Epilogue #2
Luc, Val, Kiki, Chris, and their children will always bear the scars of the scandals Aletheia created.
I’m ultimately responsible and wishing none of it happened won’t change that.
All I can do is make amends whenever possible.
Unfortunately, my apologies didn’t help Nate, who did nothing wrong but try to help me.
He had to completely reinvent himself and moved to Europe for a while.
Recently, he sold his first game under an alias.
I get it. Aletheia cast a long shadow and sometimes I can still feel her gaze.
With therapy and time, I’ve learned to endure what can’t be changed and to focus on making the most out of what can.
Luc glances over at me and smiles. It took us awhile to find our way to each other but when we finally did, I was content to discover the new me, atom by atom; hang out in the firehouse with our dogs; go on bike rides and summer trips with Luc’s nephews and Circe; watch favorite old movies and new ones; and learn how to trust. It wasn’t always easy.
Both trust and love must be earned over time.
In real life, Mama J once warned me, happily ever after doesn’t happen the way you think.
But it could, I said.
She sighed. You’ll get it, eventually.
Now I do. Happily ever after isn’t about living up to others’ ideals, it’s about finding what works for you in an imperfect world.
Three years into my new life, Luc was teaching remotely for Stanford, his reputation salvaged, and I’d returned to graduate school, and finally finished my PhD.
It felt right to complete it, honor the girl I once was and her dream.
After I’d successfully defended my thesis, Luc and Circe were waiting on the lawn outside the university building.
Sally wore a collar made of wildflowers and an engagement ring dangled from a silver ribbon around Frank’s neck.
Marry me? Luc asked, then dropped to one knee between our dogs.
You still haven’t learned to cook, I said.
And you’re not a great swimmer, he noted. But I believe in you, Penn Roberts.
And I believe in you, Luc Sweeney.
Circe stared at us. Are you saying yes? she demanded.
It’s our version. I got on my knees and kissed Luc. Sally licked the side of my face, then Luc’s, giving us her blessing. We went back to the firehouse, ordered pizza, then watched Little Miss Sunshine, the dogs munching popcorn on the couch beside the three of us. It was a perfect day.
We were married at Stinson Beach—Sally and Frank were our ring bearers—Circe, Char, Emi, Luc’s brother’s family, and a small group of friends our only guests.
Viola Whitby was ordained online by the Universal Life Church and performed the ceremony, which felt right.
She gave me the gift of Sally, who in turn taught me how to let love take root again.
For now, I’m working as a professor at SFPI, the same university where Luc and I first met.
I teach computer science. My students have so many ideas and dreams. They’re young, the world just unfolding, limitless, and with technology at their fingertips, they feel all-powerful.
I tell them to follow their passions but to question their needs.
“There she is,” Arrya calls out and skips over.
Her hair is now brown and falls in soft waves.
Recently she bought a small apartment building in Potrero Hill and is in the process of renovating it.
I help her sometimes, which mostly means that I hold things while she does the hard work.
Two handsome men trail in Arrya’s wake. One is her partner, Jeremy, who is a golf pro at the public course.
The other wears jeans, a black hoodie, and a Comic-Con baseball cap along with a wolf’s tail.
“Hey Penn,” Nate says and settles down next to me.
Arrya and Jeremy fill in the rest of our circle.
“Feeling nostalgic?” he asks, tracing the path of my eyes as I watch Circe dance, then tickling my nose with the tip of his tail.
Nate showed us his face two years ago. There’s a puckered scar on one side that tugs at the corner of his mouth from a car accident when he was five.
He might one day decide to consult a plastic surgeon.
For now, though, he’s learning to live out in the open little by little. We all are.
“Are you okay?” Arrya asks. “Letting go is hard.”
“I’m feeling lucky,” I tell my best friends, despite the tears in my eyes. We’ll forever be a pack.
“Speech! Speech!” some of the graduates’ parents shout.
Bruce climbs onto the stage and waves me up. I join him at the microphone.
“Thank you all for joining Penn, Circe, and me. We’re proud of you.” He raises his glass to the graduating class. “Wishing you great success in your future endeavors. Strive for excellence, never give up, and create a legacy.” Bruce turns to me. “Penn?”
The words I hadn’t planned come as I take in a sea of young, eager faces.
“My wish is that you discover your own identity, not through a reflection in the eyes of others or social media, but by saying yes to each new experience, learning from them, even the hard ones. Especially the hard ones. Along the way you’ll make friends, have lovers, some will last a moment, others a lifetime.
Both have value. Remember, people are fallible, but irreplaceable.
And understand that there is no universal truth.
Right and wrong are shaded by perception and whatever your truth, it should always be coupled with compassion, otherwise it’s merciless. ”
I find Circe in the crowd and add, “You’re special.
But that doesn’t mean life owes you anything.
Determination is the key to accomplishing goals and fulfilling dreams. You won’t succeed every time, but whenever you feel lost, keep searching until you discover your joy.
Don’t stop until you find it,” I tell my daughter. “When you do, never let it go.”
Todd Hicksen dreams of being a secret agent and traveling the world like James Bond, but a younger, cooler version.
He’s a staff operations officer for the CIA.
It’s an entry-level position and mostly he sits at a desk in a bland cubicle and waits for the phone to ring.
Todd would also like a girlfriend. He’s on six dating apps but rarely gets a date and is always ghosted before the second one.
At four in the afternoon, Todd opens his LivLoud account and hears the kissing sound the site uses to signal someone has followed him.
It’s a chick named Aphrodite. He pulls up her profile.
The photo is a woman with dark-blue eyes and Cupid’s bow lips.
She’s dressed in a flowing white gown, gold cuff on her wrist, one shoulder bare, and her long blond hair is crowned with bloodred roses.
Favorite quote: I am destined for greatness.—Olivia
Favorite food: Nectar of the gods
Favorite perfume: Orange blossoms
Bio: I am Aphrodite, goddess of love. Follow me if you’d like help with your friendships, work, or romantic relationships.
Trust me to reshape your life, and there is no limit to what we can accomplish.
I promise to protect your heart, provide honest feedback, and be your best friend, no matter what.
Todd follows Aphrodite back. She’s fire and hopefully will post some sexier photos. He’d even pay for them. Seconds later he hears the chime that signals a DM has dropped into his account.
Aphrodite: Hello Todd. Thanks so much for following me. How can I help you?