Chapter Four
Shae
KIRA STRODE INTO THE backyard looking like a real gem. Her clothes reflecting her bright and bubbly personality. Her curly black hair was pulled halfway up in two braids that connected in the back to form a ponytail. Her entire outfit showed off her flawless auburn skin.
“Girlie pop,” she called over to Shae as she closed the back gate. Shae practically leapt out of her chair and over to Kira. The two of them embraced dramatically, swaying from side to side, threatening to bring each other to the ground with each tilt.
Kira waved to everyone in the pool. “Hey, guys,” she said. “I’m stealing her from you.” Kira pulled Shae by the hand through the back door, into the house, and shut it behind them.
“Girl, upstairs. Your room, now!”
“Alright, alright,” Shae complied.
As soon as they entered Shae’s room, Kira slammed the door shut with her body, keeping it pressed there.
“What is all this?” She hiked her thumb over her shoulder, gesturing behind her toward the door. “Why are all these people staying at your house? I thought it was only going to be you and Len? Why is Em here? All summer, Shae! What?”
Shae groaned. Kira sounded exactly like her internal monologue had for the past twenty-four hours. She threw herself backward on her bed, clutching the pillow from above her head, and smothered her face with it.
Kira stomped over and snatched it up. “No, Shae, we are not hiding! We are not hiding from this,” she said, circling her finger in the air.
“This is too much! Where Len at?” She faked taking off her shoe, wielding it like a weapon before tripping and falling to the floor in a heap.
Both girls laughed hysterically, and Kira threw herself backward onto the shag beige carpet.
“Girl!” she said, propping herself up on her elbows.
“I know.”
“Start with this: have you talked to Em?”
“Briefly. Not really.”
“Her trifling ass, no! And why are we still hung up on some high school shit? We’re petty as hell.”
“Ugh,” Shae groaned. “I don’t know. I’m not, or I’m trying not to be. It’s just… she’s in my space!” she huffed.
“She’s your sister’s best friend.” She paused. "And you slept with her. Girl, you were down her pants!”
“I guess! I mean, only hand… stuff. We’ve never even kissed.”
The tone simmered a bit, and Shae sat up in her bed.
Her mind wandered back to that night. Shae was drifting into a dream when Em knocked on her bedroom door.
She’d barely heard the knock, but Em’s voice came shortly after, quietly asking to get in beside her.
They’d arrived home from prom shortly before, where she and Em had already had a pretty heated encounter.
They had slept beside each other before, but this time was different. Em’s breathing was shallow, and Shae could feel her body trembling.
Then Em took her hand and wrapped it around her waist, scooting closer to Shae.
Shae leaned into it and before she knew it, her hands were on Em’s chest and being guided under her shorts, and God, the thought of it still sent a shudder down her back—the sound of Em reaching her climax still playing in her mind.
“Well, she initiated it. She’s the one who came into my room because of the storm. Scared and all,” Shae held up quotation marks when she said this. “She started it. I just went with it.”
“Wow, no accountability. You’re like a dude!”
“I mean, I liked it. I obviously didn’t want it to stop, or I would have. But… I… yeah, you know. I’d already had a thing for her.”
Kira deflated with a sigh. “Then the next day she was making out with Elliot Briggs, telling everyone you were a lesbian.”
This. One of the best days of her life up to that moment, followed by some of the most humiliating. She still remembered walking into English lit, the feeling of being watched. No, it was more of a feeling that everyone saw through her.
Then Emma Adams blurted out, “So, Shae, you’re into girls now?
Classic. Makes sense with your choice of friends.
” A crew of boys next to Emma scoffed, attempting to suppress a laugh.
Shae could still feel the burn of anger.
The surging embarrassment that had wound in her chest, a fiery serpent aiming to strike.
Em was the only one who knew… but why? Why would she do that? She had been a part of that moment.
The answer came before lunch as she strolled down the corridor and saw Em, her back pressed against the locker as Elliot Briggs leaned in and kissed her.
She took the first exit she could, slipping into an empty art room, sinking against the wall, and as students passed, she heard it again.
“I told you Shae was gay. She’s never even had a boyfriend.
” That’s when she knew—Em hadn’t outed herself, only Shae.
“Yeah, then that.” Shae’s tone went from defensive to deflated in a matter of seconds. Her eyes drifted off, staring at something invisible. Her teeth gnawed at her cheek.
“Well… you are a lesbian,” Kira said, holding her hand out as if to hold up the actual fact.
“I am.” Shae gave an amused smile.
“That would have come out eventually, but yeah, that was shitty. It was a long time ago, though, and you left… You never dealt with that shit.”
“I mean, I spent my last two months of senior year walking the halls with my name in everyone’s mouth. Who wouldn’t want to leave?”
“Girlie pop, your name was probably in everyone’s mouth because every gay curious girl on campus suddenly peeped you out… and caught feelings… and you took advantage of that shit.”
“Yeah, because I wanted to piss Em off.” Shae paused, letting that admission sink in. “Ugh,” she scrunched her nose, lifting her hands to cover her face, “I was so bad!” She whimpered. “I was such an asshole.”
“Yeah, girl. You still are an asshole. But her, that—what she did was not okay.”
“I know.”
They peered back at each other— Kira giving her best “you better not” look, as if she already knew what Shae was thinking.
“So, what about you?” Shae said.
“What about me?”
“You said on the phone you have so much to tell me.”
“Oh, that. Umm, yeah. So...” Kira dragged out this last word, focusing directly on Shae. Her mouth hung open, tongue tucked against the inside of her top teeth. “I fucked Elliot Briggs.”
“What!” Shae gasped, jumping up onto her knees. “Shut the front door!”
“I’m serious! But not for you. It wasn’t like, for retribution or anything… It just happened.” She furrowed her brow, “Now I feel kinda bad, actually, I never thought I’d see much of Em again.”
“Whaaattt? When did this ‘just happen,’ she air quoted. “Didn’t he and Em only recently break up, like I don’t know, a year ago?”
“No. Girl, you’re out of the loop. Try more like two years ago. He just got back, too; he went to Penn State. AND… there’s more.” Shae sat back down on the bed, emotionally bracing herself.
“He swears he and Em never fucked.”
“No fucking way. No way!”
“He swears!”
“I don’t believe it. They were together what, three years?”
“Two and a half-ish? Off and on.” Kira aimed a finger at the ceiling, as if presenting evidence. “Not consistently.”
“Well, yeah, but...”
“I know. I’m just saying. He wouldn’t say why, but he says they didn’t.”
Shae breathed out a deep, quick breath. She sank back against her headboard, crisscrossing her legs, trying to take in all this information. Why wouldn’t Em sleep with someone she’d been with that long?
“Well, I don’t know if I believe that,” Shae finally concluded. “So, are you guys, like, a thing now?”
“I mean, we’ve hung out more than once… or twice.” She giggled, bringing her hands up to cover her face.
“Okay. So like… You like him?”
“He’s not what you’d expect. He’s sweet… yeah, I like him. I really like him, and he likes me too.” Kira paused. “And if Em finds out I slept with her ex-man, she’ll likely cut me so—”
Shae did a motion as if buttoning her lips, and both girls smiled at each other. Kira raised her eyebrows high, flashing her eyes from side to side as if to say how crazy Shae already knew this all was.
? · ? · ?
Em followed Lennon through the glass door into the kitchen, their wet feet slapping lightly against the hardwood. The house was cooler inside, like stepping out of the world and into a pause. Shae and Kira's voices drifted faintly from upstairs along with heavy thuds and laughter.
“I’m grabbing the passion fruit drinks,” Lennon called over her shoulder as she opened the fridge. “They taste like melted Jolly Ranchers, but like… expensive. We can mix them with the vodka.”
Em wandered toward the counter, gliding a hand through her damp hair as she glanced up at the clock.
The day was dragging by. It was just after four, and to be honest, she wasn’t quite sure she even wanted to drink after last night.
She simply needed a reason to get out of the sun and away from the noise.
Then a laugh rang down the hallway.
Kira’s.
Followed by Shae’s voice, lower, almost defensive. “She’s the one who came into my room because of the storm. Scared and all. She started it. I just went with it.”
Em froze, the words hitting her all at once.
She’d never heard Shae talk about this before.
They never talked about it. What happened between them that night came from a place of vulnerability for Em.
It was frightening and raw and incredibly real, but the way Shae described it made it seem meaningless.
That wasn’t what it had been like, at least not for her.
The way Shae’s silhouette moved in the night, the way she touched Em. Easing over her, so gentle and slow. Shae’s breath at her neck. The storm outside that night was roaring, but the storm inside her, for the first time, had calmed.
Lennon stood fixed in place, can half pulled from the fridge. They locked eyes, waiting to hear more.
Kira’s voice came out sarcastic and biting, “Wow. No accountability. You’re like a dude.”
Em didn’t like the way Kira said this, like it could all be chalked up to one juvenile encounter. Kira didn’t know the whole truth; none of them did.
“I mean, I liked it… I obviously didn’t want it to stop, or I would have.” Shae’s voice was fainter; something like regret was riding right at the edge.
Lennon slammed the fridge shut, rushing over to Em.
Her brows knit in that gentle way that said, “So now what?”
Em straightened her back and tipped her chin up, pinching out a smile. But there was a heat creeping up her chest to her face, painting her a shade of pink that was sure to give her away.
“That sounded like a confession,” Lennon said, gently.
“Don’t.”
“Like… an opening.”
“I said don’t.” The last thing she needed right now was Lennon trying to turn this into hope.
“Em, you don’t have to be defensive.” She leaned over the counter. “No one’s attacking you. I’m just saying, you heard her. She didn’t hate it. She likely just hated what happened after. You could talk to her, tell her none of it was real between you and Elliot.”
Em’s throat tightened. That lie had been easier at the time. She’d wished she could go back and think it through instead of acting on impulse. But now that it was out there, it was easier letting Shae go on believing it than it was to admit the truth.
“She’s not exactly knocking on my door.”
“No. She’s upstairs talking about it with someone else because she probably thinks you don’t care,” Lennon said, softly, handing her a drink. “She’s not the only one who got hurt… Amber.”
Em stared down at the drink in her hand, her fingers tightening around it.
The memory of that day still stung. There had only been one day between the night in Shae’s bed and stumbling upon Shae and Amber kissing.
She’d been on her way to class with her friend, Blaire.
It suddenly made sense why Shae was upset on prom night after seeing Amber with her ex.
Em headed straight to the bathroom that day, letting go of her emotions in a tiny stall. It broke her. She’d never have done what she did if not for that. Of course, she wouldn’t have.
Lennon gave her a look both curious and patient. “You gonna just pretend you didn’t hear all of that?”
Em shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe I deserve it.”
“Even if you did… What are you gonna do with that? Just let her believe everything she thinks happened between you and Elliot is true?”
Em didn’t answer. She headed toward the back door, then stopped and spun on her heels, swiping the bottle of vodka off the island counter. “We’re gonna need this.” She took one last glance up the stairs, and for a second, she almost moved in that direction.