Chapter 46
FORTY-SIX
LYKOS
That night, the penthouse was filled with tense silence after a day full of violence. The sound of rain trickled against the windows, somehow making the silence in our home even louder.
A siren wailed three streets over, but inside our sanctuary, that sound felt muted, reflecting on what my youngest had witnessed today. What I’d let her see.
She sat curled on the edge of her bed in oversized pajamas, knees tucked to her chest, and staring at nothing.
It didn’t matter that I’d faced torture, witnessed death and men begging for mercy. None of it compared to standing in the doorway, wondering if my daughter was afraid of me.
So I lingered, slightly terrified that she wouldn’t want me near.
Violet sat beside her carefully, wearing pajamas too. We’d all showered, and there was no evidence of blood on me. Yet, it was everywhere, lingering in the shadows because of who I was.
Aria’s eyes turned to Violet, swallowing hard. “I keep seeing blood and dead eyes.”
Something inside my chest tightened.
“I’m sorry you saw that,” Violet whispered. “I shouldn’t have ever taken you there.”
“It’s not your fault,” Aria muttered.
“It’s not your papa’s fault either.” Violet defended me, although I wasn’t quite sure if I deserved it.
It was then that my daughter noticed me and she looked at me. It wasn’t the same way, though. This look was of my daughter trying to reconcile the man who braided her hair and painted her nails with the man who was able to kill.
“I love you, Aria,” I rasped, fighting the urge to go to her. “That will never change. I should apologize, but I would do it again to keep you safe, so it would make a hypocrite out of me.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I love you too, Papa.”
I crossed the room then and crouched in front of her bed and hugged her tightly. I didn’t want her looking up at me tonight. I already felt monstrous enough.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that.” My voice cracked. “When I was young,” I said slowly, “younger than you, violence was all I learned and knew. It was how problems got solved. Someone threatens your family, your territory, your life and you destroy them before they destroy you.”
Aria listened without interrupting.
“Then I had Dimitros and you,” I continued. “I swore I’d keep your innocence intact for as long as I could and today I failed at that.”
Aria shook her head. “You didn’t, Papa.”
I let out a sardonic breath. “Oh, I failed spectacularly. A better father would have never allowed you to see today’s violence. Especially after Amara.”
“You’re a good father, Papa. The best one.”
I held her gaze, searching for truth in her eyes and finding it. As long as she believed that, it was all that mattered to me.
“I’m not, but I’ll try to be better,” I vowed. “You and Dimitros deserve the world and happiness, and I’ll be sure you both get it. Yes, I have to be violent to protect you, but at the very least, I’ll keep you out of it.”
Aria frowned slightly. “Not Dimitros?”
I straightened, pinching the bridge of my nose. “He will lead this family one day. I’m afraid he won’t have the luxury of being away from it.”
And then there was the fact that he didn’t want to stay out of it. He needed an outlet and this way of life provided it for him.
“You know what I don’t understand?” Aria asked, her gaze darting between Violet and me. “You never yell at me and Dimitros.”
God, that nearly broke me.
“Because I have the best children in the world. Why would I yell at you?” My voice came out rough. “Besides, none of this was ever supposed to touch you and it’s my job to provide you safety. To protect you.”
Her eyes dropped to my bruised knuckles and split skin on my hand. She never seemed to notice it before, but today was the exception. Today, she saw me for who I was.
“This is who you are,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“It’s scary,” Aria admitted.
My jaw tightened instinctively, but I nodded once, acknowledging her fear. God knows it was justified.
Violet reached over then and gently smoothed a hand over Aria’s hair. She was still learning this new role in her life and trying to figure out what it meant now that the truth finally came out.
Aria leaned into her touch without thinking and I saw the exact moment it hit Violet in her soft expression and the way she inhaled a sharp breath. Motherhood reclaimed space between them, the way it should’ve years ago.
“It’s scary but that much safer for our family,” Violet told her softly.
Aria looked at her. “Are you scared of him?”
Violet glanced at me, lips twitching faintly.
“No,” she said. “But I respect what he can do.”
“That sounds like a yes.”
A quiet laugh escaped Violet. “There’s a difference. Some people get off on instilling fear in you to make themselves feel more powerful. Your father isn’t like that. He projects fear to protect those he loves.” Violet’s eyes met mine, shimmering with emotions. “In that, we can trust blindly.”
I was many things, but never unpredictable where my family was concerned and I’d never been more grateful that my woman could see it.
I love you, I mouthed, holding her gaze. If she only knew how much. But I intended to show her. For the rest of my life, I would prove to her that she and the kids were my life.
Dimitros appeared at the doorway and entered the room, his always watchful gaze on his little sister.
“Everything okay here?” he asked, sitting on the bed.
“Yes. We’re talking things through,” I said.
“Good.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss on Aria’s forehead.
“Talking is good. Right, sis?” She nodded, gazing up adoringly at her older brother.
I suspected he would never do anything wrong in her book and a part of me was comforted that she would always have him.
“Salvatore called,” he added, flicking a glance at me. “He cleaned it all up.”
I nodded, not wanting to discuss the disposal of Dick Freud.
“You hated it,” Aria said suddenly.
I looked back at her.
“Hmmm?”
“What you did tonight...” Her brows pulled together. “You hated it.”
Children noticed a lot, and Aria was very perceptive for her age.
“I don’t enjoy it,” I said softly. “And I hated that you saw it.”
That was the truth of it.
Violence had lived inside me since childhood. It was bone deep. I could live with it. But Aria being a witness to it? That felt unbearable.
Her eyes filled slowly with tears. “I love you, Papa.”
“I love you too, my little golden one.”
Something flashed in Aria’s eyes and she said pensively, “You call Violet…” She hesitated for several heartbeats before she continued, “You call Mama golden one too.”
I smiled. “I do, because you are your mama’s replica and for that I’m grateful. You’re the apple of my eye and that will never change. You, Dimitros and Violet are my everything.”
She nodded somberly, the wheels in her head spinning fast. Aria might be ten years old, but she was smart and so damn mature. Too mature for her age.
“What if one day you can’t stop and turn into a monster? Like ma—” She cut herself off, her eyes shifting to Violet. “Like Amara?”
Suddenly, I understood exactly what she was worried about. I reached forward carefully, cupping her cheek gently.
“Aria. Look at me.”
She did.
“What happened tonight was not me losing control.”
Confusion flickered across her face.
“I chose violence because your grandfather was going to hurt you and Violet.” I paused. “If I had truly lost control, you would know the difference.”
Maybe that was too honest, but children—especially Aria—could feel the weight behind my words. And at this moment, it was important to be honest.
“Being dangerous is not the same thing as being cruel,” I said quietly. “Men like your grandfather hurt people because it makes them feel powerful. I hurt people when there’s no other way to protect what’s mine.”
Violet’s hand settled against the back of my neck.
“And innocent people don’t survive men like your grandfather,” she added softly.
Aria absorbed that in silence and I could practically see her trying to work it all out piece by piece.
“What if there is another option?” she murmured slowly, glancing between her brother and me.
“If there’s another option, I’ll take it.” I brushed my thumb lightly against her knuckles. “And if there isn’t, I’ll make sure my family is safe and survives.”
“And you, Dimitros?”
“I’ll do the same.”
She threw herself at me, burying her face into my chest and I hugged her tightly.
“I love you so much, Papa,” she said, her voice muffled and vibrating against my chest. “And you, Dimitros. I love you too, Mama.”
I held my daughter, one hand cradling the back of her head, while Violet moved closer. She pressed against Aria’s back and slid her other hand against my neck.
“We love you too,” Violet murmured against her head, glancing at Dimitros. “Both of you.”
All four of us sat, hugging each other and all the while rain tapped softly against the window.