Chapter 15
Finn
‘Your mother?’ Finn repeated.
He was stock still, standing outside the doors to the costume corridor.
Violet, yanking open the doors, started marching towards the costume rooms, and Finn, the initial shock over, jogged to catch up to her.
‘Wait, Cynthia Bulbowen is your mother?’ he asked again, to the side of Violet’s head.
‘Yes,’ Violet said tightly, staring straight ahead. ‘Any more questions?’
Well, since you ask, yes. Many.
‘So…you don’t call her mum?’
‘She prefers to be called Cynthia. She says it helps to preserve her mystique.’
Finn twisted his lips. ‘She actually used the word mystique?’
‘She uses it far more than any human should,’ Violet muttered. ‘Along with methinks and jejune.’
Violet’s shoulders were creeping up toward her ears.
‘Have you always called her Cynthia?’
‘Yes. Ever since I was little. We need to get you to this fitting,’ Violet said, changing the subject, all business. She was fiddling with the pen on a string around her neck again, twirling it over and over in her fingers. The lanyard was twisting, spiralling into a loop towards her neck.
‘But Vi, you’re…’
Violet stopped, spun on her heel and stared directly at him. ‘Go on. I am…’ Her hands were planted squarely on her hips, and her mouth was set in a thin line.
‘No, I mean… It was a surprise, that’s all. I can’t believe I never knew. I mean, she’s a theatre legend. You never talked about her.’
‘Finn, my mother likes to pretend she doesn’t have a daughter. I am happy to return the favour.’ Violet’s eyes were bright, with pink spots on her cheeks. Her voice rose as she added, ‘Besides, it’s not like you and I confide in one another, is it?!’
And she was off again, stalking down the corridor away from him. The door to the costume fitting rooms was just a few metres away on the right-hand side.
In three long strides, he had caught up with her as they passed a studio storeroom. His fingers closed around her arm as he shoved open the door and pulled her inside after him.
‘What are you doing?’ Violet tried to twist her arm free, but Finn barely registered her efforts.
The small store was lit only with the light filtering through the stippled glass window in the door. Pushing a cleaning cart to one side, Finn steered Violet to a metal flight case and pushed her down on it.
‘Finn! We’ve already been stuck in one room,’ Violet tried to stand up. ‘What if we get locked in this one?’ She lunged for the door. ‘I’ll definitely lose my job then!’
Finn stood in front of the door but opened it a crack so Violet could see they were not, in this case, stuck.
‘You’ll be fine,’ he said calmly. ‘Now sit down and take a moment.’
Violet glared at him, fists balled at her sides, looking like she was inclined only to do the opposite of whatever Finn told her to do. Then, after a moment, she sank slowly on the flight case, shoulders sagging.
‘You don’t care if I keep this job or not anyway,’ she muttered.
‘Actually,’ Finn leaned back against the wall. ‘Having put up with you so far, and covered for you, I feel it would be a poor return on my performance to date if you fucked it up now. Or at least, let me be the one to help you fuck it up.’
He was rewarded with a shadow of a smile before her head dropped again, her wild hair hiding most of her face from him.
‘We’re going to be late,’ she muttered.
He sank down onto his haunches in front of her.
‘Vi, take a moment. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. But if you march around like this, I can see you saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.’
Violet swore on a long out-breath. ‘Fuuuuuuuccccccck.’
Finn made a tsk noise. ‘Now now. Your mother should have raised you better than that,’ he said.
Violet’s head snapped up, and her glaring eyes locked on his. Then her face cracked, and she burst out laughing.
‘Cynthia didn’t raise me,’ Violet said quietly, shaking her head.
‘Nor did Edward—Dad—really. He did his best, but to be honest, I mostly raised myself. Edward was wherever Cynthia wanted him to be, and I was with whichever relative or friend was free that night. Or weekend.’ Violet’s face gave nothing away, she could have been reading the ingredients off the back of a packet of biscuits.
But she was twirling the pen faster and faster, her fingers white at the tips, the lanyard looping into an ever-decreasing circle around the base of her throat.
‘Violet,’ Finn said, resisting an urge to reach out and cover her fingers with his. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘She’s your would-be mother-in-law,’ she said ominously.
‘She’s my character’s would-be mother-in-law,’ Finn said.
‘You’ll still be in her orbit. In her crosshairs.’
‘Is it really that bad that she’s on the show?’ Finn asked carefully. ‘What was it like when you were little?’
Violet shrugged. ‘It actually makes sense for me to call her Cynthia because she’s more like a glamorous stranger than a mum.
She gave her best to her job and her fans.
I got her at her worst - between jobs, or if she missed out on an award, or if she was fighting with dad, because,’ she spread her hands, ‘nothing was ever her fault. I worked out very young how to put myself to bed and how to get myself to school. She was always depressed when she wasn’t working, but she would be around then, physically anyway.
Then, after a few weeks of depression and declaring she would never work again, we were all doomed and everyone was out to get her, her agent would call and there’d be a new job.
All was right again, and for a second, she’d remember me, and it was amazing.
We’d have a few lovely days together, or maybe a week, and then she would disappear into the new job, and I wouldn’t really see her.
Dad wanted to move to London because that’s where most of her work was, so we could stay together, but she preferred us to stay in Yorkshire while she went away. Until the next time. Rinse and repeat.’
Finn, whose own childhood had been so very different, was at a loss.
‘I need to stay on top of what there is to do,’ Violet said suddenly, pulling out a tiny flip notebook. ‘Why didn’t I know she was on the show? There must be something I should have read, something I missed.’
She scribbled on her notepad, then pulled a highlighter from her pocket and circled something she had written.
‘What are you doing?’ Finn asked softly.
‘Making a list,’ Violet replied. ‘Of things to check with Rachael and Jake. I don’t want to forget.’
She dived back into her pocket and pulled out a red pen and underlined some words.
‘Violet, stop writing for one second.’
‘Oh god!’ She exclaimed suddenly. ‘She’s going to be horribly late. She always is. And Rachael hates that, and she will be cursing her and …. Oh god, I hope no one finds out we’re related.’
Violet, red pen and highlighter clamped in her fist, looked up at him.
‘Please, Vi, put those down for a moment.’
Violet hesitated, but after a few seconds, she unclenched her hand and dropped the pens and notebook beside her.
‘I haven’t seen you like this before. Talk to me. Why does her being here bother you so much?’
Violet’s fingers flexed, and her hand started to go down by her side for the pens and notepad, then she seemed to catch herself and her eyes momentarily locked on Finn’s. Then she dropped her head and sank her fingers into her hair.
‘There’s nothing to say. Can we go now?’
‘No.’ Finn rested his hands on her knees. ‘You are normally calm and collected, except when trying not to throttle me, obviously.’
Violet sighed. ‘This was supposed to be my thing. Cynthia being here is like…like…pollution. It just threatens to upset the balance of things, that’s all.
’ Violet’s lips twisted. ‘Cynthia has a way of making everything more difficult. It doesn’t matter how simple something is, she’ll complicate it.
She’ll be late, she won’t know her lines, she won’t do whatever she has agreed to and told you she’ll do, she’ll do whatever she feels like in the moment.
’ She dragged her hands from her hair. ‘Her only interest in life is what suits her in any given moment. You can’t rely on her for anything.
And now she’s here, on this show. And I bet she’s worried that anyone will know that I am her daughter.
But I am worried about anyone knowing she’s my mother. She’s a one-woman chaos bomb.’
‘Well, if that’s true, no one will ever believe she’s your mother. You couldn’t be more different.’
‘You mean that?’
‘Yes, of course. I mean, don’t get carried away,’ he said, rocking back on his heels. ‘It’s not a compliment. I said you aren’t like her. I didn’t say you’re likeable or anything. Just cos you’re punctual, you can’t make it your entire personality.’
‘You’re so sweet,’ Violet said, with a flicker of a smile. ‘I don’t even know why anyone keeps hiring her.’
‘Vi,’ Finn said in a low voice. ‘She’s theatre royalty. She might be hard to work with, but she’s an exceptional performer. I always tuned in to see her on the late-night shows. She’s hilarious. I imagine the producers are glad to have her on the show.’
‘I am sure they are,’ Violet said in a weary voice, digging her hands into her hair. ‘I am sure everyone is very excited she’s here.’
‘I am sorry for your sake that she’s on the show,’ Finn said. Violet’s eyes flicked up to meet his, searching over his face. ‘And I am glad,’ he added, holding her gaze, ‘that you’re here.’
Violet’s expression changed immediately, her brows knitting together and her eyes narrowing.
‘Ha ha,’ she said.
She started to stand up, but Finn’s hand shot out and took hers.
‘No, really. In a weird way, it’s comforting having you here, us being together.’ He felt warmth creep into his cheeks and was glad of the dim light in the cupboard. ‘For better or worse, there’s a familiarity to it which is nice, because everything else is so….’
Violet’s voice was quiet when she murmured, ‘New?’
‘Well, I was going to go with high-pressure and terrifying, but sure, new works too.’
Violet laughed, and he felt a jolt at seeing the cloud lift from her for a moment.
‘So familiarity trumps the new, even if the familiar is an old nemesis?’ Violet asked as she dropped pens back into her pocket.
‘Better the devil you know,’ Finn parried back.
‘So I’m the devil now?’ Violet asked as she stood, and Finn rose to his feet as she did.
‘If the shoe fits…’ he said, suddenly aware of how close they were standing in the dark little space.
‘Can I do something to help?’ he asked. ‘Make it less horrible?’
Violet looked momentarily thrown. Her throat worked for a moment, and she ducked her head, tucking her hair behind her ears.
‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal. It was just a…surprise.’
‘What can I do, Vi? Tell me.’
She lifted her face and was quiet and still as she stared at him. He felt like she was scanning him for ulterior motives. Seeming to decide there were none, she eventually spoke.
‘Just…don’t fall in love with her, okay?’
Finn snorted. ‘Vi, she must be thirty years older than me. I don’t know what you think of me, but that’s not my style.’
‘I don’t mean romantically. I just mean…
’ Her fingers reached for her lanyard and started twisting it again.
‘Everyone who meets Cynthia is utterly charmed by her. I can admit that she…has a way of making people feel special. Not her family, but…other people. Everyone thinks she is the most charming and engaging person they’ve ever met.
I don’t need another person cooing over how amazing she is and saying aren’t I lucky and it must have been such a hoot growing up with her as a mother, and I must have such tales to tell and oh Cynthia is so funny and so generous and helpful.
Not here.’ She drew breath, and her eyes were on his again.
In a soft voice, she added, ‘Not from you.’
Finn’s chest hurt at the thought of a young Violet seeing her mother be everything to colleagues and strangers and a ghost to her daughter.
‘I promise,’ he said, without hesitation. ‘That I will see the charade for what it is, and I will never praise your mother to you or to anyone else.’
Violet’s eyes were brighter now. ‘Do you mean that? She’s very persuasive, you know.’
Finn put his hand to his heart, oath-style.
‘I swear that I will get along with Cynthia only as much as I need to for the job, and no more than that.’ Violet chuckled, and the sound warmed his soul.
‘If it matters to you…’ He wanted to finish with, it matters to me. But instead he said, ‘I can do it.’
Violet gazed at him silently and nodded. The cupboard was warm and dark, and they were standing so close. The silence between them dragged on. Something shifted, the air felt charged, and Finn felt like he couldn’t move, couldn’t tear himself away from Violet.
Suddenly, Violet gasped. ‘Shit, Finn, the time! Hurry, you’re late for the fitting.’
She prodded him in the chest, and he turned quickly, pulling open the door and stepping out into the corridor, Violet spilling out behind him. Luckily, there was no one in the corridor to spot them emerge together from a dark cupboard.
‘It’s okay,’ Finn said as they approached the door to the fitting room. ‘I’ll blame being late on Cynthia.’