Chapter Two
landon
One. Two . Three. Four. Five. Six . Se-ven. Eight .
I bopped my head and tapped my thigh to the constant rhythm of my mind while I leaned on our leased Range Rover, watching well-dressed people and musicians I’d seen around the circuits walk through the doors of the Brown Convention Center. Some we’d played for in the studio, some we’d backed up on the stage, and others we would never entertain. At least, that was what Cedrick, my co-founder of The Hollow Bones, boasted. He and I had started our band as teenagers, and we’d gone further than our wildest dreams. My tendency to get lost in the music made it easier for him to speak for the band and specifically for me in my bumbling moments, though I’d long been considered the leader. My quiet strength and impeccable skills on the guitar and the legacy of my musician parents deemed it so. Cedrick had been the first person who’d only noticed what I could do and not what kept me on the fringes when people gathered.
My observant gaze zeroed in on a maroon-haired woman, probably wearing a wig, standing outside the convention center with a black cowboy hat that matched her black fitted pantsuit. She was petite, and without the widening of her hips and round ass, she could’ve passed for a young girl. The glitter-heeled boots broke the monotonous black. I hated that I couldn’t see her face or even her profile. She’d been standing near the doors, wringing her hands, and from the movement of her head, she seemed to be talking to herself for way too long. Was she frustratedly waiting for someone before going inside? She dipped her head in a move I recognized as embarrassment when a couple walked past her to enter the doors.
Curiously, I observed her, wondering if we were kindred souls and if it were even possible to find someone like me. Watching. Waiting. Always hoping that no one noticed me. Was she a musician or a singer? Or maybe she was an invited guest of committee members and their friends and families, like me. And she dreaded going inside, like me, though it was my job.
Then the woman pulled out her phone and started talking, probably for her socials. Even from there, I could see she’d relaxed, and the spell had been broken. We were not kindred souls. She would never understand why I preferred solitude over people. Unreasonably, a stab of disappointment struck me. I shifted my thoughts to the familiar and resumed tapping my thigh to the constant rhythm in my head.
Despite an affluent upbringing in Brooklyn Heights, at sixteen, already a high school graduate, I’d been on my own struggling to make small change from playing my guitar on the streets of New York City and YouTube showcase videos. Until Cedrick Thomas, a pianist, only a year older than I was, messaged me. The rest, as they say, is history.
Cedrick and the rest of the band, Brian, Santiago, and Charles, had been inside the gala for probably an hour. I would eventually show my face, supporting my chosen family, Hollow Bones. I hated those parties. All parties, to be frank. Being social took far more energy than my brain had the capacity for. I never felt more alone or overwhelmed than in a crowd. The need to escape kept me from ever attending a sporting event or a concert in a stadium. Hats and my guitar were to me like Linus’s blanket was to him. When I couldn’t carry my guitar on my back, I didn’t know how to fit my square piece in the circle of normalcy.
Cedrick understood me, and as we’d carefully curated the rest of the band, musical genius by musical genius, he’d made sure they understood and accepted my eccentricities as well.
I tilted back my straw pork pie hat, my version of a cowboy hat, in honor of my first time performing at the rodeo and to fit the theme of tonight’s Black Heritage Gala of Glitz and Hats.
I’d only passed through Houston for a gig or two and didn’t know much about this city beyond oil fields, NASA, and Beyoncé. We’d been asked to perform two nights of the twenty-one-day-long event, and the band had decided to lease a home in the suburbs of Sugarland for a few days before to have the freedom to rehearse and practice for the show and our upcoming album. Our second album had vexed us creatively and artistically after our debut release three years ago broke records and amassed numerous awards, including two Grammys. More money and more fame followed. Yet we still glided underneath the radar as an unrecognizable band until we were together on stage.
Cedrick believed we were stunted out of fear of the sophomore jinx. I begged to differ. We were at a fork in the road and had to become a commercially successful or artistically grounded band. Unfortunately, rarely did the two meet, but when they did, those records were timeless. Think The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill , Off the Wall , or The Beatles’ last album, Abbey Road .
Winning awards hadn’t shifted the needle of my dreams as it had for Cedrick and the rest of the fellas. I’d never cared about fame or fortune. I didn’t require much. A place to lay my head and food to sustain my energy. I didn’t believe I’d ever marry or have a family, so more would be unnecessary. I couldn’t imagine a woman putting up with my simplicity when I had the money for complicated. Or be patient with my habits and my need to control my immediate environment. Or my obsession with any and everything music. Besides, women were still strangely foreign creatures to me. Their hypocrisies and beauty confounded me, especially my Juilliard-trained mother, Annalise, whose love for music and image kept her tethered to my equally brilliant yet deeply flawed father, Brandon Barrett Hayes.
My cell buzzed. I slid it out of the pocket of my dark slacks.
Dude, where are you? Everyone’s asking about you. No one cares about Hollow Bones without Landon Hayes.
I shook my head. Cedrick still believed gaslighting me worked. I replied,
Give me a few. Catching a vibe.
Of what? You’re standing outside the convention center in Houston.
The beauty of being a proud, card-carrying member of the introvert club was my ability to observe the world around me unobtrusively. Despite my height, my quiet presence allowed me to fade into the background like I had the power of invisibility. Cedrick would never notice the small, vibrant, green-lawned park across from the convention center, partially blocked by public buses and the luxury cars of celebrities like myself parked in the VIP section. He wouldn’t notice the faint sounds of the trumpet played by a street musician for his keep or for potential fame. The teenagers stretched out on blankets on the cool March evening. Some parents were on their cells while their children enjoyed playing after a day at school, or maybe it was already spring break here. Or the people strolling down the busy sidewalk heading to dinner at any of the surrounding chain and original restaurants, or maybe going back to their hotel. Some were gawking at the spectacle of gorgeous Black people in dressy Western attire, ranging from denim dresses and suits to more formal dresses and tuxes. All were rocking cowboy hats as they entered the convention center.
My cell rang.
“I’m coming,” I answered, and hung up in the same second.
I looked both ways to cross the street and noticed the woman had gone inside.
When the cool, manufactured air hit me and the sounds of loud music and noisy chatter assailed my ears, the gnawing started, and I faltered. Become invisible and move through the crowds until you get to your table near the front.
I inhaled. My lungs expanded, and I slowly blew the air out like I held a sax to my lips. I moved through the entrance, intent on keeping the approaching anxiousness at bay. Until someone ran into me.
I grabbed her hands out of reflex and stared at the maroon-haired woman I’d only watched a few minutes ago. The axis shifted when her fearful eyes met mine.
“Janae?”
Recognition flickered in her widened eyes and then became questioning. She didn’t remember me, though we’d worked together a handful of times before she dropped off the face of the Earth. She’d just signed a contract to do ten shows with Hollow Bones after much negotiation with Del, the manager we now shared. Cedrick and I didn’t want the drama of a diva on our brief tour, only conceding after reviewing her near-incomparable talent during past performances. We didn’t want the fiery mess that usually trailed behind MILA. Del had promised us she was a changed woman now, and only wanted to be known as Janae Warner.
As I stared down into her pixie-like face, it was clear I had left no impression on her. In contrast, my thoughts had been unwittingly consumed by her natural musicality and undeniable mocha beauty since she’d been reintroduced into my life.
“Yes.” Her forehead puckered as she searched my face. “Excuse me, I didn’t mean to bump into you. Good to see you again.”
Wow. She didn’t remember me at all. Disappointment replaced my initial concern for her wellbeing. Janae’s hands were trembling, cold, and clammy. I’d thought she might have been anxious or scared. Now, I wondered if something else had caused her to bolt.
“Hollow Bones,” I reminded her, and when she still seemed unsure of who I was, I tersely added, “You know, the band backing you and Cash Black tomorrow night. The band that’s touring with you for ten more shows after tomorrow night. That Hollow Bones.”
“I wondered if you were here.” She nodded with a smile that brightened her face. The dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks became apparent. “Where are you sitting?”
“Near the front.” I was purposely vague as I dropped her hands. “We worked together on more than one occasion, remember?”
“Yep… we did.” Her eyes darted from my face to her surroundings before she touched her hat and tilted her head. “Of course I remember you.”
This woman is so full of shit. I folded my arms and raised a brow, daring her to know the answer. “What’s my name?”
She giggled self-consciously while she toyed with my shirt. “I know who you are. It’s just that I’ve greeted and met so many people tonight. The names are jumbled in my head.”
I scanned the room before asking, “What people? You just walked in, and if I’m not mistaken, it looked like you were about to leave.”
“Can you give me a break? I’m not quite myself,” she muttered, no longer able to look at me.
Mad at myself for letting her invade my thoughts when I’d made no impression on her, I snapped, “No, I can’t. At the bare minimum, you should remember my damn name. I had to give the final okay for you to perform with us tomorrow night.”
“Cash Black did that.” She lifted her head haughtily. “Don’t change the narrative to prove a point. You don’t have that kind of power.”
“I have no reason to lie. We were the invited headliners, and Del and Cash Black asked for you. We didn’t. We’re not the inconsequential band that you can discard and drop on a whim like you did before.” It took a lot to get a rise out of me. And the more she spoke, the more my pulse pounded. She thought she was better than us.
“Did you follow me to brag about Hollow Bones? Put me in my place?” She pointed her finger at me. “Very convenient that the moment I turn around, you’re waiting to pounce.”
I bit back my urge to raise my voice. “You weren’t watching where you were going. I was actually concerned. I only got mad when you couldn’t bother to learn my name.” Her body trembled while I held her hands. “Are you high or something? You’re all jittery.”
“No. I’m not,” Janae said firmly as she touched a coin that nestled on her chest. A coin I recognized as proof of sobriety. My father had one that he no longer carried.
We locked eyes, and I saw the earnestness in her almond-shaped ones.
I relented. “Make sure it stays that way. Or I’ll drop you from the tour.”
“We don’t have to do shit together,” she retorted.
For some insane reason, her stubborn attitude appealed to me, or maybe it was her flowery scent. I wanted to grab and kiss her.
Instead, I shoved my hands in my pockets and hurled more words at her. “You’re right, we don’t. Thanks for reminding me why I didn’t want to work with your flaky ass in the first place. You cost us money the last time we were foolish enough to work with you.”
Janae’s arched brows gathered so deeply that I braced for whatever insult she planned to spew. She had a mouth on her and had no problem using it. She could cut a person with her words. I’d witnessed her verbal abuse in the studio about four years ago, when she yelled at one of the background singers who started off in the wrong key. And I’d watched the videos of her going off at the media when they questioned her wild behavior with married and taken men.
A man brushed up against her on his way to a table, and I reached out to steady her without thought. The alluring scent of her perfume caressed my nose, and I quickly dropped my hands when she looked over her shoulders and then back at me. The scowl disappeared, and her shoulders drooped.
“Look at me.” She unflinchingly stared, moving so close to me that I leaned away to see her face. “I’m not the same MILA. I’m just Janae.”
The determination in her chin and the softness in her eyes unsettled me. I had to look away before I became entrapped in her web. Still doubtful I could trust her, I asked, “Are you sure? Not bothering to know the names of the people you’ll be working and traveling with seems like MILA to me.”
“The old Janae wouldn’t explain shit to you.” The unexpected feel of her hand on my arm scorched me, and I had to maintain my attention on the people behind her to focus on her words. “Everything happened so fast. Del reached out to me, telling me he believed in me and wanted to work with me six months ago. He told me about you and Hollow Bones and already had dates set before talking to me a couple of weeks ago. I needed the gigs, so I went with the flow. Hell, he could’ve told me I was going on tour with Elmo, and I would’ve jumped at the chance.”
Her genuine humor slipped past my guarded heart, which was already becoming unhinged by her beauty and talent.
“But he offered me the opportunity of a lifetime because I love your music, and I want another chance. Can we start over?” She begged with those soulful, pretty eyes that could change between seductive and innocent with a blink.
I gazed down into her alluring face. “Say my name, and I’ll think about it.”
Janae’s eyes darkened, and she seemed drawn to me the way I’d been since I’d caught her hands.
“Landon?” An unrecognizable woman’s voice from my right side called my name, and Janae grinned victoriously.
I didn’t look away from her, hoping the woman would get the hint that she’d interrupted something.
“I was beginning to think that Cedrick lied when he said you were here. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. I’ve been following Hollow Bones for years.”
“Hey, Mr. Landon Hayes. Good to see you again.” Janae gave me an impish smile, and I couldn’t tell if she’d known my name all along or if she’d figured out the rest. She shimmied her shoulders. “I guess we’re starting over.”
I didn’t want our conversation to end now that I knew she recognized me and was possibly attracted to me. Janae moved slightly from one foot to the other, watching me as I was pulled into an unwanted embrace by my fan, the chairwoman of the entertainment committee. She held tight like I was her favorite pillow, and I limply responded. I wasn’t the hugging type at all, which this woman didn’t get as she squeezed me. In my mind, I pleaded with a now-smirking Janae to rescue me.
As politely as I could, I pulled back and pushed down the chairwoman’s arms. “You’ll have to excuse me. We were discussing tomorrow’s show. I was in the middle of talking to—”
“No… no… You go ahead… Landon Hayes .” Janae started backing away as I shook my head. “ Landon Hayes , we’ll chop it up later. I see your hands are full, Landon Hayes .” She gave me an exaggerated wink and added an extra sway to her hips as she turned around.
“Hey. We still need to talk about tomorrow.” I hated that my voice squeaked as I called after her. “Janae?”
I only saw the back of her hand as she waved before she pulled down her jacket and tilted her hat. The arrogant, sexy woman I remembered flashed through my mind. She’d tricked me into believing she was different.
The floral scent of her perfume remained in my olfactory senses long after she walked away triumphantly, leaving me alone with a woman whom I would have to be nice and respectful to because of her position in choosing Hollow Bones to perform on the rodeo’s biggest night.
I sipped crisp water in an iced tea glass, quietly observing her. She’d been standing most of the night, talking and flirting with people at the tables around us. Despite how her career had tanked because of her own recklessness, she still had fans. Smiling people surrounded her to take selfies and ask for autographs. Some of the entertainers even seemed fascinated by her. Janae glowed, and her brown skin shimmered in the changing lights from the nearby stage.
I noted that she only drank water and shook her head when offered wine, champagne, or a cocktail. Del had sworn she’d been clean and sober for three years, and so far, she did seem determined to maintain her sobriety. She touched that coin around her neck every so often, the same way I rubbed the guitar pick I kept in my pocket. Is it for the same reason ?
“Stop staring, or I might believe you’re crushing,” Cedrick drawled before he eased down in the chair he’d vacated earlier to mingle. The other three members of Hollow Bones were wandering the room, greeting guests and talent.
“Curious… not crushing.” Dragging my unwilling gaze from Janae, I glanced at my best friend, who easily drew women to him with his dark looks and swagger. “I’ve never seen her this chill. She was always so high-strung, feisty, and crass.”
“ High being the operative word. Let’s hope she stays this way through our shows.” He smirked as he downed another cognac. “I guess we should be relieved that people still like her so far. Sales have been rising since we added Janae to the shows. Del might be onto something, suggesting she be Cash’s special guest tomorrow night. Can you imagine how lit the arena will be when she walks on stage after three years, in her hometown?”
“Yeah.” I refocused on Janae, who now laughed and touched the chest of Cash Black, an Atlanta rapper who’d risen to the top fast with two back-to-back crossover hits. He was in his mid-twenties and had bravado, an edge, and fearlessness that women loved. A platinum grill covered his teeth, and his locs hung down past his shoulders. He possessively gripped the small of Janae’s back, his pinky finger grazing her ass. My stomach unexpectedly burned, and I looked away.
Cedrick chuckled. “Now I know why Cash had no problem with MILA being his special guest. They must be smashing, or he’s using this opportunity to shoot his shot.”
“She’s Janae now,” I corrected him.
He shrugged before he wiped his mouth with a napkin.
I slumped back in my chair, inexplicably bothered by Cedrick’s astute observation. “How much longer do we need to be here?”
“Eat and settle your brain. We need to be here another hour to show our gratitude for being invited.” He pushed his barely touched plate of brisket and mac and cheese toward me. Cedrick had recently become a vegan and had been tempted by the Southern comfort food since we’d arrived two days ago. He had to remind himself that he’d given up meat for health reasons while the rest of us happily consumed Texas beef in all its forms.
“How much longer?” I repeated, ignoring the offered plate of food but not missing how the barbecue sauce bled into the cheese.
He briefly closed his eyes. “Just go. I’ll cover for you if anyone else asks about you.”
“Thanks.” We pounded fists, and I maneuvered through the small crowd, waiting to see Cash and Janae, careful to keep my head down and not to catch anyone’s eye. I had no more energy to hug, take a selfie, or smile.
“Y’all, that’s the hugely talented Landon Hayes of The Hollow Bones.” Janae’s Southern twang rose above the din of the music and chatter. “Come here and take a pic with us.”
“No. I’m good,” I replied loudly, narrowing my eyes.
She pushed through the small space between us and grabbed my forearm, pulling me next to Cash, who dapped me and smiled. “I didn’t know you were here. Where you been hiding?”
“He was sitting over there, staring.” She grinned at me. Her eyes twinkled with devilish mischief. “Figured he may want front-row access, since it’s Cash Black and The Hollow Bones hitting the stage tomorrow night.”
The small crowd cheered. I nodded and didn’t focus on any particular person. I didn’t have my guitar or anything to hide behind in this space. Beads of sweat rolled down my back, and my chest wouldn’t inflate. I weakly waved before shoving my trembling hands in my pants and looked back at Janae, whose smile slipped.
Her arm curved around my waist. “Landon hates all the attention. He’s really shy.”
Some of the people aww ed me.
“Take your pics quickly before this Black man curses me out, and I don’t want no drama with him.” Janae chuckled.
The crowd laughed, and I breathed through my nose for a few pictures while she gently rubbed my back, much like my mother used to do when my environment became too much.
“All right… all right. He’s done.” Janae pushed me slightly, and with relief, I walked away, giving people just enough eye contact to seem normal. I didn’t breathe until I’d stepped back out into the spring air.
I lifted my head to the stars and beyond, inhaling the sky’s vastness and exhaling the dust storm of emotions evoked by one Janae Warner.
And we were just getting started.