11. Luke
Luke
Tonight with Blake tested my restraint when it comes to her, and I faltered more than once. As I walk into my room, a vision of her flashes in my mind, and I’m done for
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath as I lazily rub my hand over my raging hard-on.
Blake is hot as sin with her red glossy lips, creating pictures which now live rent free in my mind.
She was stuffing cheeseburgers in her mouth like a champion eater.
Her lips bulged out just enough around her food, making me wonder what they would look like bulging out around my cock, or hanging open in a moan.
I sit in the chair by my window and pick up ‘Evermore’, but put it back down after a few pages.
It has been way too long since I had a woman in my bed. Noel and I went at least the last year of our marriage without sex, so continuing to read this goddamn book right now, as they start fucking like rabbits, is more than I can take.
Chasing my release, I grab some lotion and head to my bed.
I’ve gotten pretty good at single play, so it won’t take long.
I glide my hand up and down my length, and just as the pressure builds and intensifies, I picture Blake standing in front of me, her hips swaying as she plays with her nipples.
That’s all it takes and I’m groaning loudly, spilling my release all over my stomach.
After I clean myself up, I grab my phone and shoot off a text to Blake. Probably not the best choice after unloading my release to visions of her, but what can I say, I’m a masochist.
Me: What the hell, Blake? You said this book had a touch of romance. Fucking like rabbits in explicit detail is not a touch of romance.
The bubbles pop up and disappear a few times before she finally responds.
Blake: Yeah… we must be at the same part. I had to stop on the way home from the bookstore to buy a new battery, operated boyfriend. Her books make me feral.
“Christ,” I groan loudly. I’m fucking hard again in an instant, picturing Blake with a vibrator sliding across her clit, and now wondering what she sounds like when she comes.
This was a bad idea, but no matter how hard I try to stop myself, I fall deeper into her clutches, not a rational thought in my head.
Me: Yeah, well, I just rubbed one out before I texted you. I’m not getting enough action to satiate this need for sex right now, so it’s going to be really hard to finish this book.
Just as I hit send, regret instantly takes over. What am I doing? I shouldn’t be telling her this. Just as I’m about to apologize, another text comes through.
Blake: Damn, that’s hot!
Are we sexting? What is happening?
Me: Sure, but it feels desperate. I can’t wait until I see you in person so I can give you a piece of my mind.
Blake: I’m looking forward to it. See you next week.
Fuck, now I’m hard again.
Visions of her go through my mind like pictures in a slideshow, flashing for only a moment before they disappear. Until a memory of her back at my parents’ house on Christmas morning settles in, only this one plays out in my mind like a movie.
I went to bed late and woke up early, not something I ever do.
“I’m going to go get some coffee, you want some?” I whispered to Noel as I placed a soft kiss on her temple.
She yawned, “No, I’ll go to Starbucks and get one in a little bit. I could use a shot of espresso.”
“Just let me know when you’re ready and I’ll go with you to get one.”
I’d go on my own and grab it for her, but trying to decode where she is in her rotating order of lattes is impossible, and we were already on the verge of a fight. I could feel it, no sense in igniting the fire over coffee.
I threw on my t-shirt and headed downstairs. When I walked into the kitchen, Blake was sitting at the counter sipping her coffee, reading a book.
“What you reading?” My voice made her jump. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She smiled and my heart quickened.
It was just a look, a soft smile. But it’s a look I’ve branded in my memory.
She was such a contrast to the women I left laying in bed upstairs.
Blake was warm and loving, rumpled with sleep.
The skin on her face was soft and had a light sheen, making the soft pattern of freckles more prominent.
They were hard to see, but sometimes makeup made them disappear altogether.
I remember wanting to trace them like a roadmap.
Her red lashes fluttered when she blinked, and I wondered what it would be like to have them flutter against my chest while she slept.
Ignoring the erection forming, I roll over to go to sleep. I want to savor this vision, I want it to occupy my dreams, so instead of soothing the ache in my pants, I decide to feed the one in my heart as I drift off to sleep.
Last night I finished this goddamn book. I have jacked off more times in the last week than I care to admit. Each time I open the book and a sex scene crosses the pages, I imagine Blake reading it, getting hot and needy. Knowing she has toys and enjoys her personal time is even more enticing.
The thoughts roll around like marbles in my mind, clanking against one another, stirring all kinds of thoughts and emotions.
Thoughts and emotions that I can’t seem to escape.
This book started sensual yet tame. Blake refers to it as a slow burn.
I could take it to work with me and read it on my break for the first half of the book, but now, hell no!
I’d be hard in seconds and then have to see a patient with a boner. This book became an at-home, only read.
I’m meeting Blake at the burger bar again, and as I’m bracing myself to walk in, my nerves are a shattered mess.
I can’t wait for this night to be over so we can go our separate ways.
Now that we’ve finished the book, there will be no reason for us to hang out. It’s for the best. She’s too tempting.
How in the hell do I talk to Blake about the second half of the book when all I have been imagining is her touching herself as she reads it, as I touch myself while I read it?
Fuck.
When I walk in, I see Blake already here at a table, just staring off into space.
She looks sad, her shoulders slumped forward, and her posture is curled inward as if she’s trying to make herself smaller.
She stares at the table, her eyes distant and glazed.
There’s a heaviness to her expression, a weariness tugging at the corners of her mouth as if she might cry.
The light in the room casts soft shadows across her face, emphasizing the expression.
Her hands rest limply in her lap, the emptiness of the room echoing the look in her eyes.
“Hey, are you ok?” I ask as I sit down next to her rather than occupying the seat across from her. I curl in close to her, putting my arm over her shoulder and pulling her into my chest so she can rest her head on me.
“Shit day at work,” she sighs. “I hate my boss, and he’s making me hate the bar. He’s such a tool, and without Ana working there, it’s been hard, you know?”
She sits for a few minutes just staring into space, and I just let her be, taking in the faint scent of honey and vanilla as she snuggles into the crook of my neck.
Then she continues, “Ana hasn’t worked with me in a while, so you would think I’d be used to it by now, but I’m not.
It sucks when everyone else’s life changes around you, and you’re just stuck doing the same thing every day. ”
“Maybe this is a sign. Start putting your plan in motion to open your bar,” I suggest.
“I would love to, but I can’t just quit. I can’t afford rent without a job.”
“You could always stay with me-” I cough, we’re done hanging out after tonight, I have to remember that. “or April. You know she would never charge you rent if you were trying to start a business.”
April, that’s a much more rational suggestion.
“I’m not a freeloader, Luke.” She gives me a pointed look. “I have worked way too fucking hard to be independent to throw it all away.”
Blake never knew her dad, and her mom, she’s really something special… She has floated from boyfriend to boyfriend most of Blake’s life, and when Blake and April graduated, she bounced. Moving to Vegas with her then,boyfriend.
My understanding is Blake talks to her every once in a while, but the lack of support is why she spent her teen years as an extension of our family. She didn’t really have one of her own. She has struggled, and she will not risk what she has built for herself. I should have known better.
I rub her back to comfort her as she places her order and we make our way over to the condiment and fry bar, building our platter.
When we get back to our table I can’t help but want to make her feel better.
“Well, I believe in your plan, so if you need help, you know I’m here.” I stop there and change the subject to one I have been avoiding. “What did you think of the book?”
“Oh man, I should have eased you into her books. I fucked up, Luke. This is the spiciest book Marlowe has written. But, I loved it. I think the realness the characters show and how vulnerable they are with each other is pure magic.”
“She puts a vibrator up his ass, Blake. Vulnerable is an understatement,” I whisper a hushed shout at her, and she almost chokes on her water as she laughs.
“When did you become such a vanilla old man?” She has a challenging tone in her voice, like she’s daring me to give her a glimpse into things that turn me on.
Leaning in close, I take the bait and whisper, “Trust me, Blake, there is nothing vanilla about my sex life. I just prefer to leave it behind closed doors. I think some things are better left to the imagination, you know?” Her eyes heat and her cheeks blush, and right now I think I’m ok with her picturing whatever she’s imagining.
“I-” As soon as the first word leaves her lips, her phone rings. Her brows crease and she answers, clearing her throat.
“Hey, Ap,” she greets her, looking at me with a questioning look.
She then brings her finger to her mouth, signaling me to be quiet.
“Oh nothing, just grabbing dinner with a friend. Can I call you back when I get home?” There is a long pause from Blake as I hear April continue at warp speed on the other end, though I can’t make out what she is saying.
My sister has more energy than anyone I know.
“Shit, I can’t wait to hear all about it!
I’ll call you as soon as I get home, okay? Bye. Love you too.”
She hangs up, plops her phone on the table and rests her head in her hands. “What are we doing, Luke?”
“We are getting ready to eat some food,” I state the obvious, knowing it’s not what she meant.
“No, we’re on something resembling a second date, and if it is something I feel like I have to lie to April about, it can’t be a good idea,” she admits, with her head still buried in her hands.
“Blake, look at me,” I gently command, pulling her hands away. “I love spending time with you. You are amazing, but this is not something resembling a date. This is two old friends enjoying a meal and discussing a book. There is nothing else going on here.”
Lie.
“You are way too young for me, anyway. You are beautiful, but I don’t think of you in that way.”
Another lie.
“I just want your friendship. Nothing more.”
Another fucking lie.
Pain and embarrassment streams across her face and it cuts through me like a knife, and before I can think better of it, my next words tumble out of my mouth uncontrollably, like a car speeding recklessly down an open road. Only, I’m the one being reckless at this moment.
“Come camping with me next weekend.” Fucking masochist. “I’m going with some people from work for one night.
I was going to stay two so I could go fishing.
Bring a tent, and we’ll make some new friends.
There is a mix of guys and girls, so it won’t be weird.
It’s also a fairly mixed crowd, so not everyone knows each other. ”
“No, it’s cool. I have some work to do this weekend. Listen, I really enjoyed this time with you. It’s been fun getting to know you better, but I have to get going. I have an early meeting tomorrow.” She throws down some cash and stands.
“We haven’t even eaten yet,” I point out.
Shit, say something. You fucked it all up, you idiot.
“Blake, wait,” I urge, placing my hand on hers. Her eyes meet mine with an expression I can’t place. “Please come with me. I’m the new guy at work, and I’m also kind of the old guy. It would be nice to have someone there, I trust. A real friend. Please.”
“Fine,” she murmurs after a long pause, “but you’re setting up my tent. I hate that shit, and you’re buying my burger.”
“If I pick up the bill, won’t that make this a date?”
“Fuck off Luke.” She smiles, and fuck, I’m done for.
That smile, the way it lights up her face, like she knows exactly what it does to me,has me spiraling.
I can’t keep pretending I’m in control. Not anymore.