Chapter Twenty-One
Shae
ARRIVING BACK AT THE beach house with Em was like breathing after holding your breath underwater too long, after a long swim to the top—a resurfacing.
She shifted the car into park. Em was staring over at her dreamily from the passenger seat.
Her fingers carded lightly through Shae’s hair, her eyes studying her like they were memorizing her features.
“You ready to go in?” Shae asked, reaching over and tracing her fingertips along Em’s arm. Em twisted her hand to face upward as Shae’s fingertips slipped down her arm and across her palm.
“What are you thinking?” Shae asked.
Em gave a slow shake of her head, blinking lazily, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
“Want to go sit on the beach?”
“I’d love to,” she said sleepily, her arms reaching overhead as she stretched.
They stepped out of the car, making their way past the dunes to the water.
Shae sat down at the edge of the tide line, and Em stepped between her legs, settling back against Shae’s chest. Shae wrapped her arms around the back of Em’s waist as they sat watching the tide roll in and out, enjoying the heat of the mid-afternoon sun and the wind dusting their skin.
“Can I ask you something?” Em said softly.
"Of course," Shae answered without hesitation. Giving Em space to continue.
“That night with Claire. What happened?”
“Lennon told you?”
“We kind of... heard.” Em paused, letting Shae process that. “Did you sleep together?”
“No, not at all. We kissed. Did some under-the-clothes stuff, I guess.”
“Why?” There was a strain in her voice. “I mean, I know it shouldn’t matter now, but it does. A little.”
“Because… I guess, maybe I was scared. I don’t know.
With you being here, every feeling I’d buried was suddenly right in front of me.
I felt like if I touched you, I’d come undone.
Claire was… easy. Not in that way, just that she didn’t scare me.
Then Lennon brought up that girl from work asking you out, and it just all went downhill from there. ”
Em shifted, tipping her chin to look up at Shae. “I wondered if that got to you.”
“It did.”
Em was quiet, the crash of the waves against the shore louder than Shae ever remembered. The weight of her choices settled in all at once, and with it the fear that she could have ruined any chance with Em.
“I hated myself after because I knew it didn’t mean anything. It was a distraction, but it was still unfair to her… and to you. Even if you didn’t know or at least not the extent of it.” Shae was playing with Em’s hand, her thumb grazing across the tips of her fingers.
“I didn’t know. But… I had a feeling something happened,” Em said.
“That night between us in the pool. Before you pulled away, I thought maybe there was still hope. Then you stopped, and I didn’t understand why—but I saw a glimpse of you again.
I felt close to you; it was only for a minute, but it made me think there was a chance.
Then that happened, and I don’t know… I thought maybe I made it all up in my head.
And maybe I was far from what you wanted. ”
“You didn’t make it up. I wanted you. I wanted you so bad. I was just… running from it. From you. I’ve been doing that for years, Em.”
Em sat up, searching Shae’s eyes. “Can you just promise me something?”
Shae nodded decisively.
“Can you promise you’ll always be honest with me, no more secrets. With my dad and my mom, that’s all it was. My mom kept secrets from him that she shouldn’t have, and I’ve seen the way it breaks people. I never want that to happen to us.”
“I promise,” Shae said, cupping Em’s face in her hands. She planted a kiss on Em’s nose, and Em drew her in closer, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.
“I can’t believe I can finally kiss you whenever I want,” Em said, scattering kisses across the tops of her cheeks and along her nose. “I’m going to kiss every one of these freckles. It’s the thing of dreams.”
“Is it?” Shae’s voice perked up, her expression prideful.
“Don’t get cocky.” Em threw herself into Shae. Her arms locked around her, enveloping her as they fell backwards against the sand—their mouths meeting tenderly.
“We should go inside,” Shae suggested, breaking the kiss.
“Yeah, we should,” Em said, wriggling her brows.
“Not like that," Shae giggled. She stood, brushing the sand from her. Then reached down to help Em to her feet, folding her arms around her as she rose. Em jumped and swung her legs around Shae’s waist, locking them behind her.
“Hey, you know what? It's my turn for a piggyback ride,” Em said, jumping down and rounding Shae’s back.
“Oh, did that make you jealous?” Shae chuckled.
Em slapped Shae’s ass. “Lean down, Hemingway. I’m getting on.”
Shae bent down, hiking Em up onto her back, lugging her up the beach.
“Now, where’s that gallop button?” Em said, leaning around to smile at Shae, her arms looped tightly around her neck. Shae’s smile grew bigger, and she made a run for it, Em’s screams and laughter echoing across the dunes.
They reached the house, and Shae dropped her at the entrance, swiftly pressing Em’s back up against the siding, kissing her breathlessly.
Lennon’s car rounded the corner with Brodie behind the wheel.
Lennon leaned across him and honked the horn; a wide grin stretched across her face.
Shae leaned back in time to catch Lennon throwing an overly dramatic wave.
“Get a room!” Lennon called out the passenger-side window.
Shae flipped her off with a grin, then slipped her hand into Em’s as they headed out to meet them.
“I thought you guys would get here way before us,” Lennon said, hopping out of the car and grabbing her bag from the floorboard.
“We did, we were down at the beach.”
“Down at the beach, eh?” Lennon cast a look at Em, arching her brow suggestively. The corner of her mouth curved up.
Em nudged her shoulder playfully, “Stop!” She giggled.
“You’re glowing, Em,” Lennon teased.
Em covered her eyes with her hand, pink rising into her cheeks.
“I told you,” Shae teased.
Claire stepped out of the car, beaming like there were stories that needed to be told.
“Hey stranger, how was your night?” Shae said, dropping Em’s hand. Em’s smile faded.
Shae greeted Claire with a hug. “Chat later?” she asked, in a hushed tone.
Claire nodded, offering a friendly smile.
“We should order a pizza,” Brodie called out.
Lennon gawped at him and rolled her eyes.
“Pizza actually sounds good.” Shae agreed, tossing Brodie a wink.
“See!” Brodie shouted triumphantly. He leaned down, sweeping Lennon out from under her feet like she weighed nothing. “Why do you gotta be so mean? Huh? You’re going in the pool.”
Brodie spun around, heading toward the side of the house.
“Brodie Taylor, you better not,” Lennon warned, as she squirmed in his arms.
“Oh, the drama. I live for it,” Seth said, pushing past them. “Now, is someone going to unlock the door to this house? I need a shower.”
Shae grabbed their bags from the car and slung them over her shoulder, heading back inside. She kicked the door shut. Em lingered a few feet away. Her posture had shifted, and the brightness in her face sombered. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, her expression distant now, guarded.
“Hey...” Shae started carefully.
Whatever spark had been burning between them outside had dimmed. There was something Em wasn’t saying, but was hanging onto.
“Is everything okay?” Shae asked, stepping toward her.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” Em said, attempting to brush it off. “Here, I can take that.”
She took her bag from Shae. “I think Seth had it right. A shower sounds perfect.”
She headed toward the stairs, leaving Shae behind, dumbfounded.
“I thought maybe we’d swim?” Shae called after her.
Em forced a smile, a dimple popping from her cheek. “Maybe later, okay?”
She disappeared up the stairs.
“Em?” Shae wasn’t sure whether to follow her or give her some space.
Brodie swung open the back door and trudged through the kitchen, Lennon close behind, leaving a trail of puddles in their wake.
“Len,” Shae called from the entryway. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Yeah, sure. One sec, Brodie, throw me a towel,” she hollered as he headed up the stairs.
“What’s up?” she asked, striding over.
“Did I say or do something wrong out there? We got into the house, and Em just kinda shut down.”
“I mean, not that I noticed.” Brodie dropped a towel, and it landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Lennon plucked it up, scrunching at her hair. “Do you want me to talk to her?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I should. I just… I don’t know.”
“Where is she?”
“Not sure. Upstairs. I haven’t gone up there yet.”
“Go talk to her, Shae. You’ve gotta get used to communicat-ing. Open up,” she said, smacking her with the towel. “Be vulnerable”
Shae’s hands shot up, shielding herself. “Hey! What do you think I’m doing? I’m literally trying to figure it out.”
“Yeah, but… you’re asking the wrong person,” Lennon said, spinning on her heels. “I’m going to change out of these clothes.” She blew Shae a kiss from the stairs—leaving her alone in the living room with her thoughts.