Chapter 26 I Obey
I OBEY
VEXAR
GRATITUDE BECOMES MY entire existence as I focus on the taste of Amara’s mouth and the rhythm of her tongue. She does not hate me. After everything, she still does not hate me. I do not understand why, but I have never been more grateful for the opportunity to prove myself.
Her fingers grip my neck, thighs tighten around my leg, and I can feel the heat of her desire.
Gods, I want to hear her moan.
I lift my leg, pressing my thigh against her bare sex as I tense my muscles until she gives me what I desire. A wanton moan.
I am already hard for her, aching for her, and yet I cannot give myself to her.
The darkness in me has begun its fight for dominance again, and I do not know how to shut it out.
How to make it stop. It is louder and more persistent now.
Less willing to be buried. And yet, it has been mostly silent all night.
So why now? Why does it insist on pestering me when I want to forget about the weight of responsibility and just enjoy this new experience?
Let go.
Mindlessly, I reach to untie the laces at the waist of my leathers. As the knots loosen, Amara sinks her teeth into my bottom lip. The mix of pain and pleasure jolts me enough that I realize where my hands are. With a rush of fear, I release the laces and grip Amara’s lower back.
Gods, I almost lost control.
That was close. Too close.
Her hips grind against my thigh as I begin to fall deeper beneath her spell, losing parts of my rational mind to the rhythm of her breath. She feels so good. Every inch of her. I drag my claws over her bare skin, nearly growling as those little bumps rise in the wake of my touch.
Let go.
I ignore the voice.
She raises herself onto her knees, and my face follows hers. “You’re like a drug,” she says, her voice shaky and eager.
“Good.”
My bonded heart flutters as she groans, “Stop weaponizing your wink.”
Did I wink? How did I not know I winked? I work to keep the surprise from my face. There is a disconnect between my mind, words, and actions. A blur between myself and the shadow. It is slowly gaining control.
She kisses me again, and I growl into her mouth, feeling her need grow into a desperate, hungry thing. I want more of her. All of her. Her wild passion. Her unburdened honesty. Her anger and rage. Her sorrow and pain. Her light and dark. All of it.
Let go.
I lift her hips and roll us away from the wall, pulling her beneath me. Our eyes lock, and the absolute ferality in her gaze knocks the air from my lungs.
She wants me.
Now.
Her desperation mixes with my own, building and consuming as it grows. I was not prepared for this.
I strain to speak as I wrestle with my own control. I cannot risk harming her. “Amara, we will have plenty of time to mate when we are off this planet.”
Now, the voice repeats.
“What if we don’t make it off this planet?” she asks, eyes flicking between mine.
I stare into the simmering fear behind her strong expression, and the shadow creeps up my throat before I can fight it back.
My voice comes out as a deep rumble that vibrates everything around us.
“We will survive this, mek Lysaer. There is nothing that could take you from me.” I lower my mouth to her ear, and in a whisper that drips with danger, I add, “I am a very different monster than I was before.”
“Fuck,” she groans, rolling her hips in search of friction and finding me just out of reach. “Scary Vexar is my new favorite.”
Our tether floods with a combination of lust and raw power.
My hips lower between her legs. Our combined need is too much.
It is blinding. Heady. Irrepressible. The shadow is all-consuming.
It demands I give in to her. It demands I cede control.
It demands. It demands. It demands. And I want to. More than anything.
I grab her jaw and kiss her deeply, using more force than I should. Instead of flinching back, she leans into me, moaning and pulling me closer, begging for more.
Mine.
Every twitch of her muscles and sound from her lips drags me further from my control. My body burns. Hearts thrum. Vision broadens. A rumble shakes the room. It came from me.
A sliver of reason snaps back into place. I cannot take her like this, not with this darkness roiling through me. My hands feel like weapons against her flesh. But my body is moving on its own. I am little more than a passenger, a spectator of my own actions.
“I can’t lose you,” she moans as my hand slides down her stomach, dipping between her thighs.
“I know.”
She is so warm and wet. My cock throbs.
Take her pleasure.
I slip a finger into her and she cries out, rocking her hips against my hand. Her nails dig into my shoulders. She shudders. I feel like an animal. Possessive. Protective. Ravenous.
Mine. The voice of my shadow is deafening.
“I don’t want to wait any longer… I need you now,” she moans.
Her words, mixed with her clenching heat, pull me deeper until I am little more than a creature of need.
Let go.
I push against the darkness, gritting my teeth.
“Amara, tell me exactly what you want, or I will take it all.” My words are raw and merciless.
They hardly sound like my own. And her body responds in the worst way possible, clenching around my fingers as a mewl escapes her lips.
“Tell. Me,” I demand. My body is tense and vibrating.
Every muscle coiled tight enough to shatter.
“Let me give you what you gave me,” she says. There is no fear in her despite the darkness raging through me. She sees my shadow—there is no way she does not—and yet does not recoil.
Claim her.
No!
I pull back quickly and stand, raking a hand down my face and adjusting myself to relieve the pressure behind my leathers.
“Vok,” I whisper, rubbing a hand over my mouth and stepping back from the bed. I was so close to putting her in danger. Too close.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
Let go!
It won’t stop. I cannot make it stop. I trained for so long to have superior control over myself, and the Zhyrrak has stripped me of it in less than a day.
So many lies.
Let go.
I do not want to hurt her!
I think I am losing my mind. My hands grip the sides of my face. I cannot live like this, in the middle of this battle between myself and whatever … whatever this darkness is. This voice that I cannot drown out. This unyielding hunger.
“Are you ok?” she asks, pushing herself up. She is concerned but not scared. She should be scared.
“Why are you not scared of me?” I ask.
She looks confused as she scoots closer to the edge of the bed. “I’m not scared of you, Vexar. I thought we just—”
I shake my head and take another step back. “I do not want to hurt you.”
She pinches her lips for a moment, watching me. Then a gentle confidence takes over her face as she tilts her head and says, “You won’t.” Keeping her eyes locked on mine, she leans back onto her elbows and lets her legs fall open, baring herself to me.
Take her pleasure.
My body moves on its own, closing the distance between us in a single stride.
I grip her hips and drag her to the edge of the bed with more force than I should.
The lustful whine she makes sounds like the creaking of trees in a strong wind.
Like shifting ice on a dark night. It is the sound of nature’s power.
“Look at me,” I demand as I lower myself to my knees in front of Amara’s glistening sex. “I need your pleasure.” I do not know what is driving me, but I know this is the only way to calm myself. To regain control.
The smile that curls her lips is the most wicked thing I have ever seen. “Then take it,” she says, raising a single brow.
I toss her legs over my shoulders, and this time, I do not tease her. With my arms locked around her thighs and my hands pressed against her stomach, I use what her body has taught me, and I show no mercy.
Her first climax comes fast. Screaming, writhing, animalistic pleasure. I release one of her legs and press my fingers into her, growling as she pulses, gripping me and pulling me deeper. Begging for more.
Her taste, her smell, her sounds, her pleasure rolling through me, all help to clear the blurring line between myself and the shadow.
I devour her until her face is red and my shadow is little more than a ghost at the edge of my mind.
“Please, I … can’t,” she whimpers, hands wrapped tightly around my horns and hips grinding against my face. I had no idea how much I would enjoy my mate’s desperation. To feel her tugging me closer while begging me to stop. The push and pull warring in her mind.
“Your words and your actions ask for two different things, mek Lysaer.”
Her face screws up in confusion as she lets go of my horns, looking at her hands like they might belong to someone else.
“Do you want me to stop?” I ask.
She shakes her head rapidly. “No.”
My pride swells. “Good human.”
I dive back in, feeling her pleasure wash over me, clearing away the remaining darkness.
None of this makes sense. The shadow begs me to claim her, but relents when I have done nothing more than give her pleasure?
I do not know what it wants, and the longer it lurks within me, the more confused I become.
When her voice grows hoarse and she starts to flinch at my touch, I slow my movements, waiting for her heart to calm and her breathing to return to normal.
“Holy shit,” she pants, as she pushes herself up and lets her legs hang over the edge of the bed on either side of my body. Pink cheeks and hooded eyes greet me.
I press a kiss to her bandaged knee and run my hand down her calf.