Chapter Four #2
Again, I nod. Coming here felt like a good idea when I was driving over, but as soon as I reached the open bay door, I froze.
Ellie is tied up outside to a fire hydrant.
The poor girl hasn’t set a single paw back into a firehouse without Krystal.
It’s like, on some level, she understands somehow, perhaps in a way that I may never myself.
The moment she gets close to any firehouse, she refuses to take another step.
And that much I do understand. It’s exactly how I felt the first time I went back to work after being cleared for duty.
Absent-mindedly, my hand comes up, rubbing my shoulder, down my arm.
It doesn’t hurt anymore, but the scars are there, haunting me, letting me know it wasn’t just a bad dream.
One that I can escape by waking up. I considered quitting altogether, but the only thing I’m sure of is that if I turn my back on this life now, then I’d be turning my back on everything Krystal and I believed in.
So even though it hurts to be back in a department without her, I know it’s right and what she’d want me to do.
“First, I want to extend mine and the rest of the department’s condolences.
We were very sorry to hear about the loss of one of our own out there, and if there’s anything at all that you need, please don’t hesitate to let me know.
If this is too fast for you to jump back in, that’s okay, too.
Your place as Captain will be here, and I’ll hold these transfer papers for as long as you need. ”
The sincerity pouring off this guy in waves makes my chest tighten from everything I’m holding in, even if it’s appreciated.
There are always different personalities among the team members in a firehouse.
There’s usually a bunch of good eggs, all around good people.
Still, you never know what kind of team you’ll get.
There’s always the hard asses, the ones who don’t take any shit, the goofballs who don’t take anything seriously at all, and the ones who know better than to take everything too seriously.
As firefighters climb up the ladder of ranks, it happens naturally.
Working a job like this, the things we see, the stuff we’ve been through, it can take a toll.
How that manifests is different for each person.
“It’s now or never, Chief.” It’s what I’ve been telling myself.
Chief’s dark blue eyes focus and unfocus, his gaze shifting to a picture on his desk, before returning to me. “Yeah, I get that.”
A comfortable silence extends over us. It’s short but long enough to notice the shift.
This man’s got his own demons he’s running from.
I’ll be twenty-nine this year, and even though he can’t be more than five years older than me, he looks like he’s been through a hell of his own.
I guess with running as much as I’ve been, tired starts to recognize tired.
“Chief!” A voice calls out as the door flies open, breaking the silence. A way too cheerful man walks through the door with a shit-eating grin on his face, instantly provoking a loud sigh of grief to exhale from the chief.
“What now, Billy?” he asks, sounding like he’s already regretting what the answer will be. His jaw is clenched, but there’s a hint of amusement in his eyes that tells me this isn’t out of the ordinary.
Billy must be the character of the team. I’m not sure he’s even noticed me sitting here. He’s too focused on the chief and on whatever he’s hiding behind his back. I shift in my chair to get a better look. Is that a...
“Got you somethin’.” He pulls out a pink stuffed lion with blue eyes and some sort of flower collar around its neck. The grin on his face is now a full-blown smile, seconds from bursting into laughter.
Clearly, I’m missing something here.
“Made me think of you.” He tosses it to the chief, who catches it with a look of disbelief.
“Billy, I swear to God...” He shakes his head as he inspects it, but instead of throwing it back or throwing it out, he places it beside the frame of the mystery photo on his desk.
Interesting.
“You’re something else,” he says, brows up high as he shakes his head in disbelief.
Being at my old firehouse was too hard for me. I tried, but with every inch of that place holding a memory of Krystal, I couldn’t do it. It was like having the wind knocked out of me over and over until there was no more chance of catching my breath. Call me crazy, but I like being able to breathe.
Saying goodbye to my team was rough, but they understood.
They miss her. I know they do. Just not in the same capacity.
In a way, they were our family too. Sitting here watching this interaction between Billy and the chief fills me with a sense of nostalgia and something close to comfort.
Even though my chest aches for what will never feel the same again, I know this will be good for me.
I hope.
It’s better than drowning in grief and drinking away the memories. Which doesn’t work anyway.
Billy stands there looking like the proud winner of a spelling bee.
“I know. That’s what all my foster parents used to tell me.” He leans back, crossing his arms, and nods his head toward me. “Now, you gonna introduce your right-hand man to our newest Probie or not?”
I was wrong, the man didn’t even need to look over his shoulder at me to know I was here, that’s a skill I’m sure comes in handy. He turns his shiny white smile on me, and I almost laugh.
“Did he just call me a probie?” I ask, a smirk tugging at my mouth as I shoot Chief a raised brow.
“Mm-hmm. Sure sounded like it, Captain,” Chief drawls, amusement thick in his voice as his gaze flicks from me to Billy. He catches on to the game instantly, settling into it with a grin only a man who’s seen every dumb stunt in this department can pull off.
Oh yeah, I’ll fit in just fine here.
Billy’s green eyes bulge wide, and his jaw drops before he grabs the back of his neck and shrugs. “Oops.”
Chief rolls his eyes, and I stand to shake his hand.
“Captain Levi King,” I say firmly. In other words, I’m his head of command.
Recognition crosses his face, and I’m reminded of what Tom said about most of these guys being friends of theirs. Which means that they, of course, know exactly who I am and why I’m here. Realization follows recognition, and the air shifts the moment he remembers. If only I could forget.
“I’m uh, Billy, Billy Tyler,” he stammers before regaining his composure.
I can understand why. Being around death or the idea of our immortality makes people uncomfortable.
“I’m one of the engineers. Angela is our volunteer engineer, whom I’m sure you’ll meet too at some point.” He shakes my hand firmly.
The engineer is the person we trust behind the wheel and to have the rig ready to roll out at a moment’s notice.
They’re the pump operator, in charge of equipment readiness, water supply, scene support, and safety and communication.
They’re calm under pressure and detail-oriented, which makes his being so observant make sense now.
It’s one of the most important roles and responsibilities, telling me there’s much more to Billy than just being the jokester of the crew.
“I’m really sorry about what happened, but welcome to the crew.” He gives me a nod that I return before sitting back down. This time, the chair isn’t as comfortable as it was minutes ago.
“Billy here was just leaving to help Mark hose down the rig.”
Billy’s serious demeanor switches back to what I’m assuming is his default factory setting.
“What?” he groans, running his hand through strawberry blonde hair. “Oh, c’mon. Mark’s the probie now, not me. You’re just mad because I’m hilarious.” Billy glances my way as if I’m going to save him, but this is too good to get involved in.
“Good, then you can laugh all the way to the soap buckets.” Chief leans back in his chair, bouncing it back and forth, practically daring Billy to keep pushing, but it’s clear he’s won.
The Chief has a way about him that I already respect.
Subtle ways to keep his team in line and on task without swinging his weight around like an asshole.
By the way these two interact with each other, it’s obvious they’re friends, but while at work, he’s got boundaries set to remind him that he’s also his boss.
Billy deflates a little but is still smiling when he leaves us to get back to business and work out a schedule to fit me in.
By the time we’re done, I’ve got my “forty-eight hours on and three days off” schedule worked out and a start date.
I can’t tell if the tightening in my shoulders is from anticipation or dread.
Now or never, I remind myself, but that little voice in the back of my head is even louder, reminding me, with a sickening jab to the gut, that it should be her standing here. Not me.
“You want to get the grand tour?” Chief asks, standing up.
I look up at the clock on the wall and see that my hour is almost up.
“I’d better take a raincheck on that,” I say, not missing how his one brow twitches down, clearly thinking it’s odd since I’m already here. “I was told I only have one hour, and that hour is almost up.”
“You were told?” he asks, curiosity clearly getting the best of him.
“Callie is making dinner, Chief.” I shrug.
Callie has always been the mother hen, even before she had her daughter.
From what I’ve heard from Tom, she takes that role even more seriously now.
But I learned a long time ago to never keep her waiting.
The last time I did, she made me carry her all the way home from her family’s private beach.
She called it “restitution” for my tardiness.
Tom didn’t say a word, but even as kids, the look he shot me made it obvious he hated every second of me playing pack mule for her.
And of course, knowing it got under my buddy’s skin?
Yeah, I wore the biggest grin the whole walk back.