CHAPTER 4 NORA #5
“I, uhhh.” He smiles with one side of his mouth, awkwardly. “I might not be going to Germany anymore.”
I turn to put the pot in the drawer. “Is your firm pulling out of the merger?” I ask over the clatter of rearranging pots. When I turn around, he’s holding out the pot cover for me.
Finn turns off the water, drying his hands on the dish towel tossed over his shoulder. “More like the firm wanted me to work in Berlin,” he says, leaning against the counter. “For at least a year, maybe more?”
I feel dizzy, grab the counter to steady myself. “Oh” is all I can manage.
He smiles. “I’m not going, though.”
“What do you mean?” I ignore the flush of relief through my limbs.
He closes the space between us, settling his hands on my hips. His hair is drying in soft waves that I want to finger comb. “I said I’d think about it, but I want to stay here.” He kisses me, a soft brush of our lips. “With you.”
The dizziness returns. “Like, they’re giving the Berlin post to someone else, and you’ll work here but still travel back and forth?”
He pauses again. “Like, I’m turning it down and finding a new position. Somewhere else.”
“You’re turning it down,” I repeat. “For me?”
He scratches the back of his head. “I mean, yeah. I guess.”
I slide between his body and the counter behind me. I need space, air that isn’t filled with the scent of my shampoo on his hair. “You can’t do that.”
“I can do whatever I want, Nor,” he says softly.
“It’s irresponsible.” The second I say the words I want to take them back. The thing is, yes, it is irresponsible, but—I trace the earrings, still in my ears, with the tips of my fingers—Finn kind of has a thing for grand gestures.
Finn laughs, the first note of acid in his voice. “I thought it was kind of romantic.”
“It is.” I take his hands in mine, look at them instead of his face. “It’s just, you’ve had this job since you graduated. You worked so hard to be there.”
He squeezes my hands. “I’ve worked hard to be right here, too.”
And he can’t say stuff like that. I can’t think clearly.
“New year,” Finn says. “New us? That’s what you like about the holiday, right? All those opportunities for new beginnings?”
“Yes,” I say. “Yes, I do. But…”
“No. No buts.”
“But what if the new us doesn’t work out?” I say the thing Finn clearly refuses to acknowledge. “What if it turns out we’re better off as friends. As frenemies.”
“Frenemies? What the fuck is that?”
“What if you don’t take this job and you stay and you resent me for it?” I say quietly. I don’t think I could handle that. Not only losing Finn but losing his friendship. Losing everything.
“That won’t happen, Nora. It won’t.” He gathers me close to him, bending low to bury his face in my hair.
I want to believe him. I do. “Just promise me you won’t make a decision because of me. Please.”
“I promise,” he says into my skin. He starts to walk us toward the bedroom.
“The dishes,” I say, feebly, but I’m already turning, leading him back to bed.
“Fuck it,” he says, and for once I agree.
He doesn’t leave my condo until January 2nd. Then we don’t talk for two days. And then he texts me:
FINN COLLINS, JANUARY 5, 2025
3:25 p.m.: Finn: I’m going to take the Berlin job
3:37 p.m.: Nora: That’s great, Finn I’m really proud of you
That feels like the right thing to say. It feels like the decision he’s supposed to make.
But I still cry myself to sleep that night.
FINN COLLINS, FEbrUARY 10, 2025
9:01 a.m.: Nora: Let me know when you land? x
2:54 p.m.: Nora: ???
7:31 p.m.: Nora: should I call George? I’m getting nervous
THE DREAM TEAM, FEbrUARY 12, 2025
6:26 p.m.: (+49) 5555-5555: Hey! Here’s my new German number!
8:34 p.m.: Josh: new phone who dis
8:37 p.m.: Brendan: you guys, I miss Finn
12:56 a.m.: (+49) 5555-5555: I’m literally right here dumbass
12:56 a.m.: (+49) 5555-5555: miss you too, buddy
(+49) BER-FINN, FEbrUARY 12, 2025
8:58 p.m.: Nora: I didn’t realize you’d gotten a new number
1:01 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: yeah sorry, I forgot to tell you
6:25 a.m.: Nora: RIP the Finn and Nora chat
7:18 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: I miss you, Nor
7:20 p.m.: Nora: Miss you Finn
FINN COLLINS, FEbrUARY 14, 2025
7:24 p.m.: Nora: Happy Valentine’s Day, Finn xo
7:28 p.m.: Nora: shit I forgot you don’t use this number anymore
7:29 p.m.: Nora: oh well, Happy Valentine’s Day Finn’s Old Number
FINN COLLINS, MARCH 17, 2025
11:01 p.m.: Nora: Happy St. Patrick’s Day Finnigigan
11:02 p.m.: Nora: lol
11:02 p.m.: Nora: whoops forgot this isn’t Finn’s phone anymoreeeeee
11:03 p.m.: Nora: wanna know a secret?
11:04 p.m.: Nora: (I didn’t forget)
8:09 a.m.: Nora: woof Bea and I might have gone to Moonbar last night
8:15 a.m.: Nora: do they celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in Germany?
8:16 a.m.: Nora: that’s a dumb question, why celebrate St. Patrick’s Day when you have Oktoberfest? That’s a whole month, right?
8:17 a.m.: Nora: realizing I don’t know anything about German culture
(+49) BER-FINN, MAY 5, 2025
6:12 a.m.: Nora: thanks for the postcard
6:30 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: it’s the Berliner Fernsehturm
6:31 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: reminded me of the CN Tower
6:32 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: and, you know, you live right near there
6:59 a.m.: Nora: yeah, it’s cool!
7:01 a.m.: Nora: wish I could see it sometime
7:12 a.m.: Nora: are you coming home before Faraz’s bachelor party?
7:27 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: no, we’re going to Amsterdam
8:33 a.m.: Nora: oh right
8:34 a.m.: Nora: duh
8:35 a.m.: Nora: why’d he schedule his bachelor party a year in advance of his wedding anyway?
9:06 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: lol he found a good deal on flights and didn’t want to pass it up.
9:07 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: Faraz said he wants to learn to ride a bike and Josh is obsessed with the Van Gogh Museum
9:22 a.m.: Nora: hmmm should we be worried about him cutting off his ear?
9:54 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: nah he’s so squeamish about blood
10:03 a.m.: Nora: true
10:03 a.m.: Nora: have fun
10:14 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: Is that an order?
10:16 a.m.: Nora: you know what, yeah, it is
10:17 a.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: Roy Orbison
FINN COLLINS, JUNE 12, 2025
9:32 p.m.: Nora: ok I know you’re not reading this but I just got this news and the first person I wanted to tell was you and I was going to text you on your stupid German number but it’s been weird over there and I know you know what I’m talking about so anyway I applied for a job at the Children’s Hospital and I knew it was a total long shot and I felt way under qualified but they called me today and Finn
9:33 p.m.: Nora: I GOT THE FUCKING JOB
9:34 p.m.: Nora: really wish you’d call me a good girl right now
FINN COLLINS, JULY 23, 2025
8:17 a.m.: Nora: remember that time I made you sing Roy Orbison at karaoke, and you pulled sunglasses out of your pocket and sang the whole song without even looking at the screen?
8:18 a.m.: Nora: you were so hot
8:20 a.m.: Nora: if you’d asked me to come home with you that night I would have paid for the rideshare
8:21 a.m.: Nora: why didn’t you ask me to go home with you?
8:22 a.m.: Nora: you never asked
8:25 a.m.: Nora: for like a whole year, you never asked. Did you think I was going to say no?
8:26 a.m.: Nora: cuz I would have said yes
8:29 a.m.: Nora: anyway some guy sang Roy Orbison at karaoke last night and he wasn’t nearly half as good as you
10:59 a.m.: Nora: I really miss you, Finn
FINN COLLINS, AUGUST 13, 2025
7:47 a.m.: Nora: Happy Birthday, Finn xo
4:01 p.m.: Nora: did you make your own cake today?
4:05 p.m.: Nora: actually maybe you made your own pancakes today
4:10 p.m.: Nora: if I was there I would have made your cake for you. idc what Germany’s birthday rules are
4:14 p.m.: Nora: I really wish I was there
9:59 p.m.: Nora: I’ve been thinking about you all day
(+49) BER-FINN, AUGUST 25, 2025
1:00 p.m.: Nora: thanks for the postcard!
1:06 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: it’s the Black Forest; a real place. Not just cake
1:07 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: I know the rule here is you have to bring your own birthday cake, but if you were here would you have made me a Black Forest cake for my birthday?
1:16 p.m.: Nora: Finn, I mean, of course. Yes. Of course I would
1:25 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: thanks
FINN COLLINS, SEPTEMBER 27, 2025
11:11 p.m.: Nora: I went on a date tonight
11:12 p.m.: Nora: I’m sorry I know you probably don’t want to hear about that. I’m not trying to make you jealous or something. I feel like you’re not really a jealous person
11:13 p.m.: Nora: I’m just saying with a dick like that you don’t have much to be jealous about
11:15 p.m.: Nora: sorry I might have gotten a little drunk on the date
11:19 p.m.: Nora: my point is that I’m dumb and I didn’t realize it was a date until I got there.
He had tickets to the Jays game and I just said yes and assumed it would be a group but it wasn’t.
And when I got there and it wasn’t a group thing it was just him and I saw him standing there waiting for me and he looked so excited and I just felt so fucking terrible Finn
11:20 p.m.: Nora: because I wanted it to be you
11:21 p.m.: Nora: I wanted you to pull my ball cap low over my eyes and play with my pigtails
11:24 p.m.: Nora: I wanted to yell at you when you inevitably said something wrong about the ’92 World Series team
11:25p.m.: Nora: I wanted to kiss you when they won
11:26 p.m.: Nora: they won by the way
11:27 p.m.: Nora: all I could think about was how if I was on a date with someone then YOU could be on a date with someone and it devastated me. I had to go cry in the bathroom.
11:28 p.m.: Nora: he could tell I was upset and he was so nice about it which just made it worse and I told him this couldn’t be a date because I’m in love with someone who lives in Berlin. And then I bought us a bunch of drinks
11:31 p.m.: Nora: I guess this is the way I tell you I’m in love with you
FINN COLLINS, OCTOBER 12, 2025
9:45 a.m.: Nora: Happy Thanksgiving!
9:45 a.m.: Nora: I’m hosting today! Wish you were here to help me clean up after
9:47 a.m.: Nora: That came out wrong
10:01 a.m.: Nora: I just wish you were here
THE DREAM TEAM, NOVEMBER 21, 2025
11:21 a.m.: Bea: so like what’s the deal for New Year’s???
11:26 a.m.: Faraz: don’t be mad
11:27 a.m.: Judith: uh oh
11:29 a.m.: Faraz: we’re going to visit Samirah’s old roommate in BC over New Year’s
11:31 a.m.: Bea: I guess I’ll allow it :P
11:34 a.m.: Josh: um well I got a gig on New Year’s Eve
11:35 a.m.: Bea: OMG WHAT
11:39 a.m.: Brendan: that’s SICK congrats man!!!
11:41 a.m.: Deepti: and you got us tickets right?
11:42 a.m.: Judith: YOU GOT US TICKETS RIGHT????
11:44 a.m.: Josh: well it’s for a wedding so…
11:46 a.m.: Brendan: still sick
11:50 a.m.: Nora: that’s amazing Josh
11:51 a.m.: Bea: so what will the rest of us do? Party?
11:52 a.m.: Judith: I’m down
11:54 a.m.: Brendan: for sure
11:59 a.m.: Nora: I think I might see this one out guys?
12:01 p.m.: Bea: are you asking us permission? Lol
12:05 p.m.: Nora: I guess so yeah
12:07 p.m.: Deepti: Nora, you never have to ask
12:08 p.m.: Brendan: yeah have fun doing your witch stuff Nora, we love you no matter where you celebrate New Year’s Eve
12:10 p.m.: Nora: does he mean journaling?
12:11 p.m.: Judith: yes. Yes he does.
4:13 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: Congrats Josh! Tell me where the party is, Bea! I’ll be there!
4:15 p.m.: Brendan: well well well the prodigal son returns
(+49) BER-FINN, DECEMBER 5, 2025
7:23 p.m.: Nora: weird question: do you check your old phone?
7:25 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: like with the Canadian number? No? it’s at my sister’s I think
7:28 p.m.: Nora: ah cool
7:29 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: why?
7:31 p.m.: Nora: no reason. I got your postcard
7:34 p.m.: Nora: and I just wanted to say that I miss you so fucking much, too. And no, I don’t consider you my frenemy. Not anymore. I don’t even miss you as my midnight kiss. I just miss my friend.
7:35 p.m.: Nora: sorry, that’s a lot to put in a text message
7:51 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: that’s ok. it was a lot for me to put in a postcard.
8:01 p.m.: Nora: the poor mail carrier lol
8:17 p.m.: (+49) Ber-Finn: lol yeah
FINN COLLINS, DECEMBER 30, 2025
1:01 p.m.: Nora: everybody forgot my birthday
1:02 p.m.: Nora: even Bea
1:03 p.m.: Nora: like she remembered eventually but it was halfway through lunch. Her and Meriah are hosting New Year’s this year, I think she just got distracted with planning. You’re probably going to that party.
1:04 p.m.: Nora: You forgot, too
1:04 p.m.: Nora: even the German phone number forgot
1:06 p.m.: Nora: I feel like I don’t have any right to be mad at you
1:07 p.m.: Nora: like I’m the one that basically told you to leave! I don’t get to be mad at you for leaving! And for forgetting about my birthday after you left
1:10 p.m.: Nora: I’m mad at myself DUH
1:12 p.m.: Nora: I just…like you can see why I thought it was absurd right? You were going to turn down a JOB for a GIRL????
1:13 p.m.: Nora: if the tables were turned and I was giving up a JOB for a BOY?????
1:14 p.m.: Nora: absurd!
1:15 p.m.: Nora: doesn’t make any of this any easier though
1:16 p.m.: Nora: maybe I should stop texting all of this to our dead message thread and just TELL YOU
1:17 p.m.: Nora: maybe I should go to Germany and tell you
1:18 p.m.: Nora: omg Finn should I go to Germany? That would be like the baddest ass New Year’s Eve surprise wouldn’t it? Eat your heart out Nora Ephron.
1:19 p.m.: Nora: was Nora Ephron’s real name Eleanor?