Chapter 11
ELEVEN
WARREN
I turn off the smart board and face my class, my eyes bouncing around on the forty-odd students attending.
“Your assignment for this week is to read chapters three and four, then answer the questions in the reviewed learning section. I’ll also have your first group project assignment next class, so make sure you’re here.
Anyone not in attendance will have to work alone and this project requires at least one partner.
” My eyes drag back across the room and land on Chance.
Swallowing roughly, I mutter, “Class dismissed.”
His cheeks are just as red as mine feel as he, along with the rest of the students, packs up his belongings and leaves. Though Chance walks slowly, as if he wants to come back and speak or something.
I can’t have that, so I take off through the door near my lectern, grateful that his class is the last of the day.
It’s been so fucking hard seeing him since the semester started two weeks ago. The only saving grace is his class only convenes twice a week, but that’s more than enough.
I remember what he looks like naked, what his mouth feels like on my dick, how his tongue swept over mine when we kissed. I remember and I want it again. But that’s not feasible.
Judging from the way Thorne walks past me like he has no idea who I am, I’d say he knows it too.
For the past few days, I’ve seen Thorne as much as I’ve seen Chance. He looks good, his dark hair always pushed back from his face to show those fathomless dark eyes, glinting piercings, and tattoos all along his throat.
I’m ashamed to say my breath got trapped in my lungs anytime I saw him.
Same with Chance. I’m a pile of nerves when I see either of them, but it’s made worse with Chance since I have to see him for an hour and a half twice a week.
Maybe being with them wasn’t the best idea, but it felt damn good in the moment. I only regret it when I see them, when their presence is a gut-punch every time.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I’m in the opposite tech hallway, taking the long way to the teacher’s lounge. I could go to my office, but for some reason, I don’t want to be cooped up there.
Or maybe I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I have to deal with that enough when I get home. All I do is ruminate over what I should have done, what happened, and how to keep from making a fool of myself by trying to make it happen again.
There is no again. I could tell by Thorne’s dismissive attitude when we left the hotel the day after we got each other off that it was the only time we’d do anything.
Chance tried to keep things going, tried to talk to us both on the ride to the airport and at our gate, but there was no use.
Thorne and I weren’t stupid. Chance was just too much of an optimist.
One thing I don’t regret, though? Being with a man—or men, rather—for the first time in my life.
I’ve known since I was young that I liked men and women but never tried to put myself out there to get the attention of a man.
I never thought I was any of their type.
Guess Chance and Thorne see something in me most don’t.
When I step into the lounge, I wish I hadn’t. Barbara is there, chatting with her TA and sipping coffee. Before I can slip out and hightail it to my office, she looks over at me and smiles. She says something to her TA and he leaves, then Barb makes her way over to me.
I drag in a fortifying breath and meet her halfway, pasting a phony smile on my face.
Her cheeks pinken as she says, “Hey, Warren. I haven’t run into you since the semester started.” She pauses, looking up at me expectantly. I’m not sure what she’s looking for, so I remain silent.
After a short pause, she says, “So…There’s this new pub in town. It’s supposed to have great pints. I was wondering…”
Oh, yeah. This is what she expected.
Barb has been trying to get me to ask her out for a while. She probably got fed up with waiting and put herself out there.
I wish she’d done this last year. When I didn’t want to explore what men had to offer me.
Having my dick sucked by a man and doing it in turn felt too good for me to think that part of me is a one and done. I want to explore that side of me.
Barb is the type of woman that wants forever. She wants commitment. That’s something I can’t give her right now.
Sighing, I say, “Barb, you’re great, really great.” She positively beams at me, and I feel like shit for what I’m about to say. “But I’m not wanting to date right now. I have…some stuff I need to work out, and I can’t give you more than friendship. I’m sorry.”
She nods and folds her lips in, her cheeks bright red. “It’s okay,” she whispers, then hurries off without another word.
I probably could have handled that better, but I don’t want to lead her on. She’s a good woman, but not someone I can see right now.
Sitting at one of the tables, I pull out my laptop and start working on my lesson plans, trying to take my mind off the two men that opened up a whole new world for me.
“Warren, hey,” one of my only friends, Mike Fosser says, sitting across from me.
He’s also a STEM professor—civil engineering.
We met when he was in grad school at Harvard while I was in undergrad.
He’s the one that recommended me when I applied for a job here.
“Just saw Barb run out of here like her ass was on fire. That your doing?”
I groan and shake my head, pushing back from my laptop. He knows how much I like Barb as a friend and how uncomfortable it makes me that she wants more.
Granted, before the two men that turned my world upside down, she’s been the only person that showed any interest in me. It’s hard to date as a younger professor that spent the last ten years trying to fast track to tenure.
Pushing a hand through my hair, I tell Mike, “Yeah.” I give him a rundown on what happened. “I guess it’s nice that she finally said something instead of just staring and getting tongue tied, right?”
“Right,” he says sagely and I grin. “There’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to her or wanting to date. She’ll move on.”
I hum and my thoughts drift back to Thorne and Chance. Will I move on from what we shared? Or will I be just like Barb, hung up on them until…well, until.
After Mike and I finish conversing, I head back to my classroom and force away memories that keep trying to intrude, hoping to at least get through the school day without my dick getting hard.
The school day ends with only a few more unwanted thoughts of my time at the hotel, something I’m thankful for. I really wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish I could move on and find a man that’s willing to show me all I’ve been missing.
I downloaded an app last week, but none of the men there have caught my eye and I don’t want to force myself to fuck someone I’m not interested in just to have the experience.
When I get home, I put my belongings down and call the only person that could possibly understand me.
“Hey, War,” Em says, her voice like a balm to my soul. “I had a feeling you’re not doing too good. I expected your call.”
Most people think twin telepathy is bullshit, but me and Em are so connected that we know when the other isn’t having the best time. It’s how I knew I needed to spend a few weeks with her this summer before she even called about the impending divorce. She’s too proud to ask, but she didn’t have to.
If I hadn’t called her tonight, she would have called tomorrow, asking why I’m keeping shit from her.
Smiling, then exhaling roughly, I say, “I’m not not doing well. I’m just a little confused.”
“Talk to me. I’m all ears.”
Figuring I have nothing to lose, I tell Em about what happened between me, Chance, and Thorne. She knows I’m bi—the first person I told—so that’s not a surprise. I’m sure the biggest surprise is that I experimented with not one, but two men.
I start from the beginning, telling her how Chance approached me at the airport, and how he asked me to have lunch with him.
I give her a run down about Chance and his overly happy energy and Thorne and his dark, broody presence.
I explain how it was Chance’s birthday and how down he was about it, feeling like no one wanted him.
I tell her about his wish and how Thorne flat out told him he wanted him.
Then I divulge what Thorne offered Chance without going into all the gory details. I love my twin, but I draw the line at telling her about how I sucked a man’s cock.
When I’m finished, we’re both quiet for a few beats, just listening to each other breathe.
Finally, Em says, “Wow. That’s…wow.”
“Gonna need more than wow,” I say as I make my way to my bedroom.
“What else can I say? It sounds like they opened a whole new world for you and I’m happy you got the experience. What happens now? Are you going to see them again?”
I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “No. We can’t. Chance is my student and Thorne was in my class last year. It’s unethical.”
Em makes a clucking noise. “Oh come off it, War. You’re a hardworking professor that’s by the book. Everyone knows that. No one will think that you’re fucking either of them in exchange for giving them good grades.”
“Perception is everything, Emma. Just because it’s not happening doesn’t mean people won’t think it is. I don’t want to fuck up my career or their positions at school. Chance is on the swim team, and Thorne is here on scholarship.”
“Exactly,” my twin says as if she’s made some great point. “You all have something to lose. Why not explore it? You don’t have to marry them, it could just be until the school year ends. Or even a few hookups until you’re comfortable getting out there with someone new.”
I sit on my bed and pinch my nose between my thumb and forefinger. She has a point, but it’s not something I want to think about. What we shared was enough.
“Just,” she says, knowing I’m forming arguments to oppose her suggestion, “keep an open mind. You might think you’re done, but maybe one or even both of them will want more.
Maybe they won’t list all the reasons they can’t be with you and consider all the reasons they can.
You deserve someone to take a chance on you, War. ”
“Do I?” I ask quietly.
“Of course you do. You’re the best person I know. You’ve played it safe since we were kids. Maybe it’s time to change that.”
“I only played it safe because you got into enough trouble for the both of us. Drove Mom and Dad crazy,” I jokingly remind her. My heart clenches thinking about our parents, both of whom died in a car accident right after we graduated high school.
“And I’ll do it again,” she says and we both laugh. “Seriously, though,” she says, sobering. “It’s okay to do something daring, something…different from the norm. Think about it. No one is saying to go to their dorm rooms and fuck them tonight.”
“Jesus,” I whisper.
“I’m just saying,” she continues, “put some thought into if you’re really done, okay?”
“I hear you.”
When we hang up, I flop back on my bed, looking at the ceiling.
I’m not sure what to do with her advice.
Yeah, I could ask Thorne or Chance if they want to fuck or explore, or whatever, but like Em said, we all have something to lose.
I might be better off than the two of them career wise—definitely not money wise compared to Chance—but I don’t want to risk them having the stigma of being involved with a professor hanging over their heads.
“Someone give me a fucking sign,” I whisper, though nothing is forthcoming.
I start to open the app to find someone that might be a good time, but I lose my nerve, dropping my phone like it burned me.
Whoever I find on that app won’t make me feel like Chance and Thorne did. I was comfortable with the two of them, able to push my shyness to the side and be…me. I don’t want to try with someone else. Not right now.
But if not now, then when?
Eyes closed, I think about our time in the hotel, the thickness of Chance’s dick and that curve in Thorne’s. I can’t decide which one I want to feel inside me first. I want them to take turns on my ass, fucking me until they get their nut, then fucking me through my own.
With shaky hands, I pull down my pants and grip my cock, stroking from base to tip.
I groan, my back arching as I thumb over my crown.
Memories assail me, the smells and tastes and sounds of the night. It was fucking perfect, so good that I can’t stop my hand from speeding up, jerking myself hard.
My orgasm is right at my tip and all I have to think about is my cum mixed with Thorne’s on Chance’s tongue and I shoot, exploding all over my belly.
I groan loudly as I continue to milk myself. My orgasm is never ending as I keep thinking about Chance’s birthday.
When I’m too sensitive, I drop my hand, my chest rising and falling rapidly.
If I don’t have a repeat with them, at least I’ll have my memories.