Chapter 16
Ceri
Ilay in bed, staring at the ceiling that I’d been looking at for over an hour now.
It had taken all night to calm my father and finally get him to sleep, assuring him that I was safe and that the trial had gone fine.
Then I’d heard raucous laughter filling the streets and realized it was Marsten and the other contestants, all of them drunk out of their minds.
More people that I would lose out on relationships with because I couldn’t go out with them.
That wasn’t even the main concern occupying my mind tonight.
In the dark of my room, I should have been worrying about Father, about these trials, about why Castle had wanted us to find that lantern and what it had to do with becoming queen. I should’ve been thinking about the upcoming trials. About how terrifying it had been to see Liadan disappear.
But no. I was not thinking about any of those things.
My mind was stuck on the moment Cillian had grabbed me, wrapped his arms around me, and looked at me like he wanted to kiss me.
The image of his eyes, so tender and full of longing, played in a loop in my mind.
My hands drifted down to my waist to where he’d gripped me tight.
It was like a glimpse of the old Cillian.
The one I’d known before he’d become high prince.
It was the look he’d given me the day that crown had appeared over his head, when he’d come to my dress shop, grabbed my hands, and told me he had to tell me something.
I’d been so sure he was about to tell me he had feelings for me.
If he had, I would’ve told him I felt the same.
But before he could speak again, the golden crown appeared.
Everything changed after that. He was still caring and funny and my best friend, but he was also less . . . I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what changed when he was crowned high prince, but something had switched in him.
Over the years, I’d convinced myself I had imagined it all. That there had never been growing feelings between us, that nothing had been shifting before that fateful day. That Cillian had never intended to court me.
But when he’d grabbed me like that tonight and looked at me like he had, it had taken me back in time, and now I couldn’t stop thinking about it, wondering what had gotten into him in that moment.
My hands curled into fists at my sides. I had to stop thinking about this. There was no world in which Cillian and I could be together. In another life, one where he’d never become high prince . . . maybe. But there was no other life. Only this one.
I couldn’t abandon my father to become queen. He was terrified of the sentient palace and refused to set foot in it.
Besides, I didn’t have feelings for Cillian. I’d grown out of those childish emotions, and even if I hadn’t, Cillian didn’t have feelings for me. He’d likely gotten swept up in the moment, and now I was overthinking as usual.
A rustling sound came from my window, and I shot up in bed, still for only a moment before instinct kicked in.
I reached under my bed to grab the club I kept in case we had an intruder.
It wasn’t likely in a town that was hidden from the world, but I liked to be prepared.
If someone thought they could break into my home and steal from me or my father, I’d quickly show them how wrong they were.
I held the club up, tiptoeing toward the open window, a cool breeze brushing past my face.
My heart pounded to the rhythm of each step I took, the floorboards groaning under my feet.
I flattened myself against the wall next to my window and stopped breathing entirely, holding the club steady, ready to whack whoever came through.
It was probably just an animal, but if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to protect our home.
A figure fell into my room, and I let out a cry and swung back the club, about to knock the intruder over the head, when Cillian rolled over, eyes wide as he held out his hands.
“Hey, it’s just me!”
I froze, club still held in the air as I stared in shock at the high prince.
“Cillian,” I hissed. “What are you doing here? I almost just clubbed you to death.”
“Not holding the club like that.” He came to a stand, a few dark strands of hair falling over his forehead, and his gaze briefly dipped to my cleavage, on full display in my little silk nightgown. “Your grip and angle are all wrong, Cerriwen.”
I scoffed. “Oh, because you know so much about clubbing people?”
“I do, actually. All against my will. You know how Wolfe is obsessed with forcing me and Nevan to train with him.” He moved behind me, and my body flushed with heat.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he moved closer, his firm chest pressing against my back.
I struggled to catch my breath as his hand glided up my arm and closed over the fist that was tightened around the handle.
We didn’t touch like this. If he ever did touch me, it was always a quick brush of a finger or a hand.
Maybe an arm slung around my shoulder like I was one of his brothers.
This felt far too intimate, and my head was spinning so much I wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Move your grip farther up,” he commanded. His other hand went to my waist, searing me through my silk nightgown, the thin fabric not nearly enough of a barrier between us. “And adjust your hips so they’re pivoted, facing your attacker.”
“Cillian, this really isn’t necessary—”
“Then you bring down the club.” He guided the club down and toward the ground. “Just like that.”
We didn’t move for a minute, just standing there with my body molded to his so that I felt far too much of him, so that I wanted to lean in more—No. No. No. No.
I cleared my throat and stepped away, turning to face him.
“It’s a heavy, wooden object. I’m fairly certain that even if my grip is too low and my hips aren’t at the right angle, I’m still going to do some damage.
” I hoped my airy tone didn’t betray my pounding heart, and I was glad the darkness hid my flushed cheeks.
He shot me a smile, and I realized so much of the worry, the weight I’d been seeing on him these last few days, had lifted. He looked lighter, more at ease.
I narrowed my gaze. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?”
He snorted. “Want to hear a bedtime story?”
* * *
We lay side by side on the roof, staring at the stars.
I turned my head. “You shouldn’t be here. It might make the other contestants jealous. There’s no point in winning a date if the high prince is just going to sneak out to see the competition.”
Cillian’s hands were folded across his stomach, his face angled toward the sky, giving me a full view of his perfectly sculpted cheekbone and jawline. “Oh, yes, you mean all the contestants clamoring to marry me? Like the cat who is only attracted to those who can lick their own balls?”
I snorted, laughter bubbling out of me.
“Or how about the woman who bursts into tears every time she looks at me? Or how about the faerie who has almost set me on fire with her hair approximately a hundred times?”
I flicked his arm. “Okay, I see your point.”
“These trials are a joke. Only I’m not getting the punchline. I don’t understand what Castle is playing at. But I guess I’m just along for the ride.” He rolled to his side, his blue eyes searing into me. “Either way, I don’t think anyone is going to lose too much sleep over me visiting you.”
“And why are you visiting me at this time of night?”
Moonlight shone over his pale skin, lighting him in its bluish hue, making him look more otherworldly than he already did.
Cillian was objectively one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever seen.
It wasn’t just me who thought that. Everyone agreed—from his dark wavy hair to his striking blue eyes to his straight, strong nose and high cheekbones. He was flawless.
“Ceri?” he asked.
“What?” My gaze snapped to meet his. “What was that?”
His eyes crinkled, amusement flashing in them. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.” I looked back up at the night sky. “Of course I am.”
“So . . . are you going to answer my question?”
I cleared my throat, not daring to look at him. “I’m not answering your question until you answer mine.”
“C’mon,” he said, “how are you feeling after tonight?”
I wished I could give an honest answer, but since I’d spent all night thinking about him and nothing else, I wasn’t even sure how I was feeling.
“Liadan disappeared, Cillian. She got eliminated and just disappeared, and then Morton had the gall to tell us this was all part of the trials, that nobody should panic because everything is going according to plan.”
“I know,” he said. “We’re going to find her. First thing tomorrow, I’ll be sending out guards to scour the mountainside.”
“What if she’s not on the mountain?” I asked. “What if she’s . . .” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Castle wouldn’t do that. Yes, it’s disappeared people in the past, but usually there was a reason behind it. They were people who were actively trying to sabotage Fairwitch Isle. There’s been accidents over the years, like the older woman who opened a door to nothing and fell out of it.”
To her death. I shuddered at the memory of that.
“But it wouldn’t just kill Liadan. She has to be somewhere. And we will find her.”
I swallowed thickly, my voice coming out in a tremble. “What if I disappear? Who’s going to take care of Papa?”
Cillian grabbed my hand, his so big and warm, this touch different from the one in my room—still intimate, but in a comforting way, a way I was used to from Cillian. “I will. I already know what to feed him, I know when to walk him, and I know when to give him his medicine.”
“You make him sound like a pet!” I let go of Cillian’s hand to swat him, even though my heart swelled at his words. “That’s kind of you, but you can’t care for my father as the high prince.”
“I can and I will.”
I took a shuddering breath.
“But you’re not going to disappear. I won’t let you. If that magic starts swirling around you, I’ll grab you, and I’ll hold tight. If you’re going, I am too.”
My head snapped to look at him. “No.” I rolled so now we were both on our sides, facing each other. “If something happens to me, you have to stay and find someone to care for Papa. Promise me, Cillian. He can’t be alone.”
Cillian swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I promise.”
I didn’t want to think about this anymore, especially when I felt so helpless.
I needed to turn my mind to something else, something that wasn’t Cillian’s body pressed against mine and the way the area between my legs pulsed at the contact.
“So how was your date?” I asked. “I believe I was promised a bedtime story.”
“Well, it involved a live fish and an angry butcher,” Cillian said.
I laughed, which made him laugh, and then we were both laughing.
“What happened?” I finally said when I regained control over my words.
His eyes darkened, the humor leaving them. “I have to tell you something.”
My insides froze. That didn’t sound good. “What?”
“Meera and I visited Amaria.”
I jolted upright. “What?”
Cillian sat up as well, looking around and shushing me.
“You left Fairwitch Isle?” I hissed. “Do you know how dangerous that is? What if someone saw you portal into Amaria? You know the brotherhood has spies everywhere.”
“I know.” Cillian shoved a hand through his thick hair. “I know that. I’m normally more careful.”
“What does that mean? Have you left before?”
He winced. “No. Of course not.”
“Why did you leave tonight?”
“Because Meera wanted to go fishing. So we went to the sea.”
“Sounds like the perfect date for a cat.”
His jaw ticked. “Cerriwen, I think I saw Lor.”
My mouth dropped open. Lor. Cillian’s older brother who we’d thought was dead until a few years ago when he was spotted.
With the brotherhood. Our enemy, the people actively trying to destroy us, and Lor Wolfgang wasn’t just helping them—he was one of their leaders, known as the Butcher of the Brotherhood.
It had been a punch to the gut for everyone.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
He nodded. “What if he’s trying to find us?”
“That’s exactly what we don’t want,” I said. “If he finds us, he’ll lead the brotherhood to our city. The same brotherhood that’s trying to find Fairwitch Isle so they can conquer us and take our castle. Our magic.”
“I know. I know.” Cillian swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “But what if he wasn’t trying to lead them to us? What if he’s on our side somehow?”
I laid my hand over his. “Cillian, we all miss Lor, but that’s a huge assumption to make. A huge risk to take.”
His shoulders slumped, but he nodded. “Okay. Sure, you’re right.”
I lay back down, and so did Cillian, his shoulder barely touching mine. “You should go,” I said. “Get some rest.”
He was silent for a moment before he said, “No. I’m good right here,” not taking his eyes from the sky, his shoulder pressing ever so gently into mine.