Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
VIOLET
Smoke still clung to the back of my throat while I stood in the living room, looking out the window, images of what we’d just endured flashing through my mind.
The children were back in bed, curled together, and a part of me wanted to be with them. However, my mind and emotions were all over the place and I had to tackle them before I could help anyone else.
The memory of what could have gone wrong with Amara’s action and rage made my stomach twist. She could have killed us all. She was so close too.
The floor creaked softly behind me.
“You should rest.” Lykos’s voice was rough with smoke and exhaustion.
I exhaled slowly, then turned to look at him.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to close my eyes anytime soon,” I admitted.
“It’s all my fault.” His expression filled with guilt and it undid me.
“No, it’s not,” I said quietly. “The clinic should have never let her out.”
His jaw tightened. “I should have known better.”
“How?” I challenged. “Because you’re a therapist? Because you’re an expert on human minds? You were just trying to do right by your wife.”
“I know and that almost cost me my children and you.”
Lykos stared into the darkness beyond me, battling with self-inflicted guilt.
“I kept thinking,” he said at last, “if I endured it long enough… if I stayed patient enough… kind enough… eventually she would become herself again.”
My chest squeezed, aching for him.
“She wasn’t herself,” I whispered. “She probably wasn’t herself for a very long time.”
“Maybe it’s because I never loved her. She deserved better, and I didn’t give it to her.” The confession settled heavily between us. His eyes locked with mine, his hands hanging next to him, clutching into fists. “Maybe I pushed her over the edge.”
I reached for his hands, taking his fists into mine, slowly unfolding his curled fingers. The second my fingers touched his, his hand closed around mine tightly. It was like he had been starving for my contact.
“You were there for her, Lykos. You ensured she got care and was in the best facility here. You visited her. Don’t let guilt eat at you. Kids will need us.”
He let out a shuddering breath. “Does that mean you’re staying?”
“I would like to,” I breathed. “I… I don’t want to stay away.”
I stayed away for ten years. I kept my distance to protect Aria, but also to ensure I wasn’t tempted by this man. I couldn’t stand to be close to him, knowing he couldn’t be mine, because he had been married.
Wanting someone wasn’t enough reason to destroy a family.
“I’m ashamed to admit this,” he said slowly, “but I’m done being the martyr. I want you so fucking bad, it hurts.” He dragged a hand over his face, exhaustion marring his features. “For ten years, you’re all I wanted and thought about.”
My heartbeat faltered, and when his eyes lifted fully to mine, I saw the truth in them.
Yes, there was want and desire, but also something a lot deeper that had worn into every fiber of his being and my pulse fiercely reacted to it.
“This isn’t the time for this,” I whispered.
“No,” he said softly. “It isn’t, but I’m so tired of waiting for the right time. Tonight, we were almost robbed of that time and I want to take every second, every breath with you. I want to love you, and fuck, Violet, I want you to love me too.”
Lykos looked like a man being torn apart by his own restraint.
“I am trying to be a decent man and a good father,” he said quietly, his voice edged with frustration. “God knows I am trying to think only about what was lost tonight, but all my thoughts, my heartbeat, and every breath revolved around you. I want to be selfish and take you for myself right now.”
His words brought tears to my eyes. Lykos looked devastated and exhausted down to the marrow, and still beneath all of that, he still wanted me.
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, tilting my chin up so our eyes remained locked.
My heart pounded so hard it hurt.
“I want to be selfish too,” I admitted, swallowing hard.
“So many years wasted,” he said hoarsely.
“I wanted to honor Amara. I wanted her to be happy and healthy, but nothing worked.” He let out a sardonic breath.
“Aside from that one night with you, I remained faithful. I told myself it was an honor to keep my wedding vows. But losing you ten years ago shattered me. Destroyed me.”
The air between us went completely still, and for one moment, I couldn’t speak, seeing how deeply shaken he was by this admission.
Slowly, I cupped his face and lifted on my tiptoes, bringing our faces close together. Lykos went perfectly motionless.
“I love you too,” I murmured against his lips. “We’ll survive this and everything else together. And afterward… we see what’s left standing.”
He stared at me in silence.
Ten years lived inside that look. Ten years of restraint began to crack apart.
Then slowly, reverently almost, he brought his forehead to mine, closed his eyes and remained like that.
After ten years of loneliness, we could finally take a step toward the future together.