Chapter 25
Cole, Three Months Later
We are on our way to another doctor appointment for Ellie and the baby.
Today we find out if our peanut is a boy or a girl.
I think Ellie is hoping for a girl, but it doesn’t matter to me.
She is now five months along and has a little bump full of our baby.
We’ve worked on basic things in the nursery, but we’ve held off on fully decorating to see what gender the baby is.
We get into the room, and the nurse takes Ellie’s blood pressure and weight, and then the doctor comes in. We get situated for the ultrasound, and he begins. “Do you want to know the gender right now or will you be doing a reveal and want me to keep it a secret?” he asks.
“We want to know now,” Ellie replies.
“All right, let me get the angle better.” He moves the wand around. “And here we have it.” He points to the screen. “Looks like we have a girl. Congratulations! I just need to get a look at everything else to make sure it all looks good, and then you are free to go.”
Ellie looks up to me with tears in her eyes. “Cole, it’s a girl. Mom was right!”
“She was. Are you happy?”
“So happy,” she says, smiling.
“I can’t believe we are going to have a girl,” I say to her.
“Me either.”
“All right. Everything looks great. We will see you again in a month. Here are more pictures for you two,” the doctor says.
We call everyone and tell them to come over later tonight.
We go to the party store for some balloons and other things to reveal the gender to everyone.
Then we go home and set everything up. We got a couple of confetti cannons that will shoot pink confetti and a few other things that are gender neutral to keep them guessing.
A few hours later, everyone arrives. Everyone keeps guessing if the baby is a boy or girl. Finally we decide to share with them. Ellie and I grab the confetti cannons and pop them.
“I’m going to have a niece!” Bri says as she hugs Jordan. He smiles down to her while they are hugging. They have been appearing to get closer and closer as time goes on. I need to remember to ask Jordan what is going on between the two of them later.
Mom and Dianne are both crying, excited to have a little girl to spoil. “I knew it was going to be a girl!” Dianne says.
“Thank you all so much for coming. We couldn’t wait to share the news with you all. We are both so excited to be starting our family and that all of you are a part of it,” I say, then I put my arm around Ellie and kiss her cheek.
A few hours later, everyone has slowly left, leaving just Ellie and me.
“I’m so thankful for you,” I tell her.
She smiles at me. “I’m thankful for you too.”
We sit in silence together, cuddled on the couch.
A little while later, she looks up at me. “Can we go shopping tomorrow?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“I just want to go look at some baby stuff. Now that we know she’s a girl, I’m excited to buy stuff.”
“All right. We can do that. Let’s go to bed. I’m so tired.”
We go to bed, and the next morning the sun wakes me up when it starts coming in the window.
Just like every other morning since Ellie started staying here before she moved in, I wake up wrapped around her.
I can tell she is still asleep by her breathing, so I stay where I am and just enjoy this moment.
Then I feel movement on my arm. At first, I don’t think anything of it, and then I feel it again.
Is that what I think it is? I move my arm and lower the blanket on Ellie’s body.
I watch her stomach where my arm was just resting, and I see it move.
I place my hand on her stomach and wait, and I feel it on my hand.
Our little peanut is kicking my hand. I lie there with my hand on Ellie’s stomach while baby girl keeps kicking.
Just as I was thinking about how surprised I was that Ellie was sleeping through this, she sits up and looks at me.
“Good morning.” I kiss her on the cheek.
“It’s easy to say that when you aren’t the one being kicked to death.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t realize you were feeling her kick already.”
“I wasn’t sure that’s what it was. I’ve only felt it a couple of times.”
“She sure is moving around in there.”
“Yeah, I think she’s hungry.”
“What does she want Daddy to cook for breakfast?”
Ellie stares at me for a moment with wide eyes.
“Is everything OK?” I ask her, starting to become concerned.
“Oh shit. You’re going to be a dad,” she says, shock written all over her face.
“Yep, and you are going to be a mom,” I say, laughing.
“Oh shit. This is happening.” Her shock is starting to seem more like a panic attack.
“Ellie, it’s OK. Just breathe. No reason to panic. Everything is going to be fine.”
She looks up into my eyes, and her breathing is still rapid.
“Ellie, breathe.” I concentrate on my breathing, showing her how to do it. After a few minutes of us trying to calm her breathing, it is still rapid. “Let’s go get you a drink of water,” I say, trying to think of anything I could do to calm her.
“I don’t think I can do this,” she says between breaths.
“What?” I ask, confused about what she means.
“Why did we think we could do this?”
“Do what, Ellie?” I ask.
“Be together, live together, have a baby together. All of it,” she says, and I stare at her, stunned.
“What if we aren’t ready for this? What if we can’t do it?
What if you decide you don’t want me anymore?
” She pauses just for a second before she continues.
“I can’t be here. I need to leave.” She gets up and goes to the closet and starts pulling out clothes.
“You’re leaving? What do you mean, you’re leaving? Where are you going, Ellie?”
“I don’t know. I just need to go. I need some space.”
“Ellie, let’s talk about this. Please,” I plead.
“Cole, I need to go,” she says as she walks out of the bedroom. I follow her all the way to the elevator. She doesn’t look at me as she waits for it to arrive.
“Ellie, please don’t go. Let’s talk about what is bothering you.”
“I need some air. I can’t stay here,” she says as the elevator arrives. She steps on and finally looks up at me as the doors close. The last thing I see is her face etched with panic and tears running down her face.
“Fuck!” I scream as I pick up the vase from the small entry table that is beside the elevator and hurl it at the wall, causing it to shatter.
I walk to the living room and sit down on the couch, not knowing what to do.
Ellie
I wandered around the block for a while before my feet started to hurt. I couldn’t go back and face Cole again, so I got my car, and now I am pulling up to Bri’s house.
I walk up and knock on the door. A few minutes later, she answers, full of concern. “Ellie? What’s wrong?” she asks as she steps out of the way so I can come in.
“I don’t know why I thought we could do this.”
She looks at me, confused. “Do what?”
“Be together, live together, have a baby together,” I say.
“Ellie, what is going on?”
“I’m having a baby, Bri.”
“No shit,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I mean why are you freaking out.”
“What if we can’t do this? What if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore? What if this isn’t what he really wants?”
“I don’t understand. What brought all this on?”
“We were lying in bed, and he called himself Daddy.”
“Ew,” she says, interrupting me.
“Not like that.” I roll my eyes. “He called himself Daddy, and I realized we’re having a baby.”
“Uh, you just now realized that?”
“It just clicked that we are doing this and it’s a huge commitment, and what if he thinks this is what he wants but eventually realizes this isn’t what he wants?”
“Ellie, he wouldn’t do that to you.”
“How do we know that? I never thought Jason would do that, but I still caught him with another woman,” I say.
“You can’t compare Cole to Jason. Cole has never given you any type of indication that he doesn’t want you or the baby. Jason was never good to you, and you know it.”
“I know.”
“Look,” Bri says, interrupting me. “Why don’t we spend the day together? We can find a way to relax and take your mind off everything.”
“I don’t want to do anything right now, Bri.”
“That’s fine. We can just spend the day here on the couch watching movies and eating snacks.”
“I guess,” I say reluctantly.
“Go in my closet and find some comfy clothes. I’m going to gather some snacks and then find something to watch. Then we can rot on the couch together.”