Chapter 34
thirty-four
JOHANNA
We’re silent as Patrick leads us up the stairs.
I take in his strong back stretching his dress shirt, the way his hair curls at his nape, and how snug his pants fit over his ass. Patrick in jeans is delicious, but it’s a treat to see him in a pair of slacks.
The nervous energy building within me doesn’t make sense. It’s not like we haven’t had sex before, so why does this feel different?
When his eyes meet mine over his shoulder, they’re darker, like a forest bathed in starlight. It’s not the heat or yearning that has me following him without question. It’s the certainty. He looks at me like he’s never been so sure of anything in his life.
We enter his bedroom, and I’m glad to be here under different circumstances this time so I can take it in properly. Dark woods mixed with neutral tones; like the rest of his home, it’s masculine and intimate. Like the man himself. His dresser is decorated with framed pictures of him and his family over the years, an old watch sits on the side, and a small chair in the corner of the room.
I stand in the middle of the hardwood floor, toying with the hem of my dress as he flicks on a bedside lamp, casting the room in a warm glow. He walks up behind me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me close. “ What’s wrong? You haven’t said a word since we left the sofa.”
“ Nothing ,” I reply.
“ C’mon Jo , I know you. I can feel something is wrong.” He places a gentle kiss at the juncture between my neck and shoulder.
I sigh and try to pull away, but he tightens his hold. “ I’m nervous, okay. Don’t ask me why, it’s my brain being annoying and overthinking everything.”
“ I like your brain.” He lays a kiss on my temple. “ I like everything about you. But there’s nothing to be nervous about, it’s me.”
See , that’s the problem. It’s the fact that it’s him that I’m feeling all nervous.
“ We don’t have to do anything, that’s not why I asked you to stay.” He loosens his hold, but I spin in his arms, stopping him.
“ It’s not like that. I want to, you know…” I gesture to the bed.
He quirks a brow. “ Don’t go shy on me now. What is it you want?” His hand creeps down the front of my dress until he reaches the hem but doesn’t make another move. “ I’d really like to take you to bed. Show you how much I like everything about you. But I need to hear you say it.”
Something about his tone and the hungry look in his eyes has all my self-doubt vanishing. So without hesitation, I replace his hands with mine, pull my dress over my head, and throw it to the side. “ Fuck me, Patrick . I want you to fuck me.”
There go my nerves, I guess.
His gaze roams my body, thumb skimming across his bottom lip as he takes in the dark green lingerie set I picked out this morning. The color reminded me of his eyes, and from the heat in them, he knows it.
“ I need you to get on the bed right now.” The fervor in his tone sends goose bumps across every inch of my body. I love it when his voice gets gritty like that, not hesitating to tell me what to do. And because I love to please him, I’m already bolting to the bed, his chuckle following behind me.
A scent I only know as Patrick floats toward me as I scramble on top of the comforter. I turn and sit in the middle of the king-size bed, legs stretched out and hands propped up behind me, waiting for his next move. He prowls toward me and the butterflies deep in my belly go berserk. When he crooks a finger, beckoning me closer, they take flight and I feel like I could float away with them, but he keeps me grounded. Moving to my hands and knees, I crawl toward him, not breaking eye contact. My heart beats wildly in my chest when his hungry eyes track me until I’m kneeling in front of him.
He brings his hand down to cup my cheek. “ Do you remember what you said in my truck?”
It takes me a second to remember, but when I do, heat rushes over me. “ That I want to suck your cock?”
“ Mm -hm,” he hums as he continues to stroke my cheek tenderly. “ You wanted it so badly, didn’t you? You were desperate to wrap your lips around me. And I always want to give you what you want.”
My eyes drop to the growing bulge in his pants, my mouth watering at the thought of tasting him, pleasuring him that way.
“ You’re still dressed,” I point out.
At my words, he starts unbuttoning his shirt slowly, revealing his hard chest, the v of his abs, and that dark smattering of hair on his chest and stomach. Without waiting for his next command, I lower my head, and run my tongue across the grooves between his abs. He allows me a few moments, before he’s threading his hands through the bun on my head and pulling me off him.
“ Let your hair down and then take my cock out, Johanna .” His irises glow like a wildfire, but other than the steady rise and fall of his chest, he’s motionless.
Like clockwork, his hands weave their way into my hair the moment I pull it free from its elastic and it tumbles down my back.
“ You have no idea what seeing you like this does to me,” he says, eyes following his hands as they glide through the long strands.
I think I do, especially when I take in the view in front of me and reach for his pants.
I try to quell the shaking in my fingers as I slowly flick the button and lower the zip. Any nerves I had have disappeared now. My body only vibrates with desirous anticipation. He watches me acutely as I drag down his pants and black briefs until they’re past his ass. It’s only when his cock springs free and bounces off his stomach that our gazes break and drop between us. Not wanting to wait, I lean forward and sweep my tongue over the blunt head of him, groaning when the taste of him bursts across my tongue. He hisses as I explore him, the grip he has on my hair tightening with every pass of my tongue.
I look up to find his heavy eyes trained on me.
“ I love it when you look at me like that.”
“ Like what?” I ask, but my attention has drifted back to his length. It curves upward slightly toward his stomach and a vein runs along the underside from base to tip. Lowering his hand, he strokes himself with slow, hard pulls; I’m transfixed with the way the muscles in his forearm ripple with every twist and turn.
“ Like your thoughts are just as dirty and desperate as mine.”
“ They are,” I say with a smirk.
“ Good . So you know I want you to open that pretty little mouth.”
“ Jesus , Patrick ,” I breathe out. My clit throbs at his commanding words. Even through my panties, I can feel the evidence of my arousal soaking my thighs.
Opening my mouth wide is all the signal he needs. With his hand at the base, he traces and taps my lips with the tip of his cock. A groan vibrates deep in his chest as he slowly pushes past my lips and glides across my tongue.
“ I knew this mouth would look perfect wrapped around me,” he grits out.
This right here might be the sexiest Patrick has ever looked. Fully in control, eyes heavy with want, and mouth parted in awe. I might be the one on my knees, but the look he gives me makes me feel like I’m the one being worshipped.
Resting his hand on my neck, his thumb strokes the base of my throat encouragingly as he flexes his hips, pumping into me with shallow thrusts.
“ Can you take more?”
I hum around him and nod. The muscles of his abdomen flex as he increases his tempo. When he hits the back of my throat, his words of praise feed my enthusiasm. Fuck , like that. Look at you. You feel so good. If I wasn’t already addicted to him, I would be now. From the taste of him and the sounds of satisfaction I’m drawing from him. All for me. Only for me. My eyes are glued to him, watching to see his reaction as I take him as far as I can.
“ You love it when I fuck your mouth, don’t you baby?” He enunciates each word, thrusting deeper at the end.
When I gag and he eases back, I shake my head in protest. Grabbing his hips, I pull him back into my mouth and take over. It’s as if my one purpose is to bring him pleasure. My palms run up and down his thighs, and I revel in the feel of his strong muscles.
“ Shit , Jo . You like that, don’t you? Choking on my cock like a greedy girl?” The strain and pleasure in his voice spur me on. A salty taste hits my tongue, and I know he’s close. But as his thrusts lose their rhythm and his stomach pulls taut with restraint, he doesn’t listen to my mewls of protest when he drags me off him again.
He tries to steady his breathing as his hand strokes at my throat. “ As much as I want to watch you swallow down my cum, I need to come in that tight, little pussy again. Is that okay?”
This man. How can he be so considerate and assertive in the same breath?
“ Yes please.”
With a breathy laugh, he jerks his head toward the headboard. “ Move up the bed for me and lie back. I think it’s time we did this indoors.”
“ I don’t know, I liked it in your truck.” I fall on my butt and shuffle backward to settle against the plump pillows, eyeing his every movement as he shucks off his unbuttoned shirt and his pants drop to the floor, revealing him in all his glory. I bask in the knowledge that right now, I have him like this. He’s mine. And he’s stunning. Broad and strong, flexing in all the right places, but it’s everything that makes up him—inside and out—that’s the real beauty.
He climbs onto the bed and crawls over to me.
“ You like the thought of being caught?” he asks, running his hands up my legs.
I bite my lip and think about how to answer that. Do I want someone to find us? The thrill of it excites me, knowing there’s a chance someone could catch us at any moment, doing filthy things to one another. So long as it’s not our parents.
His eyes blaze as I slowly nod at him in response.
“ I’m filing that away for another day. For now, I want to show you how you deserve to be treated.” Never have I felt so cherished by a man or had someone look at me the way Patrick does, and he’s hardly touched me yet.
I prop up on my elbow, and with my other hand, I pull him down until his lips meet mine. The words I want to say are right on the tip of my tongue. My very essence threatens to explode to say those words. Perhaps he can taste them on this kiss. It would be so easy to declare my love for him right here, but we promised we wouldn’t rush this, and I know there’s more to be spoken before we take that step.
With the gentlest of touches, he kisses me slowly and sensually, rids me of my bra and panties, until we’re both completely bare. Every inch of my skin buzzes as he covers my body with his. We explore the planes of each other’s bodies lazily. I’m tracing the ripple of muscles along his back but get distracted when he lowers his head and draws my nipple into his mouth. When he traps the sensitive bud between his teeth and bites down, a garbled cry leaves me and I arch off the mattress.
We build ourselves up higher with every stroke of our tongue, scrape of our teeth, and brush of our skin.
He places the softest kisses on my nose, chin, and forehead. Each brush of his lips across my glowing skin is gentler than the last. He isn’t just showing me how I deserve to be treated, he’s showing me what it would feel like to be loved by him.
Perhaps it is possible.
He pulls back and peers down at me, like he’s searching for something. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me. What does he think? What does he want? Why does he want me?
Can he see what this moment means to me? How much he means to me?
“ I have always loved your freckles.” He places one final kiss on the bridge of my nose. At his words, I realize he wasn’t just kissing my face, he was kissing each freckle. My heart propels in my chest at the sweet gesture, but when he murmurs his next words so softly and with a hint of nervousness I thought only I carried, my heart might need jump-starting.
“ Can I make love to you, Johanna ?”
This moment is different .
We’ve been waiting for the pendulum to stop swinging so we can finally settle. Settle and bathe in the raw need and desire that grows between us with each day, hour, and minute we’re together.
“ Please . I’ve waited so long,” I whisper against his lips.
“ I know, love. I know.” There’s a sadness in his words that makes my chest ache.
His lips trail my body, leaving hot kisses as he moves lower. One between my breasts, on my ribs, above my belly button. Lower and lower. He places a tender kiss where I’m wet and aching for him. The teasing, gentle kisses are too much and I’m about to beg him to give me more, but before I can speak, a sharp cry leaves me as his tenderness is replaced with carnal need.
Patrick buries his face into my pussy without warning and I bow off the mattress. My hands fall to the top of his head, pushing and pulling his head, the feeling of his tongue is too much and not enough.
He spreads me wider, alternating between long licks to my lips and flicks of his tongue against my clit. It takes almost no time at all before that telltale sign starts low in my belly. My legs tremble, the need to close them so strong, but the firm grip he has stops them.
“ Keep these open, baby, don’t hide from me.”
“ Patrick . Oh , oh, I’m going to come, oh my go—” The words are ripped from my throat when Patrick sucks my clit into his mouth and my orgasm racks my body.
My entire body shakes with the aftermath of what must be the most intoxicating orgasm of my life. But Patrick doesn’t give me any time to recover, and when he kisses his way up my body and the head of his cock nudges at my entrance, I’m ready for him.
We lock eyes as he enters me, his movements painstakingly slow. His pupils dilate as he works his way in, gliding easily inside with how wet I am. Despite the fullness and small bite of pain, I don’t dare blink, needing to savor all of his reactions, and when he’s seated fully, pelvis kissing mine, we relax.
It’s utter euphoria, even as we lie there motionless, but I need more. I need him or I’ll be convinced this is all a dream.
Gliding my hands up his strong shoulders, muscles quivering at my touch, I dot kisses along the underside of his jaw. “ Give me more, Patrick . Give me everything.”
“ That’s all I’ve ever wanted to give you.”
Grabbing the backs of my thighs, he pushes my legs toward my chest.
He pulls himself out of me carefully, but I know the slam home won’t be gentle. There’s no controlling my loud cry of pleasure as he snaps his hips forward. Not a second later, and he’s doing it again. And again. And again. Each thrust more punishing than the last. I cling to his shoulders, nails scraping down his spine as my eyes roll back from how deep he’s hitting me. I can hardly catch my breath with how he pistons into me, rotating his hips each time to hit that sweet spot.
Pleasure governs my body. The sounds I make as he takes and takes and takes from my body in the most exquisite way, are like nothing I’ve ever heard.
Patrick buries his face into my neck, panting with each thrust.
This feels different from our first time together. So different from that afternoon in his truck. Both were amazing, but this, this moment is stirring something new between us, something unspoken.
“ I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you,” he confesses into my skin.
“ I’ve missed you too. So much. I’m - I’m …” I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but his thrusts become frenzied, and he pulls out almost completely to look down at me, a frantic look in his eyes .
“ You’re what? Say it, love. Please .” His tone is desperate, and I don’t know if it’s because we’re so close, but before I can respond, he’s slamming back into me, and just as his pelvis grinds into my swollen clit, already so sensitive from my earlier orgasm, I detonate.
I explode with bliss. Pleasure rolls through me wave after wave. I’m washed with the tide of ecstasy.
All I feel is him.
All I see is him.
All I need is him.
Patrick pistons into me as my orgasm ripples through every cell of my body, like my broken and raspy cries are what drives him wilder. With one last thrust, his body tenses as he groans into my neck. Hot ropes of cum fill me, the feel of it so dirty and erotic.
There’s no knowing where I end and he begins as we cling to each other. Hip to hip, chest to chest, heart to heart. The erratic beating of them echoes off one another, like our hearts are speaking their own language.
I know what mine would be saying if it could talk.
Will you keep me and love me?
Patrick lets out a deep breath before he slowly pulls out of me and sits back on his knees, his palms stroking my thighs as he settles my trembling legs onto the comforter. Brushing his lips across my belly, he rises off the bed and walks to the bathroom.
Throwing my arm across my face, I wait to recover from a serious case of jelly legs. Words do no justice to what I just experienced. It was perfect. But I can’t shake the feeling that I said or did something wrong when hurt flashed across his features as he begged me to say it.
Surely he wasn’t begging me to say the words I’m worried are too early to be shared.
My worry disappears when he returns with a washcloth in hand and wipes between my legs with such tenderheartedness. He helps me from the bed and leads me to the bathroom. I expect his silent care to stop once I’m finished in the bathroom, but that’s stupid of me to think. This is Patrick . He sweeps me off my feet and carries me to bed, like I’m suddenly incapable of walking.
“ Need you close,” he mumbles, answering my unvoiced protests. He keeps me cradled in his arms and settles us back in bed. There’s not an inch of skin that isn’t touching, and with one firm hand at the base of my spine and the other behind my head, I know he’s not going to let me go any time soon.
The feel of his heart slowing in tempo calms my own. I softly run my hands over his chest, tracing odd shapes and patterns across his skin.
When I look up, he’s breathing deeply, sleep finding him easily. I kiss the scar on his chin and take in his peaceful expression. I’d give anything to make sure that this beautiful man remains mine, and I send out silent prayers to anyone who’s listening, that he does.
I settle my head against his chest and shut my eyes. It’s only as my mind starts to drift that I hear a soft whisper. Maybe I’m dreaming, but I swear I hear him utter, “ Please be mine.”
Sleep pulls me under, but my unconscious mind wants to scream that I am.
That , I’m yours.