Chapter 32 #2
Seeing Finn tend to his mother like that broke something in Violet.
Here she was worrying about her next career move, and Finn was dealing with this.
What was it all going to be for if she had the chance of this and turned her back on it?
There would be other jobs. Let the chips fall where they may. There was only one Finn.
Finn finished tucking in the sheets and straightened, glancing up at the doorway. Violet suddenly felt like an intruder and tried to shuffle backwards, but he had seen her, half hidden behind the door frame.
She raised a shy hand in greeting and mouthed, ‘Hi.’
Finn looked down at his mum, then bent to kiss her cheek. ‘I’ll be back in a minute, Mum.’
Violet couldn’t read his expression as he crossed the room towards her, stepping into the corridor and pulling the door closed behind him.
‘How is she?’ Violet asked, nodding towards the room.
Finn looked drained. His eyes were red, and his mouth was set in a firm line.
‘We don’t really know yet. She seems okay, she’s awake, but they are keeping her in, in case there are complications from the fall. And they want to run some tests, see what caused the fall. See if,’ he cleared his throat. ‘See if there’s some deterioration, maybe she needs more advanced care.’
He rubbed at his temples.
‘I’m so sorry, Finn. I can’t imagine how worried you must have been, how worried you still are.’
He nodded, crossing his arms.
‘Thanks. So, what are you doing here? Is this about tomorrow? Because I don’t know yet if I will be in. I need to speak to the doctor first. I’ve only seen a nurse.’
Violet could hear the anxiety and irritation in his voice.
‘No, it’s not work. I… I came to see you. See how you are.’
A muscle flickered below his eye. ‘I’m okay, Vi. I’ll be okay.’
‘Good. That’s good.’
They stood and stared at each other for several long moments as nurses and patients passed by. Violet wished she could reach out and comfort him, wrap her arms around him, stretch up and whisper that she would be there for him, no matter what. She cleared her throat.
‘I know that me coming here when you’re going through…
’ She fumbled for the right words. ‘When you might be feeling vulnerable. I mean, this might be really inappropriate, me showing up here. But I wanted—I want—to be there for you. I uh… I know what it’s like not to have people you care about show up for you when things are rough.
I couldn’t bear the thought of not being there for you.
If you want me to be, that is. If not, I can go.
Get out of your hair.’ Her fingers were knotted together, and she gripped her hands tightly, waiting for him to say something.
A line had appeared between Finn’s eyebrows.
‘What are you saying, Violet?’
Yes, what was she saying?
She took a deep breath and stared at her hands.
‘I’m saying…I think I made a mistake. I should have given this thing between us a chance. I panicked as soon as things got…difficult.’ She lifted her head and met his eyes. ‘And I have missed you every day since.’
Something flashed across Finn’s face. He swallowed hard and glanced away for a second.
‘Let me get this straight,’ he said in a low voice. ‘You are saying that you made a mistake.’
Violet nodded and swallowed. ‘Yes.’
There was a glint in his eye as he said, ‘You. You, Violet Hathersay, made a mistake?’
She stared at him.
‘That’s what you’re taking from what I just said?’
Finn uncrossed his arms and shrugged. ‘I just want to get that clear. On the record.’
‘Okay, yes, Finn. I made a mistake.’
‘I know that,’ he said, quietly, inching closer to her. ‘I’ve known that since that day you came to my apartment. I just wasn’t sure if you ever would.’
His eyes stayed on hers as his hand reached for her, and their fingers laced together. Violet felt the pain of the last few weeks ebb from her as she tightened her grip on Finn’s hand.
‘I just wonder…’ Finn paused and pulled away slightly. She hated the space that opened up between them. ‘Will you feel the same tomorrow? Or the next day? Is it just because you feel sorry for me today? It’s not as if anything is different about work, Vi.’
‘No.’ Violet shook her head firmly. ‘No. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being upset or in pain and me not being there to help.
The last couple of weeks have been awful.
I’ve hardly slept. I’m not saying we stroll into the studios arm in arm—I still think we need to be careful.
But we’ll find a way to make it work. It just doesn’t feel worth it not to be together or,’ she felt a blush creep over her cheeks and hesitated. ‘Or whatever this is.’
Finn reached for her then, pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.
‘I’d say we’re together,’ he said, bending his head and pressing a kiss to her lips. ‘I’ve been miserable without you, Vi. Which is funny, ’cos I used to be miserable with you…’
Violet laughed and buried her head in Finn’s shoulder.
‘If our sixteen-year-old selves could see us now,’ he said with a grin.
‘We’ll still need to figure out what to do about work,’ Violet said softly. ‘But you’ve got enough to worry about. I’m going to talk to someone and get some advice.’