Chapter Nine #2
“Peonies and butterflies. Hmm, I like that. Feels nostalgic, yeah? Does that mean something to you?” Her chin dripped down, a look of acknowledgement on her face.
Shae’s eyes climbed carefully, but she didn’t speak. Yes, they had meaning to her, of course they did. There was no way for her to hide that from Em, but what could she say to her?
“Shae?” Em said gently, attempting to reach for her, but Shae took a step back.
Em dropped her hand.
Shae had the nagging urge to leave the pool, but she pushed it aside and out of her mind.
“So tell me about Italy then,” Em said, moving on.
She squinted at Shae through the sunlight, then reached up and tapped the top of her head as if searching for her sunglasses. A faint smile tugged at the corner of Shae’s mouth as Em realized she must have left them inside.
Shae skimmed her hand across the top of the water, sending ripples dancing toward the edge. “What’s to tell?”
“Do you miss it yet?” Em asked, her brow furrowing.
“Sometimes,” Shae answered.
“Hmmm…” Em glanced over at the house, like she was silently willing someone, anyone, to come back and interrupt the awkwardness hanging between them.
“Meet any cool people?” Em asked, still looking away.
“Yep,” Shae said, following her gaze toward whatever she was looking at.
Em squinted over at Shae, straightening up taller in the water as if to exude confidence.
“Shae, would you just talk to me? We’re not in High School anymore. We don’t have to pretend to hate each other!”
“Who said I’m pretending?” Shae countered.
Em froze, her features drawing inward. She bit the inside of her cheek, her glistening eyes darting away.
Her wet fingers reached up, chasing a stray strand of hair that had escaped her bun and tucked it neatly behind her ear.
She nodded decisively and, without a word, began making her way out of the pool.
Shae’s shoulders slumped, the fight draining out of her. She didn’t know why that had come out the way it had, but she knew she didn’t mean it.
“Wait, Em. I’m sorry.” Shae called after her.
Em stopped at the railing, not bothering to turn around.
“I don’t… I don’t hate you.” It came out like a confession, the words surprising even Shae.
Em stood at the railing a few seconds longer.
Perhaps, Shae thought, contemplating walking away for good.
But then she spun, wading back over—something burning in her expression.
She stopped directly in front of Shae, standing uncomfortably close in Shae’s opinion.
She met her eyes with a fire that clenched Shae’s chest and ignited a storm low in her stomach.
The pull between them was palpable, like gravity begging her to move closer… to touch her, anywhere.
“Then what do you feel?” she asked, her voice low, still searching Shae’s eyes.
The question caught Shae off guard, it was a question she’d asked her once before.
Why was she asking her this, now? It was a loaded question! One Shae did not have the answers to and wasn’t sure how to find.
“I… I don’t know,” Shae said, breaking eye contact.
“You know, I didn’t come here for Lennon…
I came here for you. I came hoping we could move past everything that happened between us.
I convinced myself I wasn’t crazy for still thinking about you, that maybe you thought about me, too.
And all I’ve gotten from you is silence, and if I’m honest, a touch of cruelty.
” Em paused. “Shae, will you look at me, please?”
Em didn’t move. She stood there, eyes fixed on Shae, the weight of her stare causing Shae’s shoulders to dip.
Em bit her lip, and Shae’s center tipped, struggling to find its way upright.
She couldn’t bring herself to look her in her eyes.
Not because she feared confrontation but because looking into Em’s eyes again might unhinge something inside her.
And if she kissed her now, she didn’t trust herself to stop.
“Figures,” Em said, stepping away.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shae snapped.
“Figure it out, Shae!” Em said, turning her back on her.
Instinct took over, and Shae reached out, catching Em’s hand.
Em jolted, her eyes darting up to meet Shae’s, full of surprise. There was a tremor in her fingers, subtle but unmistakable.
Em slipped her hand free, but Shae moved without thinking, shifting her hand to Em’s waist and drawing her closer. She didn’t know what she was doing—only that she couldn’t let her walk away from her.
“What’s that mean, Em?” she asked in a hushed tone.
Em’s head snapped up, eyes locking with hers, wide and startled. There was something in that look, confusion maybe, or ache. Whatever it was, it gripped Shae hard.
She held Em’s stare, no longer trying to hide.
Whatever wall had been between them cracked at that moment.
Shae could feel the silent current pulling them closer, her facade melting between them.
Her hand dipped down to the small of Em’s back, gently guiding her backwards until Em’s body met the cool edge of the pool.
Shae stepped in, closing the distance, her chest brushing against Em’s.
Shae didn’t know where this was going, but she couldn’t help being drawn in.
Em searched Shae’s face, running her hands through Shae’s hair and down the crest of her jaw.
Shae lifted Em’s legs, wrapping them around her body, her mouth ghosted across Em’s collarbone.
Em tipped her head back, her eyes fluttering shut.
Shae skimmed her hands over the sides of Em’s thigh until they met the curve of her bottom and squeezed, a faint breath of sound escaped Em’s parted lips.
She tipped her chest up only slightly, dipping her hips inward to brush against Shae’s waist. Shae’s eyes averted downward, meeting her nipples, taut and pushing through the soft cotton of her swimsuit.
“Fuck.” She breathed, trying hard to restrain herself from sliding back her bikini top and dragging her tongue across them.
Shae groaned, moving her hands to Em’s waist and tightening them on either side of her suit bottoms, cinching them in her fists, willing herself not to pull them lower.
She wanted more; she wanted all of her, right then.
Wanted to lift her onto the side of the pool and put her mouth on her until Em was trembling.
For a second, the world narrowed to this moment, this heat, this hunger—like a memory reawakening in her skin.
But she couldn’t lose control. Not again.
Not with Em. She needed to end this now or risk not being able to stop it from going further.
If she let herself have Em now, she wasn’t sure how she’d deal with losing her again.
She shifted her head to the side, lips grazing against the edge of Em’s ear.
“You really shouldn’t play with fire, Em,” Shae said, dropping her where they stood, and making her way out of the pool.
“What?” Em stumbled forward, aghast. Her lips parted, still panting from the heat of the moment. “Shae, what are you—”
Shae could see in Em’s eyes—her lips parting, the faint flush blooming in her cheeks. One more touch, and she might come undone right there. And God, Shae wished she could be the one to do it. But she couldn’t.
“No, No, No. Shae, you can’t do that. Look at me like that, touch me like that, and then walk away like it didn’t happen.” She paused, catching her breath. “God, what are you so afraid of?”
Shae whipped around, stepping back toward Em in the pool. “Maybe I just don’t want to risk getting screwed over by you again.”
“Yeah? And maybe I don’t want to sit and watch you with other women all summer again. But here we are.” Em countered, her voice cool and forward.
“Yeah, I’m not doing this.”
Shae stepped out of the pool, grabbed her towel, and quickly patted herself dry. She reached down and gathered the rest of her things, then turned one last time. Em was staring blankly over at her, her mouth open the slightest bit, and her chest quickly rising and falling.
“Shae,” Em called out as she headed for the door, and Shae stalled.
“I’m an air sign, remember? Playing with fire, that’s what I do best.”