Chapter 17 #2
“I can try,” he said, and he sounded so very tired.
I wondered how much I’d contributed to the exhaustion filling his voice.
“I failed so many, Aoife. I spent years as a spy for the brotherhood, and I didn’t accomplish a damn thing.
I didn’t bring them down, didn’t stop their reign of terror, didn’t save all the people I promised I would.
” He held out his hands, staring at them. “There’s so much blood on these.”
He harbored so much guilt, and I’d never realized it. Lor always seemed so confident, so sure he was right. This side of him wasn’t one I was used to seeing.
“You did save people.” I snorted. “That’s all I ever hear about from anyone: stories of what a hero you are, how you infiltrated the most dangerous group in the history of Aubergn, and you did it for years.”
Lor looked over at me, his eyes rimmed in red, and I wasn’t sure he’d heard a single thing I just said. “Why did you follow me down here?”
I shifted, back scraping the hard stone. “Castle brought me.”
“Ah.” His head thunked against the wall.
“How did you hide him for so long?” I tipped my head toward the prisoner, still unconscious. “How did he end up here?”
“It was over two years ago.” Lor stretched his long legs out on the floor.
“Ronan was assigned to go on a mission to find Fairwitch Isle. He believed it was at the top of Kiln Mountain. I knew that’s exactly where it was, so I volunteered to go with him, hoping I could keep him from discovering Fairwitch Isle, lead him in the wrong direction.
The problem was as we got closer to this city, I felt this tug.
” He put his hands on his stomach. “Something pulling me toward this place that I’d never felt before.
It’s hard to describe, but I just knew I had to follow it, to get to the castle no matter what. ”
“Because I was there,” I said, knowing this part of the story. Lor had mentioned something about feeling this “pull” when he’d first awoken me.
“It was almost like I had no control over myself,” Lor said. “I’d brought one of my rebel members with me, and she tried to stop me, but I just kept going . . . leading Ronan right into Fairwitch Isle. He was so excited that we’d found it, and I just felt this horrible dread.”
“And that’s when you found me?” I asked.
He bobbed his head back and forth. “Well, it wasn’t that simple, but yes, eventually I found you, and once again, I felt that pull. I knew what I had to do. Leena was begging me not to. Ronan was just in shock.”
“Did Leena know you were from Fairwitch Isle?” I asked, noting the way he said her name, gentle and soft, like a caress. Nothing like how he addressed me. He always said my name with this severe, almost disappointed tone.
He shook his head. “No one knew I hailed from Fairwitch Isle. Not even any of the rebels. I never wanted to risk that information getting out. After your curse was broken and I was declared king, I let Leena go so she could return to the brotherhood and take over being the leader of the rebels. She could be my alibi, tell everyone that Ronan and I had died. Cover all our tracks. And as for Ronan, well, I was supposed to kill him. I told everyone I did.”
“But you couldn’t,” I said, feeling like for the first time since I met him, I understood a little more about this man.
“I couldn’t,” he affirmed. “I became king and was dealing with so much. Trying to make amends to my family, whom I’d abandoned for so long, trying to keep Fairwitch Isle safe, trying to rule beside you.”
It must’ve been hard being a spy for such an awful group of people.
I’d never had to hide how I felt about the godwitches.
That was what often got me in trouble—my smart mouth, my stubbornness.
I couldn’t imagine having to pretend I was one of them, even if it meant bringing them down.
I stared at Lor, his dark hair hanging as his head drooped.
I’d once asked him what he knew of sacrifice, and now I understood what an unfair thing that was to think about him.
“We lost a lot of Fair Folk during our uprising against the godwitches,” I said.
“I mourned every one of them, but they understood what they were signing up for. They understood that they were putting their lives at risk. Ronan knew that too. You can’t be responsible for everyone’s life, Lor.
You’re not the godwitch of death. You’re just a man, and you’re doing your best.”
His hands clenched and unclenched by his sides. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“You’re welcome. But you have to do something about this.” I gestured toward Ronan. “If you don’t, I will.”
He blew out a breath.
“Tell the council. Let them decide his fate.”
His jaw locked. Lor didn’t like anyone making decisions for him, but this was one decision that had to be made.
I expected him to argue like he always did. I expected this to turn into a fight. But Lor just gave a slight shake of his head before saying, “Okay,” defeat filling his voice.
We sat side by side like that for a long time, legs barely touching, silence stretching between us with all the things unsaid.
I’d learned something about Lor today that I hadn’t known.
I’d seen this vulnerable side of him that somehow made him more human.
It should’ve delighted me knowing this man I’d hated for so long had a weakness after all, one I could use against him.
Instead, it just made me doubt my plans, and that was something I couldn’t afford to do.