Chapter 25
Cillian
Iwished I hadn’t taken that entire bottle of heartstopper.
That was the only thing currently running through my mind as everyone and everything disappeared around me and Ceri, the garden transforming back to its normal self—except for the white tent set up in the middle, filled with plush pillows, wine, fruit, and cheese.
It was surrounded by flowers, trees, and trimmed bushes.
I shot a look at Ceri from the side of my eye, and without even thinking, said, “Race you.”
“We’re not five, Cillian,” she said before she took off, yelling over her shoulder, “but if we were, I’d definitely trick you into thinking I didn’t want to race so I could beat you!”
I smiled and ran after her, gaining on her as she clutched the skirt of her dress in both fists, racing toward the tent.
“Oh no you don’t,” I called after her, getting close enough to reach out and grab her arm right as she was about to enter and win the race.
Ceri wasn’t the only one who was competitive.
Actually, I was only ever competitive with her, mainly because it was far too entertaining beating her and riling her up in the process.
She shrieked as my hand wrapped around her arm, and she yanked from my grasp, the momentum causing her to tumble down onto the pillows as I went with her, landing hard on top of her.
Both of us breathed heavy, neither moving, just staring at each other while I memorized every single curve of her body underneath mine.
I’d had many women underneath me except the one I’d always wanted the most. The one I could never have, and if this was the only time I got to experience this, I was going to savor it.
Her brown eyes traveled over my face like she was trying to work out one of her puzzles.
“I’m sorry,” we said at the same time.
“You go first—”
“No, you—”
I put a finger against her mouth. Otherwise this might go on for eternity.
She swallowed thickly, which was exactly when I realized my finger was touching her mouth.
Those lips. Godwitches, those lips. I’d been thinking about them far more lately than I should have been.
Likely because of all the issues I’d been having with my tonic.
“My turn to talk,” I said, voice coming out lower, more gravelly than I intended. “I should never have said those things, and I am truly sorry that I hurt you. I know Lor and your father aren’t the same. I just . . . I miss my brother.”
It hadn’t even been about my brother. More about the guilt of what I was truly doing, risking everything so I could get this damn tonic.
She took my finger and removed it from her mouth, dragging it down so that I got the full effect of her plump lip sliding against my skin. My cock jolted, Ceri having no idea the effect this was having on me as she said, “I know. I’m sorry too. For judging you like that. For what I said.”
Guilt swept me up in a current I couldn’t escape. If she knew why I really left Fairwitch Isle, it would be so much worse. She’d never forgive me for putting all of us at risk to get high.
That was what Lor had called it. I was still reeling from the fact that I’d gotten so high off all that medicine I’d completely imagined Lor.
I was starting to wonder if I’d ever actually seen him at all or if my use of heartstopper for over a decade was finally catching up to me, wreaking havoc on my brain and my body.
I had this sudden urge to tell Ceri all of it. Every single thing. To beg for her forgiveness and fight . . . and maybe make up afterward. My gaze traveled to her lips, those pink, perfect lips. Godwitches, I was losing control, and I hated it.
“Cillian?” she asked. “Are you going to get off me now?”
Fuck. I quickly sat up, running my fingers through my hair and attempting to straighten my white tunic while hiding the erection pressing against my trousers. Ceri slowly sat up, her curls a mess of tangles, her yellow dress rumpled. She looked perfect, and I wanted to tell her.
Fuck. No. What was I thinking? I couldn’t tell her that.
We couldn’t be more than friends. I knew this.
I’d known it could never work between us, and yet now, suddenly, I was losing all the control I’d held on to so tightly.
I swallowed, my hand going to my pocket where the empty vial was.
I couldn’t get more. That was ridiculous.
I’d taken the entire dose yesterday. I’d probably kill myself if I got more.
Plus Fargus was still avoiding me, and there was no world in which Meera would help me again. And now Siobhan was gone.
“Are you okay?” Ceri was studying me, alarm flashing in her eyes.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I asked. I could handle it from everyone else, but not from Ceri.
I just wanted our playful, easy relationship back, the one I could enjoy without getting too involved, too emotional. I squeezed my eyes shut as a dizzying wave took over.
“Cillian!” Ceri grabbed my arm to steady me. “You’re ill. Let me fetch Enid—”
“No!” I said and took a steadying breath. “I’m all right. Today has been a lot.”
Her brows furrowed. “You mean with Siobhan disappearing like that?”
Yes, perfect. Let her think I was worried about Siobhan. “Exactly. I can’t believe she’s gone. Her mother is going to have a fit.”
A stony expression slipped over Ceri’s face. “I didn’t realize you two were so close.”
I reached out for a strawberry and popped it into my mouth. Food. Food was good. “What can I say? Our date last night was illuminating.”
Ceri grabbed the bottle of wine and took a drink straight from it.
I arched a brow. “So it’s going to be one of those days?”
She finished taking a drink and wiped her mouth. “Why not? We have this beautiful spread. It’s a beautiful day. Let’s make the most of it.”
I was temporarily distracted from my own problems as I stared at the wild look in those brown eyes. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Another contestant just disappeared, and we still have no idea why. Have your guards found anything?”
I shook my head. “Harriet’s been searching outside the border of Fairwitch Isle, but she’s seen no signs of them.”
Ceri held up the bottle. “Then I think we could both use some of this today.”
I’d always been careful not to get drunk around Ceri, afraid I’d lose control and let something slip that would ruin our friendship, ruin everything. But I was already losing control, and if she got drunk along with me, it was likely neither of us would remember today.
This tonic didn’t seem to be working anymore, not with how my body and heart had been responding to Ceri lately. So why not try alcohol? Just today. One day with my best friend where we could get lost in a bottle of wine and let loose.
Tomorrow I’d face the consequences. I grabbed my own bottle and held it high. “Bottom’s up,” I said as I took a drink.