Chapter Eight #2
“Batman?” I say, confused, not understanding why this should elicit such an intense reaction from him. “You know? Because of the bat you just threw out my bathroom window?”
His spine grows straighter. “Don’t.” His voice drops even lower. “Don’t ever call me that again.”
Before I have a chance to ask him what the big deal is or thank him, not that I really want to, he’s gone, leaving me in my living room wondering what that was all about.
The feeling of his body as it curved against mine, the heat coming off of him and seeping its way through to my most sensitive parts has left me tightly wound and confused.
I can’t stand this man, and yet, there’s no way I was the only one who felt that.
We’ve always had tension, but that was something else.
Shaking my head, I rip off my bra and underwear right here in the middle of the room and throw them at the door.
“Ugh!”
I stomp into the bathroom and turn the shower back on. Leaning against the sink, I stare at my reflection, as if silently asking myself all the unspoken questions I’m afraid to say out loud. When the heat returns, filling me from head to toe with undeniable desire, I slam my hands down.
“Oh, screw this.” I flip the cold water up higher and get in, dousing the fire before it burns me completely.
Enjoying the sunrise over the Adirondack Mountains while I sit on my porch, sipping my early morning coffee, has been the most surprising change for me.
I have a hard time falling asleep at night, but an even harder time sleeping in.
Still, I never cared for the peace that morning brings until moving here.
Now, rising with the sun and watching it from my rocking chair is my favorite part of each day.
There’s a slight chill in the air, so I pull my blanket tighter, knowing it will warm up quickly.
A dew covers the grass, appearing like sparkles as the sun filters through the trees.
Right on time, my little bird appears, fluttering her wings and taking her place on my bird feeder.
My lips lift into a small smile as I take another sip of my coffee and watch.
Here I can be myself, and I think that’s what I like most about it.
There’s no one with expectations, demands, or judgments.
Maybe that’s the real reason I prefer animals and kids to people.
As if the universe can hear my thoughts, the sound of gravel under tires breaks through the peace, like a big screw you.
Levi parks and hops out of his truck. I watch him from my seat, where it’s obvious he hasn’t yet noticed me.
Which is good because I need a minute. Last night, after tossing and turning, I finally gave up and decided to smoke the medical marijuana my doctor prescribed me after I told him I would absolutely not be taking whatever pills he has my mother on.
Those things have had her acting like a walking co-dependent zombie since I was a teenager, and although I’m sure they work for those who take them as prescribed, I have no interest in testing that out.
While the marijuana did help me sleep, it didn’t help keep away some very provocative dreams featuring the man soaking in the sunrise before me.
If I thought I was frustrated before my shower, I had a rude awakening when I woke up and realized that I had spent the night dreaming about the man I can’t stand, kneeling in front of me.
Memories of the way his hands gripped my waist yesterday, rough and strong, fill my mind.
I can still feel the ghost of where his fingers pressed into my soft skin.
There’s no way I imagined the heat, the tension between us.
His eyes lingered, and when he stepped into me, it felt like there was a war waging within them.
I swallow down my coffee, eyes still fixed on him, and no longer in need of my blanket.
It’s just an attraction, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything.
As I shift in my seat, Levi turns, noticing me, and heads up the steps to our shared porch.
His guard seems to be down, like he hasn’t remembered to put it up yet, or maybe hasn’t yet realized it’s down to begin with.
He looks exhausted, but it’s the type of bone-deep exhaustion that doesn’t come with having one night of unrest, but many.
I should know. There was a reason I went to that doctor to help with my insomnia, after all.
He clears his throat as he reaches the top step. “Good morning,” he says, voice still gravelly from disuse.
“‘Morning.” I tip my head.
“You’re up early.”
“Always,” I hum.
He looks down, noticing the cup in my hands, and his eyes widen.
“You made coffee.”
There’s no antagonizing, no indication that he’s trying to go toe to toe with me as usual. If I didn’t know any better, he looks like a man in desperate need of a cup himself.
“I did.”
Snapping out of it, he nods his head and disappears into his side of the duplex. I look out over the front yard and sigh. What could it hurt?
A few moments later, I return outside with a second cup of coffee. As Ellie roams about the yard, I join Levi at the railing.
“Here.” I extend the coffee to him, but he stares at it with a look of suspicion and surprise.
“Is this the part where you poison me?” he teases, but takes the cup.
I open my mouth to snap, but his small smile, the way he looks at me with eyes filled with genuine appreciation over something as simple as a cup of coffee, has me exhaling instead.
“Not yet,” I tease back. I sip my coffee once beside him before moving back to my chair. Ellie notices me and is by my side in seconds. “Good morning, Ellie.” I rub behind her ears as she wags her tail and lies next to my chair.
Levi watches Ellie with a strange look I can’t place before drinking his coffee.
“Well, shit,” he sputters.
Instantly, I’m rolling my eyes. “Let me guess? You hate it?”
“No,” he laughs under his breath, the sound rough but real. “It’s actually not bad.”
“You’re kidding me.” My chin drops as I stare at him in disbelief.
“No. Is this from the cafe?”
Oh my God, this is too good.
I laugh, an uncontrollable bellow of a sound coming out of me.
His expression dims, and I reach my arm out as if to keep him in this moment with me, not yet ready for the grump I’ve grown so used to.
“No, please. I’m not.” My sentences come out in snips as I stifle my next laugh and wipe the tear that threatens to fall. “I’m not laughing at you, I’m sorry.”
“Wow.” His eyes widen. “I didn’t know you knew that word.”
“Shut up,” I toss back, but there’s no bite.
He smiles and takes another sip. “Then what is so damn funny?”
“That’s not coffee from the cafe.” I bite my lip, amusement filling me as I anticipate his reaction to what I’m about to say to this self-proclaimed ‘coffee connoisseur’. “It’s Folgers.”
I stifle another laugh as he looks at his cup like it’s the biggest insult he’s ever received in his life. I pull out my phone and take a picture, knowing I’ll treasure this forever.
“I feel like my whole life is a lie. Everything I thought I knew.” He shakes his head in utter disbelief. “Really? Folgers?” he asks, sounding disappointed in himself.
“I’m afraid so.”
I finish my coffee in a satisfied silence. After he finishes his as well, he hands me the cup with a sigh. Still not over the betrayal of ‘all he thought he knew’. After putting them in the sink inside, I grab more bird feed and come out to him, saying bye to Ellie.
“I’ll be back later to check on you.”
“Why don’t you take her with you?” I ask, refilling the bird feeder.
He tips his head back, eyes closing like he’s holding something in. “It’s complicated.”
“Right.” I let it go since I have no reason to pry, and everyone is entitled to their secrets.
“You actually refill that thing?” he asks. I try not to let the surprise in his voice bother me, but of course, it does.
“Since I’m the one who bought it, yeah,” I retort, a sense of tension finally seeping its way back into our conversation.
“Hmm, guess you really are better with animals,” he grumbles.
“It would appear that way.”
All the ease from this morning is gone, and I’m not even sure how it happened so quickly. Any progress of neighborliness, completely down the drain. Great.
“Ah, there she is,” I say, turning around as my bird flies back from wherever she’s been off to this whole time and lands on her feeder.
“This is Robin. She showed up one day about a month after I moved in and has come and gone ever since.” I admire her reddish-orange colors as an idea comes to mind.
“Hey, you know, I could watch Ellie for you today if you don’t want her alone all day.
I have to run to the grocery store, but I’m sure she’d enjoy the walk. ”
I turn around to face Levi, expecting him to be happy or at least considering my idea. Instead, he appears to be shooting daggers at me the moment I turn around.
“Or not? What the hell is that look for?” I demand.
“Is this some sort of sick twisted joke?” he barks at me, glaring with narrowed eyes. Rage pours off him, but I haven’t the slightest idea as to why.
“Excuse me?” I cross my arms, standing my ground, no longer amused by his certain brand of rudeness as my heartbeat thuds harder in my chest.
“You think this is funny?” He looks at me with disgust, his nostrils flaring and lip curling. “You have nobody who gives a shit about you, so you get off on hurting other people?”
Pressure builds behind my eyes, and my vision blurs at the edges as his words land sharply with perfect precision, hitting their mark.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Tears threaten, and I blink hard, angry at myself for it. “I was actually trying to be nice, but you just had to shit all over that, didn’t you? Couldn’t help yourself. But you said it. No one gives a shit about me. So why should I care, right?”
A tear falls, and I quickly swipe it away, but not before Levi sees it.
The second he does, his whole demeanor shifts like someone stuck a pin in an overinflated balloon and brought his dumb ass back to earth.
The fight seeps out of him, but it’s too late.
I turn toward my door and am at the handle when he grabs my arm.
“Wait, I didn’t mean,” he starts, but I yank my arm from his grasp so fast it hurts.
“Don’t touch me,” I yelp.
Turning my icy blue eyes on him, I drop my walls and reveal every emotion I’ve been holding in since my whole world came crashing down around me, not just from the loss of money, but from my house, my friends, my safety.
I glare back at him with all the pain that comes with being utterly alone, cast out of a world that turned against me and into a world that doesn’t want me.
I let him see it all, because for once, I know I didn’t do anything to deserve his callous words.
He takes a step back, like I’ve hit him.
Good.
Without another word, I step into the house and let myself do something I haven’t dared to do in months.
I let it all in.
Then, with a choked sob, I break down.