch?”
Unable to find an answer, I rest my head on the desk and my scattershot brain drifts back to the last coffee date with Kiki and Val. I need to pull my act together. My best friends are going to get tired of me being so pathetic. If that happens, I’ll lose them …
How are you doing today?
Same but different day. Mad and sad.
Bruce is the one who should be miserable. He should’ve kept his dick in his pants for the last eight months and kissed the ground you walk on.
I sit up.
He should’ve kept his dick in his pants for the last eight months …
The ground beneath me vanishes as I reread the program’s response to Val’s recording. My stomach craters.
I knew Bruce was a cheater.
This statement is true.
The truth sinks fangs into that unguarded, tender place reserved for the people I trust most. My icon’s face is inscrutable. But she knew. “I never told Val the affair had been going on for eight months.” The woman in white’s blue eyes glint. “Val didn’t lie. She knew Bruce was a cheater.”
How could she do this to me?
Told you friends always let you down, Mama J says.
I pull up LivLoud and hack into Val’s account.
She deserves it. I succeed on the third attempt.
Why are people so predictable in their choice of passwords?
The first thing I learn is that both my best friends have known since last August—that’s the entire duration of Bruce’s affair. They knew it was Mackenzie, too.
August 4:
Kiki: SOS Val! Christopher and I saw Bruce with Mackenzie Hanks at Lombardi’s
Val: NBD—she’s his exec assistant
Kiki: KISSING
Val: WTF?! Did he see you?
Kiki: NO! He walked by our table with an OBVIOUS hard on and Mackenzie followed a few minutes later. When they returned her shirt was buttoned wrong!!!!
Val and Kiki’s DMs about my husband’s affair continued over the ensuing months.
September 9:
Val: How could Penn NOT see the red flags?
Kiki: No idea! Bruce has lost weight and he’s dressing like he’s 20!
Val: Remember that Netflix series we watched together, about the husband having an affair?
Kiki: Wasn’t that the one where the wife killed him? Penn doesn’t have it in her
Val: So true. She doesn’t even kill spiders. Catch and release only
Kiki: I scream then smash them! Honestly? Sometimes Penn makes me feel shallow
Val: Why?
Kiki: She’s just so … perfect
Val: I know what you mean
Kiki: So, should we tell her about Bruce?
Val: We agreed it’s a mid-life crisis—if he ends it soon Penn can remain in her bubble. Women like her wouldn’t do well out in the wild
Perfect? My bubble? The wild? Neither of them could live under a bridge or at a shelter, let alone dine from a dumpster. They’re rich, spoiled, and it turns out they’re cruel. And they watch Netflix series together?
November 18:
Kiki: Yesterday I saw B she sniffs a lot and marks a few patches of grass.
When she looks back the way we came, we return to the apartment.
Sally burrows into the cozy cave set at the foot of my bed as I slide between the sheets.
Once settled, she makes a harumph that gives me a tiny shot of hope and is soon snoring.
I always disliked the sound of Bruce’s harsh breathing.
But Sally’s snores are soft and help me drift off. …
Sally is a floppy-eared puppy playing with toddlers who suddenly pick up rocks, stone her as she whimpers …
Circe leaps off a swing, falls into quicksand, struggles as it swallows her while I watch, helpless …
Kiki and Val share a cappuccino at a cafe and cackle over my stupidity …
Bruce and his mistress have sex in our bed.
He pauses, mid-thrust, to tell me he’s never been happier …
The woman in white glides into the room.
She winks at me, then walks to Bruce’s side of the bed and raises a graceful arm.
The knife in her hand gleams in the moonlight as she plunges it toward the center of his back …