Chapter 34
Cillian
Ceri placed her hand in mine, and I swept her up in my arms as we whirled around the ballroom.
“You’re looking lovely. Where’d you get the dress?”
She rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched, and that was the moment I knew she’d already forgiven me.
“You’re not looking so bad yourself. Especially for someone who’s spent the last few weeks in bed.” She squinted. “Though I do spot a wrinkle.”
“Cerriwen Morgane, we don’t joke about wrinkles.”
She lifted a finger and brushed it over a spot above my eyebrow. “Right there.”
I blinked, dazed at how the simplest brush of her finger could send shockwaves through my body. “Maybe wrinkles aren’t so bad after all.”
“Maybe not. I also see some gray in your hair.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Oh please.” She shook her head, golden curls luminous and bouncing.
We continued to twirl to the music, the energy between us feeling different, crackling. Maybe it had always felt this way but I’d been too numb to notice. Or maybe something had shifted.
“We both know that you will only look better as you age. It’s something about you Wolfgang brothers.” She winked. “Besides, I wouldn’t mind seeing a little gray in those dark waves.”
“I’m sorry, did you just wink at me?”
She flashed me a dazzling smile, both dimples peeking out, her entire face lit up and stunning, and it was hard to believe I’d ever wanted to numb the way my heart pounded at the sight of her, at the feel of her in my arms.
“That’s my move, you know,” I said.
She gave me an exasperated look, the kind she always gave when I said something ridiculous. “Your move?”
I nodded. “Yes, everyone knows I’ve perfected the wink. You stole my move.”
“You do know that you’re not the only one who winks, don’t you? If memory serves, Marsten winked at me earlier tonight.”
“That may be, but I have the best wink. Melts hearts.” I leaned in and lowered my voice, feeling bold. “And panties.”
Ceri sucked in a sharp breath, eyes flashing with heat, and that emboldened me further. I didn’t care about the trials, about Castle’s plans, about anything but this woman in my arms and letting her know that I wanted her to be mine if she’d allow it.
But I couldn’t declare my feelings for her until I’d gotten something out of the way first.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry for what I did.”
Her face sobered. “I know.”
“Are you angry with me?”
“Yes,” she said. “Mostly I’m just sad that you’ve spent the last decade numbing yourself, missing out on everything. All our games, our jokes, our adventures, and you didn’t feel any of it.”
I swallowed. “Not exactly. The heartstopper didn’t drown out every feeling all the time. It just made them more manageable. But I know it was selfish. I know I put us all at risk, and I hate myself for it.”
She moved her hand to my cheek and forced me to look her in the eye. “You don’t need to hate yourself, Cillian. You need to forgive yourself and do better like you promised all of Fairwitch you would.”
“I know. I will. I’m going to work at healing.”
Her gaze softened and her hand dropped. I already missed the warmth of it against my skin. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
I dipped her, and her eyes danced. “For always being there for me.” I righted us, loving the way her cheeks were flushed. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
Her eyes crinkled. “That’s funny because there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
A grin came to my face. I’d been right. Something had shifted tonight. I didn’t know why on Ceri’s part, but I’d find out. “Maybe it’s the same thing?”
She winked again. “Maybe.”
That wink went straight to my cock. “Listen, we’ve been friends—best friends—for a long time, and I don’t want anything to ruin that. Ever.”
“No, me neither,” Ceri said absently as she studied something on the floor between our feet.
I cleared my throat. “I want to reassure you that no matter what happens, we’ll always have our friendship. That will never change.”
“Uh-huh.” She’d stopped moving, and we stood still among a crowd of dancing couples. “I need you to come with me,” she said abruptly, still looking down at our feet.
“Uh, okay. I’m trying to tell you something—”
She grabbed my hand and began pulling me through the crowd. I nodded at people in apology as we pushed and barreled past them. One couple leapt out of the way.
“Ceri, you should probably watch where you’re going—”
A floating tray dodged to the left right before Ceri’s head bumped into it. She wasn’t even looking up.
“This is getting weird—”
“Shh,” she said. “I’m focusing.”
She yanked to the left, pushing through more people, some of them glaring as I waved and smiled. “Sorry about that.” I leaned forward and whisper shouted, “You are worrying me, Cerriwen. If you could maybe let me know what we’re doing—”
We burst free of the crowd, and she let go of my hand, her pace quickening, and I had to jog to catch up.
“What in the godwitches’ name are you doing?” I asked, but she didn’t answer.
Still looking at the ground, mumbling to herself. I thought I heard, “A good queen must find the heart of her people.”
That sounded familiar. Was it what Morton had said at the start of this trial?
The crowd was farther away now, the music fading into the background as we approached the other end of the throne room behind the dais, lined with tall pillars that Ceri marched toward with more purpose.
At this point, all I could do was follow and hope that she’d explain what was going on. She never took her eyes off the ground as she disappeared between two of the pillars and was shrouded in darkness.
I followed her, my eyes needing to adjust to the dim lighting, a soft glow coming from the flickering sconces hanging on the walls. Ceri stood in front of an alcove with a statue of Fairwitch pointing at a woman who knelt before them, head bowed in reverence.
“Who is this?” Ceri asked, turning.
I scratched my head. “I haven’t the faintest clue. I think it’s Fairwitch with one of her servants. A faerie if I had to guess.”
When I’d first become high prince, I’d gotten an eight-hour-long tour of the castle from one of our historians, and I’d stopped paying attention to anything he said after the first hour.
“What are we doing back here?” I asked, glancing at all the alcoves carved into the back wall, each with a statue of a different godwitch. Depictions of moments in history.
She stood in front of the statue and reached out to trail a finger over the faerie’s cheek. “I’m trying to win this trial.”
“That’s much less fun than what I was hoping for.”
She pointed at the ground. “Don’t those look like arrows to you? I saw them while we were dancing, and I remembered Morton’s words. I thought maybe they were leading us to something.”
I stepped out of the darkness, glancing at the floor and seeing what looked like arrowhead imprints.
“Those have been here since the castle was built,” I said, turning.
“This was actually one part of the tour I paid attention to. Apparently, it was the Fair Folk who built this castle for Fairwitch, and Fairwitch wanted nothing but perfection.” I came to a stand next to Ceri, studying the arrowhead pattern that trailed right up to the statue.
“Apparently, Fairwitch had just killed the Fair Folk queen, one that Fairwitch had declared as illegitimate. The Fair Folk were angry and had no way of fighting back. Except this.”
She raised a thick blond brow. “An arrowhead?”
“They chiseled them into the marble, knowing the imperfections would anger Fairwitch. If you look close enough, these types of errors are all over the castle. Little mistakes like one wall painted a different color than the rest or a stained-glass window that’s upside down.
” I gestured to the arrowheads. “Or these.”
“Oh.” Ceri’s brows furrowed. “I thought maybe I was onto something. That I’d seen a clue.”
I turned her and gently pushed her against the ledge of the alcove where the statue sat. “And here I was thinking that maybe you wanted to get me alone.”
She met my gaze, and a fire ignited in my belly at the way her mahogany eyes flashed. “And why would you think that?”
“I was trying to tell you something before you went on your quest, and I think you know what.”
“How would I know?” She raised her chin, challenging and stubborn. She wasn’t going to make this easy on me.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But I do know you. And you know me. I think we might know each other better than anyone. And something was different tonight. Between us. Tell me you felt it too.”
She stayed silent, just watching, waiting, and I knew it was time.
“I love you, Ceri. I’ve loved you probably my whole life, and I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t. It’s been killing me. Literally.”
Her eyes welled with tears.
“I should’ve told you sooner, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I thought I was being selfless by not admitting my true feelings. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship at first and then, well, I thought with me being high prince, it would be far too complicated.”
She burst out into tears, and I stiffened.
Fuck. “You don’t have to return my feelings. I will always be here for you no matter what.” I grabbed her shoulders, rubbing gently. “Nothing will change. I promise.”
She took a few heaving breaths, and I swallowed thickly. I’d keep my promise, but that didn’t mean this wouldn’t hurt worse than anything I’d felt before. I’d read this situation completely wrong. She didn’t return my feelings, and I’d just complicated everything—exactly like I was afraid I would.
“Ceri, it’s going to be okay. Let’s just get back to the dance floor and forget—”
Before I could finish, her mouth crashed into mine.
I stiffened at first, wondering if I was dreaming this, if I should pinch myself in case this wasn’t real. But then her mouth was pushing mine open, and I sprang back to life. She moaned, the sound undoing me as I wrapped my arms around her and brought her flush against my body.
“Fuck, Ceri,” I murmured against her lips.
“In case it wasn’t abundantly clear, I love you too, Cillian Wolfgang.”