This Too

1

There are times in your life when you go looking for change, and others when it finds you.

I thought I wanted this. I thought I was ready.

But now I’m not so sure. I’m the furthest from home that I’ve ever been, and Mum has been talking non-stop for the past few hours, rattling off the ever-growing list of dangers that I should be aware of, now that I’ll be going to Melbourne University and living in the city.

Dad keeps shaking his head in amusement at her crazy theories with his eyes firmly on the road ahead, while I simply try to remember to breathe.

“You don’t believe me, but it happened, Abigail. To your Aunt Carol’s hairdresser’s daughter, poor girl. Abigail Matthews, are you listening to me?” Mum says, turning in her seat to make sure that I understand the gravity of her warnings.

A familiar, faint whistle sings through my parents' old red station wagon, slipping in from the rear passenger window that never quite winds up, calming me. I slump down in the back seat and rest my head against the torn grey fabric. I’ve always found this car comforting, like I was home before arriving there.

I remember I would fall asleep on every family road trip, snuggled safely in these seats, listening to that soothing whistle.

I anxiously twirl a lock of my wavy, dark-brown hair in my fingers before I dare to meet her gaze.

Mum’s mouth curls up as she squints her blue-grey eyes, the one feature of hers I managed to inherit, and I get the sense that she’s scolding me and my apparent lack of interest in hearing her cautionary tales.

“Yes, Mum. I’m listening,” I say with a sigh, looking out the window at the blur of the countryside as it becomes more built up. I’m going to miss the open roads and the comfortable predictability of living in a cosy small town where everyone knows each other.

“Did you want to go through the list again?” Dad asks, his worried eyes watching me in the mirror.

“Yes. Please. Okay, cons. I’m going to miss you guys, even Paige.

Although I doubt she’ll miss having her loser older sister hanging around.

” I glance towards Mum in the front seat, expecting her to correct me, but she keeps her eyes on the road signs flashing past the window as we get closer to the city.

I bite back the familiar sting of resentment and continue, “I’ve never been to Melbourne, so I don’t know my way around. ”

“And you’re leaving Mark, or have you already forgotten your boyfriend?”

“No, Mum. I haven’t forgotten him,” I sigh. “Honestly, the thought of moving away scares me more than anything.”

“Then why, Abigail?”

To be someone else, my subconscious whispers. I straighten my back in an attempt to appear more confident than I feel and choose my words carefully, asking myself, what would Luna say?

“Change is good, right? It helps us grow and discover who we are, isn’t that what you and Dad tried to teach us?”

Mum continues as if I haven’t spoken. “You know, just because Luna was ready to move away from home, doesn’t mean you are. Are you sure you’re cut out for this?”

My heart sinks. She’s right, of course. Luna is the epitome of perfection, everything that I wish I was.

This is my chance to change all that. Moving far away from who I am, who I used to be, seems like the perfect opportunity to start over and become someone new.

Someone better. Someone like Luna. Maybe then, all the pieces of my life will fall into place.

I shake my head, clearing the negative thoughts away.

“We’ve been through this, Mum. I want to be in the city, and I want to live with Luna.

It’s time I did something on my own, don’t you think?

Please, just drop it. I’ve made up my mind, and you’re not going to scare me into changing it.

” I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window again.

The houses are so close together now, all I can see are dark roofs peeking over graffiti-covered concrete walls lining the freeway.

It’s all so different. My heart thumps painfully in my chest. Change is good, I repeat to myself.

Still, some changes are harder than others.

I haven’t told my parents that I put things with Mark on hold, and since we’re trapped in a small car, now is not the time to tell them.

I’ll miss the way his arms wrapped around me, and my head would rest against his chest, instantly making me feel safe.

I did lose my nerve a few times. The lure of his carefully planned life for us seemed easier than leaping into the unknown.

“Only fifteen minutes to go,” Mum warns, as if the time to change my mind is running out. I involuntarily gulp as the reality of leaving home begins to set in.

“Abigail, honey, are you ok?” Dad asks.

“I’m great.” I struggle to get the words out of my tight throat and attempt a confident smile. Dad’s eyes narrow, not buying it.

Mum stretches her arm over the back of her seat to pat my leg. “We just worry about you, bug,” she says.

“We’ve heard the cons. Now let’s hear the pros,” Dad says, getting us back on track.

“Well, Melbourne University is one of the best in the country.” I let out a deep breath. “And obviously, there’s Luna.”