Chapter 27
Finn
‘Vi! This is a nice surprise. Couldn’t stay away, I see.’
Finn grinned, surprised but pleased that Violet had dropped by his apartment.
He pulled her inside and had barely shut the door before his hands were wrapping around her waist. He dropped his head, and his lips found hers, but she seemed stiff, her back rigid.
She didn’t lean into him or wind her arms around his neck.
Finn pulled back, his hands dropping to rest lightly on her hips.
‘Violet? Is everything okay?’
‘You’re wearing a suit,’ she said, stepping away from him.
It had the effect of him losing contact with her altogether, and his arms felt empty.
‘Uh, yeah.’ He nodded, glancing down at the starched white shirt and cufflinks. ‘I have that theatre awards function tonight. I would have invited you,’ he said, ‘but I declined the plus one ticket months ago.’
He took her hand and led her into the living room.
‘Have a seat. I have a little time before I leave. Not enough time to eat,’ he said, ‘but enough time for a drink. Wine?’
Violet started to shake her head, then stopped and said, ‘Actually, yes, please. Wine would be good.’
He grinned and strolled into the kitchen, retrieving a chilled bottle from the fridge, filling two glasses generously.
As he walked back in, Violet was sitting ramrod straight, perched on the edge of the sofa.
He handed her a glass, and she took it without making eye contact and swallowed down several large gulps.
‘Vi,’ Finn said, as he sat down slowly beside her. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘What makes you ask that?’ she said, her hand clamped around the bowl of the wine glass, her eyes flicking up to his and then away again.
‘You seem, um, jittery. Was it a bad day at work?’
Violet let out a puff of air on a short bark of laughter.
‘Ha! You could say that!’ she replied before taking another drink.
Finn leaned in. ‘What happened?’
She shook her head.
‘I can help you if you tell me,’ he said.
‘Finn,’ she said, looking at him properly for the first time. He saw that her eyes were brimming with tears. ‘You are the last person who can help me.’
Finn put his glass down so hurriedly on the coffee table that it nearly toppled over. He shifted closer towards her and took her free hand in his.
‘Violet, you’re really worrying me. What is it?’
‘I’m so sorry, Finn, but I can’t do this.’
Finn went cold. ‘What do you mean? Us?’
She yanked her hand from his, abruptly stood and paced. Her face was pale and drawn as she marched up and down.
‘Vi, come on. Talk to me.’
She stopped suddenly and stared at him. Her eyes were wide and wet with tears.
Finn was paralysed on the sofa. He wanted to go to her and fold her into his arms and kiss the top of her head and tell her he would fix whatever it was she needed fixing.
But he could feel her trying to gather words in the ether, trying to gather the courage to speak.
If he moved, she might back off from what she was trying to say. And he needed to know.
Violet took a shaky breath, then a gulp of wine. Her eyes dropped to her hands.
‘This afternoon, after we…’ she tipped her head.
Finn knew what she meant.
‘Yes.’
‘One of the crowd costume dailies and someone else, I don’t know who…they came into the toilets, and they were talking…about me.’
Finn’s body went as rigid as concrete.
‘Go on,’ he said in a low voice.
‘They were saying…they said… that I was making a show of myself mooning after you, and everyone knows that no one wants to employ an AD who might uh…’ her face twisted. ‘Get involved with cast and mess up those relationships.’
Ice ran through Finn’s body, and a ringing started in his ears.
‘They said…’ Violet’s voice was unsteady. ‘That Rachael and Jake would pick up on it if they haven’t already, and then there’s no chance I will be picked for the film they are going on to.’
She stopped then, breathing heavily, still standing in the middle of his living room, clutching her half-empty glass of wine.
‘I’m sorry, Finn,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘No.’ He was on his feet. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘I can’t lose this opportunity. I just can’t. And we are taking too many risks.’
‘So I’ll behave myself.’
He reached for her, his hands reaching for her waist, but she gently pushed his hands away and stepped back out of his grasp.
‘We need to be colleagues, Finn.’
‘We are colleagues,’ he said.
She gave a flick of her head. ‘I mean, just colleagues. A professional relationship only. It’s the best way. For both of us,’ she finished.
‘Would this be happening if you hadn’t heard them talking?’
‘Maybe not, no. I don’t know. But this,’ she waved a hand back and forth between them. ‘This happened fast, Finn. I don’t think either of us had time—’
‘Fast? We’ve known each other since we were sixteen.’
‘We knew each other when we were sixteen. And we didn’t like each other then, or even up until a few weeks ago! So yes, it feels fast. We didn’t have a chance to properly think about the ramifications.’
‘So? Vi, you like me. And I like you. And it’s no one else’s business.’
‘But it is. And it’s na?ve to pretend otherwise!’ Violet said, pacing again. ‘You and I both know that kind of gossip has legs. And if what those two gossips currently think is that I am chasing after you, who knows what other people think? Or know. We’ve hardly been completely discreet.’
She shot him a look, and his face heated. Violet had a point. He shouldn’t have followed her to the toilets earlier.
‘We agreed we would keep it secret,’ Violet said flatly. ‘Not let it compromise anything at work. Following me into the toilets today was the opposite of that, Finn.’
‘But no one knows anything about that!’
‘As far as we know, they don’t! But Finn, it doesn’t matter if no one caught us today. It matters that in less than two weeks we are behaving like horny teenagers, not adults with… with… mortgages and bills and…and careers we are actively jeopardising!’
A heavy weight of dread settled in his stomach, and the wine soured in his throat.
‘We can get through this,’ he said. ‘We’ll be discreet. Fully discreet. I’ll even argue with you if you like, show how much I don’t like you.’
Violet gave a watery smile. ‘I hardly think that helps my case as an employable AD,’ she said.
‘You know the risks I have taken to get this job and start all over again, from the bottom. My immediate supervisors are basically teenagers. It’s not the same for you,’ she said quietly.
‘You’re top cast. You could hook up with anyone, and no one would bat an eyelid.
We aren’t held to the same standards or subject to the same rules, Finn. ’
Finn clenched his fists by his sides. ‘I don’t want just anyone, Vi, and this isn’t hooking up.’
‘I know it isn’t.’ She rubbed at her temples. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘And what about when the shoot ends? What then? Can we be together then?’
‘Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t think about that now.
And what if there’s a second season and we’re all back here again?
’ She dragged a hand down her face. ‘I can’t plan for the unknown, Finn.
I can only make this decision on what I know right now, which is that I am risking everything I have worked for. ’
He ran his hands through his hair. ‘So, what exactly are you saying?’ he said, his voice leaden.
Violet looked small, her shoulders hunched forwards, her face drawn, her eyes huge green pools under knotted, anxious brows. There was a heavy silence for a moment before she spoke. Finn’s body braced for what was coming even as his mind willed her not to speak the words.
‘We have to end this now,’ she said. ‘It’s what’s best for both of us.’
The happiness Finn had been basking in just minutes before dissolved as her words crashed into him.
‘Okay,’ he said, his voice detached as if it was coming from somewhere else. ‘If that’s what you want.’ He hesitated. ‘I know how hard you’re working.’
‘I think it’s what’s best,’ Violet reiterated. ‘And I want you to know that it’s not what I want, Finn.’ Her eyes were brimming with tears, and her voice shook. ‘But I think it’s what I need.’
Finn gave a dull nod.
Okay.
Reaching forward, Violet gently placed her half-empty wine glass on the coffee table beside his.
Finn stared at the glasses side by side.
Barely ten minutes earlier, he had thought they would be drinking wine and laughing before he had to leave for his event.
He had thought maybe he could persuade Violet to stay, to be there when he came home.
How nice it would be to open the door and see her there, talk with her.
Now she moved towards the door, her head ducked down.
‘Wait,’ Finn said, stepping toward her. ‘Vi, please don’t just go like this.’
He held his arms open. He wouldn’t force her.
If she needed to just walk away, he would make himself watch her go.
Violet looked up at him, her eyes roving over his face.
Then she stepped into his embrace, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, sinking his fingers into her hair, pressing her head into his shoulder.
If he would not be allowed to do this again, he wanted to remember every inch of how she felt.
Violet’s arms wrapped around him, and she buried her face in his shoulder.
He dipped his head, pressing his cheek against the top of her head, her hair cradling his face.
Violet’s fingers curled into his back, and Finn swallowed hard and clenched his jaw.
They stood locked together for several moments until Violet slowly pulled away. She stretched up and kissed him on his cheek. Finn closed his eyes to hold on to the feeling—the soft press of her lips, her hands on his chest, the faint scent of her perfume lingering even as she stepped away.
She moved towards the door, and Finn followed.
‘So, just work,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘Business as usual. Professional.’
Violet wiped at her eyes and nodded, one hand on the door handle.
‘Yes. Professional. Indifferent, even.’
Pulling open the door, Violet stepped over the threshold.
‘Goodbye, Finn. I’ll see you around at work.’
Then she turned and walked away.
Finn swallowed hard and gripped the door jamb, his knuckles turning white.
‘I never thought I would need to pretend to dislike you,’ he said softly.