Chapter 37
Theo
The sound of Astrid’s alarm manages to enter my dream, jolting me awake suddenly like a middle aged mum in the night.
Her alarm was the radar sound that you get on an iPhone. You know, quite possibly the most coronary-inducing one of the lot. I get why she used it for work though, it would definitely wake you up.
I didn’t even find myself caring though. I was just happy to one: be back in my own bed, and two: be back in my own bed next to her . It made a change from the absolute rock of a sofa. I’m pretty sure I’d done Astrid’s back in for the foreseeable. Today, for the first time in a long time, I actually felt happy. The sunlight was spilling through the curtains, the birds were chirping, and everything just felt right . I turn over, and she’s cocooned among the duvet again. I swear she was the only person in the world who still insisted on covering their face with a duvet in the summer. The alarm is still blaring, how has she not woken up ? Gently nudging her, I see movement under the covers. Okay, so there’s a sign of life at least .
I nudge her again, smiling as she fidgets about. She finally emergences, yanking the duvet off her head and shuffling out of bed to turn off the alarm and… oh my god.
She was wearing a pair of star-print knickers, and only knickers. Her long golden hair was tangled in a half-slept-in ponytail that touched all the way under her tailbone, her face looked sleepy, and she made loads of whinging noises as she swiped her alarm off. She was herself again she was beautiful.
I couldn’t believe it.
“Astrid look!” I shout.
Instantly turning her head towards the sound of my voice, her whole face widens in shock. “Oh my god…are we? Is this real?!”
She runs over to my arm and pinches it hard. “ Ow!” I wince, rubbing the area.
“It’s real!” she squeals, answering her own question. She starts jumping up and down on the bed and giggling like a lunatic. It’s adorable.
“How did we do it?” I ask, not even really needing an answer.
She shakes her head in disbelief, “Maybe because of last night?”
“Because we finally had sex?” I tease, earning me a playful slap .
“Because we communicated . We saw things from the others perspective. Just as she wanted it seemed.” She smiles.
I bite my lip, “So are you telling me she put us through all of this…to have a chat?”
She scrunches her face to one side, “maybe that’s what we needed all along, we just weren’t ready to do it.”
We both audibly puff out a sigh of relief before Astrid jumps up from the bed again, “I can do my hair and makeup, I can go and get my job back! I can go and see Yaz, I can talk to mum and dad!”
She honestly looked like a kid on Christmas day. Animated, happy. It was clearly what she needed, and it was amazing to see her this excited again. But to be fair, much to my disbelief, I was actually kind of looking forward to seeing the guys at work again, and it meant I could go and see the lads at the pub. They probably thought I’d completely ghosted them by now after how many times I had to bail over text.
“I’m going now!” she sang, running over to her wardrobe and beaming at the prospect of wearing more than a graphic t-shirt and jeans for the first time in months. She was already trashing the bedroom with her clothes, but it didn’t even matter. I couldn’t rain on her parade.
“Wait- you’re going to work now?” I ask, confused. Astrid was still technically supposed to be on suspension for another week.
She slips a yellow sundress over her head, “I know it sounds crazy, but I’m going to be desperate and beg! I’ll bring my binder and show Debbie just how much effort I’ve put in. I need to go back now; I’m getting restless already. Also, someone needs to save Yaz from that ‘little ginger shit.’” She winks.
I chuckle. I guess that was up to her. They’d be stupid not to let her prove herself though. She was a fucking fantastic teacher.
“And you get to go to work and tell the boys that you’re finally no longer carrying the lurgy” She grins.
In a weird turn of events, I found myself not even minding the idea of going to work, (except now having to look my boss in the eye, knowing that we had a bizarre heart-to-heart about our sex lives…), but at least I was now me. Thank God, I didn’t know how much longer I could fight the urge not to squeeze Astrid’s breasts every time I looked down at my chest. It’s the kind of battle that puts a man’s discipline to the test, let me tell you.
Watching me juggle a pair of trousers on, Astrid says, “you’re off early?”
“There’s a quick pit stop I have to make.” I reply before planting a soft kiss on her lips. Her eyes close, her throat hums, and her mouth tilts upwards slightly, as if the ghost of my kiss still lingers. “I’ll tell you later. Good luck today, you’ll smash it.”
And with that, I grab my keys, thanking the lord that I could drive again without the constant fear of being pulled over and having to potentially explain why I was driving even though she didn’t have a license, and I head out the door.
If Astrid and I were going to have the fresh start that we so desperately needed, I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that. If mum still insisted on holding onto this vendetta against her that’s had her in a chokehold for the past few years, then I knew the ties I’d have to cut. No matter how difficult. I just hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t have to come to that.
◆◆◆
I pull into the driveway and thankfully, her car is still parked there. Not that’d you’d ever miss it, it was puss yellow. Even though I knew this was for the best, I still couldn’t help but feel nervous at the prospect of seeing her. I know I stood up to her before, but that was because I was under the protection of Astrid’s body. I felt like I could finally say how I felt because I was hidden like a kid behind a keyboard. However, I knew today was different. It had been a long time coming and Astrid was right, I needed to grow some balls. It was also made slightly more awkward by the fact that I’d been declining her calls over the past few days. So much so that my voicemail was now completely blocked, and there was no way that I was going to sit through endless messages. I didn’t need to be a psychic to know that nearly all of them would have contained some sort of angry lecture.
Swallowing a breath, I get out of the car and head over to the front door. Before I can even knock, she’s spotted me through the living room window and bolts around the corner to open the door.
“ Theodore Jessop! Where have you been? Why haven’t you been answering any of my calls?!” she asks frantically, grabbing my arm and ushering me into the hallway.
I couldn’t believe that I was saying it, but for the first time, I was actually glad to hear that name.
“Mum.” I say, gesturing her to calm down, “I think we need to sit and have a chat.”
Her face grows worried as she flaps her arms about, “Oh my god, are you unwell? Is that why you haven’t replied because you didn’t want to worry me? Don’t leave me in suspense Theo, I’ve been driving myself bonkers!”
I take her hands and steady them, “No, no. Mum, I’m fine. It’s about me and Astrid. ”
Changing her demeanor entirely now, she sighs in relief. “I never thought I’d say it, but thank god that’s what you want to talk about.”
She offers me a cup of tea, but I decline. I had under an hour to say my piece. We sit down on the sofa and she looks almost…guilty.
“Theo.” she says, putting a hand on my thigh before I can even say anything. “About the other day, I’m sorry . I didn’t mean to show you up like that or embarrass Astrid. I was just upset.”
I pause, “I don’t think it’s me who you need to be apologizing to.”
She gulps with a nod.
“Mum, I’ve always given you the benefit of the doubt. I’ve always listened to both sides of the story, and I’ve always tried to play devil’s advocate so I don’t upset you. But I realise now that whilst I was busy trying to avoid disappointing you, I’ve been hurting Astrid instead.”
A silence passes, but I can tell that she’s listening.
“Look. I know that you both don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye, and Astrid is aware that she isn’t perfect. But she’s had a lot going on. Before we moved in together, she practically saw you as her second mum.”
I notice the tears beginning to pool around her eyes as I say it .
“It was a shitty time for her. Not only did her parents move to the other side of the world, but she then had the added pressure of trying to impress everyone at her new job, whilst also trying to manage a house. Yet, she still held it together, for us. Do you know, she still doesn’t know why you suddenly decided to drop her like that? And neither do I. It was a spiteful thing to do, she looked up to you, and she needed you.”
Her breath catches, and the tears begin to flow down her face. The last thing I wanted to do was to make my own mum cry, but this is what she needed to hear. It had been a long time coming.
“Constantly making unwarranted comments about her appearance, sticking your nose in our relationship, even manipulating me into thinking that we should start thinking about kids when she’s not even ready and neither am I? It’s just not on mum. I know that her behaviour at the wedding was crap, and trust me, she regrets it more than anything. But it was the fact that as soon as you realised something was wrong with the rings, you went straight for Astrid. You never even stopped to consider that it might have been me? I was an idiot. I was too afraid to tell you that’d I’d fucked up the wedding cake. I let you blame her, and that’s why she was so pissed at me. She spent the whole day trying to make sure she got you the best possible one, and she spent hours trying to fix the mess that I’d made. Granted, lobbing a cake is a bit of an extreme reaction…but I could see why she was so angry, mum. She worked so hard to try and make it a special day for you, and you just threw it back in her face.”
“I-I’m sorry .” She whispers, grabbing some Kleenex and wiping her eyes. “I don’t even know what else to say…I’ve been awful to her; I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it over the past few days. Not hearing from you made me feel physically ill Theo, I don’t want to push you away, either of you.” She blows her nose into the tissue, “Not that there’s any reasonable excuse, but I felt left behind when you and Astrid first moved in together, like I wasn’t needed any more. I always swore that I’d never be one of those toxic ‘boy mum’s’ who notoriously hated her son’s partner, but the more time you spent away from home, I guess the more isolated I felt. But I realise now that I shouldn’t have ever punished Astrid for that. When everything went wrong with the engagement as well, my heart just absolutely broke for you Theo. I hated seeing my world get hurt, but that’s still no reason. God. I’ve been horrible.” The river has fully burst it’s banks and the tears are pouring down her face at rapid speed.
It was my turn to place a warm hand on her knee now, “Deep down, I think Astrid really wants to start afresh with you, mum. You know what, actually, she needs you to start afresh with her, and so do I.”
Her eyes widen, “are you both staying together?”
I smile, “I know you’ll likely call us crazy for giving it another go. But we talked everything through last night and I feel like the hugest weight has been lifted. We’re happy mum. We didn’t communicate properly, and we didn’t know what we both wanted, but now we do.”
She lets out a faint, teary, smile, “Couple’s counselling sounded like it worked then?”
A part of me wants to believe that it did. After all, if it hadn’t had been for Dr Sheridan’s advice to spend more quality time together, we never would have gone to Giovanni’s and Astrid would never have met Darla. But the majority of me knows that if it hadn’t had been for Darla’s spell, nothing would have been resolved.
“It did to an extent.” I reply, obviously not wanting to elaborate, “but we’ve also had the opportunity to work on ourselves.”
“And you think you’re both ready for what that means?” she asks, but not in a passive way, more of a kind inquisitiveness.
My smile reaches my eyes as she flashes through my mind. “I really do.”
She gently rubs a reassuring hand on my knee, “Then I’m so happy for you both. ”
“Really?” I ask.
“Absolutely.” She grins. “And I’m going to make things right with Astrid I promise. I know I can’t expect her to forgive me straight away or that things will instantly go back to the way they were before, but I’m hoping that we can take baby steps at least.”
I pass her another tissue for the lone tear that has streamed down her cheek, “I know that you can.”