17
I pull my book from the gap between the couch cushion and the armrest and remove my bookmark.
I’ve been an avid reader since I was young, and though my taste has changed over the years, my love for reading has not.
I’ve been through different stages. My first obsession was Sweet Valley or The Baby-Sitters Club.
Then, in high school, I tried to be more cultured and dove into the classics; The Great Gatsby, Pride and Prejudice, and anything by The Bronte sisters.
But lately, I’ve been inclined to choose my books from the romance section.
The loud creak of the door startles me and forces an unexpected yelp to erupt from my throat.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Sam pushes the door the rest of the way open and takes a step into the apartment. “I should have knocked. I was just looking for Luna.”
“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to knock.
Come on in.” I place my bookmark–a photobooth strip of Luna and me–in between the pages, pausing to run my finger over the shot of me looking at Luna while she poses for the camera.
“Luna’s not here. I’m not sure where she is, but if you want, you can wait, or you don’t have to.
I can take a message if you have somewhere else to be. ”
“Oh, no worries. I’m just getting home from work and thought I’d check in. What are you up to?” His toned legs flex from underneath his basketball shorts, and the deep cut-outs of his sleeveless tank reveal his pecs as he moves closer towards the couch.
“Just taking advantage of the quiet.” I tap the cover of the closed book on my lap. “Have you eaten? We don’t have much, but I could put something together if you’re hungry.” I brace myself to stand, but he brings his hand up, gesturing for me to stay seated.
“I’m good, thanks. I stopped on the way home and got a bite to eat. What are you reading?” Sam asks, peering around to see the cover of my book. I hesitate before answering.
“It’s just a silly romance book.”
Sam reaches for the book, brushing his fingers against mine and turns it over in his hands to read the blurb. I watch him, my heart thumping way too loudly as I wait for his judgement. He gently places the book back onto my lap and flops down in the armchair opposite me.
“If you like it, then I’m interested.” His warm smile dissolves my reluctance as he waits for me to continue.
“It’s your routine, friends-to-lovers, forced-proximity trope. Luna teases me, she calls them gateway porn.” My cheeks begin to blush. Why am I telling him this?
“Romance is good,” Sam says reassuringly. “Even better if it’s gateway porn.” My hand flies to my mouth, muffling a giggle. He smiles, his blue eyes sparkling.
“Do you read?”
“Some. Not a lot. Mainly textbooks and the odd basketball autobiography.” He shrugs slightly, letting himself sink further into the chair. “If you could recommend any book to me, what would it be? And keep in mind you only get one shot.”
My eyes grow wide as my brain runs through the possibilities. No one has ever asked me for a book recommendation before.
“Wait here,” I instruct, before jumping up from the couch.
His eyebrows rise in amusement at my sudden burst of excitement.
I run into my room and slide the box of books out from the bottom of my wardrobe.
I sift through them, hunting for the perfect one.
My hands fall on the cover, and I know instantly this is it.
Holding the book behind my back, I return to the living room. Sam is standing by the kitchen bench near the door.
“What do you have for me?”
I hold it up like a prize.
“The Sixteenth Round?”
“It’s a true story. I think you’ll like it.”
As I place the book into his hand, his fingers graze mine again, and my body tingles with excitement.
But then I quickly jerk my hand back. Sam likes Luna.
He was here to see her. And she likes him.
I shouldn’t be brushing fingers with him, and I definitely shouldn’t be having a reaction like this to being touched by him.
I like Brooks anyway. As embarrassing as that is to admit.
“Anyway, good night. I hope you enjoy the book.” I pull the door open, the loud creak removing any lingering attraction from the situation.
“Ok, well, thanks,” he says as I place my hand on his back, immediately regretting the contact, and push him through the door.
“Great, see you later,” I say, closing the door as he turns around, his mouth open, as if he’s about to say something. He looks as confused as I feel. This can’t be happening. I can’t jump from one boy to another, especially when he’s interested in my best friend.
The time is 10:30 pm, and I’ve been lying here for over an hour, debating with myself whether I should text Brooks.
The connection I felt with him couldn’t have been all in my head.
He opened up to me about his mum’s battle with cancer.
He told me he thought we had something between us.
He said that he wanted to spend time with me and get to know me.
I didn’t dream all that. I didn’t just make all that up.
No, there’s something there. Brooks is the one I’m meant to be with.
Not Sam. Whatever happened with him tonight was a mistake, a fluke. I want to be with Brooks.
I open a new text and type a few words, delete them, type a few words and delete them. I’m putting too much pressure on a text message. I have to be cool and casual and try to sound like I haven’t been obsessing over him for the past two weeks. Taking a deep breath, I start to type.
I push send, not giving myself a chance to chicken out.
Letting out a shaky breath, I place my phone on the side table face down and turn away from it, hoping to trick my brain into thinking that I don’t care if he replies.
Within seconds, I turn back towards the phone, my hand reaching to tilt the screen up.
Nothing yet. It’s going to be a long night.
After getting only a few hours of sleep, I wake to the sound of birds chirping outside my window.
I reach for my phone the second my eyes open and let out a frustrated groan.
Still nothing. I try to ignore the instant ache in my throat as I kick the blanket off my legs and stomp my way into the bathroom.
Why didn’t he message me back? I followed Luna’s plan.
She said it would work. Feeling instantly drained, I can’t help but ask myself: why doesn’t he want me?
Am I that repulsive that he can’t even bring himself to message me back?
I hate that I let myself get my hopes up… again.
Dressing in a long peasant skirt and a white tank top, I pour some cereal and take it outside into the courtyard, along with my laptop.
Sitting at a little metal table that’s basking in the morning sun, I’m just about to dive into my job search when I hear a door close.
I look up to see Harper walking out from behind the plants in front of Brooks’ apartment, and my heart sinks.
I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop from crying.
I feel like such an idiot. I wish Luna was here.
She’d tell me that I’ve wasted too much of my time obsessing over Brooks and that I came here with her to get away from Mark and find myself.
All I’ve done since arriving is try to get into another relationship.
Luna’s voice in my head is right. Of course, it is.
I shoot Luna a text letting her know the latest Brooks update, and she responds almost immediately with an eye roll emoji.
I laugh, placing my phone on the table before hearing another ping from Luna again.
I’m placing my phone back down when it pings again. This time, it’s Brooks.
Seriously? He spends a magical weekend with me, confiding in me, then ignores me, and all I get is a Hey? I take a screenshot and send it to Luna. She reacts with a laughing emoji, and I feel vindicated in my fury. I’m going to ignore him for a change.
I send my resume to a few of the outlet stores and work a little on my assessments.
After a while, the silence is starting to give me a headache.
This is the longest that I’ve been on my own since moving here.
I’m always either with Luna or Amir. I can’t say I enjoy being alone.
I never have–unless I’m reading, but with intriguing characters and new worlds to discover, are we ever really alone when we’re reading a good book?
When I was younger, I slept in the same room as my parents.
They would make a little bed for me on the floor, and when Paige came along, I’d sneak into her room at night.
When my parents told me that Luna would be staying with us, they put an extra bed in my room, and I couldn’t have been happier.
Not only was my best friend going to be living with us for the majority of the year, but we were going to share my room.
But no matter what, loneliness seems to find me.
Sometimes, I worry that I’m destined to be alone.
I think maybe that’s why I clung to Mark the way I did, but Luna was leaving, and I chose to go with her.
And now that she’s met Sam, it’s only a matter of time before she gets bored with me.
Funny how that is. You spend your life afraid of something, desperate to fight it off at any cost, but it always creeps around.
I lift my phone from the table and message Amir. He replies almost instantly, telling me that he’s been at the library all morning. I wish he had told me earlier; I would have gone with him. I ask him to meet me for lunch, and within fifteen minutes, he’s strolling down the alley to meet me.
Once we arrive at the local deli, we order our food and stand back, waiting to be called.
“How are your assessments going?” Amir asks, filling the silence while we wait. My shoulders shrug before I’ve had a chance to craft my answer in a way that makes me sound smart and not at all overwhelmed.
“Same. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over. Starting uni has been more intense than I thought it would be.”
I let out a sigh, thankful to have a friend on the same page. “Me too. My high school workload pales in comparison to what these lecturers have been throwing at us.”
“We should go out this weekend. I don’t know about you, but I could use a night out,” Amir suggests with a grin and a nod, urging me to agree.
I’m facing the door when it pushes open, the bell above tinkling, and of all the people in the world, Brooks walks in.
He looks amazing, wearing black dress pants and a white shirt with the top button undone.
I wish I’d chosen something sexier to wear than this ugly sack of a skirt.
I bet Harper wouldn’t be caught dead dressed like this.
Brooks is with another guy who is dressed similarly, but he doesn’t look anywhere near as good as him.
I turn away and look back towards the counter, waiting for our order, unsure if I want him to see me or not.
“Abigail,” the server shouts, and I silently curse her. With a forced smile, I step towards the counter and take the sandwiches. I slowly turn, praying that he didn’t hear the obnoxious server announce my name to the world, but of course, I look up to find Brooks standing directly in front of me.
Unable to find any words, I push past him, reaching out to hand Amir his sandwich and look for a spare table. Amir spots one first, gesturing to the vacant spot near the door.
“Hi,” Brooks says, following us over to the table. Amir and I take our seats facing each other, leaving Brooks to stand next to my chair.
My mind races, desperately trying to come up with something impressive to say.
“Who’s your friend?” Brooks asks.
“I’m Amir. We go to school together,” Amir replies, while I dumbly force a smile. Brooks offers his hand to Amir to shake, but keeps his eyes on me. They burn into me, causing my cheeks to flush.
“I texted you this morning.”
“Did you?” I look at my phone, pretending to see his message for the first time and quickly type a reply.
Brooks’ phone pings. He reaches into his pocket and smiles as he sees my name. An amused chuckle escapes his beautiful lips as he reads the message. I bring my fingers to my mouth, my lips tingling at the memory of what it was like to kiss him.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I say, and his eyebrows raise in question. “The door?”
“And here I was thinking that you just wanted an excuse to message me,” he says, his lips quirk, amused.
“Brooks,” the server shouts. He turns momentarily before looking back at me.
“I have to head back to work, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?” he asks, with questioning eyes.
“Okay,” I say, my voice coming out in a whisper.
He collects his sandwich and heads towards the door. Before leaving, he turns back towards our table. “See you around, Abigail,” he says with a smirk and disappears through the door.
“So that was Brooks?”
“I’m such a loser.” I huff under my breath.
“I am so awkward around him. He looks at me, and all the words fall out of my head. I end up sitting here, staring at him like an idiot. I don’t know, maybe I had it too easy with Mark.
We met, he called the next day, and then I had a boyfriend.
There was none of this hoping and waiting around. ”
“I’m sorry to say, but I think you did have it easy.
Dating in the real world isn’t like that.
Cameron and I danced around our relationship for months, hooking up with other people before realising we only wanted each other.
Give him another chance. Maybe Harper needed a place to crash, and he was being a good friend.
Or maybe he did hook up with her, but he doesn’t know that your way of dating is exclusive after the first kiss,” he teases, playfully nudging my leg under the table with his foot.
“I guess we’ll find out if he calls.”
“And if he doesn’t, maybe you could focus your energy on someone who we both know deserves the love of a good, nice girl, like yourself.”
“Who?” I ask, taking a bite of my sandwich. Amir raises his eyebrows as if the answer is staring me in the face. “Sam?”
“Yes, Sam. Hello! He is gorgeous. And athletic. And chivalrous. If he were even remotely gay, I’d be patting him down like an overzealous airport security officer. You can’t tell me that the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. He’s at your apartment every night.”
“He’s not there to see me. He’s there for Luna. She likes him, and I couldn’t do that to her. It doesn’t matter that I find him attractive or that I feel a small, tiny, minuscule spark there. There’s a code.”
“Ahh, yes. The girl code.”
“And she’s my best friend. Besides, he likes her, and up against Luna, I don’t stand a chance. I never have. So, please just forget about Sam. It’s Brooks. Well, it’s Brooks if he calls.”