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We had finally made it back to the city, and the guys asked if I wanted them to come to the Zoo with me.
I knew they were afraid I would knock Beans’ head off, but it was bigger than that.
I stood in the Zoo and glanced around. I took it all in, as this was the first time I had ever reflected on all the dark things I’ve done in spaces like this.
The walls told stories; they were filled with souls that traveled with me from California.
Toussaint was supposed to be a place for change; however, it seemed the cycle continued, with countless trials and troubles.
The world I created was meant to help niggas who were broken like me.
Somehow, the lines blurred between what I wanted to create and what was actually happening.
I had gone from dealing with niggas like Zu, Foe, Diamond, and Preach to dealing with niggas who had no respect for me or the game.
The crazy thing is that the game seemed to continue, but the players changed.
The stakes have gotten higher, and the levels have intensified.
Tonight, however, showed me that trying to be the bigger person and taking a seat in the back only allows niggas to take advantage.
I pulled out a chair and sat down. I rested my sling-shot arm on the table as the doors to the Zoo opened.
See, the thing about being a king is you have to know when to pull a nigga’s card, when to let the crown do the work, and when to let your mouth become the centerpiece, and with Beans, he was going to get an animal from the jungle, not the king.
As he emerged from the shadow into the light, I pointed to the chair, “Sit down,” I told him.
He came around and stood in front of the chair. “I—”
I shook my head. “I don’t give a fuck what you want. I said sit the fuck down!” I barked this time.
He snatched the chair back and sat down.
His jaws clenched as he ran his hand through his raggedy ass beard.
We sat there in silence, eyeing each other.
I didn’t want to come right off because I wanted the energy of the nigga that had been so tough yet silent since I’ve been here.
Braylen was a hurt nigga who hurt niggas, I knew that feeling because I, too, was that nigga.
My eyes never wavered as my stare only grew more intense.
His eyes narrowed, and his light-colored skin turned deep red.
“Yeah, bring ‘em out,” I muttered as I nodded.
The longer he sat in silence, the angrier he became.
I could see Braylen diminishing as the true nigga started to emerge.
Beans, the beast, began surfacing to the top.
His eyes said he knew what it was, ready to accept the challenge.
It was something about the anger that rose in him that I fed off of.
I knew this conversation wouldn’t work unless he peeled that layer back, and the longer my sadistic eyes peered at him, the more that layer melted off like fucking butter.
He slammed his hand on the table, then pointed at me.
“You’re the king, right? Fuck you in here playing games for?
” he started. “You, Chevy, June Calloway, the nigga who stepped foot in Toussaint and thinks he knows every fucking thing and doesn’t know shit,” he said as he shook his head.
“A nigga who came from money but tries to dictate how another nigga from the same background moves. Do I fuck with the Zoo? Yes, I do, but you,” he paused as he tossed his hands up. “You can miss me with that king shit.”
My brows raised as I sucked my teeth. I leaned back in the chair and watched his ass. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, nothing to say, like granddaddy like grandson.”
I belted out a sinister laugh. “Are you done, Beans?” I shouted this time, rumbling the Zoo walls.
He scoffed as he shook his head. I leaned forward as I slammed my gun on the table.
“Your name means not a fucking thing to me. You stepped into this room with so much fucking pride that everything you stand for, black educated ass nigga with the S for a little razzle fucking dazzle is pure bullshit. I told you,” I pointed at him.
“To do your homework and instead of doing that and coming at me with some real nigga shit, you chose otherwise. I told you once before, I can put a bullet in Clark and won’t shed a tear, but can you do the same? ”
His lips tightened, and his brows curled inward as the beast fully emerged.
He shot up from the table, and as I grabbed my gun, he flipped the bitch over.
I quickly moved towards him, pressing my wounded forearm against his throat and pinning him to the wall.
Eye to eye. Lion to beast. He tried moving, but I jabbed my arm further into his throat.
“Fuck you think this is? You think I’m some bitch nigga?
I told you. I’m that nigga!” I roared in his face.
“I don’t give a fuck, nigga!” he barked back.
I shook my head. “You ain’t nothing but a hurt, scared ass little boy.
I’ve been there. I’m the nigga who came from a group home, been raped by an older woman, treated like a slave by the white man, and got everything I have out the muhfuckin mud.
I’m the nigga who had over a million dollars and did not once think about myself, but rather helped little niggas just like me become better men than they were yesterday.
I’m a nigga who traveled across the muhfuckin country on his deathbed to find out my mother was killed and to put niggas like you on,” I gritted at his ass.
His chest heaved in and out, but I know he heard me. I released his neck and used my hand that held my gun and pointed it at the chair. “Nigga, if you don’t sit the fuck down, I will put a bullet in you.”
I began to circle him as he sat there ready to explode.
“You don’t get to pop shit and walk away, that’s not how this works.
Don’t think for a second I will show you mercy because I won’t.
See, you take your anger out on those you think are going to cradle those feelings, but you won’t step in front of the bitch who made you who you are. ”
His eyes widened. He didn’t think I knew, but I did.
I leaned down and set the table upright.
I walked over and grabbed something out of my bag.
When I came back, I slammed the picture frame I had taken from his parents’ house onto the table so hard that it shattered.
I pointed at it. “This is who made you that way. I know that look because I, too, have had it. Those nights kneeling on rice, those nights hiding in the closet from the monster, that was me, the nigga you think came from money. Nah, I was a broke Black nigga who had not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.”
He flicked his nose and shrugged, “Ok, so you have a background. Why should I care?”
I knew he was avoiding the conversation, but he had the right nigga on the wrong night.
“If I didn’t see the dog in you, I wouldn’t be here.
You’re hurt, shit, we’ve all been there.
I know what it’s like to build that wall because you’re too afraid to let that muhfucka down.
It’s fear and pride, and the one thing about pride, it would whoop our ass if you let it.
Fiona hurt you, and your father didn’t see you.
She abused you, and your father ignored the signs.
She put a fear in you so strong that every time you tried to do right, you prayed she would acknowledge those things, but she never did. ”
His eyes began to turn red, and I knew I was now getting to his core.
I needed him to get that shit out so we could move forward.
“Fuck Fiona. She,” he paused as his eyes turned glassy.
“One lash to the back. Get it right, Braylen, she would say. Two lashes to the arm. Didn’t I tell you not to say that, Braylen?
Four this time. My game, my rules, do you understand?
” he rambled. “She fucked me up!” he shouted as a single tear came from his eyes.
He shot up from the chair, sending it flying across the Zoo.
He began to pace the floor as his chest heaved in and out.
I stepped closer to him because I knew what fighting demons looked like.
The hurt he was experiencing was warranted, but I couldn’t be the one to fix it for him.
Everyone claimed I was trying to be the hero, and they were right.
When you never had a hero to rescue you, you turn into that hero to save others.
However, I couldn’t be that for him because just as I had to save myself, he had to do the same.
I pulled him in for a hug, and he broke.
Braylen sobbed like a kid. “I’m not telling you by morning shit will be ok because it won’t, but you need to address the issue.
Fiona is a serpent, and as bad as I wanted your father to tell you everything, the nigga doesn’t have it in him.
I think that accident was meant for you.
Fiona, all she wants is money, and money can make a muhfucka do dangerous things.
Know your worth. The Zoo is here for you, I am here for you, but now it’s time to challenge the beast who created the beast in you. Only you can end this game, my nigga.”
He pulled away from me, trying to hide that he was crying. He quickly wiped his eyes. “Chev, nigga, my bad. I’ve just been controlled all my life, so some of the shit you say and do reminds me of her. I respect your hustle, your courage, and loyalty.”
I smirked. “Most don’t like me because I am direct, but I would never steer you wrong.
In this instance, you will be your own hero.
I got a friend who needs me. So, Beans, do what you got to do; there is something greater on the other side, I promise.
However, if you ever disrespect me the way you have ever again, I will kill you where you stand.
I will walk away from you like you mean nothing, just as you have been doing to me.
Because just as I am empathic to this moment, I’m also a monster,” I finished and walked out of the Zoo, leaving him standing there.
I knew that Beans would be a challenge, but the nigga was going to have to face his demons alone. I led him to the water; it was now up to him to drink.