Chapter 23
23
T he next few weeks passed in a blur of me healing and going back to work, Remi focusing on school and his new job, me trying to manage my emotions around everything that had happened, and Remi studiously avoiding Dermont’s calls. It was obvious that Miley had filled Dermont in on her and Remi’s conversation. Dermont had called every day since, and Remi wouldn’t answer. He said he was upset that Dermont had kept this from him when the only person who truly benefited from everything remaining a secret was John. I had started calling the pastor “John” because I couldn’t call him “your dad” anymore, and “my mom’s rapist” didn’t ring well either. So John it was.
Together, we had decided that my mom could never know who Remi’s mother was married to, which was going to be difficult to hide forever, but we would certainly try. Remi was talking about changing his last name. He said he didn’t want to have the last name of a rapist who he wasn’t even related to.
Remi was considering taking on Liam’s last name or Dermont’s. So it would either be Hennessy or Lewis. The fact that my mom hadn’t seen the pastor at graduation or said anything about Remi’s current last name was nothing short of a miracle.
Another change that had happened since the accident was that yesterday, I had moved out of my mom's apartment. After another week of resting, I had begun feeling well enough to leave the house and felt up to going to Remi’s place for dinner. After we ate, Sam and Julia approached us and asked if we would consider moving onto their property. They had a small loft apartment over the garage that Liam’s oldest brother, Levi, had been living in, but he had moved out in August to live with his girlfriend, so it was currently empty. The apartment had its own separate entrance, which was great for an element of privacy. The stairs opened up into a big room that had a small kitchenette, a huge bed, a small couch in front of a large TV, a big bathroom with all of the amenities, and a walk-in closet. As if that wasn’t enough, Sam had told us that they didn’t want us to pay them rent. Instead, they wanted the two of us to put eight hundred dollars a month into an investment account so that in a couple of years, we would have a down payment saved up to buy our own place. Of course, I had tried to fight them on that, but they wouldn’t budge. So yesterday, Remi, Carter, and Jake spent the day helping me load up their cars with everything I wanted to keep and drove it over to our new place. I couldn’t go to sleep until everything was put away, so we stayed up until 3 a.m. unpacking all of my belongings. The last thing I did was change the linen to something new that I had bought specially for our new place. We made love quietly in our new bed and then fell asleep, feeling like the puzzle pieces of our new life that had been disrupted by the chaos of the last few weeks were finally falling into place. The next morning, I was in the shower when I heard the front door open, and Remi call, “Honey. I’m home.”
I grinned to myself, loving how that sounded. When I heard him come into the bathroom, I peeked around the shower door.
“Hi, baby.” I smiled.
“Will you be ready on time?” he asked. I nodded. We had something very exciting planned for today.
“Definitely.” I quickly got out, dried my hair, and got dressed.
The group chat was active as I got into the car, and Remi drove us to the tattoo shop.
LIAM
I can’t believe ur getting ur first tattoo without me *crying face emoji*
LIA
send pics as soon as they’re done!
EVA
Shaen did you decide what you’re getting yet?
CARTER
please tell me you’re getting a dick
RACHEL
eek tattoo day!
DEE
duck ya!
DEE
fuck
LIAM
my babies losing their tattoo virginity I’m so proud
REMI
i have no idea what Shaen is getting, she won’t tell me
CARTER
it’s most def an outline of your dick
EVA
*shocked face emoji*
SHAEN
you’ll see *tongue out winking face emoji*
“I spoke to Dermont today,” Remi suddenly told me.
“What?!” I was shocked. He shrugged. “He wore me down with his daily phone calls.”
“I mean, he was persistent.” I laughed. “What did he say?”
“He said he understands why I’m upset at him, and he’s so sorry but that he loves me so much, and he’s so happy that I now know and that he wants to fly here to see me if I’m open to it.” Remi parked the car and turned to look at me.
“Are you open to it?” I asked.
“I told him I was only okay with it if you would be there with me, and he agreed.”
We got out of the car, and I gave him a hug.
“I’m proud of you,” I told him as I got up on my tiptoes to kiss him. “I know it’s hard, but I can see that he loves you, and you honestly deserve a happy ending.”
“It’s not an ending, my love, this is the beginning.” Remi took my hand and kissed my knuckles before walking us into the tattoo parlor. We had decided that although we were young and still had a lot of time to figure out all of the details of our life together, we wanted something permanent on our bodies to profess our love for each other. We hadn’t shared what we would be getting; instead, we wanted it to be a surprise. Since I had never gotten a tattoo before, I was a little bit nervous about it. After signing a bunch of paperwork and showing the tattoo artist what I wanted, they sat me down in a chair and got to work. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it didn’t hurt as much as I had thought it would, and it was over quickly. I took pictures of it while I waited for Remi to finish. Once he was done, Remi paid, and then we went back out to the car. We sat there for a minute, and finally, Remi asked, “Ready?”
I nodded.
“You go first,” he urged. I lifted the sleeve of my sweatshirt to reveal my tattoo to him. It was along the side of my right arm. I had chosen a fine-line tattoo, all in a simple, lowercase font that said, “I feel you for keeps.”
Remi obviously knew about my challenges with feeling my feelings, and lately, he had been helping me with identifying feelings that I wanted to avoid and started helping me feel safer experiencing them. We did deep breathing together every night, and he joined me for meditation sessions in the mornings. I wanted to include that aspect of my healing in my tattoo, and then I had chosen the “for keeps” part because saying “I keep you” was something we said to each other often, and I felt that it represented our love for each other really well.
“I love it, baby.” Remi’s eyes shone with emotion. I leaned over to kiss him.
“Let me see what you got.” I was getting impatient to see what he had chosen.
He complied and pulled up his sleeve. I gasped as feelings of love and happiness flooded through my body. Remi’s right arm, wrist to elbow, was covered in pixie dust. A few tears found their way out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
“I love it, Remi. It’s perfect,” I told him. He reached up to wipe away my tears.
“And I love you,” he told me before kissing me and completely taking my breath away.
Scratch every other feeling I ever had before this one. This flow of emotion, love, and trust, this is what happiness feel like.