Chapter 10 #2
He stands there, waiting for further clarification, but neither of us can explain the manic outburst.
“We have less than four hours total to give you a marginal chance of survival. If you don’t care enough about your own lives to pay attention, consider the lives of your fellow soldiers.”
His prior warning resurfaces. “Soldiers can’t afford to feel. We are one distraction away from death.”
I won’t be the distraction that costs Gem her life. The reminder is enough to sober me as I wipe the tears from my face. “Okay.”
“Let’s start with the first technique.” Kalden tilts his head toward Gem. “Punch her face.”
“What?” My brows pinch together as I give him a look that questions his sanity.
“I’m not asking you to hurt her,” he says, drawing out the words as if to aid my comprehension. “Throw your fist slowly, so she can practice dodging.”
“Oh,” I say, cheeks burning. “Right.”
Once Gem and I adjust our stances, I lazily swing my arm, knuckles aiming towards her nose. Gem squats straight down, away from my attack, but Kalden shakes his head.
“Bending down without sliding back or to the side keeps you vulnerable for the next attack. Remember, it’s all about adding distance between you and your opponent.
Like this.” Kalden does a two-step shuffle backward while bending at the waist and lifting his arms to block his face.
He repeats the move, explaining, “Keep one leg behind the other and your arms in tight. Again.”
After our seventh run-through, he relents, “Better. Now switch places.”
Sweat beads down my neck as I mimic the technique. The quick bending motion sloshes my brain, and by my fourth try, I swear the mat beneath my feet begins to ripple like a wave.
“Woah.” Gem rushes to grab my wrist, stabilizing me. It takes a few measured breaths before I can focus on her downturned face. “Do we need to take it slower?”
“Your opponents will not make accommodations,” Kalden says matter-of-factly.
Gem shifts defensively in front of me, but I step around her to admit, “I know.”
The admission weighs on my hunched shoulders.
I’m well aware that no Sol will take it easier on me simply because I require it.
We’re already practicing at a pace that’s far more leisurely than what we’re likely to encounter.
And if I can’t hack this, I’ll be done for within seconds of a true attack.
I don’t want to die, but perhaps it’s time I come to terms with the inevitability of it. Hands shaking, I massage my scalp as the tension in my throat threatens to suffocate me.
Kalden assesses my trembling fingers, then my face. I imagine what he sees there: taut lines along my forehead and deep under-eye hollows beneath hooded lids.
I’ve had many years to shape a facade. A polite smile will trick the eyes of many into ignoring the subtler signs of my weakness. Only those who care to do an attentive examination will catch the evidence of my pain. Lucky for me, few care.
Kalden, however, takes his time. A single black brow raises as he studies me thoroughly.
“If a simple practice round has this much of an impact on your stamina, relying on the standard evasion techniques against your enemies will lead to your death,” he says, confirming what I already suspected.
“No,” Gem says, reaching out to grab my hand in hers. “I won’t let that happen.”
Her rare initiation of physical contact is a gesture of solidarity meant to bring reassurance. Instead, it tightens the knot in my throat.
“I won’t let you go down with me.” I squeeze her hand back. “If anything, I can provide a distraction while you hide. It’s worked for others before.”
She shakes her head, refusing to accept what I’m proposing. “There’s got to be another way.”
“Your opponents won’t make accommodations—” Kalden starts, but Gem cuts in, jade eyes sharpening like daggers.
“You already said that.”
Kalden ignores the interruption. “But you can make your own. The usual techniques will fail you, but there are . . . other methods that may prove useful in prolonging your time above ground.”
He briefly meets Gem’s scalding gaze and nudges his head towards the others.
“Keep practicing your dodges. Those of you taking the offensive position, stop holding back. Strike as quickly as you can. No more waiting for your partner to catch their breath or slowing your punches. Your opponent won’t stop, so neither should you. ”
Gem hesitates at my side. “I’m not letting Orelle train alone.”
Kalden’s eyelids twitch, and I get the feeling he’s trying not to roll his eyes. “She won’t. I’ll train her separately.”
“Why not teach all of us these other methods?”
“Because what you’re learning is more effective for those without physical limitations.”
Gem still doesn’t budge. “What about my head? Doesn’t that count as a physical limitation?”
Kalden sighs, like he’s dealing with a petulant child.
“It does, but you seem to be handling yourself well enough with the basic maneuvers. As long as you drink plenty of water during our last few meals and avoid strenuous activity outside of training, your youth should lend itself to an adequate recovery.”
“Fine,” Gem relents, then shoots one last warning glance before partnering up with Twilynn.
Kalden stalks off towards the farthest corner of the room.
Assuming he intends for me to follow, I trail behind, lowering my tone to ask, “Why do we need to be this far from the others?”
Those eerie eyes trail down to my hand. My right hand—the one I’d exposed to the sun. In the tunnel, I’d feared he glimpsed the glow of my treacherous veins, but he’d given no indication of it.
Until now.
My breath catches as I plead to the shadows that I’m wrong.
“You felt the sun’s kiss, didn’t you?” Kalden asks. “I saw the light flaring through your fingers.”
Though his voice is low, I glance over my shoulder while wracking my brain for any excuse. “I . . . I spilled some bioluminescent liquid. Last night. Our lantern . . . I was refilling it and got some on my hand.”
It’s not even a good lie. The glow emanating from within me had been a brilliant, near-white gold. Not violet.
A muscle ticks in Kalden’s jaw. “You and I both know that isn’t true.”
“Of course it is.” A hurried tone threads through my whisper. “If I’d been exposed, I wouldn’t be talking to you now, would I?”
The beginnings of a smirk lifts one side of his lips before he leans in to say, “Once again, we both know you’re lying.”
“Then why are you asking if you already know?” I snap as quietly as possible, stepping into his personal space.
His pupils constrict.
Sweat buds in my palms, and I try to step back.
Kalden grabs my wrist, lifting it between us. His touch is warm, almost uncomfortably so, as he studies my fingers like he can still see the evidence of my treason.
“What did you feel?” He taps the center of my palm. “In here?”
I squirm, but his grip remains firm. “I didn’t—”
“I haven’t told anyone, nor do I plan on it. I’m trying to help you, but I need you to be honest with me.”
Prickled nerves raise hairs up and down my arms as I recall the tingle of energy that I’d been so sure would spread throughout the rest of my body, mutating it into something unrecognizable.
“I felt power. Almost like an itch that could only be scratched by releasing it.”
“Did you?” His voice is rougher than before—heady, almost.
“Did I what?” I breathe, intoxicated by the recollection, like I can still sense it.
Another gleam shines between Kalden’s thick lashes before he blinks, letting go of my wrist. “Did you release the power?”
Nose crinkling, I try to shake off the lingering warmth of his fingers. “Absolutely not. I don’t want to become a monster.”
“You don’t look like a monster to me.” Kalden dips his chin towards my hand. “Despite holding the power of the sun within your palm, you look very human.”
“I am human,” I insist, stuffing a balled fist into my dress pocket, only to remember there are no pockets in the skintight pants of the provided uniform. “I don’t know how or why, but the mutation didn’t spread. When I woke earlier tonight, the light was completely gone.”
Kalden peers over my shoulder at the others, who continue to spar while none the wiser to our treasonous conversation, then drops his voice lower. “What if I told you there’s a way to harness the sun’s power without sacrificing your humanity?”
I scoff. “I’d say you’re a worse liar than I am.”
“It isn’t a lie,” Kalden says firmly. “You can either choose to arm yourself or continue playing dumb for the sake of upholding misguided disarmament, even if it means getting yourself killed.”
I shake my head. “It’s not possible. Sun exposure mutates us into Sols.”
“Then explain what happened to you earlier,” he challenges.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe it’s gone dormant?”
Kalden squints as if searching beneath my skin. “You’d sense it if that kind of power remained within you.”
“Okay, well, maybe I wasn’t exposed for long enough.” Though it’s only a hunch, it would go against everything I’ve been taught, but what other explanation is there for why I’m still me?
A single brow lifts as Kalden considers my words. “So, you admit there’s a threshold of exposure that would, theoretically, make it possible for someone to channel the power for limited bursts of time without experiencing permanent mutating effects?”
I chew on the inside of my bottom lip while searching for any hint of deceit.
He doesn’t cower or shift uncomfortably under the weight of my scrutiny. Instead, his shoulders pull back, proud and tall. The set of his jaw and upward tilt of his chin project a confidence that he believes what he says is true. But how can he be so sure of this theory?
Unless it isn’t a theory.
Unless he’s already tested it and has firsthand proof.
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I ask, voice nearly inaudible over the pounding in my ears.
His head dips, but just barely.
My eyes unfocus as I consider how this could change everything. If he isn’t lying, and we can truly wield the sun without becoming what we fear, maybe the Sols will finally be the ones on the losing side of the Hunt’s death sentence.
And if he’s wrong . . .
I can’t let myself go down that path—not when this is my only feasible chance of getting myself, and hopefully Gem, through this alive.
I swallow, fighting to get the next words out, because if I speak them aloud, it means I’m really considering this. “And you’re sure I won’t become a Sol if I do this?”
Kalden nods, but it isn’t enough.
“Promise me I won’t turn into one of them.” I raise my hand between us once more, this time as a request.
A pulse promise is not to be taken lightly.
Touching the pulse point on the thumb side of your wrist to another’s is a profound act reserved for vows not intended to be broken.
I’ve only ever engaged in one once. With Gabe.
On the night of our wedding, we both vowed that it would be forever.
Little did I know that forever would end in twenty-four months.
Brows pressing downward, Kalden raises his wrist and crosses it against mine.
My mouth falls open as his heat singes away any lingering thoughts of my ex-husband.
Is his touch always like this?
Agonizingly warm? Invasive? Consuming?
Kalden rolls his tongue across the fullness of his bottom lip. The movement is swift—done in a blink—yet my breath hitches, eliciting the hint of a smile so brief, I’m almost convinced I imagined it.
If only I could write off my pounding heart as foolish imagination. Surely, he feels its rapid thrum pulsing against his skin, just as I can feel the steady beat of his.
“I vow to you, Orelle Bren, that you will not become a monster.”
He remembers my name—my full name. And the sound of it on his lips is so unlike the usual taunts I receive from other men that it takes me a moment to realize he’s saying more.
“—between us?” Kalden waits, expectant gaze on mine.
“Sorry,” I say as the fever from our joined wrists licks across my entire body, culminating in my cheeks. “Would you mind repeating that?”
His lucent irises glimmer. No matter how much of a stony facade he wears like a mask, the miniscule expressions in those molten eyes are his tells.
“Do you promise to keep what I reveal to you in our training between us?”
Only now do I pause to consider how much trust he’s putting in me.
We’re little more than strangers, and yet he’s confessed to experimenting with wielding the sun’s power—an unpardonable offense that could very well land him in the Abyss.
Granted, he could drag me down with him, now that I’ve confirmed my own exposure to the golden rays.
Withholding this from Gem won’t be easy. I can already feel her curiosity prickling the back of my neck. An interrogation awaits the second she gets me alone. I can’t guarantee she’ll accept my lies at face value.
“I vow to you, Kalden Tonalli, to keep your secret between us.”
Your secret. I can’t promise to keep Gem from discovering my secrets. But maybe I can give her a portion of the truth—one that doesn’t compromise Kalden.
Satisfied with my response, Kalden dips his chin, yet makes no effort to lower his wrist from mine for several more seconds.
The pulse beating against my skin accelerates.
Is it his, or mine? Both?
My arm presses more firmly against his, as if to discover the answer, but Kalden pulls away. A chill spreads across my skin in the absence of his heated touch.
I fold my arms tight against my chest, trying to disguise the shiver rocking through me as I ask, “Where do we start?”