25
Sam is on his way over. I need him to know about Gaia.
I don’t want to keep my worlds separate anymore.
I’ve gone back and forth in my mind, fighting with myself, worried that by telling him, I could potentially lose him, but I owe it to him and our friendship to be honest. I tell myself for the millionth time that it’s just my fear grasping for an excuse to chicken out, that Sam isn’t going to leave, but as he jogs down the stairs outside and I rush to open the door, doubt consumes me.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he says, lifting his Ferris Bueller sunglasses from his face.
“Rough night?” I ask.
He leans down and places a soft peck on my cheek, and I catch a whiff of stale liquor.
“Whoa, that answered my question. You smell like a distillery.” I wave my hand dramatically in front of my face.
“Sorry, it was a crazy night. Speaking of nights out, how was yours?” he asks, letting himself inside.
I start to open my mouth to tell him about Gaia, but he interrupts me.
“You won’t believe what happened. First, Jeremy and I went to the football; Hawthorn was playing.
They were getting absolutely flogged. Anyway, the screen kept showing people in the crowd looking for someone to play in the halftime kick-off.
Jeremy was waving his arms around like an absolute idiot, trying to get picked.
The camera lands on him, and he goes nuts, jumps out of his seat, runs down the stairs and faceplants on the way down.
The whole thing was being shown on the big screen.
It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. He jumps back up…”
Sam continues to act out everything, just in case I’m not capturing the hilarity of the moment. I look at the clock on my phone, wondering how much longer this story can go on.
“He ran down onto the field. His eye was swelling from where he smashed it on the chair. The stadium’s first aid people came out and offered to take a look at it, but Jeremy, being Jeremy, insisted on playing in the game.
He missed the first one. His eye was closing up; he could barely see out of it.
But he scored the second and the third and won the whole thing.
They gave him this huge cheque for a thousand dollars.
Can you believe it? We went out to celebrate.
It was a late night.” He finally finishes his long story and looks up at me.
I stare back at him blankly.
“What’s up?” he asks, throwing himself down on the couch. One second, I can’t wait for him to finish his story so I can tell him everything, but now that he’s looking at me, waiting for me to speak, I can’t seem to get the words out.
“I, umm, I…” I stammer. “I met someone.”
He sits up slightly, giving me his full attention.
“I love you, Luna.” He smiles, and for a second, I feel a wave of panic.
Love? He loves me? Like, he’s in love with me?
“Like a little annoying family friend. I’d say sister, but I’ve checked you out from time to time, and that would make what I feel for you a little incestuous.
All I’m trying to say is that I’m happy for you, and you don’t ever have to worry about us.
Now, tell me about this guy that’s got you all hot and bothered,” he adds playfully.
Right, I left out the part about the person I met being a girl.
“Umm, well, about that. Her name is Gaia.”
I sit on the couch beside him in silence, waiting for him to say something, hoping that he’s not going to get up and walk away.
He clears his throat, and I start mentally preparing myself for a negative response.
He’s going to tell me that I’m not who he thought I was, that I’ve been hiding who I really am, and that he doesn’t know me at all.
Even worse, the real me isn’t as great as the expectations he had of me.
I’m going to lose one of the few people I’ve allowed myself to open up to.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, “I should have told you that I was seeing someone sooner, and I should have told you about my, ahh, preferences. You know, I find it hard to make friends. Real friends, anyway. I struggle to open myself up to new people.” The only way to describe what is happening right now is verbal diarrhea, but I can’t stop.
“I’ve only ever had Abi, but I moved here, and I met you.
I wasn’t expecting it, but you mean a lot to me.
I hope this doesn’t change the way you feel about me.
I love you, too, Sam, and I love having you around.
I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t in my life anymore. ”
“Are you kidding me?” he says, bringing me in for a warm hug. I wrap my arms around him and snuggle into his chest, feeling a tear fall.
“We’re ok?” I ask, looking up at him. He takes his thumb and rubs the tear from my cheek.
“We’re more than ok. You are my favourite person,” he says sweetly.
A relieved laugh escapes my lips as I bury my face back into his chest. “I’d like to meet this girl who’s trying to steal you away from me, though.
I mean, if she’s going to be dating my best friend, don’t you think she needs my blessing or something? ” I lift my face to look up at him.
“You’re the absolute coolest, you know that?”
“I know that, but go on.”
“I do love you, Sam.”
“Me too.” He chuckles. We release from our hug, and I sit back down on the couch, holding his hands in mine. “So, can I ask if Gaia’s the first girl you’ve hooked up with? Or is that a pervy thing to ask?”
“Only if you want to know the details, you creep.” I lift a hand to push his chest playfully.
“Keep it PG,” he confirms, waiting for me to go on.
“Well, when I was sixteen, I dated a girl for a few weeks. Abi and I were at the shopping centre in the next town over. We had been looking for an outfit for her three-month anniversary date with Mark. I hadn’t known at the time, but she’d organised for Mark to meet her there as well.
They were going to go see a movie. I didn’t want to get in the way of their budding romance, so I said goodbye and continued my shopping adventure solo.
I was trying on dresses but needed someone else’s opinion, so I called out for the store clerk to take a look.
That’s when I met Sara. We flirted, she blushed, and we instantly had a connection.
She was the first girl I kissed, the first girl I ever…
you know…” I laugh, keeping it PG is going to be tricky.
“I loved every moment I spent with her. I even started letting my guard down, but she didn’t want to tell her parents or her friends about us. ”
“That sucks.” Sam lifts an arm and drapes it over my shoulders, bringing me in closer.
“We were walking to the lake one day, and no one was around. We were holding hands and laughing. You know, acting like one of those happy loser couples. When we got there, she saw some girls she went to school with. She dropped my hand and introduced me as a friend from work. After that, I was done. Within the week, I’d stopped returning her calls. ”
“You know that was more about her than it was about you, right?” Sam asks, reassuringly rubbing my arm.
“I know. She wasn’t ready for the world to know who she was, but when she decided to let go of my hand, she rejected me, you know? And that hurt, regardless of why she did it.”
“What happened after that?”
“When I saw her at the shop after that, I pretended I didn’t recognise her, and after a while, she stopped trying to make eye contact.
I’m not proud of the way I acted, but it was the only way my sixteen-year-old brain knew how to handle the situation.
You can’t honestly tell me that you were always this sweet.
Surely you had to be some asshole teenager at one point. ”
“True. I haven’t always been on my best behaviour, especially when I’m being rejected. But we’re talking about you. Has it only ever been girls?” he asks, changing the subject and leaving me deadly curious about these girls that have broken his heart.
“After Sara, I dated a few boys from my school, mostly physical relationships. They were all the pretty-but-stupid-as-fuck type. There was this one boy I was hooking up with… He was drunk out of his mind, when his friends dared him to see how many chairs he could jump over. He made it to four, then he caught his leg on the last one and slammed his face into the concrete. There was so much blood, we had to take him to the emergency room. The idiot had broken his nose. Jeremy reminds me a little of him.”
Sam lets out a deep laugh as if he can see the images flashing through my mind. “I can’t imagine you having patience for someone like that.”
“The stupid ones are usually the most fun.” I watch out of the corner of my eye as Sam nods in agreement and my mind goes wild imagining what type of girls he dated in the past.
“When I started going to bars, I’d meet different people. Boys, girls, it didn’t matter. It depended on their personality and how they made me feel. Gaia’s the first one I’ve wanted to make time for. I usually get sick of people quickly, but she amazes me every day.”
“Is that your way of telling me you’re getting sick of me?”
“Are you serious?” I playfully nudge him with my elbow.
“You’re stuck with me now. Even if you try to leave, I know where you live.
I’ll hunt you down and drag you back.” Sam laughs, holding me tighter.
“You know who I think you’d be good with?
” I ask, looking out the window to make sure she’s not about to burst through the front door.
“Don’t tell me you want me to hook up with Abi?” he asks, with a slight roll of his eyes. I look up at him, my eyes wide. So, he has been thinking about it! “I don’t think so. Brooks is my mate, and even though I don’t think any of that is going to end well, it’s not my place to butt in.”
“You don’t think it’ll last?”
“Honestly? No. He’s got his hooks in her, though. I can tell, and once he’s got his eye on something or someone, he gets what he wants,” he says with a sigh. His words and the sad look in his eyes lead me to think that Brooks has had a hand in helping break his heart in the past.
“What did he do to you?” I pull away slightly, trying to get him to look at me.
“It’s nothing. A few years ago, when I was starting university, I met a girl, Jade.
She was sweet. I liked her. We dated for a while, but then one day we had a party, and I brought her around to meet everyone.
They hit it off. I was happy that she was getting along with my friends, but as the night went on, I couldn’t find her, so I went looking.
She was fucking Brooks in his car.” He looks down at his hands, and I can tell that the betrayal still feels fresh.
“He didn’t like her or anything. He was just bored.
She was there, and I guess she liked him, as most girls do.
He blew her off, and she came running back to me, saying she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together, but I was done.
I told her that she had made her choice when she decided to crawl into the back of his car. ”
“And what about him? Did you guys have a blow-up or anything?”
“We almost did, but he apologised. He said he didn’t realise I liked her, but he’s the type of guy who sees girls as a bit of fun and nothing more,” he answers, seeing my face flicker in worry. “I’m sure it’s different with Abi, though.”
“Maybe, we’ll see, but what a dick move,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Let’s go get lunch. I need to soak up all the shots from last night, and you, my friend, would benefit from doing the same. You look and smell like absolute shit.” I stand from the couch and offer my hand to pull him up.
“You read my mind.” He places his hand on my waist and spins me towards the door. “Hey, now that you’re seeing someone, does that mean I don’t have to give you massages anymore?”
“No, it does not. You pay me for the privilege of my company in massages. Besides, I’ve told Gaia all about you, and she knows that you are not a threat.”
“Gee, thanks,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I could be a threat,” he jokes, leaning in for a dramatically fake open-mouthed kiss. I put my hand on his forehead and push him away.
“Oh my God, you stink so much right now.” I laugh, taking his hand and leading him to the front door. “So, Gaia works at that Greek restaurant down the road. She’s working today. Want to meet her?”
“Definitely.”