This Side of Beautiful

Chapter Thirty-Nine

janae

July 20

We were nearing the end of our time in Austin, and soon we would have to decide what came next. For us. For him as a solo artist. For me and my music. Del had been calling, wondering when we would resurface. I had to go back to Los Angeles. Landon needed to figure out what his future looked like.

Most nights, I could not sleep, knowing that before we left here, before we returned to the real world, I had to bare everything to him the way he had to me. No more half-truths. No more hiding.

I watched him sleep. His long lashes curled against his cheeks, and his chest rose and fell in a slow, even rhythm. He was finally getting the rest he needed. Finally at peace after years of warring within himself.

I had never been so drawn to someone. I could spend every second with him and never grow tired of it. For five weeks, we had lived like tourists, trying new restaurants, shopping, and driving around this green oasis of a city in a state known for dry, flat land. We debated everything from politics, TV shows to the top five entertainers of all time and whether New York really was the best city in the U.S. We hid behind shades and hats when we wanted to go unnoticed and took quick selfies with fans when we could not. We even did a pop-up performance of Baby I ’m a Star, me singing while he killed the guitar.

We made a good team. Onstage. Offstage.

Being together and away from everything had been healing. I slept more. He relaxed more. If we had known every day would feel like this, we probably would have eloped.

Still, I owed him more. He had given me his whole truth, and I had expected him to move past my mistakes without doing the same. He had stood in front of the people who mattered and declared his love for me, and I had dismissed him like a crack addict chasing my next fix.

I could hear Dr. K’s voice in my head, sharp and unwavering. Stop playing the victim. Own your choices. Own the consequences.

As dawn painted the sky in muted pastels, my mind felt clearer. I stretched, slipped a robe over my naked body, and stepped outside to the courtyard.

I had been so proud when I bought this house. I pictured it filled with friends and family, hosting long dinners, lazy Sunday mornings, and laughter echoing through every room. And yet, I had barely spent any time here. No one had ever visited. The vision I had for this place never came to life.

For a long time, I regretted that Adam never saw this house. Now, I was glad. The only man I would ever have memories of here was Landon.

Austin felt right for him. He blended into the city’s pulse effortlessly. Even in public, when fans approached, he never seemed rattled. I wondered if he had ever truly been at home anywhere before this.

I stepped to the edge of the courtyard, surrounded by lush greenery, closed my eyes, and lifted my arms, palms facing the sky. I let my senses take over, just as Landon had taught me on our quiet train rides.

I heard the world move. The chirping of birds. The rustling of leaves. The distant hum of crickets.

I inhaled.

I took in all the things that made me who I was.

My voice. My creativity. The people who truly saw me, The Hollow Bones, my girls, the ones who stayed. My passion. My fight. My love for Landon.

Then I exhaled.

I let go of everything that had tried to break me.

My family’s dysfunction. My mother’s abuse. The darkness inside me. My self-inflicted wounds. The men who mistreated me. The drugs. The self-doubt.

I did it again. And again.

Each breath stripped away something heavy, peeling back the weight I had carried for too long. For the first time in forever, I felt free.

Better than any high I had ever chased.

“Don’t move. A butterfly landed on your hand.” Landon’s quiet, awed voice broke the silence. I slowly opened my eyes and squinted at my hand.

An orange-and-black butterfly rested on my palm. I whispered, “It’s a monarch or a painted lady.” I studied the colorful wings longer. “A monarch’s color is richer. Thinking this is a monarch.”

“I love that you know that.” He stepped beside me wearing only boxer briefs.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted one to land on me?” I said softly, not wanting to disturb the tiny miracle happening.

“I can’t believe it’s just sitting there like you’re some sort of plant.”

“She’s reminding me that it’s a time of transformation, to do what makes me happy and to follow my passions.” Joyful tears trickled down my face. Everything I’d ever been through had led to this very moment with the man standing behind me. “That I am deserving of the life and love that I crave so desperately.”

“I hope with me, because I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

I nodded. “Right? This one has to go on my next album cover.” I lightly touched one of the wings, and the butterfly fluttered away.

His hands curved to my waist as we watched the magical creature return to nature. “I meant you. I have never known anything or anyone more beautiful than you.”

Chuckling through my tears, I relaxed against his warm, bare chest. “You insist on making it hard for me to hate you.”

“Until I insult you or judge you. Hating me becomes pretty easy then,” he teased, and kissed my neck.

“I could never hate you. I love you too much for that.” I squeezed his arms and took a deep, readying breath. “I also want you to understand why I fell apart the night of the show in Los Angeles. I appreciate your patience with me and not forcing or demanding for me to talk. I can’t let you walk away from me before you know everything.” I turned around in his arms and rested my head on his chest.

“I’m here.”

Holding on to him, I finally admitted, “The man that my mother brought with her to our show sexually abused me for months, and would’ve raped me when I was fourteen if my mother hadn’t come home early from work. I hadn’t seen him again until he walked into my dressing room.”

Landon’s body stiffened, and his heart beat rapidly beneath my ear. “The man who tried to shake my hand and smiled in my face did that to you?”

I nodded. Regardless of Landon’s reaction, I would tell my truth.

He dropped his arms and demanded, “Get in the car. Houston is two hours from here.”

“Woah… wait.”

“Naw. He did that to you and can’t get away with it. There was a reason I kicked him and your mother out of the party.”

I laughed and flung my head back.

“Why are you laughing?” He gripped my shoulders.

“I’m just so happy that you believe me without thought. No interrogation or explanation. You just believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Exactly.” I captured his scowling face with my hands. “Look at me. You’re not going to jail for that lowlife. I hate him with everything inside of me. He hugged me and smiled backstage like he had amnesia. My skin crawled, and if I could’ve scrubbed off the layers of skin that he touched, I would’ve. As much as I would love to see you stomp his ass, I need you here with me, not locked up or broke because he sued you.”

Landon’s eyes were wild, and he seemed unable to refocus on me as he kept shaking his head. “You haven’t seen your mother in years, and she brought him as her date? Does she know what he did to you?”

I let out a bitter laugh. “She knows something happened. She just thinks it was my fault. That I seduced a grown man.” I shook my head. “That same tired, disgusting excuse that keeps happening to girls while their mothers refuse to admit that they chose monsters.”

Landon cursed loudly and hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry that your mother would do that to you. I don’t blame you if you never speak to her again. I just know I better not see that son of a bitch again.” He turned his head and spit on the ground. “Sorry. My blood is boiling right now at how she could flaunt that piece of shit around you, and on my dime.”

I shut my eyes. His thudding heartbeat and the faint sounds of chirping birds in the nearby woods lulled me into a peaceful existence despite the painful recalling of my past.

“I always knew my mother was a piece of work, but I underestimated just how cruel she could be. I gave her credit for leaving him back then, but when she caught him trying to rush out of my room, she didn’t protect me. She attacked us both. She kept hitting me, screaming that I stole everything from her, and my brother had to pull her off me. She ended things with him but never forgave me. From that moment on, she hated me.”

I swallowed, forcing myself to keep going. “I started smoking weed and doing whatever drugs I could find just to numb the pain of living in that house. She already preferred my brother over me… I was always too hyper, too mouthy, too much. After what happened, it got worse. Every chance she had, she tore me down. Made me feel like I was nothing. And it didn’t matter that I kept my grades up. I went from an A student to barely passing because I stopped showing up to school by senior year.”

I let out a soft, bitter chuckle. “I’ve been through so much just to be standing here with you.”

Landon pressed his lips to my forehead and rubbed my back, his touch steadying me. “I’m listening.”

I inhaled deeply, grounding myself. “After graduation, I did whatever I had to do to survive. I put up with the worst men just to have a place to sleep. Worked odd jobs, stayed in cheap motels, and prayed that my talent would be enough to save me. When I got discovered at that club in Houston and my career took off at twenty-one, I hadn’t dealt with any of it. The trauma. The pain. The fear. I went from being a broke girl from the Third Ward to having everything I ever thought I wanted. But I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to accept love or if I was even worth it. I thought men were shit, but I still didn’t know how to be alone.”

I lifted my gaze to Landon’s, his red-rimmed eyes searching mine. “That’s why a part of me struggles to believe you love me. Because you were so quick to leave.”

His grip on me tightened, his voice raw. “I get it. How could you believe I love you when I made you feel disposable?” He pulled me into his arms, holding me so tightly I almost couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so damn sorry for how I treated you.”

“That’s not all I need to say.” I pulled away from his embrace.

Landon didn’t let me go far. He took my hand and pulled me onto his lap on the patio sofa. “Talk.”

I hesitated, then met his gaze. “I don’t want you here with me if it’s because you see me as some helpless, broken woman who needs saving.”

His head snapped back. “I don’t see you as broken.”

“If we’re going to be real, I need you to be honest. You love rescuing me. It’s like my problems give you something to focus on so you don’t have to deal with your own.”

Landon exhaled sharply, running a hand through my hair. “I am being honest. I see you as this vibrant, strong woman who doesn’t always realize her own strength. Taking care of you isn’t about rescuing you. It’s who I am. I would slay dragons for you, and I’ve never been a fighter.” His voice dropped. “Cedrick accused me of wanting you to stay helpless so I wouldn’t have to face my own issues. Until that night in Los Angeles, I thought he might be right. Seeing you like that…” He shook his head. “It broke me. But I knew I had to be strong enough for the both of us.”

I resisted the urge to groan. “That’s my point, Landon. That night… that was me. The woman who begged for help because I felt like I was drowning. I’m fierce, I’m a badass, but I also have doubts. I have insecurities. I get stronger every day, but my dark side doesn’t just go away.”

I took a steadying breath and ripped the Band-Aid off. “I started taking my meds again and didn’t tell you at first, because you kept saying how much you love seeing me raw. But the raw me? She abused drugs for years because she didn’t understand she had a chemical imbalance. The raw me has been self-destructive in ways I’m still trying to come to terms with.”

Landon’s jaw tightened, but he stayed quiet as I continued.

“You know I’ve cut myself, but what you don’t know is that I actually attempted suicide when I was twenty-five. I disappeared to get treatment because I was barely hanging on.”

Silence stretched between us. Landon sank back into the sofa, his eyes shadowed, his expression unreadable. The weight of my confession settled between us, thick and heavy.

I studied the lines in his forehead, the way his fingers curled against his thighs. Was this too much for a man already carrying his own battles? My issues weren’t temporary. They weren’t something I could promise would never come back. No butterfly, no amount of love, could erase them entirely.

I shivered, though I wasn’t sure if it was the morning air or the fear that I was about to lose him.

“Say something.”

His hands warmed my arms as he slowly answered, “I heard rumors about suicide, but your team shut them down. I didn’t believe it because… you didn’t seem like the type to give up.”

“Anyone can give up. Anyone,” I said firmly. “I lost everything because of my arrogance and entitlement. No one else was to blame, not my mother, not my ex, not even the industry. I made the choice to have an affair with a powerful man married to an equally powerful woman. My album, the one that was supposed to send me into superstardom, tanked because of their power. My label dropped me. Adam left. Everything crumbled.”

I swallowed, pushing through. “That night, when I wanted to end it all, I reached out to my mother and realized she had blocked me. Adam was the only one left. When he didn’t pick up, I sent a text. Something vague but final. He got to me before the pills and alcohol did. He saved me but made it clear that after that, we were done in every way except friendship. He helped me get into treatment, and he was there for me until he couldn’t be anymore. I’ll always have love for him because he supported me when I had nothing. But we weren’t a love match. I didn’t fully get that until the gala, until I bumped into you and felt something I had never felt before.”

Landon absorbed my words, his breathing steadying. He rubbed my arms, his touch grounding me.

His voice was gentle and careful. “Have you felt like that since?”

“No. I have felt low. I have wanted to hurt myself, but not to end things. More as a way to release the pain. Back in Houston, after the rodeo. In New Orleans, after our fight. I was in your bathroom, holding your razor, ready to cut my thigh. But then I thought of you. I thought of how you see me, how you believe in me, even when I can’t. And I put it down. In that moment, I knew I never wanted to go back to that place again.” I met his gaze. “That is why I finally told the world I have bipolar. I was done hiding from it.”

Landon exhaled, as if he had been holding something in. “So, why didn’t you tell me you’ve been on meds? The real reason.”

“I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know if you would still love me if you knew I needed meds to keep me from spinning out of control.”

I sighed. “You knew about therapy, but therapy alone isn’t enough for me. Therapy is like church. You go because you need the message again and again to stay whole. My treatment is the same. It keeps me stable. It keeps me from losing myself completely. Even still, I want to get off meds again one day.”

Landon frowned. “I don’t see that much of a difference in you.”

“That is because you only see the outside. You see what I let you see. What you don’t hear are the thoughts, how self-defeating and ugly they can be. It is like the worst things people have ever said about me are stuck on repeat, screaming at me until I can’t hear my own voice.”

I swallowed hard. “Then there is the wildness, the impulsivity. The meds quiet the noise in my head. They level me off. My highs aren’t as high, my lows aren’t as low. They keep me from spiraling when real life happens, like trolls, or my mother, or when you and I are at odds.”

My shoulders drooped. “But I don’t feel like myself when I’m on them. My mind is foggy. My voice doesn’t sound as clear. I have to change my diet. No citrus, no certain routines that help my vocal cords.”

Landon nodded, thoughtful. “I did notice you stopped putting lemon in your water. I thought it was just a small change since you’re not performing right now.”

“Citrus and lithium don’t mix,” I explained, swirling the water in my bottle. “The meds help, but they dull everything, not just the bad parts.”

Landon’s eyes sharpened. “Dull everything… like?”

I hesitated, then sighed. “Like my emotions. My creativity. My instincts. Even pleasure.”

His gaze darkened with understanding. “So… your sex drive is lower?”

I smirked despite myself. “Of course, that’s what you focus on.”

He leaned in, voice dropping an octave. “I mean… you want sex even more than you do now?”

I shook my head, tucking my hair behind my ear. “It’s not about wanting it more or less. I still want it. I still crave connection, intimacy. But before, I used sex like a drug. Some of the reason I cheated, the reason I used to sleep around, was because of my impulsivity. That, and not liking myself enough to say no.”

Landon’s expression darkened, his voice quieter but firmer. “So… if you weren’t on meds, would you cheat on me?”

The directness of the question caught me off guard, but I didn’t flinch. I curved my hands around his face, holding him steady. “No, baby. I’m telling you that I’m not that woman anymore. I haven’t been for years. I’ve worked too hard to let my past define me. Meds or no meds, I don’t want to be that person again.”

I looked away, staring at the water like it held the rest of my confession. “On meds, that urgency, that hunger? It’s muted. Like someone turned the volume down on a song I used to play on repeat.”

Landon exhaled slowly, eyes never leaving mine. “So now, when you’re with me… it’s different?”

I nodded. “With you, it’s not about silencing something. It’s about feeling everything.”

A beat of silence stretched between us, thick with something unspoken. He reached out, tracing his fingers along the inside of my wrist, where my pulse thrummed beneath his touch. “I don’t want you muted, Nae. I want you real, even when it’s hard.”

I swallowed, my throat tight. “I know. That’s why I’m telling you. I wasn’t taking my meds properly until this past month, here in Austin. But I’ve seen the difference. You saw it too. Before, I could go three days without sleep. Here, I’ve been able to rest. When you made me be still, when you forced me to sit in the quiet, I finally let my body relax, even when I wasn’t taking them.”

He frowned. “I wouldn’t say I forced you to relax.”

“It felt forced sometimes,” I admitted. “I’m like a kid who doesn’t want to go to bed. I never know how I’ll wake up. That’s the hardest part… never knowing when the darkness is going to come for me. But being here with you, with everyone, it has made it easier.”

I traced my fingers over his chest, grounding myself in the steady beat of his heart. “Can you love me like this? Knowing all of it?”

Landon scratched at his growing beard, studying me, his expression unreadable. “It’s a lot… but so am I.”

He let out a slow breath before he continued, “Here, in Austin, it feels like we could really make it. But I keep thinking about what happens when we go back. You love the spotlight. I hate it. You need people, crowds, energy. I would rather be in nature, playing my guitar where no one is watching. I just wonder if our differences are bigger than our similarities. If we make sense outside of this bubble.”

“Are you at least going to consider getting help?” I pressed. “You deserve to shine too, Landon. You keep yourself in the shadows because it is safe, but you are the brightest thing I have ever seen. You are like the crescent moon you love so much. But the full moon?” I spread my arms wide. “That is when it is most beautiful.”

His jaw tensed. “My panic attacks don’t happen enough to be treated. Maybe I’m just not meant for what everyone else thinks success is.”

I climbed into his lap, cupping his face. “That is a cop-out. Jimi Hendrix, Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin… their struggles didn’t define their greatness. The world saw them for who they were, even when they couldn’t see themselves. And you? You have something special, something no one else does.”

I met his eyes. “People love us together because they know two people like us finding each other is rare. It is like the butterfly, a mystical, fleeting thing. That is what we are.”

His chest rose and fell as he stared past me into the woods.

I blocked his view, and he dragged his gaze to mine. “It’s not just the panic attacks, Landon, although how your body shuts down on you is enough alone to seek treatment. It was scary to watch you go through it. Made me hold up a mirror to how I might appear to others when I’m spiraling. Watching you struggle when I’m not sure you have to is hard. Everything has to be a certain way for you to relax. Life has too many variables to be like that. You walk around with a hat, the guitar, holding on to your pick and who knows what else you do to make it through a regular day. You really don’t like people touching you outside of me at this point. Why do you want to be uncomfortable from the second you step out the door?”

“You can ask anyone on the street if they’re comfortable once they leave their homes,” he replied. “Most would say no. People drink, smoke, use drugs, sleep around, are addicted to their phones or work, and whatever vices they have to cope. We all do something . I’ve come a long way from that kid my father talked about because I worked at it, and you’re not going to set me back because your opinion of how I honor my talent is different.”

“What’s wrong with checking out therapy to see if there are other techniques that might work to help you be the Landon that I know and love to the world? You have to promise me if you have another panic attack, you’re going to speak to someone.”

He stared at me blankly.

I nipped his bottom lip. “I’m serious, Landon. I can’t make all the concessions in this relationship. We both come from dysfunctional families, and we have our own issues. I want to break that destructive cycle for our future children.”

“You want to have my babies, which means you can deal with me even when I do things that annoy the hell out of you.” His eyes twinkled.

“I can as long as you agree to seek help when you have another panic attack.”

“ If it happens again, I’ll get through it as I’ve always done. I’m fine, Janae. I don’t need the world to see me. I just need you to see me. Besides, I don’t mind performing. It’s the promotional crap I don’t like.”

“Okay, then why haven’t you answered Del about opening the Grammys show?”

He blinked several times before he answered, “Playing that won’t make or break me.”

“No, it won’t. But you’re scared to do it.”

Landon studied my face for a long moment. “Honestly, I don’t know if you can handle the pressure either.”

“I can,” I asserted.

“No, you can’t if we’re being real with each other. You are, in my opinion, the most dynamic performer I’ve ever seen, whether you’re high or sober. You thrive in smaller venues and those intimate settings where you feel the connection. The two times you used were in larger venues.” He cocked his head. “Before this tour, when was the last time you performed to a small audience?”

I reluctantly replied, “Before I was discovered.”

“After that, you were always in these big arenas, intoxicated every single time. A lot of pressure to fill seats and more pressure to make sure you can entertain all those people.” He paused. “You are a people person. The trauma you experienced as a child made you distrust, but when you feel safe you want to laugh, talk, and comfort others. How you’ve been around me and the guys is a person who cares about what happens to us. Hell, I’m not sure you have bipolar.” He gripped my wrist before I protested. “I meant, you may have a lot of the symptoms, but you’ve experienced trauma like I did. Maybe our reactions to our childhoods are what made us like we are. Maybe I didn’t allow anyone but my mother to touch me because even as a toddler or a young child I knew my father was capable of harm. Everything I did was about protecting my space, just like I do now. Maybe growing up in a household where you never felt loved or accepted and then suffered sexual abuse didn’t result in a chemical imbalance, but it changed the way you see the world.”

“What are you saying… that I shouldn’t be treated for bipolar? I shouldn’t perform in big arenas again?” I frowned.

“I don’t know.” He picked up my hand. “It’s something to consider. Maybe the meds don’t work for you because they’re not treating what they’re meant to treat. Or maybe the meds do the job and you’re forcing yourself past your comfort zone unnecessarily. We both know you can handle the smaller venues. You barely break a sweat when you step on the stage. Why can’t we do two or three shows a city in the small venues?”

I narrowed my eyes. “You and me, or me and The Hollow Bones?”

He averted his gaze. “Thinking maybe it’s time for me to go solo.”

I shook my head. “Not like this. They’re your brothers.”

“I don’t know about that. They put a show above your welfare. The band I know would’ve canceled a gig if any of us couldn’t perform.”

“Why are you being so stubborn about this?”

“Because I’d take on the world for you. You’re mine, and my friends should’ve never intervened.” Landon’s jaw was set. He was never sexier to me than when he put his foot down, even if I didn’t agree. He wasn’t budging, at least not right then.

“Okay, I’ll leave it alone. Hollow Bones is something you have to work through.” Turning to straddle him, I asked, “What about you and the Grammy show in November?”

Landon tightened his grip on me. “I need you to hear me and not take it personally or as a rejection, because I love you, and I’ll never love a woman the way I love you.”

My stomach dropped. “Speaking like that doesn’t help.”

His sigh held all the heartbreak I felt coming. What I thought I’d staved off during the weeks we’d been here.

“I think we need to see if we really want to be together through it all. I can deal with all you bring to the table except the drug use. You used drugs while taking your meds. That fact concerns me, Janae. You could’ve killed yourself mixing drugs like that.”

“Well, I didn’t, and I won’t do it again. I knew on that stage it was the last time, and I know even more after being here in Austin with you. I needed to reset and regain perspective.”

Landon stared past the trees, his body rigid, his silence thick with words he would not say. The longer he avoided looking at me, the harder my heart pounded, each second stretching unbearably. My stomach coiled tight, bracing for the inevitable. I slid off his lap, sitting beside him on the sofa, gripping the edge like it was the only thing keeping me upright.

“Just say it,” I murmured, my voice steadier than I felt. “Stop dragging it out. Stop pretending there is another ending to this.”

His eyes closed, and for a moment, I thought he would not answer. Then, slowly, tears slipped from beneath his lashes, carving paths down his face.

“Remember that night at House of Blues?” His voice was raw, barely above a whisper. “When I asked you to wear that flower?”

I nodded, my throat tightening. “You said you wanted me to wear it so you would know that, for one night, I wanted you too.”

His lips parted, but he hesitated, like he was forcing himself to say something he did not want to. Finally, he exhaled sharply. “You are a bright star, Janae. And I never want to be the shadow that dims your light.” His gaze found mine, filled with something deeper than sadness, something like surrender. “You are going to rise from here. I know that. And I also know that when the pressure builds, when the stage is too big, you might convince yourself you need something to get through it. And maybe you will. Maybe you will not. But who am I to tell you that you should not when I see people do it every day and come out just fine?”

The words cut through me, sharp and deliberate.

I sat up straighter, hands curling into fists. “You are a coward.”

Landon flinched, but I did not stop.

“I told you I would not use again, but that is not enough for you. You are so afraid of taking a risk on me, on us, that you would rather push me away than see if we can make it.”

His jaw clenched, eyes flashing. “Every time I step on that stage, I take a risk.”

“No,” I shot back, shaking my head. “Playing music is not a risk for you. It is a language you have spoken since you were three. You do not even have to think about it. Try talking to people. Try standing in the center instead of hiding at the edge of the stage. Try putting yourself out there in a way that makes you vulnerable, and then tell me you know what real risk is.” My voice wavered, but I held his gaze. “You are okay with us as long as you control the terms. But you cannot control me, so you would rather let me go than take the chance that I will prove you wrong.”

Landon pushed to his feet, his movements stiff with frustration. “Look around, Janae. We have built something real here. This is not about control. This is about peace.” He gestured toward the trees, the lake, the world we had created in Austin. “Here, we work. Here, you are safe. You are taking your meds, you are sleeping, and you are not reaching for anything to numb yourself. We could wake up every morning and hike. We could buy a boat, have slow Sundays on the water. You could cook those ridiculous meals you love making for me, and we could create music together on our terms, not theirs.” His voice caught, and he took a step closer, kneeling in front of me, his hands closing around mine.

“We could have that mad kind of love. The kind that never fades, never burns out. You say you want forever. This could be it. All you have to do is choose it. Choose me. No stages, no spotlights, no expectations. Just us.” His grip tightened, his eyes pleading. “Tell me you want to stay here with me, away from all of it, and mean it. Do that, and I am yours. No Hollow Bones. No career that demands more from me than I am willing to give. Just you and me. No regrets.”

I stared into his adoring eyes, seeing the life he was offering me. The safety, the certainty, the unwavering love he would give me without hesitation. I knew, without a doubt, that he meant it. That if I said yes, he would pour everything he had into making me happy, into protecting me from the world and from myself.

But love was not about protection. It was not about making a world small enough to control.

And that was why we both knew what my answer had to be.

“No.”